In a bit of a slump...

ladybug3 · July 19, 2008

Hi. I don't post here very often, but I do check in now and then and read a lot of posts.

First, I will say that I love my band, I'm so glad I got it, I'd do it again in a heartbeat, etc. But, having said that, I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment. I thought this last fill was perfect and was all set to lose 10 pounds over the last two months. I haven't lost a thing.

I'm having a serious motivation problem. I think I've reached the point where my body and my head are in all-out war with each other. I want to eat when I'm not hungry, I want to eat things I shouldn't, I want to keep eating when I'm full. I'm so irritated with myself and I know all the things I should do. I've been pretty successful with this so far and I've been very happy with my weight loss until recently (I was banded last November).

As I say, I know what I should do. I'm just really, really having a hard time doing it. I want to. I feel out of control and I hate that. My summer has been very busy and feeling out of control with my eating ties in with feeling out of control in other areas. I'm not practicing self-care in all sorts of areas and I just feel yucky! I'm especially irritated with myself because I don't have that much farther to go to reach my goal!

What is wrong with me?!!!

Does anyone have any suggestions for getting out of a slump? I know everyone is different and everyone's life circumstances are different, but I just need something to get me started on the right road! I do have an appointment for another fill in a little over a week and I'm sure that will help!

But I feel the bigger problem is the head stuff. I'm returning to my self-sabatoging (sp?) ways and that makes me angry. I will not go back there again. I'm feeling depression creeping in again and that makes me angry, too. There's no reason AT ALL for me to be depressed and I refuse to give in to it. But the bad eating habits I thought I'd broken have reared their ugly heads again and I can't seem to get a grip on them. I try reinforcing my good habits instead of focusing on my bad ones and that helps, but man, that's a struggle too. I have tons of support and I feel my main battle is against busyness and emotional responses to stress. I think part of my struggle is that I feel that I can't find the time (or sometimes the energy) to do the things that help me maintain equlibrium, such as meditation/prayer, yoga, writing, reading, etc. While I don't feel those things are optional, they get pushed aside by the immediate needs of my young family (I have three kids - 7, 4 and 2). I feel like I'm finally myself again after several years of very difficult circumstances and I'm struggling to reorder my life to be the way I want it to be and my biggest obstacle is myself!

So after all that long rambling and introspection (:thumbup: - more than anyone cared to read, I'm sure!), any suggestions?

nhanson · July 19, 2008

you are not alone. I was banded in October and have recently lost all motivation. My trouble time is the evening while I am watching tv, so I have moved away from the living room to my bed room. I have also taken to brushing my teeth between meals when I'm not hungry but want to eat. I hope that my motivation will return soon and I won't have to keep resorting to other methods besides just being full.

I will pass for you - you have done an amazing job - keep up the great work!

Hummingbird · July 19, 2008

Dear ladybug,

Wow, you have lost 53 pounds....that is great....I am out 2 1/2 months. You know when i was reading your post i thought that is just how i feel..last month i did not lose a pound... Just had my 2nd fill two weeks ago and it worked for about 1 week. I know the feelings you are feeling. I had the same ones the other day. Like a failure and where i get soooo mad at myself...I guess we just have to take a deep breath and remember some days our old overweight insecurities issues flare up.But to know that tomorrow is a new day, and we can begin again. You can do it....I cant wait to lose 53!!! Remember it is a slow process, just take one day at a time.....

kmtinch · July 19, 2008

I can relate to the loss of motivation. It will be a year next week since being banded and I would do it all again. I look back at this year and have really learned a lot. I have lost, but not all I wanted this past year. I didn't get fills as I probably should have but have real good restriction at present. I would go over a month and only lose one or two lbs. I would get down, but then get back on track. I look at this as a lifetime change and the scale is not going up so that is a positive. I look back and although I didn't lose all I wanted during the first year I am still down over 60lb ( more than a loss of a lb a week, better than a gain of a lb a week!) and off my blood pressure and diabetes meds. I have come to realize it took longer than a year to gain the weight so as long as the scale is going down, my motivation continues. I have also started to really be serious about exercising and it has helped motivate me, make me feel better, and helps to decrease my hunger.

