First problem...

[drew05 20]

As some of you know, I have been relatively secretive about getting this procedure. Not because I'm embarrassed about it, but because I just don't think that it's most people's business. Well this evening there were some family members over and we all met at my parents house. Everyone that was there knew about it. It was like immediate family. Brothers, parents, grandmother, a few cousins. You know, close. Well I was telling my brother about my first meeting with the surgeon and he made an offhand comment about me just being lazy. And it really hurt. He's about as big as me now, but when we were younger (he's actually my younger brother. I'm the oldest of 3) he was always the skinny one. He always had a girlfriend while I struggled there. I guess it was an even exchange as I was always the popular one (our personalities are polar opposites) and I always had more friends. He's married and has two kids now, so I guess him getting bigger is just fine because he doesn't have to worry about impressing anyone or anything of that sort. It was funny to hear him make this offhanded comment about me being lazy because the rest of my family (whom wholeheartedly approve of my decision) jumped down his throat and explained to him that the lap band is a tool, not a solution. It's going to help me loose weight, not loose it for me. His response was that he lost 5 pounds this week and he thought I could do it too. I tried to explain to him that him loosing 5 pounds this week doesn't mean he's going to keep that up and that I have a lot more than 5 pounds to loose. He said he works with someone who had GBP and they were lazy and lost all this weight without doing anything. I tried to explain to him about the differences between the Lap Band and GBP. He's very stubborn though, and still told me that he thought I didn't need it. It just really got under my skin that my own brother thought that my decision to better my life is just the result of me being lazy. I'm sorry for writing a book here, but I just had to get my feelings out there and I feel like everyone here is super nice and probably some of the most understanding people I've ever met, on the internet or in real life. Thanks for hearing me out :biggrin2:

Edited June 2, 2008 by drew05

[gingercat 1]

Hmmmmm...I think your brother is a little bit envious you are now getting your health & future on track! Also to be fair it may well

be his (stupid) way of saying he is concerned & worried about you

having WLS???

I know its difficult with family opinions but its your life decision not

his & by the sounds of things the rest of your family are backing

you 100%!

Can't you meet up with him on his own & have coffee & a better conversation about the WLS & give him your take on this?

Take Care

Gingercat

Ps Keep us all posted :-)

[MissWilde 0]

Hey Drew,

It's really good your family on the whole are supporting you, there is prob a lot of reason's he's not supporting you which could range from his own insecurities to just being ill informed! If he's as big as you now wait till he starts seeing how well you are doing and I bet he will soon change his mind! I hope you don't let his off the cuff comment dampen your day too much!

KiKi XX

[jet 0]

sorry you had soem issues with someone so close to you. but this is YOUR decision and YOUR life. jsut as you cant live his life. just ignore him and let him know if its raised again, that you are very pleased and proud of your achievement and that you would prefer his support but if you dont have it then he should say nothing.

his "lazy" comment is a cop out.. all of us here know how hard it is.. I believe you have done a great thing. theres nothing lazy aboty it, it certainly is hard work. all the best to you.

as a foot note I havent told everyone some people dont understand how it works, but Ive gladly accepted their compliments on my weight loss. no need for them to know how i did it. just that i watch what i eat. I told my siblings, they dont all udnerstand it but were certainly pleased that i thought about it and made the right decision for ME.

[erikadawn 0]

I would not worry about it because if it were just about being lazy or not, why is he even big now? do what you are supposed to do. mark my words he will come back later and ask questions about the lap band. friends who told me I didnt need it, now are interested since I am losing weight.

[gone 4 ever 6]

Drew, first of all congrats on your decision to get the LB. Second it is YOUR life, YOUR decision, not your family or freinds. I hate it that your brother feels this way. Chances are he is frightened of you doing this on many levels. He may loose 5lbs or 50 lbs, but that don't mean he won't gain twice as much back and sooner than he thinks. Give him pamplets heck have him check out this web site! But whatever you do, DON'T let anyone discourage you from doing it. Good luck on your journey and my prayers are with you.

[Sue Magoo 71]

Hi Drew:

Why don't you show your brother how "lazy" you are. Challenge him to work out with you over the next few months and you'll both loose (and win by losing). It might be a good way to get past this issue with him.

I'll admit that I used to be lazy. It's hard to be active when you weigh over 300 pounds. However, I'm more active than most and have been for 13 months now.

Good luck.

Sue

[neverB4 2]

My own daughter said I was taking the easy way out. That hurt worse than the comments I got from my MIL...but my daughter now sees how hard I'm struggling, just 4wks post-op. She said she would love to lose the weight I have, but there's no way she could only eat 1/2 cup each meal. The good outweighs the bad...she's my world and one of the main reasons for me doing this!

[HeatherO 7]

I would just let it go for now. He is your brother and I am sure he cares about you. He doesn't know enough about the surgery yet, and maybe he is a little intimidated by it. As time goes on and you are seeing results, it might be a little easier to discuss it.

[BayCityBandster 1]

Soounds like jealousy to me!

[gilliebean 1]

I think you and he should do an experiment. You say your both about the same size so after your surgery you and him do a biggest loser and see who loses the most and how fast. That will show him the benefit of the surgery.

[drew05 20]

Thanks for the responses everyone. Sorry I had some early morning classes and didn't get a chance to respond sooner. All of these ideas are great. And I kind of figured it might be a jealousy thing or an insecurity thing. I'm not letting it ruin my day but it just really got to me because we grew up together and he knew very well the struggles I went through.

And I REALLY like the ideas everyone gave me. I'm going to try the biggest loser one and the exercise one with him and see what he says after a few months pre band and post band. Thank you again everyone for your support. You never let me down!

[Vicki J 0]

Drew - WLS has many different effects on those around us. Most of the time the negative ones come from worry or not understanding. There have been a bunch of great suggestions and another one would be to take him to a support group meeting with you. My family has been pretty supportive but they don't hesitate to tell me that they are worried. My response to that has become "you shouldn't worry I'll loose too much but should have been worried that I had all this weight to loose and I'm still trying to reach a healthy weight." With WLS we tend to get a lot of attention from our family and friends. His statement about loosing 5 lbs may have been a "look at me too" statement.

Does your brother have the abiltiy to get WLS? Is he afraid of it? Maybe he would like to join you but feels like he can't for some reason. You also said he mentioned people who have had GBS and maybe he's afraid of some of the health related issues. Who knows.

Maybe the inviting him to exercise with you and being extra supportive to him if he comments on his loosing will swing the tables in both directions. He will see that you have to be very careful and that this is not the "easy way" out but he may also be hesitant to mention it if you're doing what he can't by loosing weight. You're going to be a major center of attention while you loose because your friends and family are going to be so proud of you. If it is jealousy, it's going to be worse unless something he does isn't recognized as much.

Good luck to you in both this situation and your surgery. Throw some love and understanding his way and this too will pass.

[aubrie 6]

Just wait until his wife sees how successful you are and starts riding his ass to lose weight. Then he discovers how hard it is to keep it off. He'll be asking you for help in a couple years. Just wait. I think he sounds envious of you. It's a sibling competition thing. Just let it play out. You'll come out on top.

[juliegeraci 7]

Sorry you went through this with your Brother. This is not about being lazy. Lapband is a tool and you will still have to exercise. Good luck to you!