Band social issues

[LemonZest 0]

Hello everyone,

This is my first thread here. I am scheduled to have my band fitted in the next few weeks in Belgium. I have been reading the forum over the past few days and I have been pleased to read many positive outcomes and success stories. One thing that worries me however is the social aspect to having a band. I'm not planning on telling anyone apart from family because I feel it's something private to me and due to the social stigma, it's npt something I want to be sharing even with friends.

My question in essense is how hard is it to cope with the PBing, the burping, the fact you can't manage to eat much. How do you cope in social situations such as meals out for work or with friends? How about the constant burping? What coping strategies have you employed if, like me, you haven't told any of your friends/colleagues?

I know it might sound silly to some that I should be worrying about what others think; heck I've spent the last good few years engrossed in how friends and strangers view me. Obviously, my prime concern is to be healthy and to look good (first and foremost for myself) but I think it's too simplistic to say that it's easy to ignore what others think.

Also, after 2 or 3 years or however long it takes to get to a point where target weight is being maintained, what will the average diet be like? Will it still consist of a "cup full" of food? Or will it be similar to what "normal thin" people manage?

It would be great to hear about your experiences of the social problems (if any)you faced and how you overcame them.

[Maincat 14]

Hello everyone,

This is my first thread here. I am scheduled to have my band fitted in the next few weeks in Belgium. I have been reading the forum over the past few days and I have been pleased to read many positive outcomes and success stories. One thing that worries me however is the social aspect to having a band. I'm not planning on telling anyone apart from family because I feel it's something private to me and due to the social stigma, it's npt something I want to be sharing even with friends.

Hi,

I don't know if there are social stigma issues with the band. If other people have an issue with me having a band, well that's their problem, it's not going to be mine.

I was in a cycle shop on Saturday getting my bike repaired after years of inactivity. When my wife announced that I was having it fixed because 'he's lost 8 stones (112 pounds)', I lifted my shirt up and said 'and here are the scars'. The women in the shop all applauded and said well done!

You will have a new life with the band and your weight loss. That's the vital thing to remember. Look forward to that.

[LemonZest 0]

Hi Maincat,

Thankyou for your reply. It's inspiring to read that you are full of so much confidence. I don't think I could be as forthright as you though. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to all the benefits and I am very excited but I also have little niggling worries in the back of my mind.

[Donna113 2]

Hi,

I don't know if there are social stigma issues with the band. If other people have an issue with me having a band, well that's their problem, it's not going to be mine.

I was in a cycle shop on Saturday getting my bike repaired after years of inactivity. When my wife announced that I was having it fixed because 'he's lost 8 stones (112 pounds)', I lifted my shirt up and said 'and here are the scars'. The women in the shop all applauded and said well done!

You will have a new life with the band and your weight loss. That's the vital thing to remember. Look forward to that.

Why did you have to have 2 operations?

[Maincat 14]

Why did you have to have 2 operations?

I had two operations because the tube between the port and the band became detached. The second operation resited the port to my right side and fitted a new tube.

[Maincat 14]

Hi Maincat,

Thankyou for your reply. It's inspiring to read that you are full of so much confidence. I don't think I could be as forthright as you though. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to all the benefits and I am very excited but I also have little niggling worries in the back of my mind.

That's a little weird for me to read, since I really don't think I have a lot of confidence. I have suffered from clinical depression since 1994. It's strange for me to realise that other people perceive me so differently to the way I perceive myself.

[LemonZest 0]

Well Maincat, not many people would be so confident as to show their scars from lap band surgery or even tell strangers about it. Or at least, I know I would never contemplate it.

And about there not being stigma attached to the lap band. I would have to disagree. Obese people are already stigmatised and many people see the band as a cheat's way of getting thin (regardless of how much truth this assertion is based on). There's a stigma of obese people being lazy and the band perpetuates that. I'm not saying everyone thinks like that but a good proportion of people do and even if they do not vocalise it, their body signals or facial expressions may tell a different story or maybe there will be no indication but that's what they may be thinking. And no, I'm not paranoid and I wouldn't say I have confidence issues but I wouldn't want other people to know something so personal about me regardless of whether I would be judged or not.

I guess everyone is different and where one person may feel like telling lots of people, others would like it to say within the immediate family. I think a number of people have been accused of not having their priorities straight when they raise these concerns and that they perhaps may not be ready for the surgery but I don't think there's anything unatural about worrying about social perceptions as long as that is not your primary concern.

[snowbird 2]

To return to your original questions, you may be anticipating problems that will never occur. I have pb'd, but never publicly. I don't burp excessively. I can excuse myself to the bathroom if necessary. In social situations, take small servings and if need be, move them around your plate a lot. People are usually focused on themselves and not on you! If they know about the surgery, they may be interested to see what and how much you eat, but if they don't know, a simple remark about not being that hungry or even "I'm trying to lose weight" will suffice.

