Want to change the "focus"

[Guest Leslie2Lose]

My weight held me back - I think mentally and physically with my children. That's something I'm working on. I know plenty of heavy mom's that are great moms. My children still love me, I know that. I just haven't been as involved in their lives as I would have liked to have been.

I've always let my children eat what they want. We have healthy food and junk food in the house. Both of my girls actually go for the fruits and veggies first. I've never demanded anyone in my family eat a certain thing.

Before I was banded my six year old came up to me and told me she wanted to go on a diet. I've never even used the word "diet" in my house. I asked her why. She said her thighs were too big. The girl is all muscle. Without realising it a lot of my negative self-image is transgressing to my children. I know she'd heard comments that I've made about myself. That is not something I want her or my eldest girl to have to face this early in life. I want them to grow up healthy and not become emotional eaters (which is what I am). I can't shelter them from the world, nor would I want to. This is a rough world and candy-coating the harsh truths do them no good. That's including being fat or thin. I'm just glad my kids are making better decisions about food. They learn from example.

[brandyII 9]

I know what you mean about your daughters. I bet there are some good books out there on the subject of mothers/daughters and weight as an issue. Even if you're a perfect mom, which you sound like you really strive to be, they going to catch stuff from kids at school or on TV. I read somewhere that weight was one of the most common subjects that people talk about. So how can it be avoided. Your kids are still young enough where you can teach them things and just know that they are beautiful and perfect in your eyes no matter what.

I wish I could recommend a good book to you because I know there are tons out there. It's a little late for me, well maybe not! I bet there are others out there who have read those types of books and maybe one could suggest one. It's always comforting to have some sort of backup.

Take care brandyII.:confused_smile:

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

I haven't yet finished reading this thread, but thanks for posting everyone, this is totally helping me right now.

[Nanook 2]

Love to hear your thoughts sometime Mrs. Flipflops and glad it's helping. Nanook-brandyII.:thumbs_up:

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

Well, I finally finished reading the pages and now have a break in my schedule to post!

I was talking to my sister last night, we went to a seminar because she's thinking about getting the lapband. She similar in height and weight and we have a lot of the same emotional issues and eating problems. She asked about temptations to eat. It's funny because yeah, I'm tempted to eat more than I should, or eat all ice cream or what not, but the times I'm tempted the most are when I'm emotionally feeling something that I don't have another coping mechanism for. I told her that the hardest part of having this surgery wasn't the pain, the fear, the learning to chew slowly... it was the emotional aspect! Anytime I eat too much or something bad for me I start saying awful things to myself. When I've had an emotional day I want to eat, but I have no other coping mechanisms! The ride emotionally has been pretty harsh and I've felt many times that I'm a mess!

[Nanook 2]

Mrsflipflops,

It's definitely a difficult thing to tell someone else how to cope or change their coping skills. We're all so different and what works for someone doesn't necessarily work for someone else. That's why this is a great place to post so it can be a "safe" place to discuss the issues we all have.

Personally in "my head" I can't say I'm a food addict or binger but I do like the occasional sweet and especially when I'm near my period, so maybe next week or so I'll be going crazy. The lap band has kept me from eating a second helping or a large portion of food but not the junk as we all know.

I found in my own personal experience, (I feel I have to be so careful now what I write or someone will attack me lol), that if I focus on the fact that I'm on a diet I will totally screw up and constantly think and obsess about food. If I take that "diet scenerio" away I will eat when I'm hungry and am able to focus more on healthy foods. I still have quite a bit of restriction but not too much, 3 ccs. I can eat meat, although it doesn't aways love me, but I can eat somewhat normally and small portions but not too small where my body/mind goes into starvation mode. That's when I tend to seek out sliders which are usually goodies!

I had a nurse where my surgeon is tell me that if I feel the need to eat something that I "shouldn't" to just start journaling. Nothing specific like why I feel bad and want to eat just something to keep your hands busy and then eventually it becomes a habit and maybe a way to cope.

