Want to change the "focus"

[tommaney 0]

Have you heard of the Choosing You! program? I was rooting around on the American Psychological Association website today and found this article in Monitor on Psychology magazine:

Monitor on Psychology - One bite at a time

I don't know if there's a book out on it, but I think this psychotherapist has a good approach. It's definitely for those of us that begin to obsess about the foods we can't eat as soon as we hear "diet"!

[Hastings 3]

I always thought it was an interesting paradox: the fatter you get, the harder it is for people to see you. I think that this includes yourself.

It helps to not attach any moral values to weight/size. It's simply a descriptive word, like tall, short, blonde, etc.

[brandyII 9]

Have you heard of the Choosing You! program? I was rooting around on the American Psychological Association website today and found this article in Monitor on Psychology magazine:

Monitor on Psychology - One bite at a time

I don't know if there's a book out on it, but I think this psychotherapist has a good approach. It's definitely for those of us that begin to obsess about the foods we can't eat as soon as we hear "diet"!

That was an interesting read. My thing seems to be if I "know" I'm on a diet I'm going to think all day what am I going to eat, when am I going to eat, and in the end I eat too much! I have a warped brain! When I lift the burden of diet from my life I eat when I'm hungry and not too much. I've also added some exercise into my day which I think will help me in working towards a healthier life and hopefully a smaller size if possible which I believe is possible. I'm not going to hate myself in the body I'm in at the moment and not let it rule my life anymore. brandyII:smile:

[brandyII 9]

I always thought it was an interesting paradox: the fatter you get, the harder it is for people to see you. I think that this includes yourself.

It helps to not attach any moral values to weight/size. It's simply a descriptive word, like tall, short, blonde, etc.

The woman who wrote the book I am reading says that overweight people tend to dress in order to blend in and not be noticed. She now wears bright colors and bold outfits in order to be noticed and it has changed her world because she has changed how she views herself.

[tommaney 0]

I just took a gander at my closet of earth-toned and white clothes and completely identify with that! I can remember as early as 4th grade choosing shirts that did not show too much of my neck area (exposing the double chin) as well as NEVER wearing clothes with cartoons/images that related to food or large animals. It tagged me as BAIT for the cruel hecklers.

[brandyII 9]

I also think she said that when you walk with confidence and have respect for yourself others will also.:sad:

[sistasassy 6]

I know that, right now, almost everything outfit I wear has at least one article of black clothing. Black is slimming and also makes you sort of invisible because people are drawn to color.

My pastor said that once I begin to lose weight, he expects more color in my wardrobe. Color enlightens the inner spirit as well and gives you confidence.

My secret sister at church just bought me an outfit that is 2 sizes too small for me. It has more color and is beautiful. She said it is for when I start to lose weight. I have a funny feeling there will be lots more to come of that from people at my church.

[KatW 0]

I love this thread.

That's all I got.

[brandyII 9]

I've always have been drawn to color, the best grade I ever got in college was in an art class called color. I think once I was sitting riding in the subway home from work and I was thin then and this woman sitting next to me turned and said, "you are a spring" and I think that's when that color book came about about seasons and what colors they represented. It's weird but I have always been into those colors, Easter egg ones, I love them.

But I do notice when I feel self conscience about myself, which is usually during a social situation or going home to see family I tend to wear black and something that is what I consider to be slimming and feel inferior around others because I always feel like the only overweight person in the room! This is something that has been a negative in my life and something I wish to overcome whether I'm thin or not!!:sad::thumbup:

[MizPeppy 3]

Wow, makes sense. At work I have a lot of confidence and my scrubs are very bright. My other wardrobe is earth toned and I get a little uncomfortable wearing a lot of color. I will have to change that! Beth

[brandyII 9]

Beth you rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!brandyII:thumbup:

[Guest Leslie2Lose]

Hey Brandy, I just ran across this thread. ((HUGS)) I'm so proud of you. I'm not saying that because I've had a vision and know or see more than you, but proud because you want to love yourself again.

I'd forgotten how to love myself or believe in myself for years. I hid behind big clothes, browns and blacks. I would wake up in the morning and not give a damn what I looked like. I really just didn't care. It effected everything in my life. I fell into a deep depression after my children and am now climbing my way back out. It is SO hard. You look in the mirror - or in my case not look in the mirror because you don't want to see what you've become.

When I was a child I was tall and people would tell me, "Boy you've gotten big". I translated that into "She's Fat". The truth is I wasn't fat - I was a normal child and teenager. I had no self-esteem and turned to food for my comfort in life. I could never turn a compliment into something positive - I'd ALWAYS find a fault. I saw the worst in everything - especially in me.

