Friends and Dating?

[xgrl 0]

okay so I'm waiting for insurance approval to get the lapband and I have told 2 of my friends this they are both bigger girls, when I told my friend Halley she asked me if I was going to really go thru with it? and I told her of course if the insurance approves it then she asked what if the ins. doesn't approve it and I said that I suppose I would have to stay morbidly obese and she said well me and Amy are.... I felt like she was acting like it was this horrible thing to do like I should be doing it in a back alley or something I"m not really sure how I feel about this. I try to explain that this will only make me healthier but unfortunatly I don't think they are as concerned about their health. what should I do? is there away to explain this to your friends that are overweight without sounding like you are telling them that they are fat.

on to problem #2 Dating, so I'm 24 and I have been friends with this guy for years and we went on a date but I had a bad day set back in mental health and messaged him telling him we should just stay friends because honestly I felt like I'm not attractive enough to date someone like him. so after that he dated a girl for like a month or so and blah blah blah so I asked him the other day if he would consider dating again and he told me that he as been dating other people and would consider dating me as well because he hasn't commited to anyone. but I'm back to feeling like I would be put in a compitition where there are lets say prettier *I.E. skinner* girls although I know that whole whats on the inside that counts but we all know we are alittle caught up on looks when it comes to dating first off. So I gotta ask do you think it's worth it, I've heard that people that are in relationships tend to change after they have the WLS. has anyone started dating someone right before they got the surgery. that and if you are dating someone how do you bring that up... oh btw I can't eat solid food for 4 weeks because I'm having a little medical procedure.

I'm so lost someone HELP!

[Big As Life 0]

Well...your first question...don't try to tell your friends anything...they know you are interested in this surgery...if they are really your friends..they will support your decision...

Now...the boy??? Well....you have to decide what you want/// do you want a relationship with this guy?? If so, go for it...if not...then move on....

Good luck to you...i hope you are approved and i hope you will find true happiness.....

[pashmina 0]

Hi xgrl- First congrats on taking the initial steps to improve your health and fingers crossed on your insurance approval.

As to #1- I have been there. I was there. I think you will find that a lot of the negativity that you hear from your bigger girlfriends is jealousy. One of mine specifically said she didn't want to be the only fat one left in our group. Misery loves company, after all. Don't let them dissuade you. Continue to get more information, try to explain to them that this is a decision for your health, that you're not in competition with them. You may find once you start losing weight that it motivates them as well.

As to #2- I am a completely different person than I was when I began the "journey" a year ago. All things being what they are, I think (jmo) that you should hold off on things with this guy until you're a few months down the line and have been able to process all of this change on your own. Get comfortable with yourself again. Find your inner confidence. Get support from your understanding friends and family, and later, when the time is right decide if you want to persue something with him.

Best of luck!!!

[bluekygirl 0]

I guarantee that if you get this surgery and you start losing a bunch of weight, your two friends will follow suit and want the surgery as well. Oh yeah, and they'll talk behind your back about you at first, because let's face it, girls are like that. But you have to take care of you. Keep a positive attitude. Hopefully you'll stay the same person on the inside, and they'll see that.

As for the guy, it sounds like he's wanting to keep it casual by dating other girls as well. If you can stomach that (no pun intended), then date him and see where it goes. All the while, you'll be losing weight and eventually you won't have to worry as much if a girl is thinner than you. I have been jealous of other women in my boyfriends' lives as well, but you can't live in fear of that and not find out if he's worth keeping around! Just try to outshine those girls with your personality and gain some confidence. I know from experience, guys really dig a confident woman. Oh yeah, and you don't have to tell him that you're having the surgery if you don't want to (unless your friends know him and will blab). Wait til the time is right, and tell him in your own time. You can come up with every excuse in the book not to go out to eat with him until your liquid phase is over. I'm sure he won't give it a second thought.

Good luck with everything!

Edited July 18, 2008 by bluekygirl

[xgrl 0]

Thank you so much for the advice. I'm gonna try to bring my friends around slowly hopefully they will understand that this decision has nothing to do with our friendship and everything to do with my health and well-being. As for the guy we're gonna try a date and see how it goes hopefully it'll go well and if not more fish in the sea right? thanks ladies its great to be able to talk to someone who is/has experianced life with the lap band. because it's like everything in your life is experianced different then someone without the band I guess i never realized how much of my life revolves around food. I.E. our date is gonna be mini-golfing and batting cages trying to set up the non-food date in anticipation that it's gonna have to be in the future pending insurance *fingers-crossed*

Once again thanks!

[kimaly 57]

1st: If they are your friends they'll be there for you if not replace them with positive people. 2nd: Girl don't let your size be a factor, go take what you want. Just make sure it's what you really want

Edited July 20, 2008 by kimaly
skiped a word

[xgrl 0]

OMG Ladies so we went mini golfing and on the way back I slipped in a large slicked mud thing *it rained last night* and fell right on my butt! the plan was to try and hold his hand on the way back but that totally wasn't going to work because my hands were caked in mud! I felt like a total idiot, and now I'm not exactly sure how the date went. I'm like walking bad luck if anything can happen it will happen to me! I had to share to let you guys know how it went....hopefully there will be another one where I won't end the date with a backside full of mud!