Social issues

[LemonZest 0]

Hello everyone,

This is my first thread here. I am scheduled to have my band fitted in the next few weeks in Belgium. I have been reading the forum over the past few days and I have been pleased to read many positive outcomes and success stories. One thing that worries me however is the social aspect to having a band. I'm not planning on telling anyone apart from family because I feel it's something private to me and due to the social stigma, it's npt something I want to be sharing even with friends.

My question in essense is how hard is it to cope with the PBing, the burping, the fact you can't manage to eat much. How do you cope in social situations such as meals out for work or with friends? How about the constant burping? What coping strategies have you employed if, like me, you haven't told any of your friends/colleagues?

I know it might sound silly to some that I should be worrying about what others think; heck I've spent the last good few years engrossed in how friends and strangers view me. Obviously, my prime concern is to be healthy and to look good (first and foremost for myself) but I think it's too simplistic to say that it's easy to ignore what others think.

Also, after 2 or 3 years or however long it takes to get to a point where target weight is being maintained, what will the average diet be like? Will it still consist of a "cup full" of food? Or will it be similar to what "normal thin" people manage?

It would be great to hear about your experiences of the social problems (if any) you faced and how you overcame them.

[Northwest_Nance 0]

My question in essense is how hard is it to cope with the PBing, the burping, the fact you can't manage to eat much. How do you cope in social situations such as meals out for work or with friends? How about the constant burping? What coping strategies have you employed if, like me, you haven't told any of your friends/colleagues?

Except for during the immediate post-op period (which doesn't last that long and isn't hard to deal with), none of those have been issues for me at all. I have never PB'd or thrown up. I do burp more than I used to, but I am able to control that and to it quietly. I eat out a lot, and I have never had to explain to anybody about my surgery. Just this weekend I was at an afternoon party where nobody knew I have the lap band. There was lots of food, and wine. I had already had lunch, and it was too early for dinner, so I had one glass of wine, and a small plate of hor d'ouvres that consisted of a piece of cheese and some deli turkey. I passed on the bread, crackers, and Cookies. Near the end of the party, pieces of chocolate cake were passed around. I declined. Nobody paid any attention to what I was (or wasn't) eating, and nobody asked me why I wasn't having cake, and I'm sure nobody thought anything about it.

I eat whatever I want, but in smaller portions than I used to. Nobody has to know that surgery is helping me control my portions. My portions aren't so small that someone would say "My god you've only taken 3 bites, are you sick?".

Everyone's different, and some people like their band so tight that they do have issues and can only eat a little tiny portion. I like mine just tight enough to help me feel satisfied after a reasonable sized meal. I eat 1200 calories a day in 3 meals with no between-meal Snacks. There are days I go over 1200 calories... sometimes way over, depending on the occasion. And that's ok too. This is real life and I plan to live it, I just want to make healthy choices the majority of the time.

You can do this, it won't be nearly as dramatic as you think... at least, it hasn't been for me!

[Brandy~ 2]

Eating out is alot easier than some think. You are there eating and socializing and most of the time they don't even notice your food.

No one but my family knows about my band either so if I eat at work I just pick at it slowly as I am working and so people just think I get busy and don't get to my food. When I go out I order off the kids menu or get an appetizer... Soups always a good option. They are too engrossed in their own food or visiting that they don't notice you only eat 1/3 of your food.

Everyone is able to eat different amounts of food when they hit their sweet spot. I can eat about 3/4 cup if I eat slowly.

The band is the best thing I have ever done. I have lost 40 pounds in 3 months and no one at work even knows why.. They just think I am eating less and better.

[LemonZest 0]

Nothwest Nance & Brandy, thanks for your encouraging replies. You have put my mind more at ease. I think it can be all too easy to magnify a problem way out of proportion so I'm glad to read of your experiences. I hope the weight loss is going well for you both and will continue to do so.

[loridee11 519]

Hey Lemon,

I didn't even tell my family, and they still don't know a year and a half later. YES, the do notice my eating habits have changed, but they also noticed how amazing I am looking and compliment me on making the needed changes to get there.

As for PBing and burping, I actually don't burp that often. Oddly enough, it's ice Water that makes me burp a little, not food. And if you do end up needing to PBing, you know in advance and can excuse yourself to the restroom. But, once you know your band PBing is very rare.

Good luck!

~Lori

[LemonZest 0]

Hi Lori,

Thanks for that reply. It's very encouraging to read that it isn't so much of a problem with a number of people. You said you will know in advance if you're going to PBing, how much in advance? And will you only PBing immediately after having eaten? Or can you be in a meeting or out walking/in the car and then PBing? Sorry if it seems like endless, silly questions but explanations that I have come across RE PBing have been pretty vague.

[speck 1]

Thanks all of you for the positive replies.

I just got approved today and this really helps.

Sandra

[loridee11 519]

Hi Lori,

Thanks for that reply. It's very encouraging to read that it isn't so much of a problem with a number of people. You said you will know in advance if you're going to PBing, how much in advance? And will you only PBing immediately after having eaten? Or can you be in a meeting or out walking/in the car and then PBing? Sorry if it seems like endless, silly questions but explanations that I have come across RE PBing have been pretty vague.

Well, for me I know I need to PB because I get a lot of pain and pressure under my breast bone. It's not like vomiting where you may feel a little pressure and then you have no choice... the pain and pressure just continue until I PB. So, I generally wait up to 5 minutes when I feel the signs in the hope it will pass... If not, I PB... Again, I've been in a meeting and had to wait 20 minutes. It hurt like @#$@ and I definately rushed out of the meeting, but I don't think anyone knew anything.

[Jachut 487]

I dont PB immediately, but I'm in discomfort and sliming, that's how I know its likely to happen. I know right away, its not like I'm in the car on the freeway and suddenly throw up, its just I dont eat, think "oh, that's not going down" and immediately PB. I get uncomfortable, I start to salivate a lot, I need to spit, burp, walk around, try to get it to come up. But it doesnt just happen suddenly with no warning at all.

For me, I have to avoid it in public at all costs, becuase it's not something I can really hide. I would definitely have to excuse myself from a meeting, and I would have to disappear for half an hour probably. So I wouldnt eat anything likely to cause me a problem in a meeting and I would eat TINY amounts. I'd rather deal with "why arent you eating" than deal with PBing!

But I can eat stuff like bread etc, so I'm very lucky. What I'd do is perhaps take 1/4 of a sandwich if it was a lunchtime meeting and nibble, but no more. At home, I'd eat it without fear but in a situation like I meeting I'd be very careful. But care is all it takes, you can prevent 99% of PB's, they're nearly all user error.

[wickedme 0]

My family is the ones I have talked to about it and will be the most difficult to deal with, especially the ones who don't agree with it.. Just recently I was at a SIL's house, I told her I had already eaten but the kids might want something. She harrassed me about not eating with them and I ended taking it and was sick.. I haven't even had the surgery yet and they know how hard it is for me, it will be really crazy when I finally have it.