I am confused about telling....

[Margo 0]

O.K., here is my situation.....I can't decide how I should approach "telling or not telling" people I am having WLS. I had decided to not tell anyone then choose to tell two people.....one was kind of a test as she is a friend but not a super close friend and the other is a very close friend. Now I have another friend in the hospital (respiratory failure) due to her weight. So I am talking to the "test" friend and forgot I told her about WLS. Instead I said, I would share something with her since we were talking about our friend in the hospital due to her weight.....my "test" friend says, "of course, you already told me about the WLS". Wow, I felt so stupid.....I guess I am confused....I hate this not telling since I am so excited about it, but would like to be a little private, I guess...

Did you tell? How? When? Everyone or just if someone mentioned your change in eating or weight?

Help....

M

[TrishS 3]

I told everyone! well my family and my husbands family... I didnt tell my friends because I dont have any!!! But I have you all and you all know LOL

[scottygyrl 1]

I did not tell about my surgery. The only people that know are my mom, dad, sisters, and one friend, oh and gramdma that gave me the loan to pay for it! It's hard sometimes now that no one knows. I eat very slow and not that much and people who are used to me eating fast and alot wonder why. Sometimes I wish I had just told people because I feel like I am living a lie sometimes and it's too late now to tell anyone. But other times I am glad I didn't tell, because people would be asking me about it all the time and looking to see if I look any smaller, etc.

[Guest j. lynn]

Before surgery: told my mom, sister, and brother. Also told 2 friends who are currently studying abroad in England.

After surgery: told 2 more friends, 1 aunt, and a lady at work.

Didn't really plan on telling my aunt or the lady at work, but my mom wanted me to. She had to go out of town when she thought I was getting my first fill and was freaking out that I would have lots of pain and since she wasn't in town, she wanted my aunt to know in case I needed help. Like a fill could cause that much pain. Like I wouldn't have called someone if I was in that much pain. Like my sister wasn't in town! Sheesh!

I didn't tell many people because 1) not many know how the band works and I didn't want them to expect me to drop weight quickly like with RNY (although I have). and 2) I didn't want people watching what I was eating.

If people ask how I am losing weight (and at 75 lbs down, they're starting to notice), I am VERY quick to show them my work out logs that I keep at my desk at work. They also watch me eat now...and that's fine. Because as a bandster, I eat normally -- just much smaller than I did before.

jayme

[KRZYGIRLNSTL 0]

I to am worried bout who to tell and who not to. I had to tell my boss today and he was like "um ok, well good luck with that" and i told one other person at work who was like "are u sure u wanna do that"

I dont like peoples reactions. Im telling my maid of honor...well she actually knows already and is very supportive....but i am not telling anymore more friends for now.

All my family knows...but they need to just in case there is an accident or something.

Other than that i am kind of confused who to tell....some may have opinions i dont want to hear...

[QWINNER 0]

I didn't want too many people to know because I didn't want to feel like a freak show. I felt like people would constantly be watching me - how much I eat, why aren't you drinking, eating chips and salsa? OR if you have a band, how can you eat that?, Can you have that? I only told my immediate family, my 2 sisters and 2 close friends. For the most part, only my dad asks food questions but I think he is secretly thinking of WLS. I am glad I didn't tell many people and when they ask how did you lose 36lbs in 4 month I say "I eat right and exercise every day" and that is not far from the truth I just have a little help from my band. I am sure you will make the choice that is right for you.

[laraestokes 0]

I'm a blabber mouth-I tell everyone who will listen! I work in a medical Clinic and being down almost 40 pounds is great to hear the compliments from my co-workers. And I have actually had some docs ask who I went to to refer their own patients!

[vinesqueen 2]

I told two people and they told two people, who told two people .... Like that old Breck commercial. ...

I actually told a big wack of people, but didn't want to tell other people... Well, I shouldn't have bothered, because my sister blabbed to our mother (who was surprisingly supportive for a wolf), and one of my co-workers sent out an e-mail to the entire company.

It was hard to not notice that I'd done something. I went from looking like crap, serious crap from imminate respreatory failure to the bloom of health in two weeks.

[Margo 0]

Hey, TrishaS.....what do you mean you don't have any friends? I consider myself your friend....I mean, I am here everyday learning and reading and sometimes posting! I feel like I know you guys better than some of my friends in the "real" world..hahahaha.

So, thanks for the input...it is nice to hear what FRIENDS have to say!!

