I'm here to help...

[phyllser 3]

Popping in for a quick one. Read the posts...can't respond and want to. Eva...I did the first couple of days of cooking, feeding, etc. cuz I figured the siblings needed time to talk and let MIL death sink in without worrying. I then backed off and let them each know all they had to do is call if they needed something. It's worked out well. Have had a few calls for things but not unreasonable requests.

Heading into FIL for supper with the family. A neighbor of his brought it in. My poor FIL is spent and BIL is being so good to keep him rested and on his routine (kind of).

Gotta go. So much to say (crying at Laura's post and photos....what a special little guy). Later

I think your nickname is all wrong!! Cuz.... You're a PEACH!! You are handling this unexpected family crisis so graciously!

Eva, I've always thought of "vespers" as evening prayers. I found this definition on the internet though:

ves·pers also Ves·pers (vsprz)

pl.n. (used with a sing. or pl. verb)

1. Ecclesiastical

a. The sixth of the seven canonical hours.

b. A worship service held in the late afternoon or evening in many Western Christian churches.

c. The time of day appointed for this service.

2. Evensong.

3. Roman Catholic Church A service held on Sundays or holy days that includes the office of vespers.

Here's another Zoey story..... two nights ago when I came to bed, Zoey was still snuggled up at the foot of the bed. I'm supposed to put her in her crate when I come to bed. DH goes to bed usually about 2 hrs before me and gets up about 2 hrs before me. Zoey has that time on the bed and not in the crate. So.... I didn't put her in the crate 2 nights ago. DH woke up and said, "she needs to go in the crate." I said, "why? she's okay." So he left her there. Last night... I was exhausted from the turmoil of the day... car accident, sick puppy in the morning, 3 hrs chasing the grandkids around Seattle Science Center... so I went to bed when DH went. Had an awful headache and couldn't keep my eyes open. So, I headed back, told DH to bring the crate with him when he came. He follows me back... no crate. I said, "you forgot the crate." He says, "We don't need it anymore!!" LOL!! The Dog Rules... puppy has worked her way through to sleeping on the bed. And the cat is tolerating it just fine! She used to leave the bed and the room when I brought Zoey back and put her in the crate. Gradually she started staying. Now they are sharing the bed!! HAHAHA!!

[IndioGirl55 32]

Good Evening Ladies

Laura - You will tell Nelson when the time is right.. So his real bday is 7/31 and 3/1 is his bday on his birth certificate?? Oh that would be confusing - I would Celebrate the 2 too ;0)..

His birth Mother would be so happy to know that Nelson is so loved and well taken care of - How much you cherish him - I'm crying now too.. Hugs !!!

Charlene - WTG on exercise - You are doing excellent

Eva - Yep girl you need to get your butt in gear - hiking - I exercise can't say I like hiking :0) only did it once ;0) the bump & grind trail - 1000 ft elevation - it was ok - did it about a year ago - have to drive to Palm Desert - my gym is closer ;0)

Cheri - 2 hrs dancing ;0) wtg

Great - Did you go camping??

Julie - I know you can't exercise - but you can walk ;0) take 10 minutes and walk up/down your street. Glad you got the invitations done..

Apples - Well we need some structure here I think - pple need to get the whole lifestyle thing - and exercise is part of that..

My exercise for the Week

Sun - Mon - Tues - 2x Wed = 5 days..

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

Walked for over an hour this morning and then took a long walk with grandkids pushing a double stroller this afternoon. Gave a bath to all three grandkids. Now I'm too pooped to pop.

Trivia: Victorian "fainting couches" were used for women who were said to have the "vapors." Women in upper society could afford to have these "attacks" and swoon with great drama when their delicate sensibilities were wounded.

Got a kick out of the "vespers" thing though.

Cheri

[Charlene K 1]

Hi gang..........just checking in. Temp was 97 today, but the humidity was 55%.....yay! I kept my pedometer on all day and I did 11,208 steps......that was walking and working around the house.

Janet, sorry about the drama. I think seventeen is the toughest age for a teenager and the person raising the seventeen year old. You are an awesome grandma/mother. Props to you!!!!!

Phyl, thanks for the update. Yep, when they stay in bed....they rule! Charlie goes under the covers half the night next to me and half with DH. Zoey is the little Princess now!

Eva, Is that flood anywhere near you?

Cheri, You walked an hour......i don't think I can do that yet, but I am working on it. The heat gets to me.

Apples......prayers for you and family.....thoughts too. HUGS!

I hope all of you have a great evening and Sunday!

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

I took advantage of the cooler weather to get that walk in.

