RANT: I will be 2yrs post-op before I tell my momma!

[aprilapple 1]

dinner (sushi:tt2:). now my mom starts talking about this dead cousin and her bypass. Then she starts talking about my aunt's friend and her bypass and the complications that followed.

So I said...

People have to do what's best for them and when they run into problems then we have to support them. Not beat them up about what they should not have done.

Then she replied:

Well commom sense would tell them not to do something that could kill them.

So I said:

Being fat could kill them.:teeth_smile:

(I can smell somethings up, she doesn't give up that easily)

Now I am on my way out the door with my teenage niece who by the way has been overweight since she was a little girl and my mother starts talking about how she is worried about me and how they were looking at old pics of me and my uncle commented that "april used to be a slim jim".

So I was like:

Ohh this is what this is about.

She was like:

I am just worried. How about ordering nutrisystem and trying that: Is it too expensive? I'll pay for it.

Now how do I feel?

That's the very reason I am not telling my family about my band (just my dh). Especially my mother. First of all she doesn't have a clue about wls, only what she has heard. She is as strong willed as I am so I could never make her understand the band. I refuse to let someone piss on my hopes. So she can go ahead and order me the nutrisysytem. All I need to know is:

How can I resell it on e-bay?Holla! (In my best Tyra Banks voice)

Edited July 28, 2008 by Apple8<)

[tammygirl 0]

Whee, April!

I imagine your mom must be about my age, so you know I got to represent! Everytime, I hear about someone losing a child I cringe because I can not bear to think that could have been my child. It causes a special anxiety when the loss occurs to someone in my family, workplace, or church. Whether in the street or in the hospital, I don't want anyone coming after my baby with a knife! That being said, your momma loves you and is scared that something bad is going to happen to you. Often the people who love us the most do not have a problem with our obesity. They just think we need to try harder at something else other than surgery.

I did not tell my mom (age 83) about my surgery for this very reason. I did not want her worrying, crying, etc. and I know I would never be able to convince her that this surgery was a good choice for me. I do not think I will ever tell her. BTW, I am using Nutrisystem as a way to teach myself portion control(big problem for me). I have found it working well now that my hunger is under control with the band. Thank your mom for Nutrisystem and go on. It won't hurt if she thinks that is responsible for your weight loss:thumbup: Your surgery date is close...:teeth_smile: I am excited for you!

[LaMonica 6]

I understand your pain...it's hard when everyone isn't able to see the big picture as well. And when something bad happens, it's easier to focus on that instead of the million other times thins went okay. I mean truth be told driving is one of the most dangerous things to do now....people die every day in accidents. But nobody tells you to walk to work instead of drive.....so it's a matter of opinion. I know people who would never tell, and some tell everyone. Do what's right for you. But the good thing about the band is that it's a gradual loss, so it's not like bypass where 3 months later you've lost 80lbs. They will only know if you tell them. At best you can say you work out, eat better, and eat less. All of that will be true. :-)

[Heft_Bandit 1]

Oh Wow.. nice post AprilApple.

I didn't tell my mother until yesterday, 2 days after my surgery.

I mean, mothers just worry. Hell I was worried. There was no need in her worring about something she honestly had no control over. So I just told her afterwards.

however even then I didn't want to tell her. She's a true blabblemouth and I know in a few days the ENTIRE family will know. Which is ok with me still. I would rather they didn't but I know my mother.

The people I don't want knowing are non-family, non-friends. Those that judge you and don't know your past. Ask overly personal questions and don't know when to just walk away.

[GENESIS 0]

My Mom and I are really close as well..she is actually taking me to have the surgery (8/4/2008). At first she didn't get it either, but I expected she wouldn't since she's never been overweight a day in her life. We talked, weighed the options and she just wants me to be happy, and do what is best for me. Mothers worry...its just part of the job.

I suspect if my Mom felt against WLS as much as yours I wouldn't tell her either. I think you are doing the right thing. But isn't it great to have Mother's who care so much? We are truly blessed :-) Good luck!

BTW....I love the 'women of color' forum!! Now I can quit trying to find black women's profiles to compare information with!

[curvesincali 0]

Girl I don't blame you.

If my mother was still with me (passed away April1,2007) she would be the same way I would have to wait until it was over ... I mean really over ... like weeks if not months.

She would just worry herself sick.... and me too.

Be thankful that you have her to hear all of that "advice"

[sxevan9 0]

Hey April,

I understand what you are going through. When I decided to have WLS I didn't tell my mother either. I actually didn't mention it to anyone except my best friend. I even went to the seminar about the surgery and didn't tell anybody where I was for those two hours...for all they knew I had been abducted by ailens. After the seminar though I talked to my son who is 23 years old. I'm a single mother and it has been my son and I ride or die for his entire life and he wasn't happy about my choice to have surgery. I finally decided to tell my mother and of course you know what happened? My son and my mom ganged up on me and was againist it .. however I explained that this is for me.. not them me and instead of them beating me up, how about surpporting me like I support everybody else. Kinda got them with that one, anyway they still had some reservations but after talking to my gyn who I've been seeing forever and told him and he was 100% behind it and my family found that out they are actually excited for me.. and as a family we are going to the hospital. My mom who is my BFF and my son (who doubles as my father). Do what is best for you but think about who you are going to want to talk to about what you are going through and make sure that person is there for you .. You are such a kind hearted person that you will do the right thing...