Desdemona · July 19, 2008

For what it's worth –I’m a therapist and I have a few thoughts on your post. I'm certain your instincts about the source of your emotional eating are right on the money. I sense that your eating habits are, indeed, a metaphor for what is going on in other areas of your life. You feel out of control in those areas -- so you are acting it out somatically with food (out of control). You also said you are mad at yourself! Perhaps, on 1 level, you are angry about the other areas where you’re out of control and you may be taking it out on yourself by sabotaging your wonderful record of mastery and success in losing weight. At another level---eating whatever and whenever you feel like may be your way of lashing out against the forces that are out of control. Eating could be your effort to have at least 1 area in your life where you get to do whatever you please. As a banster I also really identify with you on this situation. I was experiencing a lot of stress over a job situation for about 2 years prior to getting the band. At the same time, I was also very worried about my parent’s health. I was driving around like a mad woman trying to cover all the bases. I ate fast food in the car constantly, didn’t get any rest, and felt worse and worse physically and emotionally. For me the turning point came – when I really admitted that I just didn’t have a lot of control over most situations that were causing me so much stress. I truly felt like if something didn’t change I was going to die of a stroke, heart attack or cancer. I felt like I was killing myself with stress. I came to a place were I fully realized that losing weight was just about the ONLY thing I COULD exercise control over! By looking at it that way---I decided to focus on the 1 area where I did have control and could do something really major to help ME feel and look better. That is how dieting and exercise became an act of being IN control of at least 1 thing in my life. I made a list of all the reasons I want to lose weight. I taped that list on my car dash board, my frig, my bathroom mirror and on my bedroom wall. I made a point to read it at least 2X a day. I put a rubber band around my wrist and every time I got a craving or started feeling like I was going to do something leading to out of control eating, I’d give that rubber band a snap. It’s a little behavioral technique and it works. Try to see a therapist and talk it out. If you can’t afford it – go to some Overeater Anonymous Meetings. They focus on emotional eating. Good luck to both of us.

ladybug3 · July 20, 2008

Thanks for all your replies! It's just nice sometimes to know that other people feel the same way. :teeth_smile:

I do know that this is a life change and it's a slow process. I totally agree that as long as the scale is not going up, that is a victory, too!

Just being able to vent about my feelings really helped. Most of the WLS people I know in real life have had bypass, so their issues are a little different. And while my husband is very supportive and encouraging, he's not going through it and has his own weight issues, so he sometimes sabatoges me without meaning to.

Rugman, you're totally right on about the eating being my control factor. That's how I got in this mess in the first place (besides genetics, too)! Sometimes eating is the only thing that makes me feel good at the moment, even though I don't feel good afterwards. I'll have to try the rubberband thing. I think sometimes I want to eat and I don't even think about it. I do try really hard to stop and ask myself if I'm really hungry or if I'm "feeling" something. I still sometimes eat something, regardless of the answer, but it's usually less or is a better choice. I am angry about not being in control in the other areas. I've been in counseling before (I had a heart attack two years ago and saw a therapist to deal with my anger and depression after it) and maybe it would be a good idea to go again.

Actually, the best thing I did during that time period was take a class on mindfulness based stress reduction. I was part of a study that was looking at the effects of mindfulness (including, but not limited to, meditation) on cardiac patients. I loved it and regular meditation made a huge impact on my control issues. A meditation group is something I would love to find, but being a stay-at-home mom doesn't give me a lot of time or opportunity for something like that. And honestly, it's not the same for me when I do it alone. Something about the energy of being with other people makes a big difference for me. Oh well. I'll have to keep looking.

Thanks again for the responses! I was actually down a couple of pounds this morning, so I feel a lot better. :thumbup:

Desdemona · July 21, 2008

ladybug3---I hear you. Sometimes I slip up too but, as you have already said, those days are just not that often and when I do slip up, it's not nearly as damaging as before I got the band. Have you noticed that there is a 12 step thread on this board? Maybe it would help if you wrote out a short list of things you will do if you start craving. When you start craving - snap the band (be gentle!!!) and let the snap mean that you HAVE to do something on the list for yourself---like come to this board--or pick-up a workbook that you will have on hand on mindfulness. You can mindfully redirect yourself that way. :ohmy:

Ang1982 · July 22, 2008

...That is how dieting and exercise became an act of being IN control of at least 1 thing in my life. I made a list of all the reasons I want to lose weight. I taped that list on my car dash board, my frig, my bathroom mirror and on my bedroom wall. I made a point to read it at least 2X a day. I put a rubber band around my wrist and every time I got a craving or started feeling like I was going to do something leading to out of control eating, I’d give that rubber band a snap. It’s a little behavioral technique and it works.

Wow, I have to say I have been feeling the exact same way and your rubber band suggestion is... fantastic. I am going to go pillage the rubber bands at work tomorrow and that's a great idea.

Thank you! Good luck to all of you *hugs*