Why am I keeping it Quiet???

[AliNSanDiego 1]

Gosh, I feel lucky. I have been very open with pretty much everyone I know & have not had anyone comment negative.

However, If someone did comment negative...water off my back. This is my choice. :confused_smile:

[Carrie_C 9]

Phoenix, I couldn't have said it better myself. I relate to everything you said. To me, the easy way out would be staying fat.

Everyone questions this in the beginnig, it is only normal. I almost backed out the day of surgery. I had surgery on May 22 and I haven't lost that much, but I would do it all over again in a minute.

Cate, I had the same worries as you in the beginning. I only told my family and I didn't tell anyone at work (and we do work closely) because they are all so judgemental, and I didn't need them being the food police. I thought that it would be very hard to keep it from them, but it is not hard at all! You would be surprised how little people actually pay attention to what you are eating. I don't drink with my meals, but I keep a bottle of Water in front of me. No one even notices that I don't drink from it. And I have to eat a lot slower now. So we all usually finish eating about the same time, even though I am eating a lot less than they are. Plus, if your coworkers are like mine, everyone is usally on some kind of a diet anyway, so no one questions how little you eat.

[angel95812 0]

Hi,

For what it is worth I truly believe you did a good thing when you prayed about your issue. As a person of faith I pray about things daily. As a overweight person my entire life I understand the whole tired of being fat thing believe me. Just like you I have tried many things to lose weight and have actually had some great results but would always get back what I lost and more. I too have had family members and friends make comments about what I need to do but you know what? I am going to do what I believe is right for me and not let anyones negative comments effect my decision. Regular exercise and dieting may be work for some people but not everyone. It sounds like your friend does not want to deal with her issues so by keeping you the same it makes her feel ok with the way she is. Only you can make the decision to be successful or not. Again just keep positive and keep praying. Let me leave you with this Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

[Telecia 1]

Almost impossible to keep it to yourself if you eat with others. If others were watching me the first thing they would have noticed is the Diet Coke addiction was gone. Yogurt and cottage cheese for lunch...what happened to the pizza and chips. And what do you mean you are going to take 1/2 your lunch to walk....yes you must tell or they will commit you!!!

Nonsense!! There is no reason to tell ANYONE you don't want to. If people question your diet changes then all you really have to tell them is your on a diet. And taking half of your meal home, or eating yogurt etc is what your doing.. If your carefull and chew well and do all your food testing at home none need know that you don't chose to tell.

One of the reasons so many people react with shock/horror/negativity when anyone mentions surgery is people only tend to remember the horror stories.

You know its always something like "My friend so and so had a friend whos sister had a friend who knew someone in abujaba who died from weight loss surgery!! or <Insert complication> Or gained all their weight back, or never lost weight!!"

This site is a great example of loads of people who have awesome success with the band.

Lack of knowledge is one of the problems many people face, the band isn't as widely popular with many doctors yet, allot of them push RNY or bypass etc cause they have no reall aftercare and the doctor makes a mint. Not the case with the band. Once you got it you have aftercare appointments a plenty. In the form of fills/unfills.

Jealousy is another reason many people will get snarky and unsuportive also. The either couldn't do it themselfs and are to affraid of WLS to consider it.

Sometimes its a case of "OMG now I won't be the skinny/cute/sexy one anymore! If you lose weight."

Anyhow I didn't mean for this to be a small book. lol

Important thing is those reacting to you badly its because THEY have issues.

The band is something you should do for YOU not them.

Good luck and its great that your taking the steps to regain your health. :smile:

[asnewme1 0]

Hi Sandibly:

I've told 6 people and this morning I told the 7th. Imagine my surprise when I found out she is considering lap-band too! But I am very, very careful who I tell. First I only tell people who I trust will keep my "secret" and second I only tell people who will give me positive feedback - I stay away from the negative people as I don't need their bad energy.

