Haven't told my hubby :-(

[ja4332 0]

I have not told my husband, and I don't plan on telling him. He just retired from the military and has PTSD and just wouldn't be supportive (he came back from the war a totally different person...long story).

I just feel like this is something that I need to do for myself. I have taken care of the kids by myself since the war started, and I am a CCU nurse so I am constantly caring for others. This is going to be for me and only my closest friends, mother and my oldest daughter will know about it.

I am so sorry to hear about your husbands PTSD!! That must be very difficult for you. I just wanted to say that I think you are a strong woman and I'm proud of you for that. Here you are taking care of/dealing with your hubby's issues, being Mommy to your kids, and working a stressful job. With all that going on, we women rarely find time to take care of ourselves.....because life gets in the way. Good luck to you and you will be in my prayers!

Just one question, how will you be able to keep this from him? You are going to be sore or out of it post-op.

Thanks,

Jane

[BadgerMom 0]

Jane, I think you have a point there - that being fat may create more social problems for girls and women than for men (not sure about boys). There's definitely a double standard there. My partner is less concerned about beauty than about her health, and there are things she wants to do that she can't do easily - hiking, biking, and so on - and that's the real reason for her decision. If all women thought they had to look like Brittney Spears (or whoever), most of us would be seriously disappointed since we just don't look like that, but if we want to be healthy, I think that's a goal that we can achieve at any age.

BadgerMom

[sara7venus 0]

I got a question for everyone, Is all of your hubbys and b/f Skinny or over weight?? IF they are skinny, then that's why they are against it. They don't know the first thing about being "fat" or over weight, how ever you want to call, anyway, they don't know how it is to go threw life being over weight, so that's why they don't want to agree with you guys on doing the sugery or tell you that it's a easy way out..No it'snot an easy way out for us. I am an over weight woman and I had the surgery 2 months ago and I have lost 33 pounds so far and I FEEL GREAT!! My husband loves it that I am losing the weight and he does look at me a different way and yes the sex life gets better. :thumbup:

But I just wish that all of yall hubbys would understand what or how you feel about this and being overweight. I have done over a year of research on this surgery and finally I decided and I sat down with my husband and he agreed with me and he told me that if this is what I want then go for it, and he is still here today by my side..YOu should make your husband go to the Dr's apt, anything you go to, make him go so he can see first hand and understnad it..

My husband is not skinny, he has some man weight going for him, but he is very tall and not over weight, but he does understand being over weight cause he started hurting his back when he was over weight.

So I just hope that for all of yall, that your hubby's will come together with you..

For JWRN: My oppenion, is I don't know if that would be a good idea not to tell your husband cause of his condition..I mean I don't know what's going on with him and in your house hold, but to me, not telling him, he might think you can't trust him or have trust in your marriage or sercrets..But that's up to you..If you can get away with it and you feel comfortable not to tell your hubby then great for you. But I just hope that it's don't bite you on the butt when he does find out..I couldn't do that to my husband.. GOOD LUCK with everyone!!

My husband is *skinny*. I mean, his BMI is in a healthy range and he can jog 5 miles in 20 minutes without having jogged or worked out at all in like, 10 years (except now his knees are beginning to wear out on him...). *Anyway*, he has been completely supportive of me having the lap-band surgery. He is still supportive, even after the surgery. I think even if I quit cooking for him he would be supportive! He does not rely on me to take care of him, and he isn't afraid of losing me. Those are the things that attracted me to him in the first place! The main thing is whether men are secure enough to let their woman lose weight. Sometimes, in less-than-perfect relationships (we are all in one or more of these relationships ... it's the human condition), the people who "love" us are the most resistant to us changing. Humans are fearful of change, in general. If those people turn out to be against us healing ourselves or doing what is best for US, then maybe those people are just not headed in the same direction as we are headed. Sometimes when people make life-changing decisions and follow-through on what they say they really want for themselves, the people who are the most upset are the people who it will affect the most. In the end, if someone wants the best for us, they will be supportive. Everyone knows, including our spouses, that being morbidly obese is unhealthy. If our spouses don't want us to be healthy, then what is it that they want for us? They may love us at any size, but that is beside the point - they should want us to live a long and healthy life! It isn't an easy thing to confront, but hopefully with time, everyone who loves us will be supportive. If that doesn't happen, then maybe those people don't deserve us to be in their lives.

Just a thought, with a few humble opinions thrown in :biggrin2:

Take care, all

-Sarah H.

[heartfire 4]

My husband is *skinny*. (except now his knees are beginning to wear out on him...). *Anyway*, he has been completely supportive of me having the lap-band surgery. I think even if I quit cooking for him he would be supportive! :tt2: He does not rely on me to take care of him, and he isn't afraid of losing me. Those are the things that attracted me to him in the first place! The main thing is whether men are secure enough to let their woman lose weight. In the end, if someone wants the best for us, they will be supportive. Everyone knows, including our spouses, that being morbidly obese is unhealthy.

Sara, I totally edited your post for my quote! My DH is a lot like yours.

He's very supportive but on the other-hand hasn't asked me a lot about it (he knows the basics, function, slow WL, etc.). His work schedule is such that he hasn't been able to go to any of my appts with me (he's a fireman) except the dietitian and then he had to take our 2 year old out! He asks about my news when I have a class or another appt. And he seems excited about my latest news (if you REALLY want, I'm blogging but it's boring!). I try not to talk about it too much b/c I over-talk about stuff I'm excited about so I come here instead!

I'm not saying we never talk about it and we have had some serious conversations about my thoughts and hopes with this surgery, usually ending with me in near tears! :thumbup: It's a very emotional thing for me. He was surprised that I decided to do WLS b/c I had said I never would. Although I was talking about bypass at the time, (my mom and sister both have had bypass) I'm also a little surprised that I am pursuing this surgery.

I'm excited on the one hand but terrified on the other b/c I've failed at all the other ways I've tried to lose this weight. I was skinny when we married 20+ years ago and am now 100+ lbs more than when he met me. He remembers me thin. I remember me thin. I LIKED being thin. I WANT to be thin again.

We'll see.