Self doubt/hate...

[MissMom24 2]

Ok...I was banded on 12/12. I have lost 70 pounds and have gone from a 22 to a 10/12. I thought that I only had 25-30 more to go. I had my son take some pictures of me to post for my 6 month bandiversary. Looking at them I would say that I need to lose at least 50 more!

Can I say that I was literally sick at how TERRIBLE I looked. I still look fat, so now I am feeling fat and I am just disgusted. I will be honest that a big part of me did the band because I wanted to LOOK better...and I don't.

I am working out (weights and cardio) but everything still looks big and nasty.

Someone PLEASE tell me how to get over this!!! I hated myself back then and I am getting those nasty feelings all over again!

HELP!!! :smile2:

[spicegrrrl 0]

girlfriend, you are _so_ not alone. i've been one hundred pounds lighter than i currently am and even in my skinnier days i felt like i had so much weight to lose and that i was still really heavy. now i'd kill to be that much lighter...

congratulations on your weight loss - i'm sure there are many things that are more enjoyable/easier to do now that you've lost the weight. sometimes, in the moment, it's hard to realize just how outstanding you've done and how great you actually look. there are a few books out there that deal with body/eating issues - i've got some names somewhere if you like.

also, you may want to consider talking to a professional - it could help. whichever way you go, just know that you've got lots of people around here who know what you're going through.

best,

[tai68 0]

Oh boy do I hear that! I totally understand...and I bet happens to so many of us! Just know that it takes time for the loss to catch up with how your body looks. The scale says one thing, your clothes say another and the mirror tells a completely different story. Realistically, it doesn't make any sense. I guess this is where patience comes into play. Keep doing what you're doing...you have lost SEVENTY pounds - that is AWESOME!! You are 70 lbs lighter...embrace that and keep moving forward. I can't wait to get 70 lbs off my short stature.

I truly get how you feel. Know you are not alone. And on the other side, when I lost 120 lbs on weight watchers, I wish I could have seen how good I looked long enough to hold on to how good it felt...rather than continuing to see myself as big and undesireable. Maybe if I could have embraced it sooner, I woulnd't have gained most of the weight back.

I guess it's a learning experience for all of us. Sending you really big hugz and hope your nasty feelings go away soon!!!

[mom2twins 0]

Brandymom, do yourself a favor and don't beat yourself up over your looks. Take your picture from before you lost the 70 pounds and put it next to a picture of you without those extra pounds and you may see yourself differently. I keep having people tell me that there is no way I should even think about the lapband because they don't think I am that big. However they don't know that I have to use a seatbelt extender to ride in my hubby's truck. You can either tell yourself that you have done great with your weight loss and keep going or beat yourself up and not be happy with you new you. Give yourself time for your skin to resize itself and I am sure that you will be happy with what you see. SC

[Lottie 0]

Please don't be so down on yourself. We've all felt this way at some point and time regarding ourselves. You might need some professional help and advice. Losing the weight is a healthy choice. Maybe you will later decide on some PS (exampe: Tummy Tuck or Breast lift) to help you achieve the look you so desire. Keep exercising to help achieve the body you want.

Melissa McCreery, Ph.D. is a Psychologist and the founder of Enduring Change Coaching. She helps her clients create and live the life they crave. She is also the creator of the Emotional Eating Toolbox 28-day Program for Taking Control and Moving Beyond Dieting. Sign up for a free 5 part Self-care Package Audio Course, learn about upcoming WLS seminars and other programs or contact her www.enduringchange.com.ht take some professional help to get you through this process.

[notateechanow 7]

Wow---you've done GREAT! I've lost half of the weight you've lost and we had surgery on the same day. Sometimes when you lose weight quickly, it takes your body a little time to catch up with the weight loss. I know the last time I lost weight I was nearly 75 pounds down but still looked very bloated--my face, arms, stomach--everything. I swear you'll just one day look at yourself and be shocked at the difference. Give your body time to catch up. It has gone through some tremendously dramatic changes in the past 6 months. It still needs to heal. Don't be disappointed. I've only lost 45 pounds and I'm ecstatic! I went from a tight 22 to a loose 18, sometimes 16. I can't even DREAM of a 12!!! Regardless, I am so happy with the changes. Keep working out and eating right. It'll happen. Be well and keep it up!! Congratulations on your hard work paying off!

:smile2:

[livn4jesus 0]

Dear Brandymom: If you had surgery just to look better, then you had it for the wrong reasons. I'm actually surprised someone would do surgery on you for that reason. I did mine for health reasons, diabetes type 2 so I can feel better. I really don't care what I look like, nothing looks as good as life with my beautiful children and grandchildren. Now, I am old enough to be your mother and perhaps if I was only 32, I may feel differently. There is a scripture in the bible that says something like, beauty is fleeting, but the love of God is never ending.

Plus, I bet you look great. Take Care and love yourself

[MissMom24 2]

Livin~

I must have made myself unclear...looking better was only a part of it. I actually did it to avoid a total knee replacement or cartilage transplant. That was my #1 motivator...the looking good just was a bonus (but that WAS NOT AT ALL MY MAIN REASON). Sorry that that was unclear.

I appreciate everyones replies and am glad I am not alone!

[ebinsc 0]

It sounds like you need to reassess your goals and possibly see a therapist. If you're a size 10/12 now and expect to lose another 25 to 30 pounds, what size will that make you? Sounds like you're being awfully hard on yourself and unrealistic in your goals. When I had my pre-op psych evaluation, the therapist recommended coming back after 3-4 months and possibly longer once the weight starts coming off because it's very common for overweight people to continue to think of and see themselves as the same size they were before they lost the weight. It takes a lot of mind adjustment to get in the right frame of mind sometimes. A professional could give you the tools you need to get in the right frame of mind and could also help you set realistic goals.

Personally, I'm doing this more for the improved health than the looks factor. Sure it will be great to wear smaller sizes, but to me being around years longer for my family is the biggest reward.

Edited June 11, 2008 by ebinsc

[Jachut 487]

Well I dont mind admitting I had surgery to look better, as well as prevent future health problems. I was suffering no real health problems as a result of my weight, being under 40 and a BMI of 35. I'm not the least ashamed to say it was probably 50/50 health/cosmetic reasons why i did what I did. Life is much better when you feel good about yourself.

But yes, it is hard to come to terms with what you can and cant change. At the end of the day no matter how much weight you lose and how much cosmetic surgery you have, you will still be you. Everyone gave me wonderful complements for my bikini pic when I posted that (my avatar) yet I see fat thighs and it only looks decent becuase the light was perfect, the way I am standing etc.

When WILL we learn to be less harsh on ourselves?

[sugrbear 1]

Ok, this may not be as complicated as it is being made out to be, sometimes the simpliest answers are the easiest. The pictures you had taken by your son may not be showing your best most flattering side, angle, lighting etc. I can take a picture of a subject, my daughter who is a much better photographer than I am, better equipment, understands lighting etc, can take the same shot, and you wouldn't think they were taken the same day because hers will look so much better, much true'er, more flattering etc. You know how they say on TV the camera adds 10 lbs, well, so do our cameras especially if pictures are taken on the wrong angle. Depending on the clothing you were wearing that day you may look much larger. I have a friend who has lost over 160lbs, has been at goal for several years. I recently saw pictures someone took of her. In one outfit you could see how great she looked, very flattering, in the 2nd shot the outfit she was wearing made her look so much larger you would have thought it was taken part way thru her weight loss journey not the same day the first picture was taken which is several years after hitting goal.

Your numbers tell the real story,, I would say treat yourself to some cool photos at one of those studios where you go and they do you up and know how to angle the shots etc and get your true essence. Have fun with it. You can do it.