Why am I keeping it Quiet???

[sandibly 0]

In one week I go to the Informative Class at Womans Magee Hospital in Pittsburgh. My husband is coming with me so he too can learn all about the process. I told my best friend, and that is really about it. I tried to tell another friend, but she flipped out just mentioning the surgery.... saying that I am taking the easy way out, and I will prob die, and why can't i loose weight the Normal way? Please understand, she prob has 135lbs to loose, she just recently became a type II diabetic, and has tried to loose weight her entire life. Maybe she is jealous that a I am starting to take this road! I have prayed about this and put this in God's Hands, but He seems to be leading me down this road also. I wouldn't keep any other surgical procedure secret, when i had my tonsils out, and intense sinus surgery I told everyone, When i spent days in the hospital for "lung" problems i told everyone. And gee, I told people when i was on Weight Watchers, and Curves Eating/Exercise program, and Atkins, and Slimfast, and Had personal trainers and personal Nutritionist......... Am i still ashamed of the LBS? Or am i afraid to "watch" people see me fail again? Am i afraid of having more comments thrown at me like my one friend said to me? .......... I don't really know. :thumbup: ALL i do know is that I am tired of being so FAT that i can now hardly tie my shoes. I can't ride a rollercoaster, or jump on the trampoline, i am tired of having Breathing problems and Stomach Problems... i am tired of spending time in the hospital for Obesity related issues. I have 4 teenagers who need me now more than ever. ...... i am tired of working so hard and loosing 12 lbs in one year, just to put it back on and 25lbs + I've said to God....... "you know you could make me thin....... just Touch me in the night, and I'll wake up a size 12, you could if you wanted too" And right now he keeps saying to me........ I'll send you the tool to do this....... i'll send you A wonderful doctor that does Lap Band Surgery!!

[Trini40 0]

Sandibly,

You and only you know what you need. Don't let doubt creep in and take hold in your heart. You have set your feet on a hard road and you will need to endure to the end. Using the lap band as a tool, and it is only a tool to help you along the way to not only losing weight, but keeping it off for good, does not make you or any one of us who has or like myself going to to get it, weak. In fact I believe that we are the strong ones. We have had to endure years of yo-yo dieting and put downs about our weight and to be left with feelings of hopelessness.

So I say to you and to all my fellow bandsters and bandsters-to-be WE ROCK!!! :thumbup::thumbup:

Your friend has not come to her crossroad as you have, so don't let her negativity get to you. Just pray that she finds the path that is right for to feel good about herself as you are definitely on the way to feeling great about you.

Trini40

[GonBhealthy 0]

In one week I go to the Informative Class at Womans Magee Hospital in Pittsburgh. My husband is coming with me so he too can learn all about the process. I told my best friend, and that is really about it. I tried to tell another friend, but she flipped out just mentioning the surgery.... saying that I am taking the easy way out, and I will prob die, and why can't i loose weight the Normal way? Please understand, she prob has 135lbs to loose, she just recently became a type II diabetic, and has tried to loose weight her entire life. Maybe she is jealous that a I am starting to take this road! I have prayed about this and put this in God's Hands, but He seems to be leading me down this road also. I wouldn't keep any other surgical procedure secret, when i had my tonsils out, and intense sinus surgery I told everyone, When i spent days in the hospital for "lung" problems i told everyone. And gee, I told people when i was on Weight Watchers, and Curves Eating/Exercise program, and Atkins, and Slimfast, and Had personal trainers and personal Nutritionist......... Am i still ashamed of the LBS? Or am i afraid to "watch" people see me fail again? Am i afraid of having more comments thrown at me like my one friend said to me? .......... I don't really know. :thumbup: ALL i do know is that I am tired of being so FAT that i can now hardly tie my shoes. I can't ride a rollercoaster, or jump on the trampoline, i am tired of having Breathing problems and Stomach Problems... i am tired of spending time in the hospital for Obesity related issues. I have 4 teenagers who need me now more than ever. ...... i am tired of working so hard and loosing 12 lbs in one year, just to put it back on and 25lbs + I've said to God....... "you know you could make me thin....... just Touch me in the night, and I'll wake up a size 12, you could if you wanted too" And right now he keeps saying to me........ I'll send you the tool to do this....... i'll send you A wonderful doctor that does Lap Band Surgery!!

I understand about the "friend" comment. I have been fat for about 8 years now, and before that, I was always in shape and at the proper weight, so ever since I have known this particular friend, I have been the "fat friend". SHE could stand to lose a good 30 lbs herself. She has large bone structure, so even if we were both at our ideal weights, she'd be bigger than me. Well, I was talking to her about the surgery a couple of weeks ago, and she had the nerve to say to me, "if you get smaller than me, I'm gonna get pissed". For a moment the comment hurt my feelings, then I thought screw her and her jealousy, so I said to her, "prepare to be pissed because I WILL be smaller than you, I'm made smaller than you, and I will get smaller than you and you can be MY fat friend". That shut her up.

