Confidence Killer

[April 0]

Well, I was having a pretty good day. In fact I was feeling great! I had my son out for our usual "Treat Night", which we do every Friday. It's this crazy thing we do to make childhood memorable for him. We eat backwards; dessert first, then dinner. Then we go to see "The Man with the sweet hook-up", which is this really nice guy, Rick, that owns the movie rental place up at the corner. Holden usually talks him out of some candy, hence "the sweet hook-up". I've been feeling pretty confident lately since shedding a whole extra person's weight in pure fat. I've even gotten out some of my old clothes from High School & College. I know there a bit dated, but it makes me feel good to wear them again. Tonight I had on one such outfit. I didn't think it looked too out of place, in fact, I thought I looked rather good. I had on size 13 black shorts with a white "Dead Milkmen" concert t-shirt. I was stylin' & profilin', even had my trade mark Elaine poof happening. Well, maybe the hair was a bit much, but I was feeling nostalgic. As we were walking into the movie store a girl (older teen/young woman) in the passenger's side of a purple mini-van thought it was imperative that I know just how old and extremely fat I am. Just the stream of obscenities frothing from her vile mouth shocked me to my core. Here I am walking, minding my own business, I don't know her and she doesn't know me. Yet some how I am so offensive to look at that I deserve this treatment, in front of my 5 year old? I think I almost liked it better when I was so fat I was invisible. At least then I ate when and what I wanted and was never bothered by the constant rumbling of my empty stomach. People stared and gave me a wide berth when passing me in a hall. They made comments back then too. This is nothing new. But I think it hurt more because of all the effort I've made in the past 2 years, because of all the sacrifices, and accomplishments. It hurt more because I'm feeling confident and good, and she felt it necessary to go out of her way to cut me down. I really don't understand people. How do some get to be so cruel? Were they raised like that? Have they never had a hurtful thing said to them? Isn't there any empathy left in this world? I was so born in the wrong place and time. I think I would be better suited for the early 20th century instead of the latter. Not that I have any disillusions that people weren't cruel back then, but rather, I believe people at least had manners. I have always said "I hate people". If I came across a burning building I'd save the animals first. A lot of my family and friends don't get that. But it is true, I am not a people person. But then again, I've not come across very many kind people in my life. The few good ones I have I treasure and keep dear to my heart.

[smsmithart 4]

Ouch sorry hun...people are faulty by nature..

But Dead milkman seriously though..treat yourself to a katy perry shirt...

[di1138 8]

April, I get it big time! There is a line in the movie "Troy" where Brad Pitts character says "Man is a retched creature" (Man, woman whatever!) Needless to say you and I now there are some wonderful people out there but the retched masses are what make us feel the way we do! That young person is the one with the problem NOT you! Be proud of your accomplishments and forget about her. Best of luck to you. It sounds like you are raising your son right!

[newhope4me 0]

this is why i can't bring myself to go to the gym!

My ex-husband was one of those people. We would drive down the street and he would holler at people the meanest things. Once I even asked him, what if that person was extremely depressed and you just gave them the one reason they were looking for to decide whether they were going to take thier life or not that day. He blew it off.

Even if i don't hear people say these things, i "hear" them.

[Brinabrina77 24]

Hello April:

You need to ingore that blankety blank blank and with her bleeping atttitude. I would have told her to bleeeeeeeeeep and the horse she rode in on too!!

:: that was edited since you mentioned that you have a 5 year old ::

I don't want his mommy to pick up my potty mouth.

Anyway...

i don't know what has come over me and when it happened. I used to be the quiet invisible big girl. I'd hear the snickers and see the looks that peopel gave, but I used to just shrink away. Well, I don't know when someone snapped my last nerve, but I got over than. matter of fact, you don't even have to insult me personally...all I need to do is see you insult another person like that in my presence you get to speak to my inner angry black lady. This was *BEFORE* i got banded. Can you imagine the mouth on me now? lol.

I remember that I was shopping one day. There was some younger girl...a plus sized girl..shopping by herself. She was holding up a pair of jeans. A group of guys passed by and one of them said soemthing like, " Daaaaamn, i didn't know that they made jeans that big!"

Without missing a beat (and regardless of the fact that he was not talking to me. I saw how badly he hurt that poor child's feelings), I replied," Loudly...(and with a I DARE you to say something back tone)," Well, we both learned something today then. Until this moment I did not know that a**hol*s could talk!!"

Result: Blessed silence from the group of guys.

well after i got finished muttering obscenites under my breath. I gave the girl, a freindly southern head nod and a smile and continued shopping.

Moral of the story: Ignore those blankety blank bleepin' people.

People who say and do things like that are simply unhappy with themselves and want to share the misery. And that little BLeeep who said that to you in front of your child clearly has no upbringing and was raised in a barn with the rest of the pigs and asses. :thumbup:

Be proud of you. Enjoy the time with your family. No matter what is said..and you know that this won't be the last time because people are well...people. Words can not erase the accomplishments that you have made so far. I am proud of you and I don't even know you.

