UUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Non supportive family

[pstroud100 1]

I am sooooo mad right now! I just got off the phone with my sister who tells me that I just need to diet. I dont need surgery. I have been big all my life. Every diet I have tried I have lost and then gained it all back plus some. How is it that everyone else thinks it is just so easy to diet? She is overweight and diabetic. I do not want to ever have diabetes. Why cant they be just be happy with my decision to change? Any words of wisdom to help make them understand?:laugh::drool::eek:

[gilliebean 1]

most of the time its jealousy especially if there are over weight to. Alot of people think this is the easy way out. Well its not and there is no surgery to cure our messed up heads. Its a tool and needs to be treated as such. Just tell her that you don't need her to understand but just to support your decision to do this. Or it can be one of those topics you just avoid to save the argueing for something else lol

[auntlucy 22]

Unfortunately, I don't know that words can make them change. You might just need to have a discussion wtih her to say, "I respect your opinion. I hope you can respect my decision. You are right that I have tried to diet many times over the years and that I have not been successful keeping it off. I have decided that I need a tool to help me succceed. It will still be up to me to use the tool correctly. This is a very personal decision, and I would love it if I could talk to you about it and find support in you. But, if you can't support it, all I ask is that you respect my decision."

Ultimately, you are doing this for you, and not her. While it is harder to do it without support, you can do it! The best way to make ehr change her mind is to prove it to her!

[sharona 2]

I am sooooo mad right now! I just got off the phone with my sister who tells me that I just need to diet. I dont need surgery. I have been big all my life. Every diet I have tried I have lost and then gained it all back plus some. How is it that everyone else thinks it is just so easy to diet? She is overweight and diabetic. I do not want to ever have diabetes. Why cant they be just be happy with my decision to change? Any words of wisdom to help make them understand?:laugh::drool::eek:

Listen, this is all about you...not anyone else. I didn't tell my mother and won't. I told my sister and brother and some people at work. Of course the skinny ones said "have you tried weight watchers?" duh.....of course I didn't and thank you for telling me about it. This isn't an easy fix, it takes willpower to manager and a huge decision to get it done. It is a tool to assist with making the right choices because your not famished all the time. I've had mine for 4 months and lost 32 lbs....not magic....Don't mention it again to them....they'll get over it....you are making the right choice....

sharon;)

[Tally 0]

Sometimes I think when people are not being supportive and saying things like that and they are also overweight it is like they are afraid that soon they will have to face up to their own problems with food and weight. They are not ready to take control of their lives but do not let them get you down. Be proud of yourself for taking control and making the decision to get healthy. I wouldn't even discuss it with your sister any further. Stay positive.

Deb

[pstroud100 1]

I just thought that she, out of all of my family, would understand. Its OK that its not her path of weight loss but dont choose mine for me. I really want to thank all of you. I love the support I get from here and confirms that YES I am making the right decision for me.

[cobrien78 0]

I know exactly how you feel!! I told my parents and sister. My sister did not say anything, so I know she didn't like it. My dad told me it didn't work for so and so and therefore it won't work for me. My mom at first was unsupportive and said that I haven't ever REALLY TRIED to lose the weight so how could this work. That was a few months ago when I was still thinking of it and researching it. I just told my mom I made my consult appt. and she was very supportive?! I haven't told my dad or sister or anyone else.

I have my mind dead set on doing this and I'm at the point that if they want to be negative, I just simply don't want to hear it. They don't have to like it but they need to support me if they love me.

I just remember that this is the first thing that I am doing for ME! I want this for ME, not for them and they need to respect this decision.

[CapitolChick 1]

Sometimes I think when people are not being supportive and saying things like that and they are also overweight it is like they are afraid that soon they will have to face up to their own problems with food and weight. They are not ready to take control of their lives but do not let them get you down.

Deb

I agree with Deb,

People get nasty when you start doing something for yourself that causes them to think about how it reflects on them.

Edited July 29, 2008 by CapitolChick

[LadyWinsAll 0]

A lot of the negativity comes from fear. I believe that the non-supporters are afraid of how you will change as you lose weight and how their relationship will change as you change.

For example if you and your sister are food buddies and both of you are overweight, she might be worried internally if you will look at her with disgust as you lose weight and she is still eating. She could also be envious that you are making a powerful decision to help yourself and she doesn't yet have that courage.

However, the best thing is to come in here, vent, moan and get the support here. Trying to change people's minds only succeeds in making them more convinced that their opinion is correct.

[spayneuter2008 0]

I think you just have to try to detach from her opinion. Perhaps you could write what she said down on a thin piece of paper and flush it down the toilet, like a "ritual cleansing." And keep steering your thoughts back to the brass ring -- permanent weight loss. I have not told anyone in my family nor my friends that I'm having my LapBand surgery on August 12 (just two weeks away) just for this very reason -- I refuse to be a sounding board for their opinions, as I'm sure a lot of them would be negative. And after the surgery, the positives will really be nice to hear.

The only person who knows outside of the clinic is my husband. He is a control freak, wanting to say "what," "when," "how," about everything. I just ignore him and keep remembering the brass ring.

Hope this helps. I do understand where you're coming from. I know I'm not your sister, but I would like to say that the decisions you make for your health and well-being are to be applauded. You go girl!

[georgebals 0]

You are right. I think its a 95% success rate with weight loss surgery. I couldn't have lost my weight without the band. It's your body, life & band. Yo-yo dieting will kill you. To me the band is not a diet. I eat what I want to. I eat 4 oz. meals 3 times a day. I try to make good choices. It is a struggle day to day. Well worth it! It's a tool to help you learn to eat correctly & amounts. I'm finding it's all in my head. Don't bother trying to cure your sister. Your new full time job is losing weight. Exercise & go to support meetings=weight loss. It's real basic, eat right, exercise, go to meetings & have band installed. Best day of my life was losing morbidly handle. Banded 1/15/08. To date I have lost 121 pounds forever. No Fills. GO FOR IT!!! Hasta Pronto, George:thumbup::eek:

[jmichele251 0]

Hi,

i know how your feeling. thing was it wasn't only my family telling me not to get it. it was about everyone i knew i got to where i didnt care what they were thinking about me getting it. i knew i was doing the right thing for me. you know some time when people dont understand they are quick to judge and try to change your mind, but you have to know you are doing it for yourself and no-one esle....and you have to trusted in god...he will make everything better...he will help you when you think no-one esle is there. he will make people come into your life when you need them the most...i have to wait 6 months to get my lap-band but i know that there is a good reason and everything is going to be ok ...i hope i help you at all...

Jenn

[JamieNP 20]

Many people that are non supporters are uneducated on weight loss surgery. They hear all of the "horror" stories (mostly about gastric bypass). My comeback is "I have researched this and I believe that this is the best option for me". One of the persons that was non supportive at first is now looking into getting banded too!

Good luck!!

[rstroud100 0]

Just know that I support your decision and commend you for deciding to make this change. It takes a lot of courage to step out of the comfort zone of our family and old habits. I will be here by your side all the way no matter what!!! Just being with you through this process is changing my own perceptions about food and exercise. We will both benefit tremendously from this journey!!! I am so proud of you...

[juliegeraci 7]

Obesity is a disease. It is just like having diabetes and is incurable. I would ignore her. Once she sees the results she will want one too!

Good for you for making a life changing decision. You will do great.