Shhh...Keep it in the Closet!?

[aprilapple 1]

To tell or not to tell? That is the question.

Hey girlies how do you tell your family or friends that you are having or had wls?

I haven't told many people for cultural and regional reasons.

#1 In the south it's ok to trust a big butt and a smile

#2 Most of the people I know consider themselves "thick" but are actually medically obese

Maybe it has nothing to do with culture or region. Maybe it's just a human thing.

I kinda struggle with this. Look at my avatar, it's a cartoon, Will I ever be brave enough to replace it with my own photo or will I Keep it in the closet!?

Holla!

[MaLiyah30 0]

I strongly encourage you to think long and hard before you tell anyone. I am a very private person. The only person I told was my Mom and I only told her because I needed someone to bring me back home after the surgery. I had surgery on Dec. 26, 2007 and I told her on Christmas Eve and swore her to secrecy. She was shocked and scared and she didn't understand. She has always been thin. She told me she loved me just the way I was. But that was the problem. I knew she loved me but I needed to love myself and I didn't. Some people lose weight really fast and some don't. Some follow all of the band rules and some don't. Many people exercise and many don't. There are a lot of factors that will determine how the weight will come off. So if you don't lose weight really fast many people will want to know why haven't you lost weight. People will watch everything you put into your mouth. Many people will judge you and say you chose the "easy way out". I see on these boards time and time again how people wish they didn't tell everyone. Its your decision and only you know what is best for you. Just remember once you tell people you won't be able to take it back. Wishing you all the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TravelLady48 0]

It has taken me so long because I was not getting any encouragment from any of my family or friends. I grew up in So. California where so many people (Hollywood types) are very weight conscious, but then I went and worked in Atlanta, where round female figure seem to be more acceptable and I loved the attendtion. Now I am back in LA and I need to get this weight off for my health.

I truly have decided just to keep my mouth closed about the surgery, until I really start seeing the results. The only ones who are encouraging me is my son and his size 2 fiance. I did finally tell my husband and he feels it will be more money spend and it will do no good. :thumbup:

What's a sista to do, other than take care of herself.

Anne from Pasadena, ca

Edited July 6, 2008 by TravelLady48

[MSnika3 0]

Hi everyone! I'm also from the South...the MS Gulf Coast. I've realized that many people are not informed about banding. They don't view it any differently than gastric bypass. When telling people that may not be educated on the subject...you definitely have to be ready to explain every little detail, with supporting evidence, etc.

I've only told certain people. Of those, my family and close friends were and are very supportive. As far as outside people... I told the five teachers on my team, and three fellow dance moms that are nurses.

Three of the five teachers were very excited and encouraging, one was kind of leary about it (older, horse riding, ranch owning, white man...he just didn't get it, but never really said anything, just always had that concerned look), the other one was totally against it (she's the hater...fat and wants everyone else to stay fat with her..I could go on and on about that one...she actually tried to talk me out of it several times..boy do I have some stories about that.)

Of the three nurses that I mentioned it two...one was very excited and I could tell she was also very informed, and knew her facts (she wants to have it, also.) The other two weren't very informed, as I could tell by the "bypass equivalent" comments. Luckily, I only told the last two months ago that I was thinking about it. They don't know that I've had the surgery.

So, I guess for me, it all boils down to the different attitudes and views people have about weight loss surgery. You may find a lot of encouragement from people you would originally have never thought to tell. You just have to kind of feel people out. Use the whole, beat around the bush tactic to strike up a conversation in a non-obvious way, before you lay it all out there!

When I had already starting scheduling my consultations, etc. I pretended to just be researching one day at school during our daily team meeting. I started with..."Hey, has anyone heard of this Lap Band stuff?" while staring at the computer screen curiously. As I pretended to be learning more about it, I was educating them and feeling them out for opinions. This went on a few times a week for a couple weeks. Then low and behold..."Y'all I think I may go to a seminar for more information", when i actually had already had my lab work done. I pretty much brought it up the same way with the 3 dance moms... "What have you heard about Lap Band Surgery?" The one that was informed became my confidant. The other two were left out after that first conversation. The initial probing conversation usually lets you know who you should tell, and how you should tell them. I know that I've gone on and on...but I hope I answered your question.

Edited July 6, 2008 by MSnika3

[aprilapple 1]

Travel lady, have u been banded yet? I agree a sista has to take care of herself. How does the song go.. you just do u imma do me! so stick with your decision!

Msnika... I am in education as well (administration) so i know as i lose weight it will be all eyes on me.

I agree with the earlier post about thinking long and hard before telling. A friend of mine has the bypass and has handled it with so much class. I have told a couple of people my plans and now i am having second thoughts should i just not mention it anymore and attribute weight loss to nutrisystem:confused2: or something?

Where I'm from there have been a lot of obese educators losing a lot of weight lately. They would say oh i went to la weight loss or weight watchers. it took me a minute to realize that our ins. covered gastric bypass surgery!:thumbup: Our ins just started covering the lap band last year.

[tammygirl 0]

Hi All!

I am originally from Los Angeles, now living in South Carolina, so I understand the cultural differences between the regions with respect to size. That being said, I have found that telling all to all is not a good idea. In the South, people tend to want to know more about your business. I have learned to evaluate the relationship before telling my business. How close are we? Do you know more about my business, than I know about yours? Can you hold a confidence or are you known for your loose lips? Are you a tried and true or just around when you need something?