Now that maybe helpful to someone but not me, I could journal and eat a twinkie at the same time you know what I mean. So what's working for me right now and I'm not saying I'm losing a ton of weight but it's slow and I'm not gaining. I'm also walking on the treadmill 4 to 5 days a week or at least trying too and that does make me feel better.

I'm sure there are others out there that can help you with your/our coping skills. I know it's not easy for me either! take care Nanook:smile:

[CherylA 0]

Not following a "diet" was one of the choices I made when I decided to get the band. I was always cheating on "diets" because I felt like I was missing out. When I got decided to have my band, it was largely because I needed to have the regiment of a "diet" out of my life and learn to live and eat normally. I am so much happier now.

Liked your information you wrote. I had the lapband sometime ago and need to get focused again. I was morbidly obese (my 100# over) and lost initially great 48 pounds) Then figured out to manipulate the lapband. Any tips on how to handle the lapband again without me figuring I am deprived, deserve to eat whatever, and not losing any more is appreciate.

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

Now that maybe helpful to someone but not me, I could journal and eat a twinkie at the same time you know what I mean. So what's working for me right now and I'm not saying I'm losing a ton of weight but it's slow and I'm not gaining. I'm also walking on the treadmill 4 to 5 days a week or at least trying too and that does make me feel better.

I'm sure there are others out there that can help you with your/our coping skills. I know it's not easy for me either! take care Nanook:smile:

Amen! I'm pretty clever when it comes to eating. I'm really grateful I got the band, don't get me wrong, but I feel like my whole world came to a crashing halt and without using food to help cope with ANY emotion (anger, frustration, even happiness) makes me not quite sure how to rebuild myself. I don't think preband I realized what a sacrifice emotionally I would be making. I did start journaling too, I got bored. I tend to do it on Sundays when I have more idle time. I exercise 3x/week. It IS hard to resist temptation and I think something valuable I've learned is to praise myself for EVERYthing. Like the other day when I was driving home, I had a really annoying day at work. I thought about stopping my McD's and grabbing a burger (I could eat sans bread!) This particular McD's was a previous weakspot as I normally stopped after work. I told myself I didn't have to drive past the McD's, I just had to drive past the exit. I got in the right lane to make it more difficult and I made it all the way home without stopping! I learned I have to praise myself for that. Some may think that's not a big feat, but for me, it was the equivalent to not stopping by a favorite bar for an alcoholic. I used to tell myself that that behavior was the expectation and chide myself for giving in. Now I tell myself how awesome I am for driving by.

My whole life and my whole family's life revolves around food. I think that has made the process just more complex and difficult. I feel like I am learning, but it's so slow that I get frustrated.

[CherylA 0]

Thanks for sharing. I know my focus has been on eating, where are we going to eat, what are we going to take with us to eat on vacation, and just not depriving ME of FOOD! It isn't so much that I am hungry and if I would listen to the signs I' d know it; it is just more I enjoy partaking! I am still hopeful that I can move forward and get off the additional 50 pounds (what a feat it would be) (what an accomplishment) but now I know that accomplishment would be FOR ME, FOR MY wellbeing, FOR MY longevity, FOR MY ability to get off cholesterol and blood pressure medicines! I'm keeping the faith. Thanks.

[ssankofa73 2]

This is a great thread. Keep sharing guys.

[Hastings 3]

Liked your information you wrote. I had the lapband sometime ago and need to get focused again. I was morbidly obese (my 100# over) and lost initially great 48 pounds) Then figured out to manipulate the lapband. Any tips on how to handle the lapband again without me figuring I am deprived, deserve to eat whatever, and not losing any more is appreciate.

The fact of the matter, Cheryl, is that you DO deserve to eat whatever you want. What you have to decide is whether you CHOOSE to eat it or not. What you eat has nothing to do with what you deserve. I used to say I deserved it too.

Good luck.

This is a great thread, guys.

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

It's almost like we have to determine that we deserve to be healthy, thin, happy.