Should I be a witch, or no?

[Wheetsin 714]

Tell her you have the desk, and to be sure she brings your $20 when she comes to pick it up.

If you're willing to write off the money, tell her the desk will be outside Friday morning. No need for you to take your time to deal with it. Make sure she knows you will not be lugging it back into your garage - that if she doesn't pick it up, it stays there with the addition of a "For sale $20" sign to make up for her unpaid debt.

[Apples2 19]

Glouchester...in a similar situation at our house. Have a good friend that found out her SO was cheating on her. She called me as soon as it happened and asked if she could move in with us for two weeks. That was March 12th. Today is June 17th. After finding out about her cheating ass SO, she made a payment on a house. She actually came up with 1/2 of the purchase price and signed a contract for deed for the other 1/2.

Well, the biggest mistake she made was not insisting she get into the house to inspect it. It is unliveable. She had rented this house two years ago b/4 she moved in with SO and it was so cute and clean and neat. The last renters had 4 dogs (lease said no pets) and three cats. The owner lived right across the street and never knew they had pets. Needless to say, all the floors are urine soaked, they took off with the appliances and air conditioner.

This thing will most likely go to court because it will take at least $5000 to get the place to where she can live in it and here we sit with a roomy that is still paying $450 to her SO to help him with his mortgage and says she cannot afford to pay us rent. She eats two meals a day with us, does not pay for tpaper, laundry soap, etc.

When she moved in she brought 3 trailers of furniture, etc. with her so my garage and basement are full. She is depressed ALL OF THE TIME because of her situation with the house and with her SO. We felt so sorry for her when she moved in (and thought that it would only be a couple of weeks) that we told her we didn't want rent when she offered to pay. Now we wish we could collect enough just not to feel we are being used but she says shehas no funds because she is helping dumb ass with his bills.

We do have some sympathy for her situation but it's wearing thin and we are starting to feel used. I don't want her to have to sign a year lease on an apt., move all her stuff and then have her house available in two months and move all of her stuff again. My DH and I decided we would sit her down and insist on $100 for the next months that she is here. Reasonable and should cover the cost of food, supples, etc.

Biggest problem for me is that her and I have been so close and really good friends. I have a feeling if this goes on much longer I will suggest her get an apt. instead of ruining a friendship. My DH and I figure we can go till Sept. and that's it. What gets to me most is not reimbursement it's just putting up with someone for that long in the house. I just want my house back!

[Gone4Now 4]

Wow! I'm so sorry. I have a hard time being up front with friends. I feel bad if I get grumpy. Hell, I'm feeling bad because I'm grumpy with the ex-roomie and she's mostly a stranger.

(I'd like to know what she does for a living that she can afford all of that!!! I need a career change!) :tongue:

[Apples2 19]

Wow! I'm so sorry. I have a hard time being up front with friends. I feel bad if I get grumpy. Hell, I'm feeling bad because I'm grumpy with the ex-roomie and she's mostly a stranger.

(I'd like to know what she does for a living that she can afford all of that!!! I need a career change!) :thumbup:

My friend is a director at a home for head injury clients.

It's not so much our friend that is getting to us and having her stay here. And it's not that we don't have the room. We are empty nesters with a five bedroom house and a full basement not being used. :tongue::cursing: It is the fact that she is letting that ass, who broke her world into a million pieces, collect money from her because he cannot pay is mortgage. He's 61 for F___ sake. She's 45. There was not one thing that bothered us until we found out two weeks ago that she is still paying him that $450 a month. She is basically easy to have around but a person really does start noticing someone's quirks after a few weeks!

Glouchester...it really is difficult sometimes to say exactly what a person wants to in a situation such as this. It is great to help people out but you don't want to walk away feeling used either. I guess I would hold onto the desk if I were you and wait until your roomy comes up with what she owes you. We learn from our mistakes. We did in our situation also. We won't be so quick to let someone move in next time.

[Kat817 19]

I don't think I would be really witchy -- but neither would I allow myself to be walked on again by her. I think I would call her back and tell her due to the schedule of your move, you will not be available Friday, so for her to just call you when she has the rest of the money and you can work out a schedule for pick up. That if it has not been picked up by the time you move, you will leave it behind, and she can take it up with the property owner. If she told me to put it outside, I would refuse, her desk, she can find her own manpower to move the thing, I would NOT do it for her.

It IS hard to stand up when it is a friend---or for some, a child that needs to move out or move on----but letting them stall is not helping them move forward. I would hate to be in your position Apple! Of course I do not have that much spare room, and someone with us that long, would be in my way----but I hate it! I enjoy company for a day or so, then I am over it! I want my life back. If I get out of the shower and remember I need to get the coffee pot ready, I want to be able to walk around my own home in any state of dress or undress I want! I am spoiled to my privacy!

Good Luck to you both!

Kat

[Apples2 19]

I don't think I would be really witchy -- but neither would I allow myself to be walked on again by her. I think I would call her back and tell her due to the schedule of your move, you will not be available Friday, so for her to just call you when she has the rest of the money and you can work out a schedule for pick up. That if it has not been picked up by the time you move, you will leave it behind, and she can take it up with the property owner. If she told me to put it outside, I would refuse, her desk, she can find her own manpower to move the thing, I would NOT do it for her.

It IS hard to stand up when it is a friend---or for some, a child that needs to move out or move on----but letting them stall is not helping them move forward. I would hate to be in your position Apple! Of course I do not have that much spare room, and someone with us that long, would be in my way----but I hate it! I enjoy company for a day or so, then I am over it! I want my life back. If I get out of the shower and remember I need to get the coffee pot ready, I want to be able to walk around my own home in any state of dress or undress I want! I am spoiled to my privacy!

Good Luck to you both!

Kat

You know, Kat, we got ourselves into this situation by REALLY wanting to help my friend. She needed us and we wanted to help She really is a sweet person. I have just have had friend overload! I am a very patient person so will stick it out. She has no where else to go and that helps us to be patient. As I stated above, most of our icky feelings are due to the fact she is still helping our her worthless piece of a man.

Well, better take off....I am scheduled at the hospital in less than an hour:eek:

[snowbird 2]

Gloucester, I'm with Wheetsin. Set a time for her to pick up the desk, move it outside, and don't stick around. You probably aren't going to get your money anyway. If she doesn't show up, just get rid of it.

Apples, your friend is passing on her burden from her SO to you, and it's not yours to deal with. I would tell her that rent starting July 1 at your place is $450. She obviously can pay that, and she should be taking care of her own debts before her SO's. If you want, you could set aside the $450 in a savings account and give it back to her for home repairs later on. This would give her an easy out with her SO as to why she can't make payments to him as she now owes you. What I think she needs to realize is that she CAN afford to pay you rent, but is choosing to give money to him instead.

Edited June 17, 2008 by snowbird

[Apples2 19]

Gloucester, I'm with Wheetsin. Set a time for her to pick up the desk, move it outside, and don't stick around. You probably aren't going to get your money anyway. If she doesn't show up, just get rid of it.

Apples, your friend is passing on her burden from her SO to you, and it's not yours to deal with. I would tell her that rent starting July 1 at your place is $450. She obviously can pay that, and she should be taking care of her own debts before her SO's. If you want, you could set aside the $450 in a savings account and give it back to her for home repairs later on. This would give her an easy out with her SO as to why she can't make payments to him as she now owes you. What I think she needs to realize is that she CAN afford to pay you rent, but is choosing to give money to him instead.

You are right snowbird. It's just that there is so much more that is involved in this (she was raped awhile back) and why we just need to sit back for a bit and not add more to her plate.

[Kat817 19]

Apple---we should all be so lucky as to have a friend who will take care of us when we cannot take care of ourselves. I have such a friend--and years ago, when I come out of an extremely abusive marriage, and needed to heal, I stayed with her and her family. They helped me in so many ways I could never repay them. I moved out on my own eventually, and they bought a new home, sold theirs, and the sale fell through on the new one! So the family moved in with me, while other homes were looked at, and eventually bought. To this day if one of us required it---we would be there. I understand that----but I would still have a super hard time doing it, either way--me at her house, or her at mine-------I am so spoiled to my privacy!!!

I think maybe talking to your friend is going to be the only way she sees that she is still under the old boyfriends power----let her see that he is still pulling her puppet strings! We let it happen to us sometimes without realizing it, we get roped into the guilt without ever opening our eyes to how it really is! My own history shows me I have allowed myself to be manipulated simply because it was easier than fighting. Having someone in my corner to help me fight, made all the difference!

I do love the idea of charging her (even if it is just the $100.00 a month you and DH agreed on), putting it aside then presenting it back to her as a home warming----to let her do what she would like to with her new place. It would ease your mind now to know she was "helping"----and then ease it further to be able to show her where that $$$ went. Wonderful idea snowbird!!!

My Mom did similar for years when my DD was young, she charged me to babysit. So that if I ever had to take her elsewhere I would be used to paying. She took that money and it was in a savings account for my DD--earned interest for her til she graduated! Now my DD pays me.....I figure she knows where it is going, but my granddaughter doesn't....yet!

Kat

[Gone4Now 4]

Kat, I love that idea about charging! I know my mother helps me out more than I could ever repay her! But, that is a very good idea. I know mom wouldn't take any money from me, but I could start "paying" her w/an account.

Privacy is a big deal to me, too, and was often one of my ex-roomie's problems. Once, when she thought I was oversleeping, she barged into my room yelling, "Wake up! You're late!" (I had a doctor's appointment, and was actually trying to sleep in!) I had sooo many issues with that, and we had to have a talk. But, then, she'd turn around and do that same stuff with my DD. Or, she'd pick food off of our plates as she was walking by, despite our saying, "Uh, Hell no!". She never seemed to get boundary issues, no matter what I said.

Which is another reason why I'm just leaning towards hauling it out. (I had to haul it to her half of the garage, because she couldn't understand what I meant when I said, "This is your half, that is my half. Your stuff goes in your half." I got a blank stare, and she asked me THREE TIMES to explain it. I finally just moved her crap into the corner myself after 2 weeks of asking her to move it.

So, I don't think she'd GET anything I said. I'd rather just be done now.

Ack. I'm getting grumpy again! And there are M&Ms present.

Must.

Not.

Eat.

From.

Frustration!!!!

[Daisalana 33]

I agree that you should call and say hey, bring the $20 and come get the desk. I wouldn't move it to the curb thouggh. I also wouldn't hold it ransom considering you're moving soon too.. that means if she never gets around to getting it, you have to deal with disposing of it!

And there's a lesson to be learned in using deposit as last month's rent. Real estate managers will absolutely never do this.. and there's a reason! Hopefully, you won't ever say OK to this again :tongue:

[Gone4Now 4]

No, way. Actually my house is for sale or rent - and I'm happily letting someone else handle the details. It's worth the fee, because I'm not good at this sort of stuff.

[kizzie 1]

I know EXACTLY how you feel!.. I had a room mate live with me in my parents home. (My parents lived overseas).. so she split the bills with me 50/50.. for a few months anyway.. THEN she was having friends over all the time and eating my food.. going off for the weekend and leaving her dishes and crap everywhere for me to clean up.. ANYWAY. to cut a very long story short.. I went to visit my parents for two weeks.. she stayed. When I got back she said that she needed a plumber and an electrician to be called out and had receipts (these I later found out were friends of hers)... to do 'some work'.. on the boiler which apparently broke the day I left!..I had to pay her back... mmmmm She didn't pay the last three months of rent.. and when I did finally tell her to get out, she had left a lot of her belongings behind.. I thought. HECK I will keep these as payment..

oh no can't do that!.. I was at work one day.. and when I got home SOMEONE had broken into the house.. refitted the window..and left broken glass on the floor.. and removed EVERYTHING of hers out of the window.. (a large bookcase of hers was left..they couldn't get it through the window).. I called the police immediately and they said 'SORRY.. WE TOLD HER TO GET HER THINGS OUT.. YOU WERE HOLDING THEM WITHOUT CAUSE'.. can you BELIEVE that.. they said .. "She had every right to get her belongings back in any way she could and she left the house without damage"...

MAD was not the word.. IN THE END about three weeks later I was sent a COURT ORDER Demanding I pay HER back for the cost of the van and removals company to get her things!!!... THANKFULLY I didn't have to pay as she didn't show up.. but let me just say. I had her move in with me as a favour to HER .she had nowhere else to go!.. and look what happened!..

So there you go... I would just hand it back!.. BUT make her feel jolly well uncomfortable doing so...not an experience I would like to relive. She is out there somewhere probably scrounging off of other people.. I was told her parents move house every SIX months.. to avoid paying council taxes, tv licence and the rent!!!....they will be caught someday.

This was in the UK.. by the way.

good luck.. just leave it out on the street!.

[ELENATION 0]

My first reaction is to tell you not to give her the desk and tell her off as she deserves it, I also get so tired of people taking advantage...ugh!

But I think it may bring you even more aggravation if you don't give it to her, you then would have to deal with her, plus you would have to dump it for her too, plus she may be evil and try to find out where you are going and harrass you, who knows, she sounds irresponsible and like a nut, so you will be better off just letting her take it and getting rid of her once and for all.... it's not even worth it...

[Gone4Now 4]

Yeah, that's a tangle! I think it's similar here to the US. I think the police here would say the same. It's her desk...give it back. I think there are legal proceedings on each side, and in your case your "friend" took full advantage of the laws. (How is it the sleazy people know all those little angles in the law? Or have the nerve to use them???)