He loves me, He loves me not

CaramelDiva1922 · May 17, 2005

Okay,

I have posted on here before about my boyfriend, and his obnoxious ways. Well were at it again. This time it is so big that I am not sure that we can recover. My Bf made a remark about my past to me during a heated argument. "The best that you could get was a Momma's Boy, because you wanted to bully him." The discussion started with me expressing my feelings to him, and how his actions play a role in my feelings, and how he makes me confused. I told him that he does things that makes me feel as though he doesnt respect me as a person. Like talk over me while I'm talking, or cut me off, or change the subject, that he doesn't listen to me, he's judgemental and other things as well. Because he says one things, but his actions contradict what his words say. So I asked him, "Do I listen to what you say or do? I never got an answer from him. The feelings that I expressed to him I also gave him 3 examples for each one that happened at various times to help him understand that this is a pattern. I was so shocked and hurt by the comment. All I heard was the first part, not the bullying part, but the best that you can do. I immediately felt insulted and extremely hurt. I am really a closed person, and this is the first man in a long long time that I did open up myself to, and allow myself to be vulnerable. The day after the argument we had another discussion, and I told him how hurt that I was. He did immediately apoligized, and then explained that it wasn't meant the way that I took it. And I could understand how he meant it. I told him that because of all the feelings that I had that I needed a week, 7 days away from him. I was so hurt by the comment that I wanted to break it off at the moment, but I love this man, and know that this decision will not be an easy one, so I asked for the time to really think about us, and where we are. I am still hurt by the comment, but understanding what he meant, and what I hear are conflicting. I asked for time last thrusday this is tuesday. I went away for the weekend, and had several calls, and yesterday he called like 5 or 6 times, and I didn't answer the phone. My head is saying leave him, he can't even respect you enough to give you some time, but my heart is saying maybe he misses you , and wants to talk to try to work this out. I don't know what to do. Everytime the phone rang all I could hear was him saying"The best that you could do", and I get so mad. I am mad at myself because normally I have a wall around my heart, and my feelings. But with this man I let it crumble, and I let him in, and I am so mad at myself for allowing him into my heart to hurt me, and at the same time I don't want to be without him either. Over the weekend I did decide that I would ask him to tell me ways in which that he has shown me that he respects me. Because although he says that he does, I could not come up with one time that he has shown me.

I feel like this relationship is just starting all over again. I was at a point where I was willing to divulge my entire past to this man, and now I am reluctant to tell him anything for fear that I will get slapped with it later on.

I don't know what to do, and advice input would be appreciated. How do I get past this.

vinesqueen · May 17, 2005

What a sucky place you are in now Diva! I'm so sorry. ((((hugs)))) I would say to listen to his actions, I don't know who said it, but actions speak louder than words. This was something that I had to learn the hard way, to listen to the deeds rather than the words. Actions don't lie.

That's the problem with love. You have to be willing to be vulnerable in order to win the big prize.

As for the question of "the best you could do." This might be tough to hear. Perhaps at the time you started to go with him he *was* the best you could do. That may not be true now however.

Hopefully as we go through our lives we progress and gain some degree of wisdom. For some, that journy is sunny and easily traveled on a well paved road. For others, we have to struggle through swamp and desert and jagged volcanic rocks that tear our shoes and our feet.

My DH is the best I can do.