Will I ever be able to lose the weight?

[mandi78 3]

I am 9 months out from surgery and I am only 10 pounds less than I was when I started my journey....those 10 pounds, I lost on the pre-op diet. I had lost about 30 at one point but have gained back 20. I have severe emotional eating/food addiction issues. I have been in therapy for over 2 years and had already been in therapy over a year when I decided to have the surgery. I do everything I can to eat around my band up to and including bulimic type behavior...I don't intentionally vomit but I eat things that I know will make me vomit and after I do, I eat more and will sometimes vomit up to 3 or 4 times before I will stop eating.

I can't stand the way food feels in my "pouch". To me, that is not the full or satisfied feeling that I am looking for. It's just this very uncomfortable pressure and tightness and I feel like I can't breathe....even if I just take a few bites and stop. I have to drink something to wash it down because I can't stand that feeling....then, of course, I am able to eat more. My band is very tight right now....probably too tight (because I have gained weight) so I can't really eat in the mornings and I usually struggle with lunch. I've gotten to where I will eat Soups, ice cream, cheese grits, anything I can get down early in the day so that I can still feed my addiction. I am so humiliated....I know people are thinking "didn't she have weight loss surgery awhile back". I'm miserable, my diabetes and breathing issues that were resolved have come back. I'm so sad, I am making $200 a month payments on a surgery that I am not utilizing at all, I'm having to take medications again so I'm not saving money in that area any more....I just don't know what to do. I have made some big changes in my life that I thought might help me not be such an emotional eater and while I am much happier in these areas of my life, I'm still eating as much as I can (especially in the evenings when my band loosens up).

This is something I wanted for so long. Any advice or suggestions? I'm heartbroken about this..... :thumbup:

[smsmithart 4]

my scale does not move if i dont work out. are u working out?

replace eating time with other things i too am a food addict i drink green tea all day and it helps but sometime i do the over eat and puke thing ...its not healthy try to get moving more and as the scale moves down u will be more inclined to work out more..

[Sades 4]

I'm sorry to say this but puking is only going to lead you to possibly losing the band. I understand how hard it is to stop eating, I too am an emotional eater but I think eating to the point of throwing up is a serious problem which you need to discuss with your dr quicksmart. Go for a walk instead of eating, eat low fat Snacks if you're going to snack. It sounds to me that you need to up your therapy until you get on top of this. Good luck.

[MicheleK 8]

I agree with Sades. You need to get a handle on this addiction...fast, or you will end up losing your band. Eating disorders are hard to deal with, and it takes a lot of time and work.

See if you can find some group therapy, join OA...get involved in as many support systems as you can. It really helps to talk about it with other people that have the same problem.

You can do this!

[Desdemona 48]

mandi78- You don't say if your therapist is a specialist in eating disorders. A specialist would have known that the band and bulimia activity don't mix. It is very important that eating disorders be addressed as they are potentially dangerous. Please find a qualified therapist. The other thing that you can do is join an Overeaters Anonymous support group. They really focus on emotional eating. You can also get their literature, buy work OA books, join OA message boards. You can not deal with bulimia alone. Please don't be afraid to reach out and get help. You will find that by focusing on the emotional eating rather than "dieting" you will start to lose. Good luck.

mandi78

[tammygirl 0]

www.therecoverygroup.org is an online support web site approved by OA for those who struggle with compulsive overeating and other eating disorders. There is even a sub forum there for those who have had weight loss surgery and struggle with compulsive overeating. You may also consider OA meetings in your area. Reach out, you can manage your addiction and attain the level of wellness you desire. Take care.

Tammygirl

[mandi78 3]

My therapist does specialize in eating disorders. I was not bulimic before I got the band. I do not consider myself bulimic....just a compulsive overeater who has a lap band which puts a damper on the eating and keeping it down.

[georgia girl 35]

Mandi78~ Has your eating behavior improved any in your 2 years of therapy? Maybe it's time to see a different therapist?

I too am an emotional eater so I understand where you are coming from but I'm afraid if you keep eating things you know will make you vomit, you're going to hurt yourself and mess up your band.

