Help!!! I have failed!!!

[yvonneb3 0]

Jorge I know how you feel. I lost 31 lbs (15 pre-surgery-which took 3 months- and 16 after being banded on Apr 23, 08 which was documented at my office appt a month later. Then it all stopped, no further weight loss. I then had started eating normally about 1400 calories a day with 1/2 hr walking and have gained back about 8 lbs. Had my first fill which didn't help me much but hey its not suppose to do all the work. Because I told everyone and their mothers that I was getting lapbanded, everyone is now always asking, "so how much have you lost now". I could kick myself for saying anything.... I have even been too embarrassed to even post anything on here. I need to go to the Drs on Monday July 7th and I have had serious doubts about showing up.

After reading your story and then reading all the positive feedback, I will go to the Drs on Monday and grin and bare it as embarrassed as I know I will be. I fell off the bike but I am going to get right back on and do what I have to do to lose. Each fill should help us get closer to our goal,no matter how long it takes, and it will take awhile.

I'll pray for you if you will pray for me to succeed. Only we can do this, NOTHING and NO ONE but our Drs and the lapband can help us do this. Think about that. We are so lucky to have this and it will make such a difference in our lives, a difference we have only dreamed of. At least I have. And with the support from this website, hey, we are bound to do better. We can lose and then help others as we need help ourselves.

Take care and keep posting, I will look out for you.

Yvonne

[JDsmommy 0]

I went for my third fill today and was worried about how little i had lost since the last one. Then i decided..you know what..i need this for me..i got this band for a reason and it wasn't to please the doctor. I will have successes and i will have failures..it's up to me what i do tomorrow..the past is the past. If we were good at this stuff, we wouldn't be here..we're gonna mess up. Don't worry about what that doctor might say..who cares..do it for you and your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[true2self 0]

Don't feel like a failure. I did gain a little weight from pre surgery until my first fill. My doctor said it was expect because I didn't have a fill yet. I still have weight lose, but I have done the slipping back into improper eating habits a few times. The thing to remember is that the Lap-Band will not fix your weight problem by itself. You will lose some just because of the lapband, but then you will stop losing the weight if you are depending on the lap band alone.

Just realize that it is okay to be where you are. You might have gained a little weight. If it will help you gain control back, go back on your liquid diet for three days. That will help. Keep your chin up. Your journey has only just begun.

[juliegeraci 7]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Go in for your fill and fess up. If you have a good surgeon they should understand. Obesity is a disease, plain and simple. The band can help you when you get good restriction. Try and stick to 1 cup of food until your fill. High Protein, vegies then carbs. Don't consume too many liquids like ice cream. Good luck to you. This is a journey not a destination.

[true2self 0]

Thank you. I just realized that I have not done as well as I should. My hardest part is that I need to write out a menu plan I think. I have not done that. I have so many diets in my head that I struggle as to what direction to start and then how to stick to it.

[Laurinda 1]

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE !!! You had the surgery so yay you! You will be amazed once you start getting fills how things will change for you. You have taken the first step sweetie, the biggest one!! Don't let fear or embarrassment stop you from moving forward!! You deserve this!

[Katja 15]

I had to come back and share with you my good news. I went for fill #5 on Tuesday. I now have great restriction! I am eating very little and have NO hunger, AND, I've lost 2.5 pounds since then!

The point I want to make is don't give up! It takes time to get to that famous "Sweet Spot" - where you have great restriction and little hunger.

Come join us in the chat room. You'll learn a lot of tips, meet some great people who will be your friends i no time. We support each other so much!

Good Luck! :thumbup:

Katja

[true2self 0]

You are so right laurinda. I do deserve this! This is the first time that I have done something for myself and this is pretty extreme. I appreciate your encouragement. Just being able to find people to talk to is a great start. I know I will do a lot better now. I just have start believing in myself again.

[true2self 0]

Katja, When you say restriction, can you tell me how you feel? Do you only feel it when you are eating or all the time? I am like you. I have had five or six fills, but three taken out recently because I was so sick. I had allergy issues that caused a lot of drainage so anytime I ate or drank anything I could not keep it down. It was scary. I lost 15 pounds in a week. I have since then put it back on, and that is why I am ready to get a fill. I know I can eat now and I want to continue the journey of losing the weight.

[Katja 15]

Katja, When you say restriction, can you tell me how you feel? Do you only feel it when you are eating or all the time? I am like you. I have had five or six fills, but three taken out recently because I was so sick. I had allergy issues that caused a lot of drainage so anytime I ate or drank anything I could not keep it down. It was scary. I lost 15 pounds in a week. I have since then put it back on, and that is why I am ready to get a fill. I know I can eat now and I want to continue the journey of losing the weight.

I guess the best way for me to describe restriction is a pressure-like feeling. You get this after eating foods that don't slide through the band easily. Some foods will fill the pouch 'faster' than others. The reason you have to chew, chew and chew is so that these foods become small enough to pass thru the band. Because the pouch is so small, it takes little to fill it. The band slows down the speed in which the food empties into the large part of the stomach.

It being just a few days after my last fill, I do feel a bit of pressure most of the day. That's because when you get a fill, it causes a slight trauma to the stomach, causing a little bit of swelling. That's why many feel looser after a few days (when the swelling goes down) and why the docs recommend having liquids again for those couple of days. You don't want to stress the tummy any more at this point.

I'm sorry to hear that you had other medical problems that have made being a bandster more difficult. Now that you're better, you can get back onboard and get to your goal! From my experience, I would recommend small fills, often, until you get to that sweet spot - tight enough to not be hungry sooner than 4-5 hours, and able to eat very small portions and get satisfied quickly, but loose enough that you don't get sick. It's a tricky place to find, often after much experimentation.