Janet, I too am sorry about the drama, but glad you held your ground. You've never given Andrew back or away and there's no comparison between him and Riley and deep inside he knows it. But he needs to know that you have boundaries. He played every emotional card he could but you called his bluff. He'll respect you for it.

Cheri

[llkb4me 1]

Hi Everybody,

Not back with ex BF really, just talking and spending time. Not sure if this will continue. He is the friend that has the brain tumor. Everything seemed to be going good, making plans, living, then the woman he was seeing called & said she was researching his tumor & basically told him he has less time then they thought. The Drs don't know how much time, They don't even think it's cancerous yet. Why would someone do this. I am pissed majorly. This just seemed to suck the life right out of him. I gave him the book "Last Lecture" to read, it's about living not dying. Really seemed to be helping him, now he is pushing everyone away. I feel like a yoyo and very emotional.

This is not setting me back it's pushing me to walk more. Janet you are in my head the whole time I walked. Did another 4 miles last night. I am taking your challenge and walking with it, pun intended.

Don't feel like much of a friend to you all because all I seemed to do is vent. I am sorry.

LauraK

[Apples2 19]

Oh LauraK...sounds like you are beside yourself with what is going on with your friend. But, so good to hear that you are relieving your stress with walking.

Maybe that ex GF did not intend to be mean....maybe she is just a bit stupid???? Just be a good friend to him as I am sure he must need one with what he is dealing with. And, you vent???? You are the least of the venters. I could teach you some tricks.

Jessica...so good to see your post. Sorry you have been struggling. I'm just going to be blunt....STAY ON YOUR MEDS (please). Try to check in more often. Your mother hens miss you and miss hearing about what you are up to.

I was re-reading some of the posts this morning and realized I must have missed a page cuz some things were just not making sense and I couldn't find the post to coincide. Oh well, no time available today to respond like I want to. I feel so out of touch with you guys the last few weeks. But, just know that I usually read every word when catching up.

Everyone is sleeping in today. Did a simple Breakfast cuz I figured ppl would be getting up at diff times, showering, etc. and not sitting down all at once. Made up some cherry muffins last night and put batter in frig to pop in oven this morning. Then did the inners for Breakfast burritos and all I have to do this morning is fill, add cheese and heat.

Wake today 4-7 with family being at the funeral home at 3. This will be the first time in many, many, many years that all 7 siblings will be in the same place at the same time. Some silly little grudge that started the feud and no one can remember what the rift is between certain sibs. Silly to let it go this long.

OK, have some ready for breakfast. Gotta go. Hey...nice to see everyone checking in with their exercise for the day. Later

[1day at a time 2]

Laura,

I think Nels will understand when he finds out. He may know something based on what he said to the child from Holland. It shows your character that you worry about the mother.

[LittleOleMeinFL 1]

Laura, I'm adopted too. My adopted parents never hid the fact from me (at least I seemed to always have known I was adopted). What my parents told me was my "real" mother loved me but wasn't able to take care of me. I do think it is an individual thing, but I never felt abandoned or weird about it. I was loved and that was the important thing. I think Nelson will do just fine and so will you. I loved the prayer you posted. You and Nael are wonderful people.

Eva

Eva~ Thanks for sharing. It helps me so much to know that others who were adopted can and do live normal lives without feeling abandoned. It says a lot for your family too and how they did make you feel loved.

So much to say (crying at Laura's post and photos....what a special little guy). Later

Thanks Apples~ he is a special guy. He remembers all of you from the FL trip, btw. He has all the stuff you gave him in his room and he still wears your son's JD hat all the time. hugs.

Laura - You will tell Nelson when the time is right.. So his real bday is 7/31 and 3/1 is his bday on his birth certificate?? Oh that would be confusing - I would Celebrate the 2 too ;0)..

His birth Mother would be so happy to know that Nelson is so loved and well taken care of - How much you cherish him - I'm crying now too.. Hugs !!!

Yes, it is confusing. But that's why I HAVE to Celebrate both. But I make the July one just DH, Me and nels. I told my family that they shouldn't do anything (calls, cards, gifts). We keep the 3-1 for everyone else. Hugs back. Thanks hon.

Laura,

I think Nels will understand when he finds out. He may know something based on what he said to the child from Holland. It shows your character that you worry about the mother.

Thanks Melissa. I agree with you- I think he knows more than he talks about. That's what the psychologist said- she said he knew but wasn't ready to deal/talk about it yet. But the most important thing was to keep the lines of communication open and always let him know he can talk/ask questions ANYTIME. thanks.