[notateechanow 7]

I decided not to tell anyone about the surgery, for a variety of reasons. First and probably foremost, I didn't want people watching me and expecting the weight to simply fall off of me, as it does with GB patients. I also worried about people judging me, particularly with the possibility of failure. I don't want to feel like the Science experiment at every meal who people watch. I now sit at meals and enjoy my company, not worried about what they'll say. I have never regretted my decision. No one even noticed me gone! I was out of work for only 2 days (I have a flexible job that allows for me to do some work from home) and no one was any wiser. I've even traveled to Aruba twice since surgery and though I had some worries about issues arising and considered telling my girlfriends with whom I traveled, it never came up. Do what you know is right for you. This is solely about you. If you worry about how people react, simply choose not to tell them. I wish you the best. I've changed my eating habits and continue to work out at least 45 minutes every day. No one even wonders why I've lost weight because they all see the changes I've made. Look forward to your new, post surgical life and do what is best for you and your family. May your surgery be complication free! Good luck! :thumbup:

[SanDiegoSusan 1]

Hi Sandibly:

I've told 6 people and this morning I told the 7th. Imagine my surprise when I found out she is considering lap-band too! But I am very, very careful who I tell. First I only tell people who I trust will keep my "secret" and second I only tell people who will give me positive feedback - I stay away from the negative people as I don't need their bad energy.

That said, at this point someone could make the most negative comments in the world about cheating and "doing it the right way" and I would know they were full of poop. First of all, diet and exercise has a 7% long term success rate whereas banding has a 50% success rate. I’ll take the 50% TYVM. Second, I know the band will be a great help when I have to go down to 800 or even 400 calories to lose that last 30 pounds (which have never been gone since I was 8 even when I was walking 5 - 10 miles per day.) It is physically impossible for me to eat that little without help. And I really want to lose that last 30 pounds this time. Third, scientists think the band helps with the control of ghrelin which may be a factor in why some people become obese and some don't. In any case, I've tried for years to lose weight and it always comes back so the old-fashioned method is out for me.

That said you must keep in mind that some people are going to be negative about your decision no matter what. It may scare them - are you placing yourself in danger? Of course you are, this is fairly major surgery. It may make them jealous - will you be prettier now and they will no longer be the one to get the attention when you go out. It may make them fear losing you - will you trade them in for a better model when you are a better model? And they may just be unpleasant people. No matter how hard you try you are going to get negative reactions, even once you are down to your goal weight. The ONLY thing you can control is how you react to this behavior. Many of us have low self-esteem after of lifetime of big and little hurts and injustices. We are probably more apt to care what other people think. But if they are wrong, and they are, you cannot internalize the emotion. First it will drive you back to bad eating habits. Second it does you no good and it's unfair for you to do this to yourself. Do you want people to hate themselves simply because YOU disagree with something they believe or have done? Hopefully not. Just hug yourself, realize that people believe different things because of their personal experiences, and allow them their opinions/disagreements.

In your heart you need to believe this is the best thing for you. You get there and it will not matter what others say (ok, it probably will but you'll be able to deal with it!) And smile, look them in the eye and say "I understand how you can feel that way, but the traditional way does not work for me and this is something I've decided to do after a lot of research. If you want some information on what modern research is discovering about losing weight and why only 7% of people will be able to diet and exercise off excess pounds long term I will share it with you. But because of MY research into the science I am NOT going to change my mind. Thanks for caring though!" :thumbup:

[MacMadame 81]

I don't want the people at work to know until after it's a done deal and I'm somewhat on my journey. This is not because I'm ashamed. It's because I've had bad experiences before with everyone at work knowing my business. I figure if I gradually let people in on it and only after the fact, this will cut down on all the comments about how I shouldn't do it beforehand and, even more importantly, cut down on all the watching everything I eat and questioning it and asking stupid questions and making stupid comments.

[MerryHearted 20]

I'm in the "this is my business" camp. I don't need people watching what I'm eating and commenting on it, or asking me every couple days how much I've lost.

Your weight is not everyone's business, and you don't need any other reason than that for keeping this private.

[SistahGirl 0]

I'm exactly the same! I have the diabetes, etc, and it is hard for diabetics to lose weight. My 1st class isn't until July11th, but the nurse who interviewed me said the doc would probably suggest GB. I told her that I wanted the Lap Band because it doesn't involve cutting any of my internal organs! LOL. I don't know - I say that now, but I have been praying about the Lap Band for the last few years until my ins company started paying for it. I just wish I had found out that in January - perhaps I would be slimmer by now. Hang in there - we can do this!

[Phoenix 2]

People are allowed their opinions, but their opinions are not more important than your opinions.

I've got two detractors. One is on WW, the other is just doom and gloom in general.

Here's the deal.

a) You haven't seen my dad. He's had type II diabetes for 18 years that I know of. He's had 1 severe heart attack. He has no feet, no sternum and dead kidneys. He lives in assisted living at 67. I'd like to pretend that his genes are not a time bomb in my body, but they are.

