First year of the journey

[Vicki J 0]

Well, one year ago today I started my journey towards a new life. I

can't really call it my "bandiversary" because I didn't get banded

until December 12, 2007. Sometimes I think it's funny because those

of us who had to loose weight prior to surgery seem to almost

appologize for loosing the weight without the band. LOL. I know I

sat and spent a great deal of time deciding whether I should put

that on my signature. Then I decided to be proud of it and it

started at the beginning of my banding journey. I lost 70 lbs on

the "pre-op" diet.

25 years ago I started Weight Watchers with my father. He had just

had his second major heart attack and had struggled with obesity all

of the life that I knew with him. I guess he was fit when he was

younger. I started Weight Watchers mainly for him because I was so

afraid of loosing him. I weighed 161 at the time. We had a great

time together egging each other on. I can remember him telling me

to go ahead and eat that cookie because he would kick my butt at the

weigh in. Of course, he always did. I thought that it was because

of his being a man and all. Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with

esophigial cancer shortly after I made my lifetime membership. He

spent the next 8 months fighting a loosing battle. One of the

reasons I'm telling this story is because not long ago I put

together the fact that he used to drink a bottle of Malox a day due

to heart burn. Ok, I'm slow. But now everytime I read about

someone having reflux due to a tight band I want to cry. Therefore,

I've kept mine a little loose.

I spent years believing that since I was "so like my father" that my

life would be short too. I struggled with my weight as he did. We

started Weight Watchers when he was 54. He died at 55. So when I

started my journey it was really a major decission not only because

of the risks involved in surgery or because as we all know it's a

major change in life style but because I was 54. There were so many

emotional issues to deal with that I had put on the back burner. I

had done what my father asked of me and had taken care of the family

for him and I had not taken care of me. It took me 5 years to even

allow myself to cry over his death. Them first, me second.

The can of worms I opened up created the preverbial flood gates to

open. Not only did I have to deal with his death but buried

feelings from child abuse, rape, 2 bad marriages, and a multitude of

other things. I knew this was going to be an "uncloaking". Most of

this I have kept to myself. My husband knows about ALL of it and

he's there when I need to open up to someone or just a quiet set of

understanding arms to melt into and weep. He has been my rock. But

I've gotten to a place where finding a quiet spot on my property,

putting my IPod on and just sitting and reflecting seems to be the

best. Somedays I find myself talking to my Dad and others I just

reflect on how much of life I missed being cloaked. Sometimes I sit

and picture my children small again and playing in the pond or

riding horses or motorcycles all around me. I hear their laughter

again. I find peace.

Sometimes I face the sadness and insecurities of my life. Sometimes

I feel strength. I've done a lot of reflecting.

I regret being someone who felt like they had to hide. Yeah, I

know, I shouldn't be ashamed. In a way I'm not, I just regret it

and accept it now as something I had to go through. But I'm proud

of myself now and I have a sense of security that I've yearned for

all my life. Funny how something as simple as loosing weight and

throwing off the cloak can do that. Yeah, Dad would be proud and no

it wasn't simple.

I know now that even as I get close to my goal at....age 55....I'm

not going to die because I've lost weight. I know, that's

completely stupid and irrational but that's how I felt. I know

that's not why he died. I know that he didn't die because I

instigated him going to Weight Watchers and loosing weight. I know

I miss him. I knew there was a reason I didn't wear my makeup to

work today <grin, sniff>.

I want to thank all of you for your posts and stories. They have

helped me through this year. I don't post a lot but I do appreciate

all of your struggles as well as your accomplishments. You armed me

with the knowledge I need to be a success.

This year has been a grand adventure and has opened up so many

doors. I feel strong, I feel confident, I feel successful. So

here's to the many years we have all gained and will gain. <clink>

To those of your thinking about joining the journey, do SOMETHING to

save your life. To those of you who are on this journey and it

seems slow, you've got a lifetime to get there. To those of you who

are tight, GET IT ADJUSTED NOW. And to those of you who have

reached goal, I'm almost there and will be hopefully joining you

soon.

Life is indeed beautiful!

Vicki

12/12/08

highest/now/goal

265/152/140?

[stI24nger 1]

Wow....congratulations. Your story is beautiful...and I'm so glad that you have not only found a positive self image, but are working on peace within your self. One of the themes that you touched on throughout your story is: better late than never. It is so true. Now you can be happy, Enlightened, and proud for every day that is to come. Excellent job.

[Northwest_Nance 0]

What a powerful story! Thank you so much for sharing. I've just begun my journey -- at 55. My mom died at age 56 of alcoholism and I made up my mind I didn't want to die at age 56 of my own addiction. It sounds like you have worked very hard, and you have found peace -- and health. I'm so happy for you. Thanks again for sharing.

[Carrie D. 0]

Wow...great post. It seems like you've really grown over the past year. I hope that I will :thumbup:

[PATCHELTON 0]

Thank you for your post. I hope it did as much good for you as for those of us reading it. I don't have the many bad experiences that you did, but I was always afraid both that no one would take me seriously, or that everyone would, and the pressure I put on myself was unbelievable. I studied exercise physiology when I was younger, and then my insecurity caused me to hide behind my weight, to insure I would never have to back up my "expert" opinion. My surgical journey began last summer when I decided to look into WLS. I lost 10 lbs on the 6 month diet required by insurance, and another 25 on the pre-op liquid diet. Since banding I have lost another 35 or so. I am like you;I like my band not so tight. I have reflux, and after my first fill by evening I had trouble getting Water down. It was only 3ccs, but the discomfort started with one or two bites of food. I actually went the very next day for an unfill. The doctor took out 1.5ccs. I worked with that for a couple weeks, and when I saw the surgeon again, I said I thought I was still a little tight, as I could eat mushies and liquids but regular food gave me chest pressure, so he took out another .5cc. I am doing better now. Occasionally a particular food will give me pressure, or if I eat too fast and don't chew thoroughly (I am still working on that), but mostly it is good. I am still losing, slowly. The weight loss was fast at first, and that realy kick-started my new life. I read labels like a maniac, and enjoy salads like never before. They seem to taste better. I want to get rid of some meds that I am on, and hopefully soon, that will happen. Thanks for your story.

[Froggi 4]

Congratulations, your story is very powerful, thank you for posting it.

[GonBhealthy 0]

Wow, I cried when I read your story, I can really relate to it, especially after losing my mother and HER battle with obesity and other related health problems. Many congratulations to you and your success. I'm proud of you!

[Vicki J 0]

Thank you all for your responses. I thought long and hard about what I would write today. So I sat down still undecided and just let it flow. I wish that the band had been around for him. Oh well, I truly believe everything happens for a reason.

Patchelton - you're doing great and I'm glad you've decided to work with a little looser band. Reflux/heartburn is the main cause of esophagial cancer. Some people decided to just put up with it and that could have disasterous consequences. You're getting really close to goal and by your bandiversary should have been there for a while.

Nance, I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. As with my Dad, I'm sure she is smiling down on you and is very proud.

Thanks again everyone. I'm cheering all of you on. This is a fabulous journey (albeit w/some bumps) and I'm so glad I got to take it.

[Ms.Mel 2]

Vicki, what a wonderful story that you have shared. It has hit home to many of us for many of the same reasons:closedeyes:. Thank you so much for sharing. I agree with stranger that the theme is "better late than never"--How true.

Congratulations on your anniversary.