How supportive was your husband??

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

And's it's precisely that attitude that got you from 'size 22/24 to a 4'. Amen! This is coming from someone who used to use every excuse in the book, until I realized that the only person I was hurting was myself. Congrats on your amazing success!

HA! I used every excuse in the book too! That's why I was so fat. I was sick and deserved cake. I had a bad day because someone at work made me angry.. I deserved chocolate. I was having a pity party for Name Your Reason<name your="" reason=""> and I deserved Name Your food Choice. <name your="" food.=""> It was ridiculous. I weighed 252 pounds, how many excuses did I really need? I needed someone to confront me and kick my butt. ;o)

If I would have depended on my husband for support of any kind I'd be 300# by now.

Sometimes we just have to realize that men are...well, men. They think differently from women. Doesn't make it right or wrong, it just is. So we work around it.</name></name>

[jandrsn 0]

I have an opposite problem with my husband. He cooks dinner most nights and prepares my plate. Most nights I see the food and ask, how many ounces is this? He says 6, 8, 4, each night it's a test to see if I will stop when I really need too. UGH.

Before they would discharge me, the hospital made him watch a movie that explained the band and new eating habits. If I try to eat a little snack and he hears me he'll holler from the other room "one raisin is a meal." DANG.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I have an opposite problem with my husband. He cooks dinner most nights and prepares my plate. Most nights I see the food and ask, how many ounces is this? He says 6, 8, 4, each night it's a test to see if I will stop when I really need too. UGH.

Before they would discharge me, the hospital made him watch a movie that explained the band and new eating habits. If I try to eat a little snack and he hears me he'll holler from the other room "one raisin is a meal." DANG.

While I fully admit I'd have to shoot your husband and put him out of my misery, your post did make me LOL just picturing this.

At least he's supportive and cares that this works??? ;o))))

[jandrsn 0]

While I fully admit I'd have to shoot your husband and put him out of my misery, your post did make me LOL just picturing this.

At least he's supportive and cares that this works??? ;o))))

Yes, very true, at least he knows that snacking is the kiss of death....Just wishing that he didn't watch that stickin video. :teeth_smile:

Congrats on your quick goal achievement. Looks like you followed all the rules.

[MissMom24 2]

Mine has been amazing...sure it was hard at times, but he has really come through. I was actually very suprised...but because of his support, I love him more now, than I did before.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Yes, very true, at least he knows that snacking is the kiss of death....Just wishing that he didn't watch that stickin video.

Congrats on your quick goal achievement. Looks like you followed all the rules.

Nope, I did not follow all the rules, I found what worked for me. I'm not much for rules, I did what worked for me. I don't believe in rules, I believe in guidelines. I started out with the guidelines and I adjusted them to what works for me. My belief is that we all need to find what works and stick with it.

[80s_chick 2]

Because this is just MY opinion you are being silly. No offence but you can't expect everyone everyone to keep temptation away from you period. It is not possible unless your gonna lock your self in a room with a case of shakes for 10 days. You gotta start with the will power and self control, noone can do that for you. And your just starting, how are you gonna manage if it gets worse?

Please don't take this wrong, but I have to disagree and I think you are being a bit harsh on the young lady.

I went thru basically the same thing she did, but I did talk to my husband beforehand and we discussed that while I couldn't eat that it would be best for him to do meal preps, just to make life a little easier on me. He thought that me having the surgery was a drastic measure to start out with, but since I went thru it, he wanted to be as supportive as possible. It was hard on him to have to do all of the cooking for a few weeks, and he did complain at times, but ultimately he understood that it was helping me by not having all of that really good food right in front of my face. I have made up for it now by cooking healthy food that the whole family can eat.

I understand that one has to have willpower and self control, but it is hard to manage that if one has a poor support system. I am the queen of losing will power and breaking my diet, but hey, it happens. None of us are perfect and we may have a bad day, or even week. (I have decided that on one weekend day that I will allow myself a REAL milkshake in place of a meal. Cheat days are helpful for me, but they don't work for everyone. By allowing myself a little treat, it keeps me more motivated during the week to continue small, low-carb meals and get on that darn treadmill!)