Okay I'm done

[aprilapple 1]

Ladies,

Thank you so much for responding to this thread. It really helps to get things off your chest. I wish I could share this experience with my mom. She really spoils me to death. I want her to nurse me when i come back from the surgery and help prepare my liquids or mushies:tongue_smilie: It just hurts that I won't have her support.

I have , however, come to terms with the idea that she will not be there for me during this process. I understand why: in her mind wls=death. She has already experienced the loss of a child.

My mind is made up. This body that I am living is feels like a fat suit. I truly feel like it doesn't belong to me. So I am determined to get rid of it.:eek:

[aprilapple 1]

I told my mama that I was having surgery!

After I left my pre-op 2 days ago I called my mom and told her.

My soul just wasn't comfortable with the idea that I would be having surgery in a couple of days and not tell her.

How did she respond?

Like it was XMAS!

I will do my first week of recovery at her house. She has spent the whole weekend getting things prepared for me so that I will be comfortable.

After I talked some more about the procedure she even said that it sound likes something that my overweight teenage niece could benefit from.

Moral of the story? Never underestimate your ride or die chic!

Holla!

[*slim* 2]

I told my mama that I was having surgery!

After I left my pre-op 2 days ago I called my mom and told her.

My soul just wasn't comfortable with the idea that I would be having surgery in a couple of days and not tell her.

How did she respond?

Like it was XMAS!

I will do my first week of recovery at her house. She has spent the whole weekend getting things prepared for me so that I will be comfortable.

After I talked some more about the procedure she even said that it sound likes something that my overweight teenage niece could benefit from.

Moral of the story? Never underestimate your ride or die chic!

Holla!

My mom is that way. She spoils me rotten:blush:, BUT she is not with me on this surgery. Since I told her about it, she has been in full sabatoge(sp?) mode. She has cooked everyday. She has been baking (she hates cakes and pies) and then sending it all to my house. I told her to stop. What did she do, she cooked a full Thanksgiving day meal on Thursday.:confused: I told her that I didn't want it. She showed up on my door step with the food and a full freaking peach cobbler!:thumbup: She just keeps telling me that she doesn't think I should have this surgery. I have tried to explain that this is not like bypass surgery. I have also tried to tell her about all of my health issues (the same ones she has) but to no avail. She is willing to take me to the hospital if my DH can't get off work, but she does not want me to do this. I had to finally tell her that I am ready for this change and though I love her, I can't NOT do this just because of her. I have to the adult that she taught me to be.

[aprilapple 1]

Good for you for sticking to your guns. If you are anything like me, you value your mom's opinion and definitely want her approval. I hope that she comes around. Believe me, I was SHOCKED that my mom was so cool in the end when I told her. She even said that I was smart and she knows that I did my research. She was extremely proud when I told her that I started a forum for women of color (telling her that was a pimp move on my part to try to earn some browning points.)

I guess that we have to accept that we are doing this to change our lives and just because someone isn't 100% with us doesn't mean that they are against us. But... peach cobbler? Danggg-stay strong my sister.

[tammygirl 0]

Good for you, April! Praying for your smooth procedure and recovery!

Tammygilr

[lcjackson 0]

hello LAdies,

I am dealing with the same problem. I originally wasn't going to tell any one but my husband. This was when I thought that my surgery was going to be on a Friday. The plan was that I was going to get my mom to keep my 2 yr old son while my husband and I went out of town for the weekend. Well low and behold my surgery is going to be on a Tues so that messed up my plan. NOw I have to tell my mom and I guess my mother-in-law because someone is going to have to keep my son and take him to nursery while my husband and I are at the hospital. So much for our romantic weekend getaway plan. They are going to want to know where we are going in the middle of the week taking off work. SO I am trying to get my gutts built up before I tell them. I think that they will both be supportive but I just don't want to hear the judgemental crap. I am grown and this is what I want to do for me.

[aprilapple 1]

Good for you, April! Praying for your smooth procedure and recovery!

Tammygilr

Thanks Tammy! Where have you been ? You know I have dubbed you the mama of the group.

[aprilapple 1]

hello LAdies,

I am dealing with the same problem. I originally wasn't going to tell any one but my husband. This was when I thought that my surgery was going to be on a Friday. The plan was that I was going to get my mom to keep my 2 yr old son while my husband and I went out of town for the weekend. Well low and behold my surgery is going to be on a Tues so that messed up my plan. NOw I have to tell my mom and I guess my mother-in-law because someone is going to have to keep my son and take him to nursery while my husband and I are at the hospital. So much for our romantic weekend getaway plan. They are going to want to know where we are going in the middle of the week taking off work. SO I am trying to get my gutts built up before I tell them. I think that they will both be supportive but I just don't want to hear the judgemental crap. I am grown and this is what I want to do for me.

What are you gonna do? It must be nice to have in-laws that you can share that with. The bigger the support system the better.