That said, at this point someone could make the most negative comments in the world about cheating and "doing it the right way" and I would know they were full of poop. First of all, diet and exercise has a 7% long term success rate whereas banding has a 50% success rate. I’ll take the 50% TYVM. Second, I know the band will be a great help when I have to go down to 800 or even 400 calories to lose that last 30 pounds (which have never been gone since I was 8 even when I was walking 5 - 10 miles per day.) It is physically impossible for me to eat that little without help. And I really want to lose that last 30 pounds this time. Third, scientists think the band helps with the control of ghrelin which may be a factor in why some people become obese and some don't. In any case, I've tried for years to lose weight and it always comes back so the old-fashioned method is out for me.

That said you must keep in mind that some people are going to be negative about your decision no matter what. It may scare them - are you placing yourself in danger? Of course you are, this is fairly major surgery. It may make them jealous - will you be prettier now and they will no longer be the one to get the attention when you go out. It may make them fear losing you - will you trade them in for a better model when you are a better model? And they may just be unpleasant people. No matter how hard you try you are going to get negative reactions, even once you are down to your goal weight. The ONLY thing you can control is how you react to this behavior. Many of us have low self-esteem after of lifetime of big and little hurts and injustices. We are probably more apt to care what other people think. But if they are wrong, and they are, you cannot internalize the emotion. First it will drive you back to bad eating habits. Second it does you no good and it's unfair for you to do this to yourself. Do you want people to hate themselves simply because YOU disagree with something they believe or have done? Hopefully not. Just hug yourself, realize that people believe different things because of their personal experiences, and allow them their opinions/disagreements.

In your heart you need to believe this is the best thing for you. You get there and it will not matter what others say (ok, it probably will but you'll be able to deal with it!) And smile, look them in the eye and say "I understand how you can feel that way, but the traditional way does not work for me and this is something I've decided to do after a lot of research. If you want some information on what modern research is discovering about losing weight and why only 7% of people will be able to diet and exercise off excess pounds long term I will share it with you. But because of MY research into the science I am NOT going to change my mind. Thanks for caring though!" :smile:

What a great, inspiring response you wrote. It really struck a chord for me that goes a lot further than just weight issues. It encourages us to believe in ourselves and to depend on our own opinions more than others. Thanks,

[Carrie_C 9]

I also prayed about whether or not to have surgery. I prayed for months. And it seemed like it was meant for me to have it. I didn't think I would be able to come up with the money at first. But then something changed that gave me the money to do it. I took that as a sign to have it done. I was also very scared and just when I was about to back out, something would happen to cause me not to. I also didn't think I was going to be able to get time off work, but again, something happened that allowed me the time. Just keep praying about it, and if it is the right thing for you, you will know.

[clayverde 2]

You know I really appreciate you posting this because I am going through a similar struggle. My family knows and is very supportive and my few best friends, but I haven't decided how much to tell acquaintances - like my neighbors, landlord, etc. On the one hand I don't want everyone to know my business, on the other I don't want anyone to think I am ashamed of this because I'm not. But I would rather deal with questions now rather than probing questions when I lose weight. Plus how can you lose that much weight and not have questions? But by being open and honest, maybe I'll give someone else information they need that I didn't even know they were considering weight loss surgery. So I understand and go back and forth and I really loved hearing different perspectives. But I think my husband said it best when he said that everyone that really loves you wants you to be healthy and happy and shouldn't care what path you take to get there.

[Chrisann 0]

I have pretty much told anyone who has asked about my weight loss. I have no shame or guilt going the surgery route, no diet had ever worked for me. My parents even tell people as they are so proud of what I have accomplished so far.

Having people at work know about it, has them thinking about healthy eating, and seriously, more people bring their lunch to work now, and ask my opinion on healthy eating.

Its been a work in progress, learning how to eat again, eating healthy, making the right food choices. I like people asking my opinion on this and I like the comments I am getting. I will never tire of that. That people are noticing me, instead of me being the invisible fat person is great.

And if someone has some snarky comment, I ignore it, and think f**k you. Most people I know need to lose a few pounds themselves.

[swcfolksinger 0]

to the list that are not telling others.

My husbad, one coworker I trust, and a friend who has gone through it are the only ones I have talked about it to.

My mother lives with us, but we are not telling her. As much as I love her... she is so caustic to me/ weight/ etc that I just can't handle anything else she dishes out.

