How supportive was your husband??

[LookingForMe 2]

I am on day 8 of a 10 day pre-op diet of Clear liquids only. I thought my husband was going to be supportive of my choice and empathetic toward my struggles along the way. One thing that I specifically requested of him before I started this diet was that he take care of food preparation for he and my son, and to keep food out of my face as much as possible. Now he keeps asking me to make him something to eat, cook for our son, etc. I am STARVING, and he is forcing me to prepare food that I can't eat. He says things like, "I am being supportive, BUT, you are being silly about this." "I am empathetic, BUT you shouldn't be tempted just because there is food in front of you."

I just want him to make this easier on me, not harder. Why can't he do that?!!? Normally we have a great relationship, but the past couple of days, when he forces me to see, touch, and think about food, I just go off on him. I know that I'm a little cranky because of the hunger, but he should be trying to understand that and be nicer to me because of it.

If he can't be supportive now, what is it going to be like for the next few months? I don't know if I am going to be able to do this without his support.

Sorry for the rant, does anyone else have a similar experience?

[angelmarlee 0]

I had my surgery on 7/10/08. The other night, after working from 8-5:30pm, I got home and my husband said "What's for dinner? " I said "I don't know, you'll have to fix somthing." Well after he asked me what was for dinner, and to make him somthing about three times, I finally went off on him too. We got in a big fight about it. Well he did fix himself a steak, burned the outside, still almost raw on the inside, filled the house with smoke and made the smoke detectors go off. Up until that point he had been very supportive but I guess he just had a weak moment. I told him not to even ask me to cook, I'm not going to unless I feel like it. If he asks me again, I am going to politely say no and walk away.

[Shinyhappymommy 2]

We didn't even talk it through beforehand, but I wasn't able to prepare food when I was on my post-op diet. The few things I did make, I ended up feeling entitled to eating them and somehow convinced myself that a muffin could count as mushies, and that meatloaf was okay before it technically should have been. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It will be hard if you can't come to an understanding, I hope you can work through it.

[amonroy 0]

This is the exact reason I decided to go through all this while my husband is in Iraq lol! He is a wonderful supportive guy to me for all the 19 years we've been together, but I know how much he likes to eat/go out to eat/loves my cooking. He would live off of Cereal if I didn't cook for him. So it would have been a little bit of a struggle for both of us. So for me the only one right now I have to prepare food for is my daughter who is 7. She has actually been a real little angel about all this. Good Luck everyone, stay strong :tt2:

[Mrs J.J 2]

Sounds to me that you need to have a heart to heart with your man. Make him understand that you are doing this so that you can have a longer life with him and your children. He may be thinking that you are doing this surgery to be more attractive for other men. Find out what his fears are, maybe he is just so scared of losing you when you have the actual surgery and doesn´t know how to express his concern.

Good luck and let is know how things go.

[Great2BThin 5]

WE never discussed this either, but my husband has been great. During my post op phase he did make a lot of his meals. However, as I started feeling better I took over. I don't work and guess am old fashioned but looked upon it as my 'job'. he cooks for himself though when I ask him too. One thing that helped is he is a hunter. He has all these critters in the freezer and I don't like to eat that stuff. So he gets a pheasant or something out and cleans it and I drop it in the crockpot the next morning and voila he has dinner and it's not the least bit tempting to me. It sure has saved on our grocery bill too. He wants to hunt again this fall so has to empty the freezer of last year's prizes. I buy myself some of those Gortons frozen grilled fish filets and heat one of those up with some veggies generally for dinner and it works out great.

[Long2BFree 12]

My daughter and hubby have been great during my pre-op and post-op clear liquid diet. They fend for themselves and I've even cooked for them a couple of times since I've been post-op and since I'm not hungry it hasn't even bothered me. If they want to bring something into the house that they think will bother me they will ask me first if it will bother me. I think I've only asked them to eat out once. I did warn them before I started this process that somethings would be hard and asked for support and understanding. My daughter was amazed last night when I was watching cooking shows and it didn't even bother me.