Good morning girls~

Thanks for all the hugs and love. I felt it. Mothering- is something we all know. Either we had one or are one or both. I appreciate each and everything you guys shared and said. And the PMs just warmed my heart. Friday, when I wrote that first post, was my crying day. Friday night Nels was supposed to go to a "lock down" (supervised play) at karate 7-9. DH got home around 5, he saw my red, puffy eyes and just held me. He knew with just one look what had happened and what I was thinking (later we talked). He made me a chocolate martini (espresso vodka, Godiva Liqueur, and a splash of cream.) I had been so tight all day and had not eaten- and this was just what the doctor ordered! Then he proposed a family swim. We all jumped in the pool and laughed and hugged. DH grilled burgers for them- they showered and watched tv together until bed time- I took my shower and fell asleep early. We never made it to TKD, but Nelson didn't care. (seems DH offered to take him and he didn't want to go).

Yesterday was just a PERFECT day. I hope it is a day that will be etched in his memory, as I know it will be in mine. That morning when we he got up, I hugged and kissed him like every other morning but told him it was HIS day. He was allowed to pick what he wanted to eat for all 3 meals and what we did and played and watched on tv etc.. (and if he wanted to eat). We played in the morning (with the new toys). He wanted Burger King for lunch (to get the toy for the movie Cats and Dogs that we were going to see). We met his best friend Nick & Mom at the mall. Saw the movie and then had ice cream and the boys played. Came home and played in the sand. I let him get out the whole wagon of toys (usually I only let him get out 5 or so), but this day we dumped the whole thing out! While he was playing in the sand, I was behind him in a chair getting sun- we had a talk. I always found the best talks with kids were when they weren't required to have eye contact (like in the car or at bed snuggle time with the lights out)- makes them feel safer and able to open up. I asked him if he remembered his Great GM from Turkey. He said yes (he saw her a few months ago in NC, and prior to that a year earlier- he loves her). I said, you lived with GGM for a few weeks before I got to meet you. He said really? Then I said GM, GF and I came- and then you came home to the US. I said the day you came into my life was the happiest day of my life! I asked him if he remembered being in Turkey and he said the first thing he remembers was his Jeep walker he had here at our house. One of the songs my GM used to sing to him- I reminded him of- he said that song reminds me of being a baby and that's why I don't like it. And then we talked about rice pudding which is one of his favorite things to eat(made with milk, sugar, rice flour). I said that was the first thing you ever ate with GGM, and since then you have loved it. Then we talked about one of our books (a mother bird has a full nest and one of her babies falls out of the nest and into the pocket of a kangaroo who had wanted a baby for a long time. She told the mommy bird that she would take care of him b/c she didn't have enough food or room in the nest. It made the mommy bird so happy to know that the little bird was warm and loved and happy.) So, I said, I am like the kangaroo mommy and you were my little bird. I said that's what it is when you're adopted. He said, "oh, ok. I think I already knew that" and he returned to digging a tunnel with a backhoe. I said, "mommy needs a hug" and he came and gave me the BIGGEST, sandiest hug ever! I had tears in my eyes (but was wearing sunglasses). We went swimming and then DH came home (he was on call and working all day). Nels decided on his dinner..LOL. Corn, chips, apple slices and ice cream sandwich. We watched a movie and stayed up pretty late. At bedtime I said we talked about a lot today, huh? he said, yeah. I said, if you ever have questions or want to talk about it you can always come to me and daddy, ok? He said ok. I told him I loved him and snuggled. Usually I leave to let him fall asleep but he was so tired within a minute he fell asleep. I stayed and held him for about 30 min. Just smelling him and listening to him breathe- remembering him as a baby who is now a big 6 year old boy. He still makes the same little sounds as he falls asleep. I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe how lucky a person I am to have such a beautiful boy. I was happy with how the "talk" went and glad that the foundation we had built the last few years was strong. It made the first layer of information easy to put out there. My biggest fear had been that he would hear that he was adopted from someone else before I got a chance to tell him. (some other parents from his school know- and you never know if they told their kids or they had overheard- or who might have big mouths) Now, at least he's heard it. When he's ready he will ask more questions. I could tell he was ok with the info but didn't really want to ask anything else. What a perfect day it was. I am the most blessed mom in the world. Thank you God.

Wow. Tearing up just writing that for you guys. The photos will not do justice for the day. Can't capture that with a camera. But I will share never the less.

Thank you guys for everything. I promise to get back in the groove with the conversations and postings. Love you all, peasout.. Laura

[Apples2 19]

OMG, Laura..thank you for sharing all you have on your feelings and how you have handled easing Nels into sharing his adoption with him. I can feel all your emotions and just know that you are feeling better to today after the special day you have with Nels and DH. You are a great Mommy and there is a reason Nels is with you and DH. Way to go Mommy!

