I'm here to help...

[Apples2 19]

Sorry I forgot to mention some of you. Not intentional...just tired and headed down the hallway to bed...long overdo.

[Great2BThin 5]

Apples, Remember I met you, you are definitely sane! One of the most level headed, kindest, generous people I've met! And I think you are right, that Norman Rockwell family image is just an image, it doesn't exist in real life. As much as I'd like to think that even DH, DD, DS & myself are 'normal' and that image, I am sure we are not. But I did the best I knew how at the time and when I knew better I did better. Actually truth be told I am sure I overdid it today. Not to fear as the rest of the week I will be forced to take it easy and rest. I am not driving yet, DH returns to work tomorrow so I will be housebound. I am a little nervous about being totally on my own, it's the first since surgery. I felt that way on the last knee too, but I did fine, actually got to enjoy the days of solitude. DH is leaving work for a few hours to take me to therapy tomorrow. I am anxious to see how that goes since due to the holidays I haven't been since last Wed.

[Apples2 19]

Apples, Remember I met you, you are definitely sane! One of the most level headed, kindest, generous people I've met! And I think you are right, that Norman Rockwell family image is just an image, it doesn't exist in real life. As much as I'd like to think that even DH, DD, DS & myself are 'normal' and that image, I am sure we are not. But I did the best I knew how at the time and when I knew better I did better. Actually truth be told I am sure I overdid it today. Not to fear as the rest of the week I will be forced to take it easy and rest. I am not driving yet, DH returns to work tomorrow so I will be housebound. I am a little nervous about being totally on my own, it's the first since surgery. I felt that way on the last knee too, but I did fine, actually got to enjoy the days of solitude. DH is leaving work for a few hours to take me to therapy tomorrow. I am anxious to see how that goes since due to the holidays I haven't been since last Wed.

Well Lori...some pretty kind words and I thank you for that.

You should feel very fortunate that you have your immediate family in tact and that your kids actually want to spend time with you. Just keep your sis's and mom's ways in your mind and strive to break the pattern with your children.

Good luck flying solo tomorrow. After all the activities (and trying on clothes) a rest would be good for you and so down time. What a DH for helping with the bras and such. Was he one that would by personal hygeine products for you also? What a guy!

OK...now I'm going down the hallway to bed!

[ocotillo 0]

Evening ladies....fly by post.

Very interesting day today...made lasagne out of the left over Pasta dough, cheese, meat and sauce from Christmas this morning, then my sister from Phoenix, her DH, son and his friend stopped by and we exchanged gifts today. Then my neighbors came over to look at the baby tortoises. Then my sister that lives here, DH and I went to see Avatar. I really enjoyed it. We rushed home and ate the lasagna (timer on the oven is a wonderful thing) and went back to see New Moon. It was okay. Avatar was better.

So it's been a busy day and I have to work tomorrow, so I'd better get back to bed.

Later ladies,

Eva

[Great2BThin 5]

Oh no Apples, he definitely wasn't a guy that would buy personal hygiene products. He did one time after my son was born I hemoraghed (sp) and needed so much before I ended up in the ER and he bought so many other things we didn't need just so he could have other stuff in his basket. LOL

Well I am not totally flying solo today, DD is home from work sick today, she has the stomach flu. Sure hope I don't catch it. Only thing on my agenda today is therapy and lots of rest. We are invited to a New Years eve party later this week and we are having serious thoughts of a just a quiet night at home.

Speaking of New Year's eve, it's now time to discuss your traditions. Mine which only started recently is to cook some lobster on NYE other than that never really had a tradition. Anymore we usually watch CNN or Fox on cable since it's on eastern time so we can see the ball drop at midnight back east but only 10pm here and we Celebrate then and go to bed. LOL Party animals we are! But I know some folks do black eyed peas, anyone here do those and is there a significance for doing those on NYE??