M

[Mariposa Bella 3]

It is such a hard question. I wish I hadn't told as many people as I did. Some of their comments are just too stupid and their expectations are even more stupid than their comments. I initially told my husband, of course (feels me up alot, so he had to know, plus he gave up the mula$ for surgery). And then told my mother (who told her entire side of the family) and they are the ones that make the stupidest comments in the world like "Well when you finally lose the weight, we will know you didn't do it on your own, so how good of a victory can that be???" or "Well why haven't you lost that much weight, did you pay all that money for nothing??" or since my parents were having some money issues, "Gosh, you would think Estela would give you all money instead of wasting it on her surgery? Can you believe them, they are such idiots. I chose to tell my two best friends and one of them took it upon herself to tell one of my other friends, whom I wish would not know about this. So I was pretty upset with her, her comment was, "Well they are eventually going to find out? HOW was my answer... Some people just don't know when too sut up. Anyways, my boss doesn't know, had to lie to her and tell her that I had gall stone surgery, and I didn't tell my husbands family (my husbands choice) he didn't think they are educated enough on this and would hurt me with their idiot remarks. So I am very happy that I didn't tell them, but it was hard to keep this lie going. We vacactioned in Mexico a month after my surgery, so I was very limited to what I could eat and his mom kept trying to push me to eat some of those foods I couldn't eat. We told her that I had gall stone surgery so I had to stay on light foods and then she understood. The biggest thing for me, is making people understand you don't want a drink with your food, or worst of all that I can't drink soda (me, cokes #1 supporter), they just don't get it. All in all, I wish my mom's family and my best friend didn't know because they have been the most hurtful w/ their comments. Oh I almost forgot, my dad's family knows and surprisingly they have been awesome, very supportive and understanding. My dad especially, so I love them even more for loving me and respecting my decision. So this is my story on to tell or not to tell. The people who don't know ask how I'm losing my weight and I answer honestly,, by eating less. So I am not really lying, because its true, I am eating less.

[Alexandra 55]

I thought this problem was long behind me, but it never really goes away. In the early days I had no problem keeping it quiet; it was easy to decide who to tell and who not to, keeping the line between close-people-I-see-every-day-and-who-care-about-me and everyone else. So that means there were two people in my office who knew, and everyone else didn't. My immediate family knew, while more distant people I only told much later.

Of course, as time goes by and it becomes obvious that something is changing, we have to address this question again and again. Just this past weekend I was at a local coffee house and the staff came right out and asked me about my weight loss. I've been seeing these women weekly for years, and only now did they feel moved to say anything. One was just complimentary, but the other one (the heavy one) wanted to know all about how I did it. So now I'm faced all over again with that issue of telling the truth and possibly invoking a negative reaction, or telling only half the truth.

I told her the truth, and could immediately see that she wasn't too interested. She has 106 lbs to lose (she tells me) and is all excited about her latest WW experience. She lost 50 lbs and gained 35 back and is just now rejoining. I'm standing there listening to this, getting impatient, regretting that I engaged in this conversation--I mean, other people are standing around, paying for their coffee!

I've always hated talking about my weight and now is no different. (Except in support groups, of course.) The fact that relative strangers feel free to comment on how I look is not making me happy. What do I say, for example, to the hairdresser? The neighbor? The preschool teacher?

[alatina 1]

Ive told no one but my fiancee,my 2 best friends and 1 sister who is my biggest confidant-she never tells anything-lol.My 17 year old daughter doesnt even know...and she lives in the house!!!!Im a very private person and never tell people anything and the 2 friends have no ties to my employment so no one will ever know-works for me.I have hated the comments people make about my weight gain-I gained 80 pounds in 10 years and people who hadnt seen me would freak out.I have my 20 yr high school reunion next year and Im totally gonna be there since I didnt go to other ones because of the weight gain.

[gottabehappy 0]

I told ony my husband and my sister. When people asked why I was having surgery, I just told them "girl stuff".

I am a very private person and I don't like to be on display. I love all my family, but I don't like the judgements they sometimes make about others and their situations.

When people ask how I am losing so much weight, I just tell them I am eating smaller portions,drinking Water and exercising.

I don't regret not telling anyone. I think it was the best thing I did.

[daisydoodle 0]

This is a very personal decision. I only told my husband, mother, and two very close friends. In hindsight, I wouldn't have done it any different. My weightloss has been a little slower than I had hoped and I'm glad I don't have the pressure of other's expectations.

Just remeber....you can always tell later. But you can never UNTELL.

Good luck with your journey!

[coyotegirl 3]

OMG, I told EVERYONE who would listen! I still tell everyone who will listen.

BUT it is a very personal decission for anyone. Just follow your heart and do what you think is best FOR YOU. When I first heard about this surgery I told my mother I was researching it and told her Not to tell anyone. As time went on I told one person and then got such a positive responce I told someone else. and so on and so on and so on!! My mother said she knew I couldn't keep my mouth shut! It has been very possitive for me and I have a lot of support from my family and friends. The only thing I don't really like is everyone always asking "How much weight have you lost now?"

That gets old.

Good luck on your decission and hang in there!!