Everyone has given great advice. The online support will probably be a big help too. I think you should consider getting an unfill until you get a better handle on this. It may not sound like a good idea right now, but you could end up doing some major damage if you keep doing what you're doing. Good luck and I hope you find the help you are looking for. Take care and keep us posted.

[LISAMARIE1158 0]

Hard to believe with an eating problem such as you state that any professional would have approved you for the band. l would seriously find a new doctor to help you with you struggle. Your needs are not being met and l feel very sad for you...You do sound positive though and thats great..l wish you the best

[lindazx43 0]

Mandi, It sounds like you might have been better off with gastric bypass surgery.

[mom2twins 0]

I do feel for you and know that it is hard to resist food at times. My girls gave me hell the other day and I wanted to eat something really bad, however not having it in the house it was easier to not eat anything at all. If I could have found something chocolate or a hot cheeseburger at midnight in the oven I would have gobbled it down without a thought. Maybe if you make the food not as available and you have to go out of the way to get it you will have time to tink twice or at least calm down before you indulge. Everything I have read about the band says that vomiting is the worst thing you can do for your body and your band. best wishes to you,

[mandi78 3]

I do agree that I would have been better off getting the gastric bypass but I was too scared...I just knew I would have one of the horrible complications and die from it. I really thought the band would help me get a better handle on my eating. However, since I have gotten it, it seems to have gotten worse. My cravings for chocolate and junk food have increased a lot.

My therapist did have concerns about me getting the band but my health was deteriorating rapidly and I had to do something because my weight was going up and up and my health was getting worse and worse. She did not necessarily approve me for the band but I told her I was doing it and she supported me. My emotions, feelings about myself, etc have improved greatly with therapy. I don't hate myself or see myself as worthless any more just because I am overweight and have an eating disorder. She has helped me with these aspects a lot. However, my eating does not seem to have changed but I have also seen 2 other therapists in the past and my eating did not change when I was seeing them either. It's just like something inside me......this overwhelming, unstoppable urge to eat that when it is there, nothing can stop it. I go to the store and I buy all this junk food without even realizing what I'm doing.

I was also in a support group through my therapist's office for awhile but that ended in May. I would like to find another support group as I feel that was helpful to me to realize that others don't not want to be my friend because I'm fat.

I'm planning on joining a gym this week. There is one here that offers Water aerobics and I love the water....especially when it is almost 100 degrees outside.

Thank you all for your support and understanding. I'm not giving up. I'm just wondering, that tightness in your chest that signals you are "full", does that not bother any of you or make you uncomfortable? I get this after just about 3 bites of food (if I'm eating Protein like I'm supposed to and if I don't wash it down). Is that something you have gotten used to or is mine just so uncomfortable because my band is too tight?

[georgia girl 35]

Thank you all for your support and understanding. I'm not giving up. I'm just wondering, that tightness in your chest that signals you are "full", does that not bother any of you or make you uncomfortable? I get this after just about 3 bites of food (if I'm eating Protein like I'm supposed to and if I don't wash it down). Is that something you have gotten used to or is mine just so uncomfortable because my band is too tight?

Mandi~ I'm not sure if I've ever been as tight as you are, but I do think I have the "first bite syndrome". I've read a little about here and I have to be careful with my first couple of bites (when I have good restriction). I have to take really small bites and chew really really well. Sometimes I have to wait a couple of minutes after my first 2 or 3 few bites before I can eat again. While stuffing ourselves isn't healthy, I don't think just eating 2 bites of food is healthy either. I asked if I was supposed to stop at 2 bites and my fill nurse said no. Some people have a hard time with the first few bites and just need to take it really slow.

I don't know if you have the "first bite syndrome" or if you are just too tight. Have you talked with your doctor about this?

[Laurinda 1]

Bless your heart you do sound positive and "wanting this band to work" and I know THAT has to be a huge plus on your side. I wish I had some magical advise to give you....until you find your "right mix" of what will work for you keep that positive and hopeful out look! Just know that if you keep looking you WILL find what you are looking for! Good-luck to you! :thumbup: