Help!!! Have i failed???

[Jorge52876 0]

Hello my name is Jorge and I live in Queen Creek, Arizona. I am 32 years old and I weigh 499 lbs, thats if I havent gained all my weight back. I got my lap band surgery on May 12 2008 and I went down from 537 lbs to 499 the week before my surgery. Even after my surgery I was doing good with my preop and postop liquid and soft food diet stages, until about the 3rd or 4th week when I was able to eat regular foods now I am out of control. My food addiction has kicked in. I was supposed to go for my 1st fill on June 25 and I keep postponing because I am so embarrased to go and I feel like I have truly gained some of the weight back. Has this happened to anyone else??? I have alot of weight to loose...my doctor said that my ideal to loose would be 250-275 lbs...so I have a long way to go...and with this setback I am so embarrased to go to my doctors office and get weighed. I have even tried to do crash diets but they don't work!!! I am a carbs addict and I just feel like a total failure!!!...The whole reason for getting this surgery was to loose the weight and feel good physically and emotionally...right now I just feel crappy and emotionally like a total failure...Am I the only one that this happened to??? Is there anyone that has had this happen to as well??? Should I feel like this???

[ahooge 0]

Jorge, first, congratulations on taking the steps to get you where you are. remember that this thing is a tool and you need to use it the way the doctors tell you. DO NOT LET EMBARRASSMENT STOP YOU FROM MAKING THIS TOOL WORK FOR YOU!! You deserve better treatment from yourself!

Your doubts and fears are normal. we all have them. Some of ours are stronger than others, some of us have more of them than others. Sorry, guy, you're "normal." Enjoy them if you like, dump them otherwise. (I didn't think mine were helping me anymore, so i got a lap band and love it instead of keeping my doubts and hating them.)

You DO have the power to use this tool successfully. you DO have a right to allow yourself to be successful. whatever you have in your life or in your past or in your choices, you DO have the right to dump the stuff that isn't working and adopt behaviors that lead you to happiness.

My Doctor was VERY clear with me. the first period of time after surgery and until my fills got me to a good restriction, they don't really EXPECT you to lose weight. A lot of people do, but a LOT of people don't. Adjust your expectations--it sounds like yours might be excessive.

Be gentle with yourself with your expect ions, be strict with yourself to follow your banding rules.

GO GET YOUR FILL!!!!!!!!!! I'm looking forward to your next post where you tell us you're seeing the success you've earned by USING this tool well.

[Vicki J 0]

Jorge - That kind of "I'm a failure" thinking is what got you to the place you are now. Stop and realize that if you were indeed a failure you wouldn't have gotten the surgery. When you learned how to drive do you think you could have stopped the car without brakes? No. Well, you're driving the food mobile and you don't have brakes yet. Go and start getting those things tuned up - get your fill. It may take a while until you have enough brakes to stop. That's ok. It will be there. Have faith. Start planning your meals and plan to have your 3 oz of Protein and then a good amount of veggies. If you still need a snack later on (say in 2 hours) have a PLANNED snack of fruit, Protein, veggies or something like that. I know it's not as tasty as the sweet stuff but you'll like the results better. I always finish my day off with SF fudgesciles. Yep. Only 80 calories and it's the last thing I have in my day.

With the band you can plan and therefore take control. This feeling you're having is not so much the "addiction" but the out of control feeling taking over. The more control you take the better. If you know that you're say going out to lunch with someone, check out the restaurant's menu online or take the time when you get there. Trust me soon you will be feeling another type of frustration when you're enjoying the "taste" of something and figure out the band won't let you finish it. The time is coming, friend. Mark my words.

Also, loose the word failure. Unless you REALLY eat around the band you will loose weight. You will, however, only get what you put into the band back. Right now, you're healing. BUT - you have the chance to put the car in gear. GO NOW!!!

Vicki

[80s_chick 2]

You did the best thing for yourself by getting the band! Congratulations! That's wonderful!

Jorge, I think we all have gone through periods where we felt defeated. I know that I have. A lot of my posts on here display that. I was able to eat and eat. After I got my fill, it helped me and I have a lost a couple more pounds in a week. You can DO this! Please see your doctor for a fill and come back and tell us how you feel. We are here for you anytime you need us, okay?

[BensonRN 0]

Get a fill Jorge QUICK...thats the only thing that keeps me accountable. The tool is actually the fills, without a fill the band doesnt work. Youre only failing if you quit. You already made the decision to do this so get going you can do it. Good Luck

[Carrie_C 9]

You are not alone in the way you feel. I had my surgery on May 22. I have lost 12 pounds, but I feel like I should have lost more. I have a problem with comparing myself to others. If I see someone who had surgery the same day as me but they have lost a lot more weight, I get discouraged. BUT I have changed my eating habits. I now only eat when I am hungry, and I stop as soon as I am full. Chew your food really well and enjoy the taste. You have to learn to make healthy choices. Food is an addiction that all of us have, but we can learn to control it. I would encourage you to go for your first fill. I had mine on June 23. And it did help me some, but the nurse said that most people don't start noticing a big difference until the 3rd fill. And you shouldn't be embarrassed, they see this kind of thing all the time. Make the appointment!!

[kimmi5207 0]

You really are not expected to lose weight without a fill. By postponing your appointment, you are putting off the one thing that will help you control your eating.

And often times, it takes many fills to get to the proper level of restriction, so after 1 fill, things might not totally change but they will get better. But you have to do what is required and go in for your appointments.

It is too early to give up. You just need a fill so that the tool can work as needed. Please call your doctor today and go in as soon as possible. Don't worry about feeling embarrassed because you have gained weight since surgery. Trust me, you are not the only one.

Again, it is normal because you don't have restriction. Work with the doctors, ask then for the signs that you should look for to indicate you need a few fill (after the first one).

Good luck!

[headap 0]

RELAX!!!! You are not supposed to have lost many lbs yet. It took me 3 months to get the fills correct and start getting restriction. I started @ 468 and am now in the 390s. The tool will only work when it is filled. Please do not get down on yourself. Get walking as much as you can everyday and get that fill. Then if you are still hugry get another. Please try and be positive about every step. I know looking at it now you might be a bit disapointed but man once you hit restriction and get some exercise you are going to have the wieght coming off in sheets. More than anything you have got to be POSITIVE. Get back to me if I can help in any way. aphilley@comcast.net.

[Sasha2013 0]

hey hang in there!!!! go get that fill!!!

i khow you feel, it's how i felt when i tried weight watchers, if i knew i gained i wouldn't go that week, and just promise myself i'd do better this next week, then get weighed...yeah that doing better next week never came....

i'm serious go get that fill, no one expected you to lose any weight with out that fill, if we could lose weight and keep it off without the fill, um we wouldn't have needed the surgery...i know eventually our behaviors will change, but for now you need your tool to help you!

whats the worst possible thing that could happen? um "sir, you've gain X amount of pounds since your surgery" um ok, then they give you a fill and your back in control, AWESOME! i doubt anyone would mention the gain, they know what were going thru, you have no fill in you, and even if you have one i've been reading some people it takes 3+ fills to get to that sweet spot and start losing....

don't make me fly to arizona and take you myself,...cause i will:biggrin:

[sara7venus 0]

Jorge, do not give up! I didn't lose a whole lot until I got my 4th fill (in a 14cc band). I think I'm at around 10cc's, and I feel LOTS of restriction now.

Just keep at it. I know from experience that carbs don't work very well with the band, but getting some restriction might be just what you need to get motivated again. The surgery is only the first step. Try and look at the band as a TOOL for your weight loss. The band needs maintenance in order for it to work. Think about fills, at first, like getting an oil change for your car. You will probably need to get two or three fills in order to get to your perfect level of restriction, but once you're there, I promise you it will be like night and day!

You have the desire, now you just need help feeling full. The band is working great for me - since my last fill, I'm really tight, and able to stay under 1200 calories per day without a problem. I carefully monitor everything I eat to make sure that I get adequate nutrition, too. Protein is #1 on my list. When I stick with eating lots of Protein, I lose really fast. meat and veggies have been my best friends. I used to be a carb addict too, but I broke myself of the addiction with the pre-op and post-op diets. I am now able to control my hunger with the band, and keep myself from overeating (cuz it's just too painful!).

Best of luck to you. If you need any more advice or input, you know where to find all of us!

[ReadyInCT 0]

Hi Jorge, Many of us know exactly how you feel. For me, I know doing something proactive generally helps my feeling of powerlessness so, please schedule that fill. BUT....remember that one fill will probably have little impact. Most people seem to think that the 4th fill was the winner. I had my second fill about a week ago and I still have no restriction. I can tell you that I am VERY frustrated. I'm starting to eat like I used to eat before the band... much of it out of habit! I was banded on 23 September 2008 and haven't lost a pound since surgery. My DR says that's expected ~ my expectations were much higher! So, cut yourself some slack and get on a schedule for fills. Assume that it's going to take a few months before you start to lose weight regularily. Remember, we're here to help each other.

Good Luck!