I am an alcoholic

[Guest fitforlife]

I am hiding my name as I am a regular poster here on the boards so I have a new screen name.

About 4 years ago, I went to rehab for 30 days because I was drinking too much. Fast forward about 2.5 years ago I relapsed. I was banded 2 years ago. I drink every day. Sometimes 2 drinks, sometimes a bottle of wine. Over July 4th weekend I drank 6 bottles of champagne with a friend of mine between 2-9pm along with shots of tequilla. I was not hung over as my tolerance was so high. I drank the following day probably another bottle or so of champagne. I decided to quit on Sunday 2 days after July 4th so Sunday I had 2 beers. I don't like beer.

By Tuesday I was feeling terrible. I was going through huge withdrawals so I went to the hospital knowing I would see my doctor the following day. The gave me Adtavan (spelling). for the anxiety and insomnia. I went to the doctor the following day hoping he would support me in my recovery to rejoin AA and to get through the next 1-3 days of withdrawals and he didn't. He referred me back to my Psychatrist who handles my depression and bi polar disorder (I have been balanced for 3 years). I called him not to receive a call back or anything. That day I decided the withdrawals were too much so I had a beer. Since then I have been trying to limit my alcohol consumption to 2 drinks but it is more like 4 or 5. Mostly champagne and tequilla.

I don't want to go to rehab again. I do believe that if I can get my doctor or Psychiatrist (who is on vacation and I see in early August) to help me with the withdrawals I can get sober again. I did enjoy AA when I was involved with them 4 years ago however I had a hard time finding a suitable sponsor which I know is key.

I am not looking for sympathy but understanding. I would really like to get this back under control. How did you get sober? Is there a chance for me if I'm serious again? Fit for Life.

[minidriver 0]

Hi fit. I'm not an alcoholic, but my son is and I've watched him struggle for many years. First, I think your doc or pdoc really MUST support you with your detox . . . at least psychologically. But I'm not sure they'll give you something addictive (like Ativan). Do you have health insurance? They may authorize an inpatient detox for you for a few days. Second, once you are detoxed and at least 7 days sober, ask about one of the new medications for alcoholism. My son is on naltrexone, and it works wonders. Helps manage the cravings and, when he has slipped up, it has been a tiny slip that he has managed to get under control. There's another newer med as well but I can't remember the name right now. Your pdoc should know, and if not you should insist that he look it up!!!

Of course there is hope. You're the one in charge, and if you've decided to get sober you CAN get sober. It's not easy, but nothing is.

Good luck to you. Alcoholism is so difficult, and you have my sympathy.

[Northwest_Nance 0]

Hi Fit,

I'm not an alcoholic but my drink of choice is White Russians and I drank too many of them too often.... now that I count the calories and carbs in those drinks, it's no damn wonder I gained so much weight (that and the evening binges never helped). My mom was an alcoholic and she died of the disease at age 56. My heart goes out to you. I know what a horrible addiction it is and how very hard it is to get, and stay, sober.

I miss my White Russians since I got banded, and they are still my indulgence of choice when I decide to splurge. For me the only thing that really keeps me from drinking them more than once every 2-3 weeks is confronting how many calories and carbs they have. Leave it to me to choose one of the worst drinks for a dieter! I like wine too but it doesn't tempt me as much. I've had 2 unopened bottles in my refrigerator for a couple of months.

I wish I knew how to tell you to quit. I know that you can, but I think it has to come from within. Just like with losing weight enough to get the lap band, and then wanting it bad enough to work with the band, you have to want sobriety as much.

I think you will find a lot of support here. Most of us have a food addiction, and people who are addicted to one thing can easily be addicted to one or more additional substances or habits. I applaud your strength and courage in coming here.

[Eris 0]

Hello.

I am not in recovery for anything, but I have some training in working with people suffering from an addiction and a mental illness. I don't want to sound rude or judgemental or uncaring, but it sounds like you are hiding behind your doctor's lack of support as an excuse not to do something that will be very difficult. You have to quit because you want to do it for you and it is totally in your hands. However, I am an absolute supporter of programs like AA because everyone needs support. If you liked it, go back. It was suggested that I attend OA after I was banded at a rate of six different meetings in two weeks to find one I liked. If you don't have a group to fall back on you might try that. After you find one, ask them for help. They will help you. And, as my training dictates, you need to attend 90 meetings in 90 days, whether you are sober or not. You will only absorb about a third of those meetings.

Please don't let people who have very likely never had an addiction dictate how you proceed with your own recovery. They can't understand what you are going through. It is good to keep them informed, especially the doctor dealing with your psych meds. And keep in mind that mental illness and addiction are SEPERATE illnesses and both must be treated. Don't neglect one and hope it will go away when the other is treated.

I hope I didn't sound preachy or offend you in any way, I want to be helpful and encouraging. I wish you the best of luck with your endeavors and I hope you obtain the support you need.

-Dee

[emily111 3]

well I am not an alcoholic but my dad was.. the key word here is was.. I lost my dad in march he was 44 because of alcohol. I miss him more than anything and I am having a hard time in my life without him. We all tried to get him help but he didn't want it. He tried to quit but he like you would have withdraws and then drink. I begged him to go to rehab he said he will not go somewhere with those kind of people. Do you think the day my dad died he knew he was going to? I'm sure not his house was full of vodka. He just thought another day. He told me the day before he died that he was an alcoholic not a drunk ( I have never seen my dad drunk in my whole life) and that if he went to the dr for pills to help him sleep or for depression whats the difference. There really was no reasoning with dad. But now I don't have a dad I feel pretty much alone since he was my friend not just my dad. It has been about 3 months now and I still wait for him to knock on my door or to call me on the phone. I will never have a dad again now I have nothing because of alcohol. I am telling you this so you will know there are people who love you and will miss you so much if your gone. Please go to rehab and change your life.

