Anyone else noticed?

[Harkingluv 0]

It's the same difference whether it is in the rants section or not. Be supportive, not judgemental. That is all I am saying. I whole-heartedly apologize for being in the wrong section

[plain 12]

It's the same difference whether it is in the rants section or not. Be supportive, not judgemental. That is all I am saying. I whole-heartedly apologize for being in the wrong section

I understand what you're saying, Harkingluv, but this thread is "Rants and Raves Off Topic DEBATE AREA. A debate takes two (or more) sides. Many of the people that come off as unhelpful in this section are extremely supportive to newbies (and oldbies) in the main forums. It's kinda like complaining about the lack of national news on The Jerry Springer Show.......there's room for both, but they're on totally different stations.

[Jachut 487]

I really agree with Elaine. I am having a really hard time right now. I was banded on 5/22 and don't feel hardly any restriction. I get my first fill July 1st. I have tried to have as much will-power as possible, but I have screwed up a couple of times. I have still lost 11 pounds since the surgery. I think instead of those people being critical, maybe you should give some advice on how you all pulled thru without cheating before the first fill. This site is supposed to be for support, not for other people to judge and get all "high and mighty". It is really upsetting to see how judgemental that some of my fellow lap-banders are being. Shouldn't we "band" together and support each other instead of berating people who may have fallen off the wagon. After all we are all fighting an addiction!

The trouble is people dont see truthful supportive advice as well meaning, they take it as criticism.

What you're saying logically is correct. You need support, not abuse.

So how did I get through the post op period before the first fill? I just did. I summoned up willpower and did what I was told to do. I ate from the list, cooked interesting things that were allowed rather than rely on shakes and powders, progressed as advised. I walked 5kms every single day for 6 weeks till I had that fill, didnt miss once, Had a champagne or two at Christmas and New Years but kept it very moderate. I just toughed it out.

People hate hearing that. It drives them mad, they react with aggression, nastiness and then if you happen to upset them in any other way it comes out like pus from an abscess, all those apparently high and mighty comments you've made around the boards about how freaking great you are. Eventually you stop saying it and start with the verbal eye rolling instead.

Truly there's no easy answer, and support doesnt alwasy sound as soft and fluffy as you'd like. You either want this enough to stick with the instructions or you dont and stating that basic fact makes people furious with you.

Sorry to bring more of my rant to this thread, but you asked it specifically and honestly, with nothing but respect, that's it. Being really supportive, with really honest advice does not make you popular so people quit doing it.

[anonemouse 1]

Sorry to bring more of my rant to this thread, but you asked it specifically and honestly, with nothing but respect, that's it. Being really supportive, with really honest advice does not make you popular so people quit doing it.

Yep. And it's exactly why we've lost so many of our older, successful members. I'm starting to see it, too, and I don't even consider myself successful yet. I'm less than a year out and I haven't reached goal. I'm still a work in progress, not a success. But still, people that used to be great friends with you because you were on this journey together, thought just like them, seemed to be on the same page, etcetera, are suddenly hostile to you. And absolutely nothing's changed, other than you weigh less than you used to. You still talk like you used to and still have the same ideas. But now, apparently, you're just another thin person in a long line of thin people, telling an overweight person what to do to lose weight, instead of another overweight person giving good, helpful advice. After a certain point (Dare I say, after someone reaches what would be considered a "normal weight" by society?), people here don't see the success that other people have had, they see "thin person giving weight-loss advice," and there are many of them that don't like it and see it as being snotty and sneering. So people give up on giving it, and eventually they leave when they've gotten a snout-full of people attacking them and sneering at them and putting words in their mouths. And I can completely understand why, at this point. It gets old very, very quickly.

[Nanook 2]

I really agree with Elaine. I am having a really hard time right now. I was banded on 5/22 and don't feel hardly any restriction. I get my first fill July 1st. I have tried to have as much will-power as possible, but I have screwed up a couple of times. I have still lost 11 pounds since the surgery. I think instead of those people being critical, maybe you should give some advice on how you all pulled thru without cheating before the first fill. This site is supposed to be for support, not for other people to judge and get all "high and mighty". It is really upsetting to see how judgemental that some of my fellow lap-banders are being. Shouldn't we "band" together and support each other instead of berating people who may have fallen off the wagon. After all we are all fighting an addiction!

:blushing:

I agree with you whole heartedly. Rants and Raves should be called by a different name but I'm too much of a lady to say it, lol!

I don't think people resent "normal weight" in our society people giving advice, that has nothing to do with it. It's certain people on this forum who act like they need to be our harshest critic. Some people here do have an attitude that is not conducive to helping those with various issues and should just keep their comments to themselves although I know it's not easy. A lot of it is seen as mean spirited by others.

Jachut et al,

I will let you know how it "feels" when you've made some of those comments to me in the past. You make "me" feel like I'm a fricken loser fat girl like I've felt many times from long ago as a child up to an adult. I'm sure I'm not alone in this but I think you really need to know that this is not helpful to anyone! Maybe it makes you feel "big" I don't know but to me and a lot of us it is seen as bullying. If we upset you because we're "whiners" to you then pass us by, we don't need you're advice if it's going to be so critical and judgmental.

Mean dialog has not only shown up in Rants and Raves as I think we all know.

I know the two threads I started and closed really seemed to upset you. I began the first thread "come out of the lap band failure closet" because I was having issues and was honest and open about it and others were PMing me about their problems too because they were afraid to discuss them out in the open in the forums. Can't imagine why?? The other thread was in the Mental Health social group, at the time, on self esteem and if fat people could have it. It wasn't an invite for attack but it was anyway. I don't know if you would have attacked that thread so much if it was started by a different poster.

Sometimes we're here just to discuss things with a group of people that have similar problems we're not necessarily asking for a kick in the tail nor do we want it. You're not coaching a football team although sometimes it appears you think you are.

brandyII may have died but Nanook lives on!!!!! Let's try to be a little more civil because there are a lot of people out there who read these posts wherever they are and don't ever respond, probably scared out of their wits! This is a forum not just for the posters, this is a forum for all people that are considering surgery had the surgery and those who have even had their bands removed.

I don't want a fight with you or your buds, "peace/olive branch" thank you Nanook, brandyII:smile:

[Froggi 4]

this forum is for getting nasty and sometimes it can be fun and help relieve stress!! I like this forum HEHEHE

[plain 12]

Froggi, I am not surprised, LOL

[BeGail 0]

Nice to read this... I am about to be banded and this is my first time on this site. I was beginning to wonder when I saw all of the people doing what I have read we should not. I WANT to be successful!!! Nice to hear from successful veterans so i get started on the right foot! Thanks!

[BeGail 0]

How do you get those neat weight trackers like you have showing what you've lost?

[Jachut 487]

You go to www.tickerfactory.com. Its straightforward to set up, then you choose the cut and paste option for VBulletin. Under user cp here on the right hand side you have an "edit your signature" option and you just paste it in there.

[BeGail 0]

Thanks very much! Congrats on your success with your weight loss.

[FeliciaLevy75 0]

Jacqui hit the nail on the head, and I think it's being missed.

This isn't about abuse... it's about

(a) being honest - you aren't (or shouldn't be) here only to be told what you want to hear. That isn't support and that won't promote success.

and

(:thumbs_up: halting the promotion of the very attitudes and behaviors that made us fat in the first place.

Support isn't always cuddly, and it sure as hell isn't sugar-coated. True support is saying and doing what is necessary to help ensure success... and that includes the truth that so many don't want to hear.

That, and, as has been pointed out: this isn't the support forum, this is the Rants and Raves. The rant/rave began talking about people who walk in here expecting the warm and fuzzies, the company for their misery.