[Insky67 2]

I had no problems cooking for my family while on my pre-op diet. My shakes were great. I woudl get up before anyone else and start having my Breakfast shake...it took the edge off hunger and when I started cooking for them it didn't bother me. It brings me great pleasure to cook for my family.

At dinner I was allowed to have a meal. I had to stick with chicken, fish or turkey and one green veggie. That was not a problem for my family...they would eat that too and if I made something else like rolls or biscuits I just skipped it.

I think if you are unable to cook for your family a good idea might be to fix a bunch of meals ahead of time and freeze them. Then all they have to do is follow the directions for reheating. You could make up a ton of meals in one afternoon. This would work for pre-op and post-op.

My husband was so sweet after my surgery. For some reason a lot of food smells would make me totally naseus. He would start cooking for himself and our daughter and then he would run upstairs to our room where I was resting and ask if the smell was bothering me...if it was he would close my door ...run down and open windows and turn on fans. LOL

He brought me my pain pills around the clock and for the first 3 days he was scared he might bump me in our sleep and hurt my tummy so instead of sleeping in the guestroom where he might not hear me if I needed him he slept on the floor right beside me. He is a keeper!

I hope you can work it all out...it's a long road if you don't have the support you need. And if you can't get it at home remember there are a lot of us here who will help you and back you up as much as we can over the net. Hang in there...

[*susan* 1,709]

It does sound like maybe you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him. Maybe he just doesn't understand how truly difficult this is for you.

I was very fortunate. The first week after my surgery, my mother stayed with us. She took care of me, did all the cooking, cleaning, etc. After she left, my hubby and dd did a great job of cooking for themselves and taking care of me. They made a point of not cooking my favorite foods so as to not make it tougher on me. They were really great and continue to be my greatest supporters.

[SugarBean 0]

My husband and son have been wonderful. When I was on liquids and mushies, I never cooked a thing. They were both so supportive. They are my biggest fans.

You may need to sit down with your hubby and have a good talk with him. He will need to be there for you every step of the way. Ask for his understanding.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I am on day 8 of a 10 day pre-op diet of Clear liquids only. I thought my husband was going to be supportive of my choice and empathetic toward my struggles along the way. One thing that I specifically requested of him before I started this diet was that he take care of food preparation for he and my son, and to keep food out of my face as much as possible. Now he keeps asking me to make him something to eat, cook for our son, etc. I am STARVING, and he is forcing me to prepare food that I can't eat. He says things like, "I am being supportive, BUT, you are being silly about this." "I am empathetic, BUT you shouldn't be tempted just because there is food in front of you."

I just want him to make this easier on me, not harder. Why can't he do that?!!? Normally we have a great relationship, but the past couple of days, when he forces me to see, touch, and think about food, I just go off on him. I know that I'm a little cranky because of the hunger, but he should be trying to understand that and be nicer to me because of it.

If he can't be supportive now, what is it going to be like for the next few months? I don't know if I am going to be able to do this without his support.

Sorry for the rant, does anyone else have a similar experience?

You are going to have to wrap your brain around the concept that you aren't doing this for him, you are doing it for yourself. You need to be able to do it with or without him. His support should be there and it should be helpful, but you can't depend on it. You have to depend on yourself.

Yep, that means it will take a bit of will power and self control. So the real question here is this, how bad do you want weight loss? Your husband not supporting you is never going to be a valid excuse, it all depends on YOU and how bad you want to achieve your goals.

[Great2BThin 5]

You are going to have to wrap your brain around the concept that you aren't doing this for him, you are doing it for yourself. You need to be able to do it with or without him. His support should be there and it should be helpful, but you can't depend on it. You have to depend on yourself.

Yep, that means it will take a bit of will power and self control. So the real question here is this, how bad do you want weight loss? Your husband not supporting you is never going to be a valid excuse, it all depends on YOU and how bad you want to achieve your goals.

