LB Haters!!!

[brandyII 9]

I think a lot of the negativity comes from people feeling that the band is being attacked and they take it as a personal attack on "their life style choice" they've chosen. It's almost like telling them their child is ugly or mean and they're trying to protect their baby cubs!

Maybe life style choice isn't the right way to label it but I think you catch my drift.

Edited June 16, 2008 by brandyII

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I agree that this site seems plagued with a lot of negativism. I have said this on a number of threads here. I can understand frustration when other people write negative things that upset me. What I can't get my head around is that the "I hate xyz" threads spawn more negative threads- like this one. This is another negative thread. How does this change the climate here?

I have never found negative words to lead to positive consequences.

Perhaps my reply will lead to another round of attacks and personal criticisms. That would be very sad to me.

How about instead, we turn this around to a gratitude thread, or a joke thread, or a "you go girl" thread, or a how can we reach out to others who are struggling thread, instead of a "I hate people who don't feel like I do thread?

KatW

IOW... we dodge truth in favor of, "You go girlie!!"??

[bandfan1 0]

katw, don't be sad. There will ALWAYS be those people who thrive on negativity:mad:. They will always see the glass as half empty:angry_smile:. The truth is that there is always something positive in every situation:lol:. These people are so programmed to only see the negative that they can't see any other view. They attract it into their life!! Everyone should watch The Secret. It explains about how we attract things into our life. If anybody is interested in knowing about how to change their negative attitude, they should go to:

www.what-is-the-secret.com

For now, I recommend that those of you who don't want to be pulled down by these "anchors" stay away from this thread. I know that I will!!!!

All the best to all of you!! :smile:

[*susan* 1,709]

While I understand we may get tired of these threads, or seeing the same things posted numerous times, the bottom line is these people are here for support. I believe that is what this is, a support board. If we come across a post that we find to be utterly ridiculous and we cannot respond to it without being snarky (and it is not in R&R) then perhaps it is best to just ignore that post and not go back to it.

I was once a newbie. I was scared, nervous, and if something was happening to me, I wanted my question answered immediately. I didn't take the time to search, I was too busy operating under panic mode. I try and remember that when I see what I feel is the same post I have seen a hundred times before and the only difference is the OP's name. So, I answer them. I don't always agree with what some of them do or say, but I try to disagree in a manner that isn't snarky or rude (even though I admit I am sure some of my posts may come across as otherwise, while not intending too, it is simply a fact of life when not communicating in person). And, I don't then turn around and start a new thread simply to make fun of people and their concerns, lack of experience, etc. I know some people find that to be amusing, I don't. I refuse to participate in threads such as those. They contribute nothing to the board except scare newbies off from a place where they should be able to come and find comfort and support for what they are experiencing. I try to take a higher ground as much as possible, unless we are talking about my ex-husband and his wife, lol, then there is no higher ground for me.

Edited June 21, 2008 by susan4794

[KatW 0]

IOW... we dodge truth in favor of, "You go girlie!!"??

I don't understand what you are asking. Are you asking if the truth and supportive behavior to others are antithetical? I need some clarification to your question before I answer. i don't know what IOW means.

[MicheleK 8]

I want people to post about bad experiences...I want to keep tabs on all the facts. If I don't know what to look for (symptoms wise) I might shrug something off that could be really serious.

That being said, people that abuse their band and then bitch and moan about it not working bother me. Similar to a funny thread I saw the other day "I ate 5 chickens, do you think my band will be okay?" Kind of the same thing. I see posts a lot about people eating normal portions (or implying it anyway) and puking all the time...then wondering why their band slipped....duh!

It has been my experience in life, you get what you put in. Perhaps those numbers for slippage patients are 7%, but how many are random slips, and how many are slips from people abusing their band?

I have a friend that has the band and has since 2003. She has gained 40lbs (after losing 120) and she barfs after every meal...because she still eats like a 350lb woman. She has horrible reflux and constant stomach issues. She's 52 years old...and still won't follow correct procedure (even though she's been warned over and over). She drinks milkshakes ALL DAY, buys Starbucks bottled drinks by the CASE and eats sugar filled, fatty foods. If her band slips I will not be shocked...at all.

I'm terrified of having an object placed in my body, I'm also terrified of surgery....but, you know what I'm even more scared of??? Living (and dying) with this weight.

[KatW 0]

Terrible to me to go through all of this and still be consumed by my disease -ie. compulsive eating. I am shocked by some of the things people do once they are banded. I just see them as sick, not stupid, lazy, other negative words. I see them as still trapped in the throws of a life threatening disease. All my scorn, anger, disregard, sense of superiority because I have found some recovery that they have not, will avail them nothing. When others did it to me, I never got better, I got worse. Healing is never found with harsh and derogatory behavior. It is no different to me than berating a person with the stomach flu for throwing up. I try to give understanding, because I do understand-I was once there. I try give support- Because I needed it to get better. I try to refrain from judgement- Because when i was judged, I was filled with shame when what I needed was compassion.

I get the frustration- I have it too. i can see the path that I have taken and know that if this person found some of what i have found they would do better- but my frustration that they are not there doesn't help them at all.

