FUMING MAD!! Need to vent!!

[HamuChan 0]

I finally decided to tell my best friend that I had a lap band and guess what her reaction was?? Of course, she's skinny...perfect body. She says, "So this thing will help you control portion sizes? Why don't you just try and eat smaller portions? Then you wouldn't need to get the surgery." Gaaaaaah! I respond with, "That's the point, I can't control my eating. That's why I needed this." Her response, "Well I think all you have to do is eat less. Smaller portions!" OK! OK! How can I possibly expect someone without an eating disorder understand the thinking of someone with one. But she's my BEST friend! Now she must think that I'm "weak" or "taking the easy way" out. "Oh she must be so hopeless if she can't lose weight without surgery!!" :angry Her last comment was, "It must be nice to have something FORCE you to diet. I don't have that."

I know what you're thinking..."this is your best friend, why is she being so mean to you about this?" Well I have come to the conclusion that she is clueless on this matter. She doesn't know what it feels like to be obese or have an eating disorder. She has never been addicted to anything, so she can't understand that way of thinking. How could she? So I can't blame her, she will NEVER understand but I still love her to death. At least I have you guys.

[BandSupporter 2]

Don't worry about that. You know that lap band was best for your health, so dont worry about what she thinks. If you're happy, then thats all that matters. There is a better amd healthy you!

[one too many 1]

Don't be too surprised when people about the same size as you have comments about the band.I have friend who thinks if you haven't starved yourself,spent your life down the gym then you haven't lost properly.Needless to say 6 months for her later she hasn't lost anything although is now a little fitter yet down and depressed by the whole cycle.As you know will be heavier this time next year yet where will we be?????????? not in the same bathers as last summer.Yes you are right you can not Portion Control without help as the band determins the portion not you...and you won't be hungry as would would have been in the past if you tried portion controll without the band.

Good luck.

[paula 4]

Hamu,

You must forgive her! She's clueless on what life is like on this side of the fence, here's an example...

My cousin is about 5ft3 115. She's never had a weight problem. I mean, she watches her intake when she's put on a couple of pounds, but other then that - she doesnt really pay attention to her eating habits.

Anyway - I thought this was interesting - we were together recently for a big family meal and I paid attention to her eating... She fixed herself a small plate with a touch of just about everything that was being served. She ate here and there - eating about half. When it came time for desert, she fixed herself a normal size piece of cake (like a 3x3 inch piece) took 2 bites out of it and put a papertowel over it to save it - because she was NOT HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, on the other hand.... I ate everything on my plate, went back for more of something, then had a nice serving of desert. And hell no, there was NO saving mine for later! Who cares if i'm NOT hungry, this stuff is good and Im enjoying it too much to stop now!!! And then, BAM! the band kicked in and reminded me that I had eaten more then enough. So I HAD to stop, not that I wanted to!

I could keep ratteling on here, but I think youve got the point.

Your friend - like my cousin - doesnt have the correct idea of what obese people deal with when it comes it food!

[La_madam 20]

Print this link out for your friend to read, then maybe she will understand where you are coming from, if she is your best friend then maybe reading something like this she will get it.

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=4750

[Boy's Mom 0]

That is so true! Skinny people don't understand. My Dad has weighed 155 lbs all his adult life and I watch him eat, he serves himself a "normal" portion, eats very slowly and pushes the plate away when he's full. If you ask him "are you full?", his response is "I'm not a gas tank, I don't need to be full". My mother also is small. I don't understand where I came from I must've been switched at birth! I don't know why I overeat, I;ve had a normal life, I'm reasonably happy, I have a great supportive husband, healthy kids, we don't have a bad life, so what is my excuse? I just eat! I just feel like a pig. Even now that I've lost some weight, the band is beginning to give me restriction, almost every day I will do something that I shouldn't do. I'll grab a handful (or ten!) of my kid's sugary Cereal. WHY? I don't even like it that much. I'll pick while I'm cooking instead of waiting. I see some of the numbers posted by some of you, and I feel like this will be another weight loss failure for me and there are no options left.

Thanks for listening.

Mayra

[the best me 6]

Give her some slack, she really doesn't get it. Just tell her, "ya know, please just support me." I'm sure she will. If she has a question, answer, if not, just do your thing.

When I was reading your post (and Paula's) I was reminded of the book Jack had ordered about Normal Eating (just a sec and I'll find the link) that I am very interested in reading.

Interestingly enough, just last night we had friends over for dinner. They are the nicest couple from church, no kids (her sis has kids they help with alot, big saga) and I cut his hair as an excuse to have them over every 6 weeks or so! ha!

Anyhow, he struggles like I do with his weight. He works out, watches what he eats but, like me, eats alot of food. It's just all so yummy!!!! So he has a skinny wife and I have a skinny hubby. And this was the first time they have been over since my Band surgery, which they knew about, of course. So I eat a half of a turkey burger (he has a double turkey burger) and about 1/3 cup of guacamole with some tostitos (he had some, probably less) and a 1/2 cup green bean casserole (he had about a cup, plus he grazed while I slowly finished eating and hubby fed our son and dinner wound down) So I wouldn't say her went overboard on food, remember, I'm on HIS side!!! But he ate more than I was able to.

So we impulsively pack up the van with them, us, and our 2 kids and drove over to their new home, under construction, to take a look at how things are coming along, then we stop at the Ice Cream shop on the way home. I nibbled on my hubby's cone and had a few bites of my daughter's, and he got a Waffle Bowl full of ice cream and ate it all... his skinny wife didn't really want any (?!).

So I say this to illustrate "Normal" pre- and post-band eating. He will always struggle with his overeating and his weight. Like I said, I don't think what he had was out of hand, well, maybe he could have done without the big bowl of ice cream. I, too, will always struggle with overeating and my weight, but now I have a tool to help me. A year from now, I will be way down and he will be the same, heavier, or if he's much lighter, what's the chances of him being able to keep it off over the following year? If he likes to eat like I do (and he does!!!) he will gain it back.

So I am happy with my decision. I'm not droppping like the gastric bypass folks, so I'm sure there are people who know me who are wondering when the big wieght drop will be coming...but I'm patient. I know a year from now, they will be much more supportive than they are skeptical. I can wait them out.

Now for the link to that book Jack mentioned...Okay, it's a copy/paste but looks VERY interesting....

"The Rules of "Normal" Eating: A Commonsense Approach for Dieters, Overeaters, Undereaters, Emotional Eaters, and Everyone in Between!"

Karen R. Koenig; Paperback; $10.17

Chin up, Hamu, we totally understand!!!!

[Eileenja 0]

Good for you for seeing that she really doesn't get it! I am glad that you are able to have that reaction to your friend (even though I am sure that it really hard). Try not to let it get in the way of your friendship. Good friends are hard to find.

There is another thread that you might like to read and it is something about relatives sabbatoging (sp?) your weight loss success. There are some really interesting things said on that one.

[flower 2]

it's funny everyone has their point of view it can very hurtful, but I truly believe until you walk in someones shoes and live with whatever and truly then you can understand what they are going through unfortunately that might never happen. I feel people who have dealt with issues whether it be any kind of hardship are better people they are more empathetic towards other people with problems people are tough and we all need each other.

[KarenB 0]

I agree with everything Paula said, EXCEPT, it's been my experience that when we stand a chance of being a normal weight, people get jealous. Sorry, but it's a fact. But you are all so right, only we know what it's like to eat food just because it's there. I hope things work out with your friend, Hamu.

[BandSupporter 2]

That is so true! Skinny people don't understand.

Mayra

Im skinny, I understand. lol

[mustang07babey 0]

Unless a person is in OUR shoes at one time they do not understand. I would just ignore her comments and do this for yourself.

Maria

[DeLarla 22]

I'm lucky that my gorgeous blonde skinny friend actually understand. She's a smoker. She's a holistic smoker, so she won't take an aspirin but she'll smoke a pack of death.

She's really sick right now from food poisoning from bad oysters, which turned into gastritis. She's been in the hospital twice last week. She called me last night cause she feels like she's insane, since smoking just makes the stomach/esophagus sickness much worse, yet she's standing in a 140 degree garage sucking down a cigarette.

I told her that's how I feel about food. Thank God I have a skinny friend that "gets it."

[HamuChan 0]

Me and my friend spent two hours on the phone today and my band didn't even come up. I'm sorta glad bc I was afraid she would say something hurtful (unintentionally, of course) I think she's "ok" with it now, but she will never understand (no offense Band Supporter ) just bc she's not addicted to anything.

When I was a kid I was watching my uncle smoke a cigarette. I asked him, "Why do you smoke?" He, of course, answered, "Because I am addicted." That made NO SENSE to me. I asked again, "Then why don't you just stop? I don't understand why you can't just not smoke another cigarette." I remember being so confused as to why someone cannot control the actions of their own body (i.e. opening a pack of cigarettes, lighting it, and inhaling). NOW I know. And I truely wish that I did not know that feeling. I have NO control over my body when it comes to food. It's like some other part of me takes over and eats everything. So hard to explain, but you all know what I mean.

My Rational Brain: "I should not eat this, I am not even hungry."

My Addicted Brain: "Ummmmm, donuts" Drooooool

My addicted brain always conquers the battle. Darn you addicted brain! You're always so sneaky!!!

[the best me 6]

My Rational Brain: "I should not eat this, I am not even hungry."

My Addicted Brain: "Ummmmm, donuts" Drooooool

My addicted brain always conquers the battle. Darn you addicted brain! You're always so sneaky!!!

I like you more every day!! Very funny.