Am I doomed to fail?

libra · June 16, 2008

I have to be honest, I rarely feel "full" myself. I typically like to be a little tighter than average to help control my eating. I notice right away when I need a fill.

Two things need to happen, in my opinion, for you to experience success.

1. You probably could use another fill.

2. You need to stop completely relying on the band to control you're eating. It's a tool, not the sole solution. Take a good look at the foods you're eating, keep a food journal, track your calories and Protein and make sure you're getting in all of your Water, at the appropriate times. You need to start working with the band.

bochs · June 18, 2008

Hi , I am going to be banded tomorrow afternoon. I am curious about the difference in band sizes? My surgeon is using the 10 band on me. Does this mean that it will take me longer to get enough fills to get to my sweet spot or does the size of the band even matter and how do they go about choosing the size?

Beckyo

dawnie · June 18, 2008

Hi Laney,
Having the band is not a miracle cure for overeating and all our issues we face around food - as you are learning . You sound really down on yourself - but you CAN do this.

I think one of the main issues that many of us face is that we have let food and our appetites control us for years (if not our entire lives). You need to take some steps to control food rather than it control you. Many people (including myself) had spent years saying that we couldn't control ourselves and were obese because we weren't able to stick to a diet. We have become victims of our own making and our tendancy is to give up when the band doesn't work as easily as we thought. The reality is that to be successful, we need to be mindful of what we are eating (even if we aren't dieting). The band isn't going to make our eating choices for us.

There are some steps you can take to start to take control:

1. Start by documenting every bite of food you put in your mouth -either on line or with pen and paper (I have a little notebook - each page is a day). You don't necessarily have to write down the calorie count, but you do need to write down exactly how much you are eating. This is very helpful for many reasons: you start to realize how much you are actually eating; you can start to see some patterns in the choices of what you are eating; and by writing it down, you need to make a conscious choice to eat (and what you eat), rather than just eating obliviously.

You don't need to share this with anyone, but remember if you don't write it down, you are just lying to yourself.

2. When you have done this for a couple of days, start to look at what you could change quite simply- can you take a little less for the snack? Can you choose something that is lower calorie or lower fat instead? Am I really hungry or do I just want to eat (head hunger). Will a glass of Water help? If I am not actually hungry - can I distract myself for 1/2 hour til the urge passes?

I HATED journaling my food when I first started, but I think it has been a major key to my success. I found almost immediately that I would think twice before I ate something, I was more conscious of making healthier choices, I changed the quantity of what I ate, and I didn't eat out of habit or boredom as often. I was shocked at how much I ate unconsciously previous to this start to my journey.

3. You can make the choice to look at this journey as a change in your eating habits, not a diet. If you want to be successful, plan to eat now as you want to eat for the rest of your life. For me that means that I eat everything (yes I eat fruit, veggies, bread, Pasta and I still consider chocolate, cookes and pizza food groups). The difference now is that I don't eat them daily, and when I do eat them, I eat less and go for real quality vs. quantity. For example, pretty much every Sunday I have 2 homemade Cookies when I go to my Dad's for dinner. Most Sundays, I also have 2 really good chocolates for afternoon tea. I usually don't eat chocolate or Cookies the rest of the week. I am not denying myself what I love and what I want, but I am planning on how and when I will eat it.

4. When going out to eat, if possible plan for what you are going to eat before you go, so you don't choose the bacon double cheeseburger with fries and gravy. Some restaurants have their menus online, but you usually know what will generally be on the menu. For example - order Soup and salad (dressing on the side), or order a plain piece of meat with veggies rather than pototos. If I order Pasta, I try to order whole wheat, the lunch size if available and a Tomato based sauce, rather than a cream based sauce.

5. Know your trouble times and plan for them. For example, I am an evening eater. History tells me that if I let myself, I will eat all evening, even if not hungry. It is not useful to try to make myself stop eating after 7 pm, etc, because I just feel deprived, I get angry and frustrated and then my tendancy will be to turn to food. What do I do? I excercise after work, so I don't get my dinner until 6:00 pm or 7:00 pm, which shortens my evening. I also plan for at least one if not two Snacks in the evening. My Snacks are generally around or under 100 calories and are foods that satisfy my urges (turkey pepperoni, 100 calorie popcorn packs, no sugar added vanilla or chocolate pudding, ultra low fat cream cheese and crackers, etc). Please note that I am not choosing carrots or celery, because I know that will not satisfy my head.

Sorry for the novel, but I just wanted to show that you can be successful and you can do this, but you need to make some choices. I celebrated my one year anniversary of starting this journey yesterday (June 12) and I have lost over 132 pounds in that year.

The band has been a wonderful tool and help mate and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but the reality is that I did all the work and the band just helped me stay "stomach satisfied" for longer periods of time. I had to do all the physical and "head" work to make this work for me. :biggrin2:

Am wondering if I am doomed to fail also, my restriction is very good in the morning..a shake for Breakfast if I do fix something solid it just will not go down without PBing or getting stuck. By 4:00 I can eat anything and everything complete with mouth watering and I just don't know what to do about it unfortunately my will power is nil and just feel hollow inside so eat and eat. Need help desperately and am ashamed to go to the Dr. as have not lost anything since my band has been put in and have had 2 fills since was banded in Feb. Anyhow that is my story and I'm stickin to it. LOL Would wish my restriction was as good in the evening as in the morning...am I expecting too much?

Thanks for any and all help and suggestions.

Dawnie

jjsmiles · June 19, 2008

Hi Dawnie,

I have heard others say that their restriction lessens as the day goes on. I am not overly restricted at all and don't really notice any changes throughout the day. I can eat lots at all times (I can easily eat 3-4 oz of meat and a cup of cooked veggies at dinner). Where I find the band useful for is that it keeps my hunger at bay between meals.

I think the first thing you need to do is go and see your dr. to discuss. Maybe the clinic has some ideas of what will help you. If you can't eat in the morning, I don't really think getting more restricted will help - or maybe a very very small fill?

You say you are embarassed, but the fact is that your dr. and clinic are there to help you and you need to use them - they are invested in seeing you succeed. Who are you hurting by refusing to go in? Not them that is for sure. You think they will be upset with you - sorry - they don't care that much about you to be upset.

You know that you are having a lot of problems in the evenings so you need to think of strategies that will help you. You need to find a way to distinguish between real hunger (which you need to feed) and head hunger (which you need to heal). Your feeling "hollow" is not true physical hunger.

Can you do something like join weight watchers so that you have to be accountable to others? Can you exercise in the evenings? Do you document everything you eat so that at least you are aware of everything you put in your mouth? Have you considered talking to a therapist about how to deal with your issues with food?

What you seem to be saying in your post is that you are a victim of your hunger and your lack of restriction. You need to reframe this for yourself into what you can and will do to take control rather than letting food control you.

Until 1 year ago I let food be my boss and I held the attitude that I was a victim. The reality is that I was just a victim of myself. I have "freed" the person I know myself to be in all the other areas of my life and allowed that person to control my relationship with food. I have to say I like myself a heck of a lot better now.

You can do it.

pinkdots410 · June 19, 2008

This is a very enlightening post. This is just what I needed to read...I am pre-fill and glad that I am reading this before having the fill. I am comfortable that I will know how to use my "tool" to be successful!

Another reason why I love this board!:biggrin:

dawnie · June 20, 2008

Hi Dawnie,
I have heard others say that their restriction lessens as the day goes on. I am not overly restricted at all and don't really notice any changes throughout the day. I can eat lots at all times (I can easily eat 3-4 oz of meat and a cup of cooked veggies at dinner). Where I find the band useful for is that it keeps my hunger at bay between meals.

I think the first thing you need to do is go and see your dr. to discuss. Maybe the clinic has some ideas of what will help you. If you can't eat in the morning, I don't really think getting more restricted will help - or maybe a very very small fill?

You say you are embarassed, but the fact is that your dr. and clinic are there to help you and you need to use them - they are invested in seeing you succeed. Who are you hurting by refusing to go in? Not them that is for sure. You think they will be upset with you - sorry - they don't care that much about you to be upset.

You know that you are having a lot of problems in the evenings so you need to think of strategies that will help you. You need to find a way to distinguish between real hunger (which you need to feed) and head hunger (which you need to heal). Your feeling "hollow" is not true physical hunger.

Can you do something like join weight watchers so that you have to be accountable to others? Can you exercise in the evenings? Do you document everything you eat so that at least you are aware of everything you put in your mouth? Have you considered talking to a therapist about how to deal with your issues with food?

What you seem to be saying in your post is that you are a victim of your hunger and your lack of restriction. You need to reframe this for yourself into what you can and will do to take control rather than letting food control you.

Until 1 year ago I let food be my boss and I held the attitude that I was a victim. The reality is that I was just a victim of myself. I have "freed" the person I know myself to be in all the other areas of my life and allowed that person to control my relationship with food. I have to say I like myself a heck of a lot better now.

You can do it.

jjsmiles, thank you so much for your reply and telling me like it is the insite you have is amazing. Would have never thought myself as a victim or letting food rule me, after reading your post believe you are right. I feel very encouraged to work with my band and problems with food (just always thought I liked it too much) and was a battle that I was not winning even with the band. You have lost so much weight on your journey keep up the good work you are almost there 8 lbs.... AWESOME!!!

Am saving your posts and will be refering to them often my eyes are open and head and heart are very encouraged to do the work... the responsibility is MINE isn't it.!!!

Thank you again,

Dawnie

jjsmiles · June 21, 2008

Thanks Dawnie - that was very nice of you!!!

You know - I always thought that I liked food too much to give it up. What have I learned over the last year ? I don't have to give up the foods that I enjoy. In fact, as bizarre as it sounds, I enjoy eating way more than I ever did :smile:. I take the time to taste my food and savor it. I have learned such an appreciation for quality over quantity!!!

To be honest, when I picked my goal of 180 - it was simply because it was an even number under 200. I couldn't even imagine getting that low. Now I need to adjust my goal to a more healthy BMI (but not until I reach 180 and can reflect in the glow for a while of actually reaching that goal :redface:).

You can achieve your goals Dawnie and everyone else reading this.

xxlaneyxx · June 23, 2008

Hi fellow lap banders! Just a quick update.Since my post I am really pleased to report I am finally feeling restriction! yippeeeeeeee!!!! lol I still can eat a reasonable amount,but I really do know when I have had enough now.I am watching what I am eating,and go for the healthy options instead of eating whatever I can lay my hands on. I could still eat the usual amounts of junk food ie icecream,chocolate,biccys,cake etc so I steer well clear and have a yummy weight watchers desert at the ready so I still feel like I have had something naughty! Thankyou for keeping me on the straight and narrow and helping when I felt like it wasnt going to work for me. I will keep you updated on any progress. xxx