I think I am gonna be fat forever.....

Kimber-lilly · May 10, 2005

so down in the dumps.....just stuck after two fills, eating all the wrong things--drinking tons of Water, tho.....and just stuck. So depressed. I feel like I fell off the wagon so long ago, i can't even SEE my wagon anymore.

I needed to go see my doc last month, but I got behind on my payments and felt bad about it. Finally able to send a big $1000.00 check to him, but still owe $750......making payments on that.

I am a nurse and we have all the stuff at work to do a fill and honestly, I have been tempted to do it myself!

I am depressed. Wah!

:think

alatina · May 10, 2005

dust yourself off and be proud of what you have done-being angry at yourself doesnt fix it-good luck and feel free to PM me or anything-this is hard and we do understand.

Iluvharleys · May 10, 2005

Kim - If you are sending him that much money, don't feel bad about making an appointment for a fill. Just do it! You really need to follow up with the doctor and keep your band filled properly to lose weight. You can do this!

Hugs!

Kimber-lilly · May 10, 2005

Thank you for your support! I went out and ran a few errands, and had a "little chat" with myself. I am going to call to make an appt for next week. Screw the $750, he'll get his cash, I need a fill! or a kick in the ass or something! I finally feel like I am ABLE to move, so I guess I need to exercise and that would go a lOng way to making me feel better. I feel like such a loser, tho--i thought I would be all skinny for this summer and I'm not even close! and people who know are watching and most of them haven't seen me since last summer---and I am stuck at about 50 pounds. Still wearing plus size clothes and ugh--my stomach! Just full of self loathing--ya know????

It is my own intertia.....going to restart this project called "ME" tonight!

jqpublic · May 11, 2005

It's good to see your thinking more clear. It all take's time. take little step's

pretty soon you will be runing! In the weight loss game there are a lot of emotion's or ups & downs.Get the fill things will work out for you.

Kimber-lilly · May 12, 2005

Well, thanks everyone! I called the office today and made an appt for an eval and a fill on Monday next week. That will give me um....4 days to lose 20 pounds-ha ha! Anyway, spoke to billing and that lady is sooo nice--she wasn't even worried about my account and hadn't discussed anything about my account with the doctor. Said she got my check and I thought I owed 750 but it's really 519 now! So that is good, and I feel slightly less embarrassed about letting it go so long (pulling head out the sand is helpful sometimes!)

Thanks again, everyone. I really appreciate all your support and help.

xoxoxoxoxo

Kimberly

DtDtKty · May 12, 2005

Good for you Kim for dusting yourself off and being proactive. I am sure that you feel a lot better now. Hang in there. You have already come a long way. I am sure that a fill and a consult with the doc will help a lot. Don't worry about your bill either. I worked in a GI clinic and the docs never knew about the patient's financial status. Only billing dealt with that. The docs get paid regardless.

Hoping the time flies to Monday for you.

Hugs.

the best me · May 12, 2005

Thank you for your support! I went out and ran a few errands, and had a "little chat" with myself. I am going to call to make an appt for next week. Screw the $750, he'll get his cash, I need a fill! or a kick in the ass or something! I finally feel like I am ABLE to move, so I guess I need to exercise and that would go a lOng way to making me feel better. I feel like such a loser, tho--i thought I would be all skinny for this summer and I'm not even close! and people who know are watching and most of them haven't seen me since last summer---and I am stuck at about 50 pounds. Still wearing plus size clothes and ugh--my stomach! Just full of self loathing--ya know????
It is my own intertia.....going to restart this project called "ME" tonight!

Wow, I'm so glad I read this and thanks for posting it...it's right on time as I have been in a funk the last few days. Dunno what it is...tried to blame that time of the month, that's not it, tried to blame the hubby, nope, not his fault. I was just in a funk, feeling low, no energy, blah.

It was my own inertia, just like you said. I had a little chat with myself, just like you did, and I also prayed, which helped, and now like you, I fianlly feel ABLE to move and today I walked 1.6 miles on the treadmill, along with all my other shuffling around.

Whew! Feeling bit by bit better as time goes by. Now if I could just get the laundry caught up and the kitchen clean and the kids summer clothes sorted and the checkbook balanced...

Anyway, thanks for this thread. I'm relating!!! and encouraged.

Kimber-lilly · May 16, 2005

Fat girl heads out for a fill tomorrow....

Getting re-aquainted with my doc, his great staff and hopefully a fill that will jump start my weight loss again TOMORROW!

So ready to jump back on the weight loss train--heck summer is almost here (and will last 2 whole months!) so I want to look and feel better than i do now!

I dread being weighed in at the office, however. But, I had a chat with a wise friend (she is like you guys--smart!) and she said that she thought part of my problem was there was a lot going on in my life and I was taking care of everyone else and not myself. I totally let myself go to pot. and she is right (toldja she's smart!). I look terrible--I am going to save my pennies and get my hair colored this week and a trim and dig thru my clothes to find something half way attractive. Actually put on some makeup and start looking like i give a damn about myself.

Still dread being weighed, but I haved to start somewhere--right?

Feeling huge and bloated....but with the right additude......going to bed.

xoxoxo

jqpublic · May 16, 2005

Good for you get your hair done! I Took my Daughter to get her nails and feet done and I got my hair colored last week we had fun. Tinted

Now back to you hope life is treating you good! It sound like your putting your foot forward its a start..... then you will have to make some time for your self

Do what ever you have to do to get out side and go for a walk! Good luck.