Who do you need to forgive?

[TerriDoodle 6]

I gotta run right now, but I'll be back to post more..... I just thought it would be cool to start a thread on "Forgiveness". Maybe we'll all be better for it.

Who is it that you need to forgive?

Have you made any progress?

Need some help getting there?

[sisterc 0]

Hello Terry,

Why do you need to forgive? Through my own life experiences I had to forgive people because unforgiveness has caused headaches, migrines, weight gain, or loss of appetite, sleepless nights, loss of attention to detail (almost loss my job over it), constainly thinking about them and how I can get them back and they don't even care what they say or did to me.

I made a decision to forgive them for what they have done and all the after affects it caused me whether I was right or wrong. Whether they said sorry or not - it is a choice and my made the right one. I prayed for me first then the person, and a few years later the person came back to me and asked for forgiveness. You can't change people, but you can truly change yourself. If it comes up in your mind just don't think about it it's in the pass and over. It took a total of seven years for me. I hope you get over it faster than me, but all things are possible. I wish you the best!

[msjessy 0]

I forgive myself for letting me get this big. I have come to accept that I want and need a change in my life, so I forgive my "fat little girl" inside and am happy that I decided to go thru with this.

[juliegeraci 7]

I forgive myself for a lot of things including infidelity 2 years ago. My husband and I are doing great now and he has forgiven me. I forgive myself for abusing my body for so many years. I am happier now 15 lbs from goal.

[Wheetsin 714]

I'm not big on forgiveness, nor the idea of needing to forgive. And it's not something I'm good at, even when I want to be.

If I could forgive, I would forgive my mother for being a gigantic, shameless hypocrite over my band surgery. I try to be supportive, but since I'm still stewing about it, it's hard to try and act positive. I'm not good at faking, and it's virtually impossible for me to feel one way about someone, but act another in front of them. If I could forgive her, I could be there for her in a different and probably better way, and just accept things for what they are instead of fuming over the situation (for several months now).

[anonemouse 1]

I'm not big on forgiveness, nor the idea of needing to forgive. And it's not something I'm good at, even when I want to be.

Ditto. I'm generally easy-going and I usually let stuff slide off of my back, so I usually don't think there's anything to forgive. "Shit happens," as the saying goes. That said, however, whenever something happens that is major enough to cause me to hold something against a person, I don't forgive and I don't see any reason to "need" to. When something like that happens, that person just doesn't exist to me anymore. Not forgiving them isn't going to affect me, bother me, hurt me, whatever, because that person becomes absolutely and completely irrelevant to my life. I just put them out of my mind and go on with my life without them. No pain, no guilt, nothing. I believe we're stuck with the life we're living today, that there isn't anything beyond that, so there's absolutely no reason to either let someone get to me or to potentially hurt myself by letting someone that was apparently so untrustworthy that I've held something against them back into my life. Like Wheetsin said, I'm not the type of person that has a grudge against people behind their backs and is all nicey-nice to their faces.

[green 6]

I don't do forgiveness, either. I just grow bored and move on. The only exceptions I have made are in the case of my parents: I never did manage to forgive or grow tired enough to move on.

[Jachut 487]

Nobody. Its all Water off a duck's back to me. I do not hold grudges, I do not indulge in silly fights (other than online debating, lol), I am not petty, I dont bicker or gossip in a nasty way. When people have done things to upset me, I let myself be upset and then get over it, to me my relationships and friendships are important enough that I will forgive people their indiscretions, without feeling santimonious about doing so.

Then again, nobody has ever done anything major to me that I'd have to struggle to forgive. But I've never had a major argument or ended up not speaking to anyone I've known.

[Pix 4]

I had this long lengthy thing all written out then just deleted it.

There are two people I will never forgive, and will never allow them near me or mine. One is dead now (and NO I didn't do it LOL), the other lives on the east coast and has never made one attempt to atone for what she has done. So as far as I am concerned she is of no family relation and can rot in hell.

I am not one to suffer fools, I don't tolerate stupidity and generally speaking most everything is Water off my back, I just don't care about petty bullshit enough to let it get to me. I am nice and respectful to everyone, but I will not hesitate to tell you you are being a retarded jack ass and you need to scale it back some.

[TerriDoodle 6]

I need to forgive my father...or at least forgive him totally. I have made progress,but there are moments when I realize I have not yet done so.

I wish I could forgive him the way I have forgiven others and myself.

I have found that forgiveness is most definitely something I do for myself to free myself from the bondage of bitterness that sometimes grips me...and it IS bondage....of the spirit.

As I get older I am proud of what the practice of forgiveness has given me and am grateful for the message as it was delivered.

Some people hold on to their bitterness like an old friend and find that it ultimately becomes their only friend. I never want my life to end like that.

[green 6]

Terri, is your father alive or dead?

[TerriDoodle 6]

He's been dead since I was 8 years old.

[Apples2 19]

I am not so sure about this word called "forgiveness" I have made peace inside myself over certain things that have happened in my life but I cannot say that I have totally forgiven anyone (or want to). I have taken certain steps to confront the people who ripped my world apart and felt so very much peace after confronting them, having my say and then leaving the ball in their court.

I was continually raped by my brother from the time I was seven until I was seventeen. (He was much older than I). I confronted my mother about this 13 years ago and I was no longer allowed in her life. She went to her death bed two years ago still living the lie. Three years ago I wrote a letter to my bastard brother confronting him with everything he had done to me. I felt a certain peace come over me. Most of the horrid anger I had pent up eased it's way out of me.

I have had no family contact since 1996. It's the way it has to be in order to save myself and keep my children away from demented family members. I attribute a lot of my weight gain to the stress of living without my family of origin. But, I am now truly happy. I have brought people into my life that have filled the void and I am blessed.

Total forgiveness? I don't think so!!!!!!!!

[TerriDoodle 6]

I find it more than interesting that a thread with this title has attracted people to it that have no desire to forgive. I wonder if it means there is some part of you that wishes you could.

[Apples2 19]

I find it more than interesting that a thread with this title has attracted people to it that have no desire to forgive. I wonder if it means there is some part of you that wishes you could.

What drew me to this thread was the word "forgive". I can forgive people and myself for certain things. But some deeds just plain don't deserve total forgiveness. Maybe to totally forgive, the other party needs to ask for forgiveness and mean it. I live with the horror of what happened to me every day. I am only able to live a somewhat functional life after 5 years of therapy. My abuser is the mayor of a city and an oh so respected member of society. Nope...I can not forgive until he owns up.