How (if at all) do you tell a new guy about your band?

[AmIDoneYet 0]

I've been lurking on this site since my pre-band days and finally got up the courage to register and post.

A little history - I was banded in March of 2007 (atlanta) and am about 5 pounds from having a BMI that is "normal." I'm 30 and single. The guy that I was with during the band is long gone and knew about it. He's now using it as an insult, telling the new girl (that he was cheating on me with) that she shouldnt be threatened by me because I am so fat that I needed surgery.

I know, I shouldnt have been with him - but I do acknowledge that I was settling and am well past that stage in my life.

Anyway, I met this really great new guy. We've been out a couple of times and have danced around the small portions at dinner. I've avoided the nice restaurants he wants to take me to because I just cant eat.

So, my question. At what point do I come clean about the band? My coworkers and family dont even know about it. I'd love to say nothing, but avoiding dinners isnt going to be possible forever. I'm afraid this relationship wont move forward because I cant do the things he wants to do and without explanation he doesnt understand. At the same time, telling someone that is really into fitness is something I'm truly afraid of.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

[BumbleBree 0]

I would just flat out tell him. If hes any kind of real decent man he would admire u for taking a huge step in your life to better urself and your health! If hes any think like that loser guy u mentioned you'll know by his reaction and then u get rid of him to. lol

And..as far as ur ex..hes so F'in lame he has to use the excuse u had a wls..o lord...or maybe he likes fat chicks lol..

[AmIDoneYet 0]

I like to think that's why things fizzled as I got smaller, but probably not the case. I think I just got emotionally stronger and he couldnt deal with it. Either way, I'm way better off!

As for the new guy... I'm not sure if its something I want to just blurt out. We all make snap judgments about people early on. I want to hook him first!

[VegasGrace 1]

When to tell a new guy?

When you tell him about your colonoscopy and pap smears.

I think medical history is something you don't share until you are getting serious.

"Oh, I already ate" is a good one to use. Tell him you just aren't into dining out as entertainment.

[Tonks 0]

I had the same problem.

After I was banded i started dating a docotr I met while I was preparing for my surgery, so there was no problem with him because he knew. We broke up and after a while I started to go our with a new guy, and I never told him about it.

I decided to tell him only if the relationship worked, but after all he was not the right guy for me and I decided to break up with him. Just wait for the right moment, I think you would feel when is the right time to tell him.

Good luck !

[AmIDoneYet 0]

I'm getting REALLY self concious about the port. Its amazing. I go from freaking out because I hated my (fat) body to freaking out because my port makes me look like I have a tumor. I cant believe I'm worried about this but I want so badly to be comfortable in my own skin.

[Cota129 0]

VegasGrace......LMAO. Thank you for a great perspective! I am divorcing, thinking about dating someday, and was wondering about how to talk about the lapband. Never throught about it in the same terms as pap smears and colonscopies!!

[Donna113 2]

Cota, did the band have anything to do with your divorce?

[janesays 2]

a good excuse while out to eat on a date:

my thin roommates can neverrrr eat on a first or second date (or until they are comfortable) because they get so nervous they get sick. now i have (obviously.. haha) never had that problem, and im always a very confident girl, but i plan on using it. it could come by as a compliment.... you know, "when i'm first around a guy i really like but i'm nervous, i can hardly eat. so please excuse me, i would love to eat but i just cant... unless you want to hold my hair back! i promise when i get more comfortable with you we can go out to dinner!"

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I told him I had a late lunch, that my stomach was a little upset, that I was trying to lose weight, all the excuses I could think of until I was sure we were for keeps. Then when he wanted to go to dinner one night, I just told him I needed to tell him something first. He was great about it and said it was wonderful that I cared enough about my health to do something about it.

[HeatherO 7]

I would never bother to tell unless things get more serious. Afterall, what difference does it really make? It doesn't define you as a person . . . you are so much more than a bandster.

Also, how many of us have friends who eat like birds and are "watching their girlish figures." It is perfectly acceptable to be weight conscious and eat sensibly.

[Catherine55 43]

I agree -- you don't have to say anything at all until it's more serious! You can do things like. .

order Soup as a starter;

order a starter as your main course;

suggest that you share a bunch of starters as your meal (he'll never notice what you eat);

order one of the lighter and smaller Entrees on the menu; etc.

Plenty of skinny girls barely eat on dates. As long as you don't make a big deal about it, he may not even notice.

One thing I make sure to do is tell the waiter how much I enjoyed the meal. That way at least he or she won't call attention to how little I ate by asking if there was anything wrong with the meal. Works like a charm!

Best of luck to you!

Catherine

[Humming Bird 275]

I say just tell the guy! That way you can still enjoy going out to dinner and he will understand why you only order very tiny meals. If he is a good person, he will not think anything bad about it. And ..... you will be a cheap date.

[Vicki J 0]

Why does everyone treat the fact that they have a lapband like it is some kind of social disease? If you had a defilbulator placed in you would you hide the fact? This makes me feel like people are still ashamed of what they were and not what they are and how hard they have worked to accopmplish what they did. Wow, that was a mouthful.

Yes, your port will probably draw some attention if you wear anything that might expose that area or decided to not wear something to cover the area. Ahem....

Good people (not just guys) are supportive. I've never, ever considered hiding what I did. I for once in my life lost weight for me and yes I used everything I could get my hands on to help. I will stand outside and shout about the band. Thank God for the people who made the band and the people who put them in!!! We are all blessed and I've had many people ask me about my journey and evidentially because I didn't hide it people have never given me grief about it. Being fat I got grief about.

Insecure obnoxious jerks react as your ex. They are not happy with themselves so they find someone who is more unhappy than they are. That way they can be treated like they are something they are not - special. When a person looses weight we loose the need for those crutches and that puts them in their insecure spot all over again and they run. Let 'em go, girl and don't let that pitiful excuse for a man make you think that the "right" guy will treat you the same and you won't find the right guy by lying or hiding.

The term is, I am working hard at bettering my health by not overeating and exercising. Should you feel more secure tell him the rest of the story. Me, I'm a blabber mouth and would tell him what I did and how proud of myself of what I have done. Works for me. I've told people they can touch my port if they want to. That gets some great expressions. LOL

Long story short - don't hide the great journey that you are on. Be proud of yourself. Hiding is what we did when we were out of control and obese.

Good luck!!!

[travel 0]

Why is eating together the most enjoyable thing to do? I think of all the other activities that could be enjoyed together. We are always working our band, and I think we need to keep thinking about non-food activities. Make a list of activities that you think you would both like, besides eating. With your men friends and women friends.

I agree with post #4!