What does this mean to you...

[MicheleK 8]

"...maybe we weren't meant to be together, but that doesn't mean i'm not going to love you and stay with you."

Hmm this is a tough one; it could have many meanings. I mean, who's to say we're MEANT to be with anyone???? That could be his clumsy way of saying he really is in love with you (VERY CLUMSY).

Now, in all honesty if my DH said that to me?? I'd freak out...go postal on his ass and demand further explanation. Our conversation would've ended with something like: "Well if you don't feel like it's meant to be, why don't you get out and find someone you're meant to be with..." followed by assorted bad language.

In my opinion, you need to discuss this with him...he needs to give you a straight answer as to WHY he said what he did...and what did he MEAN. No pussy footing around...clear, direct answers.

Since I don't know the context it was said in (were you fighting?, loving? etc) thats also going to have impact on the true meaning of this statement. However it turns out, I wish you luck. =)

[newhope4me 0]

we were not arguing. he was upset with his day and my lack of response to it (i didn't know he had a bad day, until he told me).

i told him i didn't want him to settle with me, i wouldnt want to be the one someone settled for. he said i took it wrong and to stop thinking negatively but didn't say exactly what he meant. i find it hard to look at it positively.

our biggest issue is communication, we are both afraid to hurt the other's feelings. so, it is hard to bring it up again to talk about.

[green 6]

Sounds like he loves you but feels insecure about your feelings towards him.

[Nanook 2]

What are your "astrological" signs? Nanook:smile:

[MicheleK 8]

we were not arguing. he was upset with his day and my lack of response to it (i didn't know he had a bad day, until he told me).

i told him i didn't want him to settle with me, i wouldnt want to be the one someone settled for. he said i took it wrong and to stop thinking negatively but didn't say exactly what he meant. i find it hard to look at it positively.

our biggest issue is communication, we are both afraid to hurt the other's feelings. so, it is hard to bring it up again to talk about.

Well if you trust his word, which I assume you do or you wouldn't be with him. Maybe it was his way of expressing love...I mean that statement could be taken several different ways.

I obviously don't know the history of your relationship or what circumstances lead to you two getting together...but, if you think he's being sincere then I'd move forward. If you think he's hiding something or not telling you the truth about why he said what he did, then I'd look into it further.

Sit down with him and have a long talk, tell him how you feel and why something like that would make you feel bad.

Not that long ago, my DH and I were having MAJOR fights DAILY. I sunk into a deep, dark depression over my weight and didn't do anything all day. I just sat around the house....it was causing arguments because my DH couldn't figure out what my problem was.

I didn't want him around me I just wanted to sit in a depressed funk and eat like a pig. We talked about my problems and he offered a shoulder to cry on, we're much better now and don't fight at all (we never fought much before I started gaining a lot of weight).

Communication is key in situations like this, it's obviously bothering you...you're not going to be "ok" with it until you know the exact reasons it was said. I can't say I blame you, I feel bad you're feeling so unsure.

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

Well, I probably would've responded very similar to how a lot of people here have stated. My dh and I have cycles of communicating. Sometimes we're great at it, sometimes we suck. I once heard a quote, as I was sharing with my dh the other day. I don't remember who said it or exactly how it went, but it was something like "Friendship is what keeps us together while we fall in and out of love." Luckily, the moments we don't communicate on a deep personal level and we're just going about living life together, we've got this great friendship which makes it all worthwhile.

Did you guys start your relationship with a friendship? Communication is key. I would sit down with him, no distractions, and talk to him. Try not to get offended. The times I get offended are when my dh closes down and stops sharing.

Good luck.

[TerriDoodle 6]

To me it sounds like you're looking for trouble where there is none. The two important things he says are that

1) He loves you.

2) He here to stay.

[newhope4me 0]

i did talk to him about it today. I told him that apparently i took it wrong, so i wanted to know what he meant. after he sighed (to me this means, "oh, God, here we go again") he told me that he can't articulate what he means very well sometimes. i tried to get him to explain what he meant, and explained how i took it.

he said (before letting me finish my explanation of how i took it) that its not how he meant it, but can't articulate what he meant. basically he tried to end the conversation.

i just feel like there's something behind the phrase, a feeling he hasn't shared before, he feels he's missing out on something, but feels stuck, i don't know.

we did start out as friends, used to go to bars together and hit on other people, i bought him dances with from exotic dancers.

but now i feel like we are barely friends. i don't know much about his day unless i overhear him telling his friend.

sorry to bother everyone with this, just getting very depressed over this whole situation. but i do thank everyone for thier input.

[MacMadame 81]

our biggest issue is communication, we are both afraid to hurt the other's feelings. so, it is hard to bring it up again to talk about.

Sounds like it's time for some marriage counseling.

but now i feel like we are barely friends. i don't know much about his day unless i overhear him telling his friend.

Doubly time!

Some guys aren't good at talking about feelings. Sometimes have a 3rd part who is fluent in "guy" can really help.

[newhope4me 0]

Sounds like it's time for some marriage counseling.

I agree! I have suggested so many times. But he's a Marine (and a guy, lol) so that would be admitting weakness.(in his eyes) So it's not going to happen.

I've gone to counseling off and on my whole life, he's even supported me through some. But it's not for him he says. He feels he should be able to fix whatever it is between us that is wrong. "That's my job as your husband."

[MacMadame 81]

Tell him that he needs to go to counseling to help fix you. Guys love to fix things. :thumbup:

[MicheleK 8]

Sometimes have a 3rd part who is fluent in "guy" can really help.

LOL!! I wish I could speak fluent "guy" :thumbup:

[libra 13]

I would have to agree with the "counseling" It really helps with the communication gaps. Suggest to him that you go to a male counselor. It really helps my husband to feel like he wasn't going to get ambushed by a couple of women.

Maybe if you explain that it would help with your communication he might agree to go. Sometimes guys need to be worked a little. Perhaps presenting it as "I need some help in understanding your needs and I think counseling will help me do that. Will you go with me?" may get him to go under the guise that he's helping you but he's perfectly fine. Once they get in there a few sessions, men tend to open up to it. You have to break through the testosterone first.