I would also like to add that I think subliminally in some cases, perhaps our husband's don't want us to get all skinny and sexy! Maybe they can be a bit insecure and are afraid that when we lose weight, other men may start looking at us again, and they fear losing the best thing that ever happened to them. I mention that because my husband's cousin had the bypass and when she lost a significant amount of weight, she was telling all of the girls at the family reunion how she used to be scared that her DH was going to leave and now she didn't care because she was getting thin and other men would want her. Her hubby got really angry that she was talking that way. He was a great guy. She had kids with him and he adopted her oldest child upon marrying her and raised the girl basically from birth. Ultimately, my husband's cousin had an affair and left her family. She gave up custody of her kids to her now-ex. I am by no means saying that this is common, but I think our husband's might have some scenario like this in the back of their minds, and they might do a little rebelling here and there because of it.

If it were me, I would just talk to your DH, kind of just tell him that you understand that this is life-changing for him also, but explain that you want to be healthy and that him cooking is only temporary, and that it will help you tremendously to stay on track. Tell him that you will make it up to him by cooking a fantastic meal once you can eat solids, or perhaps make a dinner date to go to your favorite restaurant. :thumbup:

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Please don't take this wrong, but I have to disagree and I think you are being a bit harsh on the young lady.

I went thru basically the same thing she did, but I did talk to my husband beforehand and we discussed that while I couldn't eat that it would be best for him to do meal preps, just to make life a little easier on me. He thought that me having the surgery was a drastic measure to start out with, but since I went thru it, he wanted to be as supportive as possible. It was hard on him to have to do all of the cooking for a few weeks, and he did complain at times, but ultimately he understood that it was helping me by not having all of that really good food right in front of my face. I have made up for it now by cooking healthy food that the whole family can eat.

I understand that one has to have willpower and self control, but it is hard to manage that if one has a poor support system. I am the queen of losing will power and breaking my diet, but hey, it happens. None of us are perfect and we may have a bad day, or even week. (I have decided that on one weekend day that I will allow myself a REAL milkshake in place of a meal. Cheat days are helpful for me, but they don't work for everyone. By allowing myself a little treat, it keeps me more motivated during the week to continue small, low-carb meals and get on that darn treadmill!)

I would also like to add that I think subliminally in some cases, perhaps our husband's don't want us to get all skinny and sexy! Maybe they can be a bit insecure and are afraid that when we lose weight, other men may start looking at us again, and they fear losing the best thing that ever happened to them. I mention that because my husband's cousin had the bypass and when she lost a significant amount of weight, she was telling all of the girls at the family reunion how she used to be scared that her DH was going to leave and now she didn't care because she was getting thin and other men would want her. Her hubby got really angry that she was talking that way. He was a great guy. She had kids with him and he adopted her oldest child upon marrying her and raised the girl basically from birth. Ultimately, my husband's cousin had an affair and left her family. She gave up custody of her kids to her now-ex. I am by no means saying that this is common, but I think our husband's might have some scenario like this in the back of their minds, and they might do a little rebelling here and there because of it.

If it were me, I would just talk to your DH, kind of just tell him that you understand that this is life-changing for him also, but explain that you want to be healthy and that him cooking is only temporary, and that it will help you tremendously to stay on track. Tell him that you will make it up to him by cooking a fantastic meal once you can eat solids, or perhaps make a dinner date to go to your favorite restaurant. :thumbup:

But you know what? This still does not change reality. Weight loss is up to us, support or no support, it is still up to us. If there is no husband-support is that an excuse to eat 4 cakes? Nope, weight loss is still up to us.

Maybe we do have biological and physiological issues to contend with. So what? We still have to contend with them. We want weight loss bad enough or we don't.