[caybachman 0]

Ok, I am not going to start this with "I am not an alcoholic, but..." I am an alcoholic and was addicted to prescription pain meds for a very long time. I want you to know that I personally understand what a difficult time you are having.

In saying that I want you to also remember how hard you have worked with your band and changing your life. This is far from where the end has to be and you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back on track.

I am suprised with the band that you didn't get sick with all of the carbonation from the champagne and beer.

If your doctor will not help you...FIND ONE THAT WILL!!! Don't give up...not now, not ever.

Remember your steps and get your butt to a meeting!!!

[annabella 7]

Well they say the first step is to say "Iam an alcoholic" and you did that. Brave! My parents are both alcoholics and my dad went to rehab several times and although claims to be sober at 73 I do know he drinks here and there. I do know he doesn't get drunk a lot and is no where as bad as he was but he still drinks. My mom on the other hand decided after the divorce to stop drinking herself. My youngest sister was 1 yr old (yes she was drunk her whole pregnancy) when my mom just gave it up. NO AA, no rehab, NO NOTHING. Not even real support from anyone. She hasn't had ONE drink since and that was 25 yrs ago. I think you know yourself and if you feel you can get sober with help from your drs with withdrawl than you should do just that. I know it might be hard finding the right AA meeting but its worth it to do it. Get help as well. Talk out your issues. Find out what is so deep seeded that it manifests itself into your addiction to alcohol. Good luck, keep us posted ok. Not sure if your religious OR NOT but I said a prayer for you anyways.

Edited July 16, 2008 by annabella

[JosieK 120]

hi fit,

for me...the only way to get sober was to:

1. not drink and go to AA meetings

2. contact another alcoholic each day

3. read the big book and the 12 steps/12 traditions

i know how you feel...i was there and it is a pretty miserable place. but once you make a decision to get sober and follow the suggestions of AA....the promises will come true.

good luck...PM me if you need to talk

[Egank895 0]

I am not an addict but i can offer you some advise as a drug an alcohol counselor, in my opinion you need to detox and although you said you do not want to go back to rehab it may be the best choice for you. If you decide that you do not want to go back to rehab after detox you need to get right back into AA you don't need a sponsor to go and sit in a meeting and just listen. I agree that you seem to be hiding behind excuses, I know that this is very hard but you have done it before so you can do it again! If you need any advice or someone to vent to feel free to private message me!

[ElusiveQuality 22]

FFL writes:

I am not looking for sympathy but understanding. I would really like to get this back under control. How did you get sober? Is there a chance for me if I'm serious again? Fit for Life.

For me sobriety came from having something to live for (my wife and son) and total surrender and acceptance of the problem. Went to rehab and learned about the disease. Went to therapy and learned my root causes for drinking (learned about ADD 40 years too late). Joined AA for the fellowship and support. Got a sponsor. Worked the steps to learn about myself and correct my life. I'll be banded just one week short of my one year anniversary or sobriety.

What is important is that you do what you need to do. If you need help, don't wait for somebody to get back from vacation.

PM if you'd like to talk.<!-- / message -->

[SuzanneG 1]

Fit, I just wanted to encourage you to take the advice the others have offered. I don't have experience with alcholoics, but no problem gets smaller when ignored. The sooner you take action, the sooner you'll be on the road to sobriety.

At least there are folks here who care and have offered support. I wish the best for you.

By the way, how's the weight loss effort? Are liquid calories holding you back or causing you to gain?

[noahsmomm 1]

I used to be a certified addictions counselor. If you do not have medically supervised detox you could cause damage to your heart or brain - - and you probably will not be able to do it. Check in for detox for a week, then step down to outpatient and then hit AA - it sucks, but it will be over soon enough and at least you don't have to have surgery for this addiction!

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

I've worked with addictions for years. You should know it generally take 7 attempts at sober living before it works long term. If you're serious about getting clean, you're willing to do ANYTHING to do it, including inpatient. It's like being obese... I kept telling myself I'll limit my food... it NEVER worked. I had to literally put my life on the line to have surgery! And every day is a struggle. It won't just go away.

Make yoursefl accountable to your friends and family. Let them all know you are stopping drinking and that they are to STOP you. Clean out all your alcohol from your home. Go to your favorite liquour stores and tell them you're not drinking and ask if they will tell you no when you come in to buy something. Go shopping at grocery stores with a buddy who will stop you from buying alcohol. If you are serious and you want your life back, there is NOTHING too big that will stop you.

So first, determine if you're serious. Second, go get an assessment of your needs by a qualified alcohol assessor. LOTS of patient programs provide this for free. If they say inpatient, do it. It they say outpatient, do it. Like was said above, you may need medically supervised detox. Do it!

[Guest fitforlife]

Thanks you all for your posts. I am going to look into an outpatient program in my area. I have great insurance that covers rehab once a year while you have coverage. I really struggled with the detox on my own so I am hoping the center will keep me on a medically supervised detox. I was 16 months sober when I relapsed. I realize that I have a problem. Yes, my weight loss has stalled because of my alcohol abuse. I have lost 100 lbs and am 25 lbs from goal. The same 25 I have had for 6 months. Today I had a barrium swallow and my band looks fantastic. I just love my lapband doctor. Too bad he can't help me through my detox. He is fantastic. Love to all and thanks again for all the insight and support.

[minidriver 0]

Fit, I'm so happy to hear that you are taking these steps. You can do this. You really can. Go for it. You're worth it.