I know I have a lot of crying to do the next couple of days and you sharing this opened up the flood gates. I have a confession to make. I have not cried yet and MIL died Wed night. Kept telling DH that this it NOT like me not to be able to cry. I just think I was so concerend about DH and both DS's feelings that I did not allow concern for my own. Well, damn it, you started the process (thanks...I needed to). Love ya

[IndioGirl55 32]

Laura - what a wonderful day !!! my gf was adopted and yes parents tell the kids (my mom told me and told me it was a secret) so ya I would sure lay that foundation before one of those kids lets the secret slip)..

You are so blessed with a wonderful family !!!

Apples - Crying sometimes it takes a while - and you have had so much loss lately - I don't know how to say this without coming across cold hearted - but after alot of death - you get harden to it - accept it as much as we can as a fact of life and your main concern has been your dh..

Did you have a good relationship w/you mil?? 7 yrs apart - well maybe this will bring them together..

Laurak - WTG on your walking !!!! Ya this whole BF thing has to be difficult..

Charlene - Andrew's 19 now ;0) not really a kid anymore - but to me he will always be my baby and that's the problem.

I over compensate - did it w/my DS for not having a daddy around - did it w/Andrew ;0).. WTG on your exercise

Well gang drive by need to eat something - but not hungry..

CBL

[Apples2 19]

Janet...trying to answer your question without sounding like I am being disrespectful...MIL was a cold and bitter woman. Put FIL through hell and DH and a few of her daughters also. Only had enough love for 3 of her 7 children. No wonder the riff in the family.

I can feel good within my heart because I ALWAYS treated her with respect even when she was at her nastiest. I would just turn on my heel and walk and a few years figured out it was best to stay out of certain situations. One of my DS's she adored and the others she was hateful towards. So, needless to say, I did not subject them to any more situations with her than they HAD to. She treated my DH like a non-person. He also handled everything as I did and was respectful but did not make himself available to her tongue lashing. He was a good son and took care of her as much as she needed. I don't feel for me in this cuz I was an in-law and she did not need to love me. But, it's always been difficult when it came to the hurt she put upon DH and youngest DS.

We explained to our boys at an early age that they are two grandmas. The one that said hurtful things and the one that really did have a good heart but just didn't know how to show it.

Pretty sure we did the right thing though. My boys would run down the road to see GM and GP every time they came home from collage, etc. We tried to have them see the good and the bad and accept who she was.

All I know is that each of us treated her with kindness and showed her love and that's what counts at the end of a day (and the end of a life).

DH and I have had soooooooooooooo many discussions at the breakfast table about our familly dynamics. We often asked each other how we both could have come from such disfuntion and how we were able to form and maintain a loving and caring relationship with our sons. I always knew the answer. We both broke the mold because we had lived it and didn't want that in our little family. We had to try harder than most and I think that was the key to it all.

When each of my parents passed away, I still greived as much as any other person would have even though they had not been in my life since 1995. I have no hate in me. I just have a real wonder of how a person can go to their grave without truly showing love for their child...not matter what the age that child is.

[Apples2 19]

Ok...I said I have no hate...but this last week I have had a lot of anger. We need to say our goodbyes and let some of it go. My job the next couple of days is to make sure DH and youngest DS know it's OK to feel anger and grief at the same time and to work on letting it be buried with her. If they cannot, I have 2 counselling sessions set up for this coming Friday. Tricky Momma!

[ocotillo 0]

So much emotion with the last few posts. LauraK, Laura, Janet, Apples, Lori, Jessica....I wish you all peace and love and the blessings of the universe. I believe it's part of life to go through the adversity because we grow from it. You guys are all loved and cherished, remember that.

Just finished breakfast (10:59am) really on time today. We got up a little late today and I worked outside again for a while. Moved more rocks and cleaned up by the back door. When we had the electric transferred, they dug another trench to the right of the back door and of course that area was a mess, had sunk and needed to be fixed again, so that's what I did today. It looks so much better. Eventually I'll build a screen to block my view of all the pipes and the air conditioning unit back there, but that is a project for another day. I also got a couple of plugs of grass planted. Hopefully they will root and take off and my tortoises will have food.

Need some down time, didn't sleep well. We are having DirectV installed right now, so no sleeping for me for a while. I'll have real TV soon....not that I watch much, but I do like a couple of things and True Blood on HBO...yeah.

I'll try and check in later to report my additonal exercise Janet.

We will be having company for dinner, so that will keep me busy this evening.

Talk to you all later.

Eva

[Apples2 19]

Eva...I got the love you sent. I will match that and send it right back at you.....along with all the rest of you.

OK....what did I miss with Lori that Eva talked about??? I'll have to go back and look.