And's it's precisely that attitude that got you from 'size 22/24 to a 4'. Amen! This is coming from someone who used to use every excuse in the book, until I realized that the only person I was hurting was myself. Congrats on your amazing success!

[Miss_strait 0]

While I was on the pre-op diet I still cooked for my family. They did not sign up for this, I did. Some days it was harder than others, but I made it through. I have always cooked for my family so I guess that is why it didn't bother me. I also know why I am doing this, and who I am doing this for.....ME!!!! My family is great very supportive. DOn't let the thought of not eating get you down.

[Heft_Bandit 1]

You know LookingForMe, my now Ex husband was a total A$$ when it came to me losing weight. When we were married I ballooned to my highest weight ever. Any and EVERY time I started a weight loss plan he would completely de-motivate me. I mean he would say things like if you lose weight I will leave you. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

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At the end of the marriage, I was morbidly obese and barely working. Whereas he was a sexy financially secure body builder. <o:p></o:p>

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Some of my friends and family have said (as some here have said) it was out of jealousy. That he didn't want me to look nice because he was afraid I would leave or whatever. <o:p></o:p>

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Having come out of that kind of relationship, I'm HIGHLY sensitive when a man is anti-supportive in goals I wish to achieve. I pretty much don't tolerate it. I can handle no support a little more than anti-support. I would consider his request for dinner as anti-support. <o:p></o:p>

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The best advice I can give you is to talk to your man. Make sure he understands how you feel about your goal; and how asking you to cook dinner for him, when you can only eat liquids makes you feel. If he can't understand and accept that, then why should you understand and accept his inability to cook for himself?<o:p></o:p>

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On the flip side, if he does recognize the error in his behavior he should be rewarded...you know, positive reinforcement.

[Telecia 1]

You are going to have to wrap your brain around the concept that you aren't doing this for him, you are doing it for yourself. You need to be able to do it with or without him. His support should be there and it should be helpful, but you can't depend on it. You have to depend on yourself.

Yep, that means it will take a bit of will power and self control. So the real question here is this, how bad do you want weight loss? Your husband not supporting you is never going to be a valid excuse, it all depends on YOU and how bad you want to achieve your goals.

First off sorry your having it so rough. But I agree with WASa. You can't depend on anyone but yourself here. And I don't mean to sound hurtfull but why didn't see to your familys feeding arrangements beforehand if you wanted to avoid food totally??

I mean I can understand not wanting the temptation but but gee it sounds a bit of overkill to refuse to cook period. I would have made up 10 days worth of meals to freeze if It was me so at least the kids/DH can pop stuff in the microwave. If they are old enough.

Unless your man NORMALLY cooks and shares in the chores normally tossing it all on him for 10 days can be pretty daunting. I know my man can't cook much at all and asking him to do it all for 10 days would be a disaster! lol He can make rameen and oatmeal and hamburger. Anything else mine would be lost. The kids would be more succefull at cooking then he.

He says things like, "I am being supportive, BUT, you are being silly about this." "I am empathetic, BUT you shouldn't be tempted just because there is food in front of you."

Because this is just MY opinion you are being silly. No offence but you can't expect everyone everyone to keep temptation away from you period. It is not possible unless your gonna lock your self in a room with a case of shakes for 10 days. You gotta start with the will power and self control, noone can do that for you. And your just starting, how are you gonna manage if it gets worse?

Also you might have to sit down and actually make a list of the things YOU EXPECT him to do and how to help out. Just to make sure your both thinking the same things. Because what you consider <Insert chore> Might be totally different then what he thinks it is.

I have 4 days bedrest after a heart cath yesterday and asked my BF to put on some laundry.. OMG BIG Mistake. He just tossed an armload in from the hamper of half bathtowels half clothes now I will never get the lint out of his work clothes. *Sighs*