[aubrie 6]

I cooked the whole time. Pre, Post-op, mushie stage. It didn't really bother me much. My husband was supportive, he bought me a little blender, and while I was doing the last minute stuff for a meal, he was tossing stuff in the blender and blending it for me. He even made some cream Soups for me home made. If I had trouble watching my family eat, I just ate in the living room at the coffee table. I found a line of cream soups at the health food store that were wonderful. If I served sweet potato, I had sweet potato Soup. If I served brocolli or butternut squash, I had cream of brocolli or butternut. They were delicious and I didn't feel cheated. Now, the one thing that WOULD piss me off, is when my husband INSISTED that we go out to eat, when he knew that would be difficult for me. Or when he would invite me to go to Sonic with him so he could order a banana split. When we got home I would just hit the S.F. popsicles. It was better than fighting about it. I survived. He will still occasionally flop down on the couch next to me with a bag of kettle chips (my favorite, and my one and only trigger). He doesn't even realize it, until he hears me crunching and realizes what he's done and moves away. He's still adjusting as much as I am. But he's THRILLED with the new me. Is very proud of me and never fails to tell me so.

[Ann D 0]

Okay so I have a few questions...

1. have you always been heavy? (for as long as he has known you) it could be he is afraid of you losing weight and him losing you. My husband had that issue and we had a long talk. I had to re-assure him I was not going anywhere fat or thin.

2. Has he been to the doctor with you? Does he know about Lapband? I brought all the info home with me and gave it to him to read and made him read it. It also helped that his grown daughter mystep-daughter had it several months before me and he got to see her success and really saw what she went through. Maybe if you make a friend who has had it or meet someone he can talk to, or even encourage him to get on this post and ask questions.

3. Does he know how to cook? Honestly I just learned myself and Love it. even though I can't eat most of what I cook I still do it just because. You might have to teach him how to do some of the basics.

4. How old is your child? If they are old enough they can make a sandwich or something. If not at least keep simple things on hand (mac & cheese, hot dogs, noodles of any kind etc.) to make your child, and if your husband is still dificult he is on his own, at least your child is fed.

I am sorry you are having difficulties, but I do agree you need to have a heart to heart talk with him to make sure you two are on the same page. If he is thin or does not struggel with his weight he will appreciate you even more when you lose the excess.

Good Luck and keep us posted.

[LookingForMe 2]

Thanks everyone, for all the comments. Sorry it took me so long to reply, but I had my surgery 2 days ago. Things are easier now post-op, I can actually stand to be around food without freaking out. I think the hardest part was that my preop was so long and so strict. Clear liquids only for 10 full days! I don't think many people on this site are that restricted pre-op.

As for my husband, he does help with cooking most of the time, yes, I've been heavy since we got together(although we knew each other when younger and thinner), and he is knowledgable about the lap-band. He is just being insensitive. I truly believe that. He is busy with finishing up his summer classes for his degree and doesn't think it's fair that he has to do things for himself right now. He thinks I should be making it easier on him because he is so busy. I think he should have done his schoolwork all along instead of saving it up until the last few weeks, but that's just ME?!?

I know this is my journey, and I don't intend to place blame on him for any setbacks or failures along the way, but he is going to have to be more sensitive. We have talked about it, and he's been very sensitive to the surgery part of this journey, he just doesn't seem to understand the food part. He just thinks it's a matter of willpower. Duh, if I had the willpower to start with, I wouldn't be fat, now would I?

He finally seems to be resolved to do for himself for a while. Now that I'm post op, I'm fixing meals for our 6 yr old without dying for a bite. The only trouble we've had the past 2 days was today when I was sitting in the living room watching TV and he brings a Hungry man dinner with beer battered chicken and cheese fries and sits it literally right under my nose and starts eating it. The smell was to me a combination of disgust and heaven (not sure why, but very mixed feelings about that smell). I politely asked him to eat it in the kitchen instead. He huffed and puffed, but he did it anyway.

All in all, I think we'll make it, but I do really wish he could understand better. The man has never dieted in his life, so how could he really empathize?

[Candle 11]

It will be a struggle for awhile.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

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I'm almost 1 year out and my boyfriend still has to hide the jar of Peanut Butter from me or I'll eat myself fat again - 1 spoonful at a time - lol.<o:p></o:p>

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You mention your hubby has never had to diet before - neither has mine. Skinny his whole life so he just doesn't understand. We ate dinner separately for awhile and barely went out to eat (one of my bf's favorite things to do) for the first 6 months. I've eased back into a more normal lifestyle now.<o:p></o:p>

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I don't have any kids to worry about but I've seen people mention making and freezing a few dishes for their family to just heat up. The beginning was the hardest part for me.

Good luck!<o:p></o:p>