Therefore the only people I told were my husband, daughter, and 2 close girl friends. All have been very supportative. And isn't that what we really need at the end of the day? Support? not "well, I don't know about that...., "If you would just pray and come to Bible study...", " You not that big!, you know all of us in the family just healthy!" I didn't want to hear all that nah nah and so that is why I limited whom I told.

Tammygirl

[ldelay 0]

I came across this site and this forum by accident an I am so glad I did.

I am scheduled for surgery on Friday. The only people who know what I'm doing is my husband and my daughter. I am also from the south and my large in your business family could teach lessons to military interrogators. I don't live at home anymore but my mother and sisters call me 24/7 so my cover story at work and for family is I am having a hernia operation. This has kept the questions down at work on why I am drinking lunch and will not eat anything or go to lunch with anybody. Keeps me from thinking up stories when family calls and ask what I'm cooking or eating at any particular time.

I hate the lying but a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do.

[gg2007BandSTAR 0]

Hi all!

I am telling as few people as possible, i agree with msnika, people seem to think that banding and bypass are the same, and when you try tell them otherwise, they still dont wanna hear it. I have told my sis who is very supportive and i did tell my mother....but so wish i didnt, she is so against the idea like you wouldnt belive, it really made me so upset, Its like the once person who i really did want behind me was her. But i am over doing thing to please other people, and nobody apart from myself know what it actually like to carry around 250lbs of excess weight, so im going ahead with the op regardless. I have also decided that will not tell my mother once i had it done. Im telling people on a need to know basis.

[LaMonica 6]

Hello all...a fellow southern gal from TX who was banded May 23rd. I haven't told a lot of people, but close family and close friends. Unfortunately not everyone is supportive of surgery in general, but are happy about the reasons I am doing it. But like others have said - most people are not well-informed on the procedure and think it is the same as bypass (which can be sooo unhealthy). Others are the "haters" who ask me how much weight have I lost...and they are counting down to the day I am the "skinny girl". I don't want to be skinny I want to be HEALTHY. My husband thinks I could have lost weight with just "diet and exercise" but obviously that wasn't working! But he's more on the positive side now.

Make sure you are doing the surgery for YOU and nobody else! And of course you will lose weight and people will ask - it's not a lie to say you're watching what you eat, lowering your calories, and boosting your exercise. That's exactly what you're doing. So what if they don't know you have a band to HELP you...ultimately if you don't make good choices the band won't help you. Good luck ladies!!!

[skinnyoneday 2]

I've only told my mom and my brothers and 2 people from work and have asked all of them to keep it quiet. I haven't told my father because even when i was skinny he would say i was fat so he would probably tell me i am taking the easy way out. i feel like an outsider in life in general so i don't have many friends so i can't wait for people who never have anything to say to me to start getting all friendly and asking me what i have done to lose the weight. my answer? diet and exercise.

[kiah12 0]

In the beginning I had no plans on telling too many people, just my husband and parents and sister and niece. I, of course, told my husband first who was so very supportive of my decision to be healthy. He always said I was beautiful at any size, so that helped. My mom was scared to death and so was my dad, but they were very encouraging. My sister, not so much. I was going to keep it under wraps but before you knew it, my in laws knew (which is cool. I love them) and they were supportive.

I then got to thinking how very hard it was for me to make the decision and what made me finally decide was hearing other people's success stories and yes their failures, to make a decision. They were selfless enough to share so I decided to do the same. If I failed it was my failure to share.

Not only did I share I started a blog! Ha ha.I know, who woulda thunk it? But really, it has helped me be honest with myself and others about the struggle. The ultimate decision of my telling people was that I was proud of myself and I wanted to share that. No, I don't tell everyone I meet, but I do not keep it a secret if asked the direct question. But most people know and for the most part they have been very supportive. For those who are not, well, screw'em.

Life is too short for too many secrets in this world. For those who are looking for you to fail, they aren't friends in the first place. Family members have their own issues to deal with.

My mother in law read one of my rants about the surgery and how I got to that point and sent it on to my sister in law who then sent it to her mother. And her perspective of overweight people changed with reading it. Not that my goal is to change everyone's perspective, but its nice to not keep a secret. Just my opinion. I totally understand not telling people.

:biggrin:

[Claudine1975 0]

I am also from the south, North Carolina, and in my family it is all about the food. I tell my Grandmother that I am coming over for a visit and the first thing out her mouth is "What am I going to cook for you?" I have never had an Holiday, Birthday or special event without food being the main topic. My family thinks I am fine the way I am because I am a mirror image of all the women in my family. I am determined that I don't want to mirror the joint or health issues they have. I also have a daughter and I want to break the cycle of food driven events. We Celebrate holdiays doing anything other then eating.

When the weight is coming off I will just tell people that I eat a lot less and excercise a lot more. Which is true.

[aprilapple 1]

kiah, u r right. those of us who wish to remain anonymous really admire people like you.

[gg2007BandSTAR 0]

asking me what i have done to lose the weight. my answer? diet and exercise.

I agree lol its the truth, just not the "whole" truth lol

[kiah12 0]

Thank you Apple, although, I would not be completely honest if I did not confess that my reasons for going public to help keep me on track. The extra fear of having to have surgery to lose weight and then I miss my shot is what helps keep me going. You know, like when its 7:30pm and there is 100% humidity and you know you have to go running and you want to make excuses as to why NOT to go...and then you think, people know that I have started this, I gotta give myself a shot to get to the finish line and maintain.:smile: