Uggh! I have to post and are not proud.

[LeslieR041906 1]

Im going on week 3 post surgery. Today, I ate, I didnt feel bad, I had for lunch 2 pieces of pizza, yeah I know, Im going to hurt myself. I knew this, but I didnt hurt, and I was satisfied. However, pizza isnt appealing to me anymore. It doesnt taste the same. Then tonight, I went to on the border, had half a chimichanga couldnt eat much more, and was stuffed. Today, I wanted to splurge, I have been eating semi solids, for a week now. And are still losing weight. Today, was a different day for me. I have decided to make a pact with myself, Once a month I will treat myself. Once a month. But with care. However, I feel guilty. I feel like I NEED to get back on track. I feel like I committed infidelity to my diet. UGGGGH. But, Im still ok with it.

I know that this is the time for healing. My doc especially told me that I need to eat mushy, but I chew and chew and chew to the point its mush. I cant say that everyone can do this, Im just saying this is whats happening to me at the moment. I know I should be more careful. Which I am. I dont eat to the point I want to blow up. I eat, until Im satisfied. And that means, going to bed at night hungry, when before, I was used to eating before bed. Its hard trying to break that habit, especially when you hurt from hunger pains. But, I think that within that month, 2 weeks prior to the surgery, and even after, Ive done well. So, I feel that I should treat myself once a month, Especially since Ive lost 26 lbs in a month.

Ok, maybe Im not making any sense. Thats ok. I just want to vent. I do feel guilty, but, I feel I deserve a night to myself. And I feel everyone does. Tomorrow, will be back to morning and afternoon liquids, with a small dinner. And GYM GYM GYM. Gotta burn all this off. LOL.

[2GoodDogs 6]

I think it is all a learning process. I'm glad you didn't get sick or stuck.

[LeslieR041906 1]

I think it is all a learning process. I'm glad you didn't get sick or stuck.

Oh speaking of getting stuck. Last night, I had a small dinner, veggies, and salmon baked. Well I chewed, and chewed, but I swear that fish was stuck in my throat. I thought I was going to die, and Im able to eat that stuff. Uggh. Whats up with that? I wasnt eating too fast. Dunno what happened there.

[Nemesis 0]

It's stories like yours that really drill home to me that the band is merely a tool... and the actual work comes from within. From our hearts, minds, souls - not the band. We can use our new tool, or we can find ways not to... the choice remains ours to make.

I hope you can find your way You CAN do this! Good Luck.

[LeslieR041906 1]

I know I can... And I am. Its just been too many years of depression, eating, depression and eating, that I have relied on. And, to be honest, the first 2 weeks was hard, but I did it. I didnt cheat not once. Im not trying to make excuses, but, it does stem from that. And I havent learned to let go. I will do this. Im not going to try, Im going to do.