Yes, of course I can lose weight the "normal way". That isn't the reason I'm having a band put in.

c) I'm normal. You and I have watched (Persons A, B, C, D, E, F) lose weight using the cookie diet, WW, Atkins, South Beach you name it...and do a great job of it -- for a while. And then it creeps back on. I want hardware to prevent the backslide. I'm only willing to do the work one. more. time.

Easy? The sucky thing is that it's not easy at all. Forevermore, instead of having a glass of wine with dinner, I can have a glass of wine OR dinner. Thanksgiving as it was is permenantly over. I'll never drink a Diet Coke again. That ain't easy, that is what permanent looks like.

[GramaLisa 0]

Hi, I too was quiet about it at first and now I tell just about everyone that I am on the journey to Lap Band approval. I have had several responses from good to oh brother, you aren't that heavy. I am 5'3" and weigh 210 pounds. That is too much weight for my small frame! My BMI is 37, I think, and I have several co-morbidities. One person whom I told at work has asked me several questions about the surgery. She is much younger at 33 but she is hypertensive. She is considering getting banded if her insurance will cover it. She takes the BS HMO that is offered at work while I have my husband's BCBS FED PPO. I discussed the surgery with one of my bosses and she was on my side. She had Gastric Bypass surgery several years ago. Her daughter was recently denied Gastric Bypass surgery so I told her about this website and she will pass the info on. Too many people just think I can diet and exercise and get this weight off, SKINNY PEOPLE!!! LOL!!!

[notateechanow 7]

"Easy? The sucky thing is that it's not easy at all. Forevermore, instead of having a glass of wine with dinner, I can have a glass of wine OR dinner. Thanksgiving as it was is permenantly over. I'll never drink a Diet Coke again. That ain't easy, that is what permanent looks like."

It's funny how I never considered all that I'd be giving up to have the surgery. I was devastated the first time I tried to have sicilian pizza and got stuck, but boy, I'm over it. The feeling I had of seeing numbers on the scale that I haven't seen since 1992 were worth every piece of pizza, every soda, and every Thanksgiving dinner I'll have to give up. Things may never be the same again, but the feeling of control over food is so great. To finally enjoy a meal--the company, the experience--and not have the food rule my meal is amazing. I've stopped craving the bad stuff and embracing my new life. It feels great---and it will for you, too! I'm only about 45 pounds down in nearly 6 months, which by standards here seems pretty slow. That doesn't make any difference to me, though. It took me YEARS to eat this on and it's finally leaving. I think about that every 5 mile walk I take and relish how wonderful I feel AND how much less I have to work without my thighs getting in my own way! I've never regretted my decision to have surgery or to keep the surgery my own secret. I love my new life! Good luck with whatever you decide! :eek:

[DebNH 1]

I'm very guarded about my weigh issues...struggles This being said I have only shared my journey with a small handful of trusted people. I have had enough negative bs in my life that I just don't need anymore. Furthermore, I don't want the stress of people looking at me and expecting something.

You have to do this for yourself. Keep your head high and know you are making one of the best decisions of your life. :eek:

[Susanbee 0]

i was banded in april 08. I didn't discuss my banding with anyone except my husband, daughter 21 and son 17. I asked them not to tell anyone. I wanted the decision to be mine. Truthfully I didn't care what anyone else thought. They aren't the ones carrying and extra 150 pounds. As I went to the 6 month nutrition classes i felt like i was doing the right thing for me.That's what was important. The day before my surgery I told my mom, brothers, and sister. Most were supportive....one wanted me to go on a diet and exercise....yea right....anyway. I called 3 of my best friends on a 4 way call and told them. I just didn't want them to worry if they heard i was in the hospital. By this time I was very happy and sure of my decision that I could handle whatever they said. After the surgery I told those that I work with....anyway everything worked out. I'm glad I waited to tell everyone. It is your decision. Don't be discouraged. This is the best thing I ever did for myself. i wish I had the opportunity to do it years ago. Since April I lost 40 pounds......100 plus to go

[Cate18 0]

This may be a silly question, and I'm honestly asking this because I'm interested in the answer. Does everyone think that it's possible to keep this to themselves ? If you're a person that works closely with other employees at work, someone that has close relationships with the people you work with, do you think it's possible to make this choice, and to change your lifestyle without people being concerned ?

I think it's not that people are necessarily being nosy or butting in, but I think if I saw a close colleague of mine eating very little (I've seen some of the food journals of people on this site and not to be critical at all, but I would be concerned if I saw my friend or colleague eating a few bites of refried Beans for lunch and that's it if they were dropping significant weight without knowing it was medical intervention).

So do you think it's feasible that I could keep this to myself ? Or do you think and some point I'll be forced to respond to someone's question ?

[Susanbee 0]

Almost impossible to keep it to yourself if you eat with others. If others were watching me the first thing they would have noticed is the Diet Coke addiction was gone. Yogurt and cottage cheese for lunch...what happened to the pizza and chips. And what do you mean you are going to take 1/2 your lunch to walk....yes you must tell or they will commit you!!!