I hope I have answered your questions and you can understand my answers. We can help each other so much, exchanging info and tips, but some things you just have to do yourself find the right answer for you. It has been said many times in here and I'll say it again: "We all are doing the same thing, getting banded, but our experiences are so very individual".

Good Luck on your journey to a healthier you!

Katja

[Northwest_Nance 0]

You are not a failure at all -- you are a fighter and you made the decision to have surgery, which is a huge step. The band doesn't work overnight and getting our heads on straight about the whole food issue takes a lot longer and really is, in fact, a lifelong project..... and we're all in the same boat!

My doctor told me before surgery that he never wanted me to avoid coming in to see him because I was embarrassed about gaining weight. He said that is exactly when he wants to see me the most, so he can help me. I am sure your doctor feels the same way..... go get that fill and you will be back on the road to success!

[DaisyMay 1]

Jorge, I have a very similar story at this point. I have had two fills and have absolutely no restriction. I think that my mind is panicking a little bit about getting to restriction and not being able to eat much so I'm binging in anticipation. I had lost weight when I went in for my first fill because I was still sore and swollen from surgery. When I went in for my second fill I had gained a half pound. I wasn't really worried about it because I knew I had probably gained a little and I knew I didn't have restriction. What I wasn't prepared for was my doctor was pretty cranky with me about it. I think he was surprised because up to that point I had pretty much been the model patient. I had lost my presurgery weight in record time and had been losing very rapidly. He started to lecture me about my half pound weight gain and I just sort of politely stopped him and said, "You know, this is a lifetime of habits I'm dealing with here. It was one bad week, that's all." He backed off a little after that but clearly was disappointed in me. When I left his office I was pretty discouraged and started thinking that I'd better get myself in gear and be sure I lose a ton of weight before my next appointment. That of course triggered a diet mentality and another binge. I then had to back up mentally and just realize that this journey is about me and not about my doctor or anybody else. I need to work on my food issues and my history with food and I need to take responsibility for my choices and the rest will take care of itself. I have stopped binging (which usually happens when I start to talk nicely to myself and quit pressuring myself to lose weight immediately) and I have started exercising again. My initial reaction was to be mad at the doctor and not want to go back. But that's not going to help me and it certainly isn't going to hurt him. It only hurts me. And he wasn't trying to be hurtful. He was trying to very firmly talk to me and motivate me to get back on track quickly before I spin completely out of control. My head just turned it into an attack and I responded with a binge. I think I heard my mother's voice in my head instead of my doctor's! When I could get some distance I was able to see that he was trying to talk to me about the importance of following the band rules, continuing to exercise and working on head hunger. I have committed to myself that I will exercise and I will try to eat only when physically hungry and only until satisfied. I have also committed to myself that if the binging and head hunger issues continue that I will go back into counseling. I will also always go to the doctor when I need to and try to listen to his advice without feeling attacked. I also remind myself that I will undoubtedly slip up from time to time. It's a process and an entirely new way of living. It's really hard because even though we all knew it was just a tool, most of us probably hoped for a magic bullet. I now know I did. Now I have to learn to work with the tool and not wait for the magic. Please go back to your doctor. Regardless of what he or she says, it's the only way to get to restriction and work the tool properly.

[Honeyduen 0]

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Best wishes.... live for the second now forget about the past, it is just this moment that counts. The future is not here yet. xxxx

[neptune693 0]

Hey Jorge, I just wanted to check in on you and see how you are doing? I am hoping all the support you got helped your sense of disappointment and discourage! This is a really wonderful site to turn to when you are feeling weak or discouraged, or just plain have questions. I has answered many of mine, and given me the support when I need it.

Just to give you an example of why it is important to communicate, I was bouncing on the scale, some days 294 some days 292, some days 298. I was like what is going on??? So I made an appointment with my doctor, and told him what was going on. He advised me that it was obvious I was not sticking strictly to my diet portions, and I had to confess that it was true. He told me he thought I would benefit from another fill, and I agreed. Well, it has been a week since my third fill, and I am feeling much more restriction. I couldn't eat more than a cup if I wanted to! And even better, I have lost 4 more lbs in just this past week! Communication is always to the key to success.

I would love to hear from you and what your progress is, and even if you fall off the wagon, you can talk to me about that too ~ANY OF YOU CAN :biggrin2: ~ I just don't want you to feel alone in this journey, this forum is about making friends and getting support, and probably most importantly getting your questions answered! When it is the middle of the night, and something I haven't experienced before starts happening (i.e. I have been having terrible pain in my lower chest under my left ribcage) I first turn to this forum, and most times I find the answers here to calm me until I can consult with my doctor.

So I hope this finds you well, and in better spirits, and I hope to hear from you!

Jason

[Erika1982 0]

Hi Jorge,

I have not had the surgery yet, still fighting the insurance company/ husband's companys decision to have a direct exclusion on the insurance policy. Anyways, I don't think you are a failure at all. It's going to be hard because you have eaten this way for most of your life and its what you are used to. Everyone is going to make a mistake with the band because it's new, just remember that we all learn from our mistakes.

I don't know if this will work for you, but when you feel the need to binge, take a look in the mirror and look at how much you have loss; it's not a shabby amount at all!! Tell yourself that you are better than this food and maybe go for a short walk. You have to conquer this old addiction, it's always going to be lurking just around the corner. Remember though, you are in charge and food isn't going to rule your life.

Get in to your doctor and don't be embarasses, you aren't the first to do this, and your doctor has probably seen similar things. Once you get your restriction tightened it may be easier for you, because you wont be able to binge. I hope things get better for you. Keep your head up and keep trying!!!:wub:

Erika S.