I want everyone to succeed, but we all do it in our own time, and some of us never make it. But I believe that we are all the same on the scale of imperfect.

[*susan* 1,709]

KatW, I agree with you so much. Just because one gets the band, it doesn't automatically fix the behavioral issues as well. They may go into this 100% thinking they are ready to make the commitment, they are ready to listen to their band, eat healthier, exercise, etc. And they may do so, for a while. But the bottom line is, for many of us we are trying to break lifelong habits. And that doesn't always happen overnight. For those who do have a multitude of success and are able to change all their habits and have wonderful willpower immediately upon getting the band placed, that is fantastic and I am truly happy for them. But, there are those who are not as fortunate. And, they need our help and support. They do not need our ridicule. The thread MicheleK mentioned as funny, I find to be sad and in poor taste, especially on a "support" board. I see it as a cry for help. I see it as them saying, I got this band, I am still unable to break my old habits, I don't want to damage my band and I need to find a way to deal with the mental as well as the physical issues. I am still dealing with the behavioral issues every day, and I hope I can help these people as many others on this board have helped me.

Edited June 23, 2008 by susan4794

[KatW 0]

Susan, I am so glad to hear you say that about that particular thread. I was really bothered by it. I posted nothing on it. i thought that would only feed the flames. I hope that it dies a death of neglect.

[anonemouse 1]

I dunno. I personally feel that the people that particular post is lampooning aren't the folks that are posting for help. They're the ones that are posting to brag that they can eat so much so soon, the ones that are looking for affirmation that what they are doing isn't bad for them. You can tell the difference between the tone of the posts made by the people that are truly scared that they're continuing bad habits or are honestly worried and the posts by the folks that don't seem to give a damn that they're endangering their bands and really seem to almost take pride in what they're doing. You know, the ones that ignore the 99.9% of replies that tell them that what they're doing or planning on doing isn't a good idea, for the one or two posts that say, "Go ahead, I did it, too. You'll be fine!" Those people aren't crying out for help in any way whatsoever.

[Jachut 487]

Hmmmm, not sure. I belong to another lap band board, ironically set up by people who were banned from here when they were finally pushed too far by the resident lap band haters of the time.

Funnily enough, that place is happy, positive and supportive. People have questions, sometimes of the kind that you get tired of reading over and over again, but they are newbies so they're answered with patience.

Even funnier, there just is never those I just ate 400 oreos types of posts. There are a few people whom you read to be a bit plagued by the victim mentality, but they try hard to face their lives positively. There are NEVER arguments. When people are not having the results that they want they post questions, they try to analyse the replies, they weigh up pros and cons and ask more questions etc.

I've never seen anyone actually blame their band. They've never failed to continue trying to do their bit so the band can work for them. Some people have lost 20lb in 2 years!

Its just so darned different. What is it about here? Just more people I guess. Or maybe they find the other board and dont like it becuase they dont see an environment that will indulge their negativity.

Yeah, I could nick off and hang there all the time. Sometimes I do. But its a serious question, what makes it different here? Is it coz its larger, more public yet more anonymous?

But yeah, nobody ever blames the band.

[MicheleK 8]

I didn't post on the "5 chicken" thread either, I didn't even read much past the first couple of posts. What I meant was I realized the thread was posted tongue and cheek and meant to be funny (in a sarcastic way).

I don't find eating disorders amusing, as I've had one my entire life and it's pretty much controlled me for 15+ years.

[Guest Leslie2Lose]

I've been out of town so I haven't been able to get on here in a few days. I feel that I need to defend myself.

First of all, I started this in the RANTS area for a reason. I was very upset a month ago when I originally posted. I'd only been on here for a month and it seemed every other thread was negative. They were only band bashing; they were not offering up any information on themselves, asking for any help or looking for support of any kind. They also weren't looking to themselves to find an answer - they weren't being accountable for their own actions. That is who this thread was directed towards.

As I stated in my original post, this was NOT directed to those struggling, asking questions or looking for help. I take exception to the suggestion that I would ever make fun of anyone or start a thread to bash those people. Hell, I AM one of those people!

I'm glad there are people out there that are better than me and they can take the higher ground. I'm glad ya'll can overlook things that bother you and not voice your opinion (even if it comes off as negative). 98% of the time I am a postive person and it really bothers me that the one time I chose to state something negative, I get my head bitten off for it. What is the Rant area for if you can't rant?

[MicheleK 8]

I agree with you Leslie. Negativity is sooooo toxic.

[charliegirl 0]

I would sell my soul for a band, I have been referred to the National Health Service by my GP and I am waiting and waiting for the primary care trust to sit around a table and say yeah or nay without even knowing me. I have researched so much on this subject I think I could write a book, I know it will change my life and I dont care that my boobs may shrink or I wont be able to eat full meals again, I will endure the liquid diet, the mush whatever I have to do in order to get my life back on track and see the weight go. I spend every waking minute thinking about this and just want the chance to give it a go. I promise faithfully I will do exactly as I am told re fills etc, I will not eat around the band, I will not moan about any pain from wind or the lack of food I can eat.

PCT JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE I WONT LET YOU DOWN AND WASTE YOUR MONEY!