I don't keep my surgery a secret. I have told almost everyone around me about it, and if someone asks me how I have lost weight, I tell them. I feel that it is important to share, especially with those who have weight problems and may want some real answers rather than a short remark that I am eating less. Some people give me negative reactions, but it doesn't bother me, especially if I look better now than they do!

[HeatherO 7]

I have kept my surgery a secret for six months now and I have tight restriction. For the first time someone noticed I wasn't really eating much at a business dinner. He said jokingly "you have been eating that salad for over an hour and you haven't even made a dent in it." I just said I am not that hungry and that was it. No big deal.

I feel like I eat like a normal thin person does. We have all known people that "eat like birds" and I am just happy to have joined the flock.

[LemonZest 0]

Thanks for your reply snowbird. It's reassuring to realise that I have probably over exaggerated the issue in my mind. I do understand your point about letting those people with genuine weight concerns know about your situation to raise awareness but I don't see there being a problem in not telling everyone else. In the same way that we should not feel compelled to share any other aspect of our private lives. I do understand however that the advantage of being open means you do not have to be in "avoidance mode".

Thanks for your reply Heather. I understand that it's probably a lot easier explaining your portion size to colleagues who you rarely dine with or to strangers but does it not become a problem for you when dining out with friends or relatives who have known you and your eating habits for a while? Does the "I'm on a diet" really wash if you're restricted to a cup-full of food (ie a starter or something from the kids' menu)?

I'm sorry if my questions seem rudimentary and as if my priorities are wrong but I am fully aware of the positive changes that the band will induce and I am elated at the prospect of these changes but other than the surgical complications, the social aspect is the only other negative that I am looking to explore further so that I know what to expect.

Again, many thanks to all those who have kindly shared their experiences.

[Jachut 487]

Its not wrong priorities, this worried me too. I wanted to live a "normal" life, not a weird one.

I've honestly never had any issues with social things, I just dont eat very much. It has been noted ONCE and that was a few weeks ago when i went away with a running group. I was inexplicably tight that weekend, and we were all meant to be carbo loading for the big race, lol, I think I managed about 4 strands of fettucine. Big BBQ was held after the race, and I normally am very tight after hard exercise so I barely ate then either (drank a fair bit though, ugh). I'm pretty sure these people who were friends of my sister thougth I must have an eating disorder. But it was simply plane flight/pmt/hard run induced!

I had a small unfill a week or two back though because I dont need to be subsisting on tiny portions anymore, I'm now able to eat like a normal thin person, and not quite so prone to weird tightening at odd times, but its never been an issue anyway, just this once. People in general dont notice and dont care what you eat or dont eat.

And I dont burp or PB every second mouthful, lol.

My relatives and freinds all know I was banded, so I dont have that problem. But why not simply say you're dieting and dont want to eat too much. That's the truth afterall.

[HeatherO 7]

Thanks for your reply Heather. I understand that it's probably a lot easier explaining your portion size to colleagues who you rarely dine with or to strangers but does it not become a problem for you when dining out with friends or relatives who have known you and your eating habits for a while? Does the "I'm on a diet" really wash if you're restricted to a cup-full of food (ie a starter or something from the kids' menu)?

Actually "I'm on a diet" really does wash with family and friends. It works because they see the results in that I am much thinner and they see the exercise as well. Other than the occasional "don't waste away" comments it is really not that big of a deal. Eating a lot less + tons of exercise = a thinner me, no one questions that because it makes sense.

The only time I think it wouldn't work would be if a friend saw me sick. Only my husband has seen me sick so far. However, I was with a friend one day and we ate out. About five minutes after we left I asked her to pull over at a gas station. It was obvious that I was sick and I just said I had a stomach bug the day before which must still have me. This episode passed ok as well.

[Maincat 14]

And about there not being stigma attached to the lap band. I would have to disagree.

I wrote that I didn't know if there was a stigma - and I don't. I didn't say there was, or there wasn't. If there is, I wouldn't let it worry me.

I've appeared on BBC1, Central TV and local BBC radio about weight loss and sleep apnoea and only met support and encouragement. People seem interested in knowing how I lost weight and I tell them.

[LemonZest 0]

Actually "I'm on a diet" really does wash with family and friends. It works because they see the results in that I am much thinner and they see the exercise as well. Other than the occasional "don't waste away" comments it is really not that big of a deal. Eating a lot less + tons of exercise = a thinner me, no one questions that because it makes sense.

There has been a fair bit of coverage on WLS in the media recently though. Cases like Anne Diamond, Fern Briton and even right now there's a program on Channel 4 called "10 years younger" and this week, they're making over a lady who has had WLS. I think a year ago, it wasn't so wiedly known about so no one would guess but now....

[Donna113 2]

I think lying about it if someone asks you point blank if you've had WLS is a bad idea but otherwise telling people you are dieting and exercising is still telling the truth as well. I have decided to tell people and been amazed at the positive comments; but I decided I really didn't care what others thought because at the end of the day, it's me that has to live with the consequences and if they belittle my effort because I took the "easy" way out, then that's their issue not mine.