[Apples2 19]

Oh no Apples, he definitely wasn't a guy that would buy personal hygiene products. He did one time after my son was born I hemoraghed (sp) and needed so much before I ended up in the ER and he bought so many other things we didn't need just so he could have other stuff in his basket. LOL

Well I am not totally flying solo today, DD is home from work sick today, she has the stomach flu. Sure hope I don't catch it. Only thing on my agenda today is therapy and lots of rest. We are invited to a New Years eve party later this week and we are having serious thoughts of a just a quiet night at home.

Speaking of New Year's eve, it's now time to discuss your traditions. Mine which only started recently is to cook some lobster on NYE other than that never really had a tradition. Anymore we usually watch CNN or Fox on cable since it's on eastern time so we can see the ball drop at midnight back east but only 10pm here and we Celebrate then and go to bed. LOL Party animals we are! But I know some folks do black eyed peas, anyone here do those and is there a significance for doing those on NYE??

My DH would have seen to it that I had my "products" but there would have been no way he would have gone into the store and picked them up. He would stand outside and offer anyone any amount of money to do it for him.

Gosh...I hope you don't get that stomach flu. I still have my fingers crossed. It's been making it's way around here for the last couple of weeks.

Well...The Black Eyed Peas are one of my favorite groups....LOL

Actually...never heard of that tradition. We don't really have a tradition so to speak. When the kids were little, we would let them stay up till midnight with us. They usually never made it. We usually always had a party or two or three to go to and would try to just spend a little time at each and end up at the party we thought would be the most fun at midnight. The last few years we have been staying at a hotel with 14 families from our lake resort. This year we will go to the hotel and visit for awhile b/4 DH and I go out for dinner and probably head home. Just want to do something different this year.

Working with DH today to make sure we have everything in place for our next tax appt. I am REALLY trying to be kind and gentle....a little worried cuz it's only 10am and I am losing patience. Nothing big...he's just on his 11th call this morning with friends. (tapping foot...waiting):thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: I think us women are more goal oriented and men are just used to us waiting for them. I am pretty good about not losing my patience but I can feel it slipping.

[Mrs. Bubba 0]

Hi there......... Well, I'm glad that's over..... Now on to New Years..... We have no traditions.. Before DH retired from his power plant job, he was always working it seems..... or in Iraq for 2 NYE's.... It's just never been a big deal for us... some years we get together with a group of friends and play games and eat of course...... don't have any plans yet this year.... I'm voting for dinner and a movie so no one has to do any work!!!!

Just got a call from DD that Mimi is still running a 101 fever from yesterday and last night and was up till 4:00 and could we come and get her so she can get ready for work... DH just went after her... So, you kow what the rest of my day looks like... Good thing I got everything cleaned up from last night and don't have a thing else to do today but take care of my baby... Leftovers in the fridge to eat and the remaining goodies are all managed or gone.... so, I'm clear....

Apples and Lori, my DH would go in and buy anything for me without hesitation.... When we first go together my DD was 10..... and his was 21..... His first wife wasn't interested in being a mother so he had done everything with his DD..... including showing her what to do when she got her first TOM..... He was actually jealous of me when my DD didn't go to him when that time came... I had to explain that it was normal for girls to want their mother... So, anyway, not a worry about anything like that from mine.... He's not shy in any way, shape, or form......

Well, my Mimi is here.... have to go.... Wanted to comment on things.... I'll try to get back later if Mimi has a nap later.... You all have a good day... Julie

[IndioGirl55 32]

Good Morning Gang....

You all have been busy :0)

LauraK - I was just like you on my 3rd fill - my brain needed it - I didn't - they took all out except for .1 and that was enough of a brain fill to help me - I think I could use another one of those brain fills :0)...

Just take tiny bites and eat slowly - I know on Xmas night I could barely eat my meat - but had no problem w/potatoes :0) and the rest of the junk (sweets) that I have eaten the last few days

If fact what was left over of the fudge I made went in the trash this morning - and I will not be making Xmas Cookies w/DGD's I don't need more sweets.. I have had enought !!

Melissa - OMW the guy had no insurance - well that's the pits - hope you all are really ok now that a couple of days have passed - I know I got rear ended once - just a bump really but the next day I was sore...

Apples - Working on tax stuff already :0)... Glad you had a good time with your adoptedr family - they aren't fake they are adopted :0)

Great - OMW girl you got me beat on the shopping !!!! Those gift cards burnng a hole in your pocket :0) - WTG on your deals though - you did great... Glad the holidays are over so you won't have to deal w/your family for a while :0)

Phyl - Hugs on DS issue - Tough love hurts us the most - It's really hard to do - I can do it no problem when I am mad - but other than that I have a hard time..

Laura - Glad you all had such a great Christmas w/your Dad and family - that's so wonderfull.

Linda - You are doing so well after your hip surgery - I can't beleive your progress in such a short time..

Julie - Hope the shoulder's better - maybe it's the cold weather

New Years Traditions - none really - Black Eye Peas for good luck - but that's about it - I don't always have them - hard to find in the stores this time of year if you haven't already gotten them.

I want to stay home NYE and have a nice dinner and watch movies - but my gf Debbie wants to go out - we did that last year and it was boring - we were home by 10.. But again I have done the whole party thing on NYE when I was younger - she hasn't - so I guess we are going out - who knows..

Eva - We saw Avatar yesterday too - I would have NEVER picked this as a movie I thought I would want to see - but it was FANTASTIC... I did take a couple cat naps - it's 2:45 hr movie - but I LOVED it - will buy it when it comes out - to see the couple of parts I missed..

Well need to get this posted - I started this an hour ago :0)

CBL

[Charlene K 1]

Black eye peas are our tradition. If we don't babysit the grandkids, we just watch a movie or play games. We never stay up till midnight. It is always midnight somewhere..........right?

Okay, I just got rid of the cheesecake. Sweet-free zone right now.

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

It took 2 parties to get together with all our kids but we did it. I sniffled and dripped despite drugs but slogged through preparing turkey and stuffing to bring to my daughter's on Christmas Day and again yesterday at my own house. DH and I spent Saturday and Sunday til people started arriving cleaning our house which was much needed as he's been sick for 2 weeks before I came down with it. We'd each do a little, sit down, do a little, sit down. Except yesterday, I didn't have much of a break, too much to do.

Once DH's kids come over he tends to desert me to be with them and his DGD, but his DS and DSIL actually helped me serve and do clean-up. My mother also gave me a hand. However, once everyone left (later than I expected), DH takes over clean-up.

Don't really have any NY's traditions. I've already spoken about our lack of friends. My family has already given me my birthday gifts and nobody's really interested in any more parties, at least not with us. They prefer to be with friends their own age who drink and have interests in common.

My DSis is 15 yrs younger than me and has a wide circle of friends they get together with. We often go to an early movie but try to get home well before the crazies are out on the roads.

I'm cleaning out closets and drawers of all clothes that don't fit. My DH got me a large jewelry chest. I've had boxes all over my dresser with various jewelry in them but they get all messed up and make keeping the dresser dusted a pain, so I'm going through all my jewelry and sorting and organizing that, too. I have some returns to Kohl's and a gift card to Kohl's so i can look forward to some shopping.

This is one mother of a cold so mostly I'm taking it easy.

Bought a book at a discount bookstore that's full of short story mysteries. I can read one or two and then do a little more work. I'm waiting to hear back from the professor of Sp. Ed. at a nearby University to see about enrolling for my Master's next semester. She must have gone away on vacation and is not checking or returning e-mail or phone messages.

I also called about another fill and left a message but have not heard back. Gotta get a crown on the 29th. Yuck.

Husband got us a Wii for Christmas/birthday. Surprised me. I have a $50 Visa gift card that I think we'll use to get the Wii Activ. I haven't been able to exercise for days with this cold and with the parties. I had gone twice to the community center to walk last week but then I got sick.

Phyll. Good job on refusing to pick up the phone.

Great. Good attitude with your family.

We give our families so much power over us to hurt us, manipulate us, and define us.

One of the keys to recovering from food addiction, I believe, is learning to define ourselves as individuals apart from our roles in our families.

This past year I've been learning to accept that my DH is not a people person and I don't have to sit in a chair in front of the TV and molt alongside him like we're too decrepit to do anything else. That's a recipe for disaster in the food department, as night-time eating in front of the TV is my biggest downfall.

Going back to school may be the best thing I can do for me and my brain. Getting the Wii will also make our evenings more active, I'm hoping.

I'm also very glad that DH finally did something about getting training to go back to work, at least part-time. I just couldn't stand watching him sit in front of the TV day and night while our finances faltered. He figured he was contributing just by existing and bringing in a Soc. Sec. check. Yes, he does the grocery shopping and all the laundry except for my clothes. But there are only two of us so there's not that much. He pays the bills and runs the errands and does some housecleaning, but leaves so much undone or poorly done. He's totally unhandy so house repairs tend to end up with him hurt or something broken.

I need him to work and he finally got the message when I found out I might not have a job next year.

I suspect he's somewhat bi-polar and is in the depressed stage and has been for some time. But he won't get help or do the things he needs to do to get himself out of his funk. Only when circumstances force him to, like my job insecurity, will he finally take action.

The man I thought I'd married was a lot more fun. We met dancing and that is the one thing that can still bring out the fun side of him. His kids and DGD do, too, but they both live more than 40 minutes away and have busy lives.

So I'm coming to accept that he's actually quite content to sit in front of the TV and watch every old movie and current Hallmark movie or Lifetime movie. But, just like I did with my former husband, I need to get my own life.

I can't depend on him financially, so I'm going back to school at 58 yrs. old.

I had the lapband surgery and lost the weight and got active again. I blog and go on lapband talk and Facebook while being in the same room with him and monitoring TV if it interests me. If my hands and mind are busy, I don't eat.

I think he's actually going to really get into the Wii as he's always liked playing games and is a computer person. He's trying out the boxing game right now.

Having the Wii will also make it more fun for all our kids to come over here so maybe we'll do more entertaining.

Now that the basement's mold is gone I feel better about having people over. It's still a mess down there and we can't use it but at least I know people aren't smelling or breathing mold when they come over.

I've set aside $10,000 from a refinancing we did a few years ago and will use that next summer to refinish the basement and repair our roof and replace it. Unless I've no job lined up. Then we'll need it to live on.

I have to keep a close eye on our finances because he will spend every last cent we have and put the rest on credit cards and not let me know we're in trouble. (That's the manic side of him.)

I thought he'd learned his lesson from the bankruptcy he went through 3 years before he met me, but apparantly not. He's a people pleaser and will buy things just because he thinks I'll like them or thinks we need them. I had to finance our house (which I'd purchased and was totally paid for) partly to pay off the credit card bills he'd run up without my knowledge.

The rest was for fixing up the house and basement and then the floods came and destroyed all I'd spent on that. He also wasted some of that money on purchases that weren't necessary and didn't get quotes and shop around on the work that got done on the house. He paid people to do things that even he could have done himself.

These are all things that contributed to my gaining more weight since I married him than I ever did before. So I took back control of the money, making him show me all the bills. He still pays them, but I have a better idea of where we are financially even though it offends him that I don't trust him. Oh well.

I also made it very clear that I expected him to get another job. Don't know if it'll help him get out of his funk but it'll put him out of my misery. He's only going to be 63 and he's not dead yet. He has no hobbies other than playing guitar and writing songs. He used to be part of the music ministry at church but gets so huffy over everything that we were both better off when he quit.

This is a huge post and normally I'd blog about this stuff but he reads my blogs so you all are stuck with it. Sorry.

I guess my point is that we can't allow relationships to define us or get in the way of us taking care of ourselves. My husband is majorly depressed and there's not much I can do about it but take care of myself, see to it that his depression and financial irresponsibiltiy aren't putting me in any more jeapordy, and get my own life while still living peacefully with him.

I'm grateful that he does help keep me organized and takes care of the paperwork and details that frustrate me, and helps remind me of various meetings and phone calls and so on that I have to make.

Enough.

Thanks for listening.

Cheri

Edited December 28, 2009 by ifyourstomachoffendsyou

[IndioGirl55 32]

Cheri

Glad you are taking control of your life !!!

Why do you think you need a fill you are 7 lb from goal... I wouldn't think you'd need a fill at this point..

Charlene -

My house hopefully will be sweet free by the time I get home - there was some choc cake left - I threw away the fudge - Kids should be leaving tomorrow - so the whole sweet and excuses for them will be gone :0)...

[Great2BThin 5]

Just got home from my therapy and it went well but was somewhat painful. My bend has improved 17 more degrees though, I am at 100 degrees now. I am less than 2 weeks out from surgery and have improved 30 degrees in my bend already. My leg is sure more bruised this time than last, the ugly purple greenish yellowish bruises on my leg are huge! Now I am home the rest of the day either in my recliner or am planning on a 'long winters nap' here shortly.

Cheri, I am glad you are learing to take care of you. That's what I am trying to do too, too bad it took me 50 yrs to do it! DH is already telling me when my folks come back for DD's wedding in March that we tell them that with all the commotion and craziness that will be going on that week at the house here, that it would be best that they stay with one of my sisters.

Blackeyed Peas, so is the point of eating them supposed to be a luck thing then?

[IndioGirl55 32]

Great

Yep Black Eye Peas for Luck & Collard Greens for Prospertity

Southern Traditions ;0)

I love you DH idea what to do w/parents when DD gets married - you sure don't need them in the mix before the wedding..;

Wtg on your knee - Tomorrow I will get some down time hopefully - it's my Furlough Tuesdays since Friday is a holiday :0)....

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

Cheri

Glad you are taking control of your life !!!

Why do you think you need a fill you are 7 lb from goal... I wouldn't think you'd need a fill at this point..

I can eat way too much at night unless its solid dense Protein, and even after I get over first bite syndrome with that, I can eat way too much protein, and I can't live on just protein once I'm on maintenance. I need some protection from sliders as I reintroduce things like potatoes, rice and more veggies.

I don't mind being really tight in the morning and at lunch. I love Protein Drinks and coffee with milk during the day while I'm busy and working, but at night I want real food and crave quantity as well as sliders and chocolate.

Plus, by the time I'm at goal my band will be even looser if I don't get a fill.

I absolutely do not trust my own willpower, and 7 months is not long enough for someone with ADHD to acquire new life-long habits.

Cheri

Maintenace has always been the point at which my diets have gone to he!!. These last 15 lbs have been going so slow. I want to reach goal and lose maybe 5 more lbs. so that I have some leeway for ups and downs.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Cheri

Glad you are taking control of your life !!!

Why do you think you need a fill you are 7 lb from goal... I wouldn't think you'd need a fill at this point..

I can eat way too much at night unless its solid dense Protein, and even after I get over first bite syndrome with that, I can eat way too much protein, and I can't live on just protein once I'm on maintenance. I need some protection from sliders as I reintroduce things like potatoes, rice and more veggies.

I don't mind being really tight in the morning and at lunch. I love protein drinks and coffee with milk during the day while I'm busy and working, but at night I want real food and crave quantity as well as sliders and chocolate.

Plus, by the time I'm at goal my band will be even looser if I don't get a fill.

I absolutely do not trust my own willpower, and 7 months is not long enough for someone with ADHD to acquire new life-long habits.

Cheri

Maintenace has always been the point at which my diets have gone to he!!. These last 15 lbs have been going so slow. I want to reach goal and lose maybe 5 more lbs. so that I have some leeway for ups and downs.

Cheri

What is way to much food.. You aren't going to (nor should you) be so tight to keep sliders from going down

And no matter how tight you are the cravings aren't going to stop.

I am phsyically full from dinner - but I still want to eat at night too - so much so that sometimes I get pissed that I can't eat more food -- but I can sneak sliders in after about and hourt..

I don't have ADHA - I'm 2.5 yrs out - and GF the old habit are still there - I don't know if they will every go away - I don't think it has anything thing to do w/your ADHA - but with your addiction to food - and addictions don't go away