This has been so hard for me. I know I'm usually "Miss Sunshine" and we haven't always seen eye to eye. I've denied myself so much in life by being negative. I'm now trying to see the silver lining rather than the impending storm...I guess that's why I am so defensive. Perhaps I see a little of me in things that tick me off the most.

As for the "diet" mentality - I've tried not to deny myself since starting this journey, but still find that I have. I still have the mentality of "I can't have that." I should stop it. My girls are visitng my parents in Florida this week. DH and I have gone out to eat about every night. I haven't had Pasta in 3 months! I ate way too much last night and feel so guilty. I shouldn't feel guilty though. I shouldn't have to give up anything in life. What I should have done is have what I want in moderation instead of denying because I'm on a "diet".

Weight loss for me is so much more mental that physical. I can do the exercise and lose the weight, I always could. I now need to find joy in life and comfort in something other than food. It cannot be my emotional crutch any longer. It's a day at a time. I will not fail and nor will you. We are worth it!

Hang in there hon and I wish you the best. Can you believe I've posted something without sarcasm? Who knew? LOL

[brandyII 9]

Leslie,

I agree with everything you've said. We all have a lot of stuff in our heads that have screwed us up! When you're considered overweight in our society you're considered "bad" and whatever road we choose to go down if it is weight loss or just eating more healthy or exercising more we need to feel good about ourselves. I know I'm not popular and it's ok not to agree with me, especially in public, lol, but for you to love yourself and say I'm allowed to live my life as I want to no matter what size I am at the moment or if I'm at this size or even larger is your right! It's your life as I read somewhere, in the book I'm now finishing which was great by the way, "this is your life it is not a dress rehearsal until you are thin!". Well I didn't get that perfect but I think you get the gist.

It's not alway easy to feel good in your skin but we tend to think everyone is judging us at everything we do. Are you judging everyone you see? Probably not so why should you think they are about you?

Anyway if you choose to pursue some these self esteem issues read another good book besides "Self Esteem Comes in All Sizes" by Carol Johnson, I'm now finishing "Bountiful Women" by Bonnie Bernell. Naturally you can't find them in your local bookstore because being a fat happy woman is taboo in our society you have to go to Amazon.com, (non commercial) to order them. But I was taken aback at how so many large women and probably a lot larger than I am have lived their lives as happy successful people and I was always told/taught/whatever, that you can't have anything good in life unless you're thin! Sorry to get on the soap box and I know we all have lap bands but this is really an important topic for a lot of people, thanks and you're a sweetheart and it's ok that you don't agree with me all the time, most don't, brandyII:smile:

[Guest Leslie2Lose]

Brandy - if it weren't for the physical limitations that come with weight I may have not gotten banded to begin with. I thought I was happy (denial). For me, my children were growing up without a mom. My husband was living with an unhappy, mad at the world and all out tired woman. I have been lucky so far not to have diabetes, high blood pressure and all of those fun co-morbid factors. I had truly gotten to the point where I really didn't care - about anything. I would have lived the rest of my life being 260 pounds (probably would have worked my way over 300) and wouldn't have thought twice. If God could promise me that my children would grow up with fond memories of me, and that I could live without bone and muscle pains and I wouldn't end up on a dozen medications the rest of my life I would have kept going like I was. But, that wasn't fair to my children nor to my husband. I realise now that wasn't fair to me either. I've missed 8 years of my children's lives. That is so sad. I would give anything to get back those times. They don't have many pictures with their mom, no videos, and not many memories of me playing with them. This whole journey is so hard. Mentally and physically. For the first time since my children have known me - I can give them no reason to be ashamed of me. They are eating better and getting more exercise as well. For once, I'm proud.

[brandyII 9]

I don't have any physical limitations but can understand those of you that do. I guess I'm kind of built like my dad (a horse) so I'm big boned and have strong legs, although I have had varicose veins but got those from my mom who was thin and I was always crossing my legs!

I am the same way about hating my picture taken and that's not my fault, it's how I viewed myself as I thought others were viewing me. Does that make sense? I want to get to a place where I can have my picture taken and not go over it with a fine tooth comb and look for every flaw, starting naturally with the double chin! We all have to do what we have to do to feel good about ourselves and in turn be the best moms, wifes, husbands, fathers, people etc....I don't think my children or grandchildren will not like me because of my weight as long as I can still be a loving parent, grandparent (whenever that happens). I never wanted to be the kind of mother that nitpicked over every thing my child ate as she would be fat or how she looked as she would not be attractive enough. I just always felt that didn't work for me and found it to be very insensitive and hurtful. I know that's a totally different thing sort of went off the topic there so forgive me, brandyII.:biggrin: