I hate myself!

[ronwifey 0]

:thumbdown:Ok first I want to say that I know I am stupid! I ate a fricken candy bar today. AM I KIDDING????? Oh and a small chocolate shake this weekend. Not to mention the past couple days I started snacking (DR's ORDERS---->A NO-NO) I am so disgusted with myself. After how much I try to fight the temptation and how hard it is for me to go to the gym everyday but I do.... I go and eat a candy bar and shake and ruin everything! I ate it slowly so it would go down and then cried :drool:. ARGH!!!! Why cry now fat pig, that's what I kept telling myself. My friend said it's because I'm on my period and I do have terrible PMS but I never have had cravings since my surgery like I do now. It's like I'm posessed or something. I feel totally awful and feel like I won't be able to control myself anymore. I really feel like a drug addict..... I went to rehab and WAS doing so good and then I just fell off the wagon! How can I have the strength now to get back up, dust myself off and do this? What is worse then anything is that I'm scared now.....my will power is gone:ohmy:. I'm actually really scared. WHAT HAVE I DONE? I feel like such a failure. :eek:

[Lunabeane 2]

You...my dear...need a hug. You are not a failure! You are a person that ate a candy bar and drank a milkshake. Look at what you have accomplished thus far...you've done wonderful things and you should be proud of yourself. This isn't going to break you and you shouldn't let it.

What do you think you need to get back on the "wagon?" Do you need to speak with someone about how your feeling? Do you need to go and talk to your nutritionist? Let's talk about what you need rather than what you've done. You can't undo what you already did...but you can reign yourself back in.

[BandedButterfly 0]

You are not a failure!!!! This journey does not end as soon as you get the lapband. This is ongoing. Every temptation, thought, of craving of food. You said you feel like a drug addict.... thats because its the same thing!! But with food. Every addiction wether its food, drugs, alcohol, gambling does not stop over night. One thing can not make it go away. You will slip up. If you dont you arent human. After you do you just have to be sure to tell yourself...I CAN do this. And I WILL do this because i'm worth it. And you continue your journey. Also about any addiciton, there is always an underlying factor. It may be worth your time to seek a therapist. It can really help. There are ones that deal with over eating. I also feel that just like a drug/alcohol road to recovery , we should have sponsors too. Please feel free to email me ANYTIME you need someone to help you through a rough spot...a craving, a weak moment. YOU CAN DO THIS!

[Alfie 58]

Hi Jennifer,

Don't go beating yourself up. Hey, you were only just banded. Sometimes things can get rough but you have the band which will help you keep in check in the long run, especially after you get some fills.

I don't know about anyone else's journey but since I've had enough fills to give me some restriction, my cravings have gone so far down. I've had my band in since January and I've done wrong things like eating too much or the wrong stuff but this is different than before the band because I have that tool.

You are not a failure!!

Regards,

Alfie

Edited June 3, 2008 by Alfie

[willbefine 2]

:thumbdown:Ok first I want to say that I know I am stupid! I ate a fricken candy bar today. AM I KIDDING????? Oh and a small chocolate shake this weekend. Not to mention the past couple days I started snacking (DR's ORDERS---->A NO-NO) I am so disgusted with myself. After how much I try to fight the temptation and how hard it is for me to go to the gym everyday but I do.... I go and eat a candy bar and shake and ruin everything! I ate it slowly so it would go down and then cried :drool:. ARGH!!!! Why cry now fat pig, that's what I kept telling myself. My friend said it's because I'm on my period and I do have terrible PMS but I never have had cravings since my surgery like I do now. It's like I'm posessed or something. I feel totally awful and feel like I won't be able to control myself anymore. I really feel like a drug addict..... I went to rehab and WAS doing so good and then I just fell off the wagon! How can I have the strength now to get back up, dust myself off and do this? What is worse then anything is that I'm scared now.....my will power is gone:ohmy:. I'm actually really scared. WHAT HAVE I DONE? I feel like such a failure. :eek:

If there is one truth that I have learned since being banded, is that my inability to FORGIVE MYSELF for making mistakes, is the single most harmful thing that I do to sabotage my success. The cycle goes as follows. I mess up...say for example at Breakfast. I beat myself up, I tell myself, "well I screwed up this meal...may as well screw up lunch...then dinner..then breakfast tomorrow...then lunch tomorrow...then dinner tomorrow...etc. And why go to my Aerobics class...I just had a piece of fried chicken(chocolate, etc.)Next thing I know, I've lost an entire week of doing the things I MUST do to be successful with the band. I too have had a bad couple of days here.Today, my child's babysitter, gave me a plateful of her delicious homemade enchiladas. I ate them in the car on the way home. By the time I got home, I had stressed myself out by beating myself up for having eaten them...that to DEAL with the stress I was FEELING....I had some of the casserole that I had prepared the night before for my family (it had pasta/spaghetti in it with lots of cheese). Feeling horrible, I headed for the track to do m 2.5 miles ANYWAY. To most of you, this might seem like spinning my wheels, and I may be. The old me would've skipped the walking and spent the rest of the night wallowing in self pity. The new me somehow found the strength and self-love to say, "You screwed up girl, but let's turn it around NOW before it gets out of hand." Progress is progress. PS. Constant prayer is essential. Sometimes when I don't have the strength to turn down food, God does for me what I can't do for myself. It may not be wise to listen to a slow loser like myself (10lbs. in 7 weeks) but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

[Numbrgirl 0]

Such good responses!! I agree!! We must just pick ourselves up with a resolve to do better with the next choice that we must make. No sense in wallowing in the self-pity................

[tsoto1234 0]

we all have been there, try to let it go and go forward. Easier said than done, I know, but you are not alone. God gave us another day to start all over. Hang in there.

[ronwifey 0]

Thank you all so much for the great replies. You all are 100% right........ no more self pity and today is a new day! This thread should be a sticky for all those who might go through what I'm going through. Who needs a therapist with all you guys. :biggrin2: Once again, thank you all for your encouraging and supportive replies. :thumbup:

I feel so much better. THANK YOU and BIG {{{HUGS}}}}

[Big Fred 0]

Please don't beat yourself up. I was banded on 10-25-07, so far I have lost 80 lbs. We didn't get this way by being able to say NO to the food we love.

It's what we do after we eat the candy bar (beleive me - we all have done it). I truly believe that we need to re-learn the whole eating experience, the road to success is paved with stumbling blocks. Again - please do not beat yourself up, pull up the straps and move on.

You made the hardest decision of all, getting the band. From today on is the rest of your life.

You can do it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

03-24-07 - 374lbs - Started Journey

10-25-07 - 349lbs - Surgery Date

06-03-08 - 294lbs - Still Working It

[slimmy120 2]

Hey don't look at it that way, it is a new way of life, we will have lapses but slim people have that drink, that cake, etc, now and then, it is not what you have in one meal -- think of it as being overall what you have in the 3 meals and 2 Snacks a day over 365 days of the year. Hey and now you are probably more active than you had been before.

[anniedub 0]

Jennifer,

A candy bar and a choc shake. Not a problem.

Think about what a "binge" might have been pre-band. Would you ever have stopped at ONE candy bar? Or would it have been a whole block of chocolate, plus some sodas, chips and cake for good measure?

You ARE a success - the fact that you have taken this important step in your life proves that. Don't worry about every little slip-up, no-one is perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him :eek:

Much love x

[bangiebb 0]

Lunabean...

What a sweet gently response. You're the reason we come here. To be uplifted and empowered. I could hear the Love & Care in your tone for someone who's fallen off the wagon. The tone strenghtens and is a motivator. Thank U!

[sistasassy 6]

Truly, Lunabeane, you are a sweetheart. It is people like you that put the "support" in a support group.

I think that sometimes we begin to think that our band (mine is yet to come so I am speculating) is going to be the food police. I think the mental thing we have to learn is that the band helps us learn to be our own food police and it is sort of the reinforcement police.

We are going to fail at times. That is part of being human. We just have to learn to get back up, dust ourselves off and get back on that wagon.

I know my struggles are yet to come and that they WILL come. I hope everyone is there to help dust me off when it is my turn.

[Numbrgirl 0]

Definitely doesn't act as the "food police" - but I am always conscious that it is there - so maybe "big brother" ??!!??!!!! 8-)

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

Don't beat yourself up! Everyone has a candy bar now and then... I don't think one candy bar every once in awhile is bad.

The reason I got the band is because I didn't want to "diet". I didn't want to beat myself up over everything I ate. The band prevents, as someone already said, the bingeing and eating too much. It's a tool to help us. But getting mad over one candy bar and a shake- don't do that to yourself! You're better than that! I've learned I can have some shake- I don't order one for myself, I'll just take a sip or two from my husband's. It fulfills the craving and desire.