Success = hard work. If someone can't be bothered to work at this, if they think there is an easy way to do all this, if they aren't willing to try their hardest... then I have no sympathy. I won't support old habits in the new lifestyle. I may not say it to their faces... but I will be saying it in here if I so choose.

Edited June 27, 2008 by FeliciaLevy75

[Jachut 487]

I don't think people resent "normal weight" in our society people giving advice, that has nothing to do with it.

Bullshit. Its all about that.

I will let you know how it "feels" when you've made some of those comments to me in the past.

No, I've got a better one. How about you come back in a year or two when you're sorted your myriad of issues and lost weight and tell me how it feels to be accused of being a show off. Tell me how it feels to put your bathing suit pic up like everyone else only to be PMd about it telling you you're a disgusting show off and should bugger off. Tell me how it feels to be called scrawny, unattractive, obsessed or anorexic when you say youv'e reached a BMI of 22 or whatever, when everyone else is saying the same thing. Tell me how it feels to talk about your love of running in a weight loss forum for crying out loud only to be told you're not all that, you're just lucky that you have a passion for it so why should anyone congratulate you on your hard work. Tell me how it feels to be a non person because you werent fat when you were a child and tell me how it feels to be accused of self loathing.

You are so self absorbed you cannot see anything other than what you think has been done to YOU, can you?.

Now go ahead and bleat about how I've hijacked this thread and brought this up yet again.

The other thread was in the Mental Health social group, at the time, on self esteem and if fat people could have it. It wasn't an invite for attack but it was anyway. I don't know if you would have attacked that thread so much if it was started by a different poster.

I'd still like you to enlighten me as to how my first post on that thread was an attack. Go on, put your damn money where your big mouth is, pull it up and quote me. Explain to everyone here just how saying my behaviours and choices when I was fat were making me unhappy is attacking you. Then go on to show everyone how YOU didnt attack me.

Have you even looked up "mutually exclusive" yet? Do you understand that I was actually AGREEING with you when I said being big and having self esteem were not mutually exclusive?

brandyII may have died but Nanook lives on!!!!!

Great, so now I have to block Nanook as well. I'd blocked BrandyII becuase I just cant stomach any more of your passive agressive tripe.

I don't want a fight with you or your buds, "peace/olive branch" thank you Nanook, brandyII:smile:

No? So why say anything then?

Edited June 27, 2008 by Jachut

[Chickie 15]

Yep. And it's exactly why we've lost so many of our older, successful members. I'm starting to see it, too, and I don't even consider myself successful yet. I'm less than a year out and I haven't reached goal. I'm still a work in progress, not a success. But still, people that used to be great friends with you because you were on this journey together, thought just like them, seemed to be on the same page, etcetera, are suddenly hostile to you. And absolutely nothing's changed, other than you weigh less than you used to. You still talk like you used to and still have the same ideas. But now, apparently, you're just another thin person in a long line of thin people, telling an overweight person what to do to lose weight, instead of another overweight person giving good, helpful advice. After a certain point (Dare I say, after someone reaches what would be considered a "normal weight" by society?), people here don't see the success that other people have had, they see "thin person giving weight-loss advice," and there are many of them that don't like it and see it as being snotty and sneering. So people give up on giving it, and eventually they leave when they've gotten a snout-full of people attacking them and sneering at them and putting words in their mouths. And I can completely understand why, at this point. It gets old very, very quickly.

Amen!

After being accused endlessly for month of being skinny, ugly, unattractive, anorexic and addicted to exercise, I gave up on the forums. I pop back now and then but to be blunt, no one wants to hear what I am saying anyway, so why bother?

If the newbies want to live in happy kitty flower land, let them. This mean skinny, ugly anorexic won't bother them. :thumbs_up:

[plain 12]

Um, not that this is related to the topic in any way, but Jacqui, whenever I see the subtitle under your username, I have to giggle a bit. "Banded down under" sounds vaguely dirty to me, LOL.

My grandmother is from Australia, lest I be accused of bias against the aussies...