[Watessa 0]

Like many of you, I don't want others to know because I have failed at weight loss before. Other than the handful of people I can really trust, I've decided I'll only say that I'm on a medically supervised eating plan, which is true. After I've lost some weight, I may decide to tell the whole truth.

BTW, one of my trusted friends at work is anxious to hear about my experience because she's considering the same thing. And just today I emailed a friend of a friend who went through gastric sleeve surgery, asking if she would mind sharing her experiences with me.

Edited June 20, 2008 by Watessa

[SanDiegoSusan 1]

What a great, inspiring response you wrote. It really struck a chord for me that goes a lot further than just weight issues. It encourages us to believe in ourselves and to depend on our own opinions more than others. Thanks,

Thank you very much Altered! Sniff sniff. :biggrin2:

Side note - I've now told eight people and number 8 was as great as number 1 so you can tell people - just be choosy. And when the weight is gone I will be telling everyone who wants to listen about the miracle I found which did what nothing else ever did - made me a perfect (size) 10! But for now don't tell anyone! :rolleyes2:

[soontobehottie 4]

I must be really a big blabber mouth, my husband would probably agree! :biggrin2: But I don't care!! I told no one but my husband about it while I was doing the research and thinking about it. Now that my decision has been made, I am telling anyone who will listen!! Its not like my big fat butt isn't obvious, and most, not all but most, people are supportive. And you know what if there not, who cares, they are probably just jealous anyway!!

At the end of the day its your body, your health and your life...so besides your husband/wife it doesn't really matter what anyone else has to say.

Anyway thats how I see it.

[RapKim 0]

Hi all I was banded in Dec of 07 and have learned over time if you don't make a big deal about it at the time nobody will really notice. I know personally my friends and family were so used to me trying some new fangled diet here and there when my eating habits changed they didn't seem to notice much, until the weight starting really coming off. As for the people that it was none of their business (which was practically everyone) I would just tell them I made a major life change and it's working and leave it at that which is not untrue. As for eating out the first few times when asked what I wanted to drink I would tell them nothing and got more than a few strange looks after that I would just order a glass of Water and nobody really noticed I didn't drink it. I guess I'm just saying it's nobody's business unless you want to make it so. Stick to your guns and don't be bullied into telling anyone you don't want to know. Stay strong and healthy

Kim

[StLouisGal 1]

I told everyone I know and some I didn't know. I was excited and when I get excited everything sort of pops out.

It is a personal choice but I am not a very transparent person so it is hard for me to keep secrets. My co-workers are very supportive and at lunch and things like that they make sure we go places where I can get a choice that works for me. It's been a great journey and I've appreciated the prayers and concerns of my friends and aquaintances and I enjoy their comments now that the weight is coming off.

As far as the "easy way out", obviously the people who believe that have not really researched the band much, no carbonation, measuring your food so you don't eat too much, PBing if you do eat too much, not drinking during meals, etc. They don't equate to "easy" but they are sooooo worth it. If you go into this thinking that it will be easy or a magic bullet to lose the weight, you had better research some more. It is a great tool but you have to work with the band to make it work. I love my band and it has allowed me to lose weight that I thought I would never lose so I would say it has been worth every pain and problem.

I have a couple of folks in my life that are so jealous they can't stand it. They think I took the easy way out. That is their problem not mine.

Hang in there and do what you need to do to make yourself healthy and happy.

[midwestchickie 0]

At this point, I've only decided that i do want the surgery, so I was prepared to only tell dh. Two days later, I told my mom. Both are completely supportive. I have one friend who was banded, and she will know, but other than that, I won't tell anyone. Not b/c I'm ashamed, but b/c I don't want to hear negativity.

Everything that involves my inlaws involves mass quantities of food...all cooked in bacon grease and lard...I'm talking farm cooking...yummy delish wonderful food. My plan on why I don't eat 3 10 pound plates at every holiday? I'm going to tell people who inquire that I was borderline type II and my Dr. gave me a plan and if I don't stick to it, I'll be just like my super fat father with heart problems, joint problems, type II, etc. If someone continues to try and sabatoge my efforts, then they are just a bad, bad, person!!

If I tell any of my friends that live in my neighborhood, then the WHOLE freaking neighborhood will be talking about me...so I'm keeping mum.