And a size 13!!! Girl please.

Let me get be able to get into a size thirteen and I would rule the world.

[stefgray 0]

Hey April...it's true - people are common and as Diane said, the race is a wretched lot. But, Brina is also right - you should be so very proud of yourself. You have completely changed your life and no matter what that mouthy kid said, you are amazing. Obviously, her parents never gave her the kind of upbringing and value teaching that they should have. Otherwise, she may have asked what in the heck were the dead milkmen instead of being a smart a**! What's a little scary to me is that I'm only a few years older than you and I don't even know about the dead milkmen! :-)

Really, though, I can definitely relate to how you felt when you were struttin your stuff in clothes you were probably so excited to fit in! I am still amazed that I can shop in the ladies section now and don't have to have plus sizes. But, I am conscious of the looks I get from folks when I hold up a very cute little skirt or t-shirt.

Just remember...you did this HUGE thing for yourself and your health. You took the steps necessary and were successful. You deserve to strut and primp and preen and swing your hips when you walk...that's right - SWING 'EM! Ignore the common folk. Ignore the smart mouth'd kid who has no manners. Just remember she probably really was raised in a barn and doesn't know any better. it's her own self esteem that's suffering and causing her to mouth off like that.

Stand tall, girl! Head held high.

Steph

[Long2BFree 12]

People like that only seem to say things like that because they are miserable themselves and most like will not change.

Edited July 26, 2008 by Long2BFree

[skinipete 0]

I once worked with this woman who, one Monday, was telling me about 'last' weekend & they docked at a resturant/bar place to listen to some music. She started on this 'fat guy in a speedo' & how disgusting he was & how did he have the nerve to were that...nasty blah blah blah. I looked at her & said "How do you know he didn't just lose 100# & he's pretty proud of himself?". He mouth dropped because, no, in her selfish little world, she had not given that a thought.

I'm sorry for you that that happened but I feel even more sorry for the person who feels so badly about themself that they feel a driving need to try to tear another person down to make themselves feel better. YOU are the winner in this becasue you are making your life better. Congrats on dumping that extra person!

PS - Size 13! I pray for the day!

[Laurinda 1]

"I think I almost liked it better when I was so fat I was invisible"

I do so understand this statement and many others you made! I am so sorry this happened to you......

Karma is a bitch baby and what goes around comes around. Being so nasty and hateful will come back to bite her in the azz.

Congrats at your awesome weight loss!! I can't wait to be able to post proudly that I too lost 123 pounds!!! You have done a great job and don't let some person filled with negative energy pass that on to you! :thumbup:

[kamica 0]

You should have given her the "So I am fat, but you are UGLY, and I'm loosing weight." What are you gonna do? Plastic surgery? By the way, I'm just kidding. You can't fight fire with fire. Simply put she is a child. One who apparently did not have parents who raised her to be respectful to others. You really should focus on your success, not only in the weight loss, but in your parenting skills. Take pride and confidence in knowing that your child will never make another person feel that way, and he will not be the cause of someone else loathing themselves. You are doing great! Be proud of yourself. And, think about it, you might get the opportunity to see potty mouth after you have reached your goal. Maybe then you will be able to hold your head up, and let her EAT HER WORDS!!

[aprilapple 1]

"Forgive them Father for they know not what they do"-J. Christ

Now here I go:

We can't control what people say or do to us. We can only control our response. After all of the hard work that u have done, don't allow anyone to :cursing:with your confidence. You have gotten some great advice here. From one extreme to the other. I say there is a time to be classy and there is a time to show your assy. Do whatever makes you feel good!

[juliegeraci 7]

I am really sorry this happened to you. Size 13 is great. I have never been lower than a size 14 and I'm in a 16 now, 18 jeans. Love yourself the way you are. F* that person. You will never see them again. Don't give this any more energy. You deserve nothing but the best.

[smsmithart 4]

I have lots of size 14 jeans gap brand if anybody wants to buy them dirt cheap...

[MissMom24 2]

Shame on them...like someone said...dont waste another thought on them. Chances are you will never see her again and she was probably only being ugly to you just to make herself feel better.

She will get hers someday...

[Pix 4]

Like someone said, she is an ugly soul, and your losing weight don't let people like that get you down!!

I so don't want to know what her karma looks like *shudders* What I would advise is talk to your little boy about this situation. Explain to him that some people can just be mean, but it is up to you and him (and the rest of the nice people) to make up for the mean ones by being extra nice even to them. Make this a object lesson for your son, teach him that it is ok to walk away from those situations and hold your head high because you know YOU didn't stoop to that level.

It hurts, it always will but you know you are better then that, and that girl was just plain trashy. Turn it around into something positive for your son to learn from (how you acted and remained cool and calm on the outside at least). I got in a habit back in high school that when people started being cruel I would just turn to them smile as big as I could and wish them a pleasant day all the while in my brain I was imagining torturing them slowly and very painfully (hence the beatific smile) and walk away. Eventually it stopped and some of those people actually became some of my closest friends (still are to this day).