Being Honest

[StrangeDz 1]

Sigh... I totally understand what you mean about Groundhog Day! Everyday I tell myself I am going to start fresh and what do I do??? I sabotage myself... Chocolates at work.. Cookies at home... ice cream... pizza... baked potato slathered in butter and bacon... I despise myself for it, yet I keep on doing it.

A week after my 4th fill I finally got down to 60bs lost. I was so happy! I didnt get my first fill until 6 months after my surgery due to insurance issues so I'm kinda behind the ball, so to speak. In the last 2 weeks, i've put back on 3 of those pounds. I know it doesnt sound like alot, but it frustrates me to no end that I have no self control! ...and when I dont eat what I want, I feel bad. Punished. Deprived. Sad and guilty that I cant stop thinking about food. What I can eat and what I cant.

I should feel happy that I have lost 57 pounds, but it has been so slow going and such hard work. The depression just makes it worse because then I feel like its all a waste and why not just gorge myself on crap. Sigh...

Sorry for the long pity me reply... i'm just having a hard week.

[vonhelzing 3]

pam,

where are you at in illinois? i have a great dr in chicago if you want his info.

kris

[slimmap 1]

I am in Illinois. I couldn't remember posting and so I looked back to see what I wrote. Imagine my surprise when I saw that this post was from almost a year ago! Aug 16, 2008. As I read my questions about the 5 day pouch test I felt that a year later, it still works for me. I am doing better than a year ago and newly banded...I think I finally figured out what restriction feels like. And it is still hard to stop eating the crap. But now I just a whole lot less of it or I feel ill. Is your doctor in the Peoria area? That is where mine is.

[StrangeDz 1]

What is the five day pouch test and can anyone tell me what PB stands for?

[slimmap 1]

What is the five day pouch test and can anyone tell me what PB stands for?

The 5 Day Pouch Test is a plan that you can follow for 5 days. It is something people try when they feel that maybe they have stretched out their lap band pouch. It is also helpful if you've been eating lots of starchy or sugary foods. It kind of gets you back on track. There is a pretty good thread that I started about a month ago concerning the 5 day pouch test. Also, there is a website you can go to that tells you exactly how to follow it. Just do an internet search for the % day pouch test, and it will take you right there. Personally, it worked well for me whenever I have gotten too far away from the eating plan I should be following. Check it out and see if it's for you.

As far as PBing... I think it stands for Productive Burp.

[betrthnever 107]

I think there's a honeymoon period for most with the band - the time when we lose the most weight right after surgery. Was banded in Feb 08, lost 50 pounds the first 8 months. Since October of 08 I've lost only 10 pounds only to gain that 10 back & have to lose it again. Been fighting I think with minor depression since October and have really reverted back to old eating habits.

A week ago I saw a new Dr. & I FINALLY got a great fill. That's really jump started me again. Believe I'm finally at that sweet spot and I don't want to lose it. I believe I'm there and I'm afraid as all heck that I'm going to lose it. It really helps to have that motivation of a good fill. Last week I could eat very little and now I can eat more and that is VERY, VERY SCARY.

Wished the sleeve was offered as an option (didn't even know about it).

[betrthnever 107]

Oh, and I have to add that I slowly stopped visiting this site back in October when I lost my motivation. Seems like there might be a correlation between cutting off contact & depression. I also stopped going to the support groups as much as I did before. I plan on going again this month. Was just too ashamed!

[KayleighsMommy 16]

I went back to the beginning of this thread and read it thorugh. So many of the posters could have been me. I have been suffering with the same self destructive issues. I went into this whole thing (banding) with open eyes. No one lied to me, no one told me it would be easy. Yet I still expect it to be easy. I still expect the weight just to magically disappear. I still expect that I can eat what I want (just a lot smaller portions) and I will lose.

Guess what??? It's not happening. Big suprise, huh?

Someone (in an earlier post) said she was afraid to lose weight. I honestly believe this is a big part of my problem. I have been closer to 300+ than 200 pounds for at least 15 years. I would diet and get near 200. Then I would get scared and start gaining again. I am seriously contemplating going to see a psychologist. I need to find out why I have this "mental block" to losing weight.

I know I just need to get on the program. I need to follow my diet, I need to exercise. I need to accept that I am the one responsible for weight loss (or the lack of it). I need to want this enough to do what I need to do.

I need to be totally honest with myself....

[StrangeDz 1]

Being Honest...

At first I did not journal the bad stuff I ate. Then I said, be honest, write it all down and then maybe I will make myself accountable. Alas.... no.... that did not help. My journal is only longer now. What the heck is wrong with my head?????

I actually feel like I am in that movie "Groundhog Day", every day I wake up with resolve, eat right until about 2-3pm, and then I would chew my own arm off if it were made of chocolate... Geez, could my current life and future health be worth a little bit of chocolate everyday (okay, maybe more then a little bit of chocolate)... HELP!!!!

I DO THE SAME THING!!! Everyday I get up and say I'm not going to eat anything i'm not suppose to... that I will stick to my plan. Without fail, I usually fail. Around 3:00 I want to snack! I obsess about it. ugh.