I'm here to help...

[Great2BThin 5]

Julie,

Your post jumped out at me today for some reason. Maybe because of the self doubt and frustration. Lord, knows I've been there so many times. But, honey, you need to replace words like hope to make it to my goal to I will make it to my goal. And you are so worth rewarding yourself for your progress thus far. Even more so because of all the medical issues you've had etc. You deserve it. You have persevered through so much and look at you 106 lbs down! Even if it's not a monetary reward or something you go and buy, treat yourself to a extra long soak in a bubble bath, give yourself a pedicure and manicure. Anything to make yourself feel good and that is a treat for you. You've had such a battle and you are still going strong. you do so much for others, you need to start doing for yourself. I can't think of someone more deserving of a reward to themselves than you!

A Coach purse is a designer brand of purse, www.coach.com you can check them out. It's one of my only weaknesses when it comes to brand names and shopping. i guess all the years of being overweight I never spent much on myself clothes wise and could care less about brands, but a purse well even a fat lady needed a nice purse was my thinking. LOL And I could shop in a real store and not a large size store to get it. I lived a couple miles from an outlet store in CA and got hooked then. But I don't go crazy and I save up for them if I get one.

I hope my words don't come across as offensive, they are said in love.

[Apples2 19]

Thanks for posting the Coach site, Lori. I could get into them. I LOVE the plaid ones. I doubt if our closest outlet has a Couch store but sure Mall of America has a store. Maybe my reward for 2 yrs bandiversary? I think I just answered my own question.

Happy you are having an Indian Summer day, Julie. We're not. Cold and windy with big chance of rain. Sitting here with a Titanium double lined workout hoody, a Columbia vest and an Eddie Bauer zip fleece jacket. Burrr.

Ditto what Great said on rewarding yourself. It's difficult sometimes to feel worthy of gifting yourself but even a day off from childcare and a nice lunch with a bunch of friends would do it for me. I like nothing better than the time I set aside for my "girls". Today it is coffee with a long time friend at a cool little coffee shop in our nearest town. Tomorrow getting my eyelash extensions touched up (every 2-3 weeks) and then going out for dinner and "girl talk" with my friend who is doing the extensions and owns the salon. I love my DH but gotta have my time with friends. Only so many nights can be done sitting watching him with his head in his lap sleeping behind his lap top. I just need that stimulation.

How about when you reach your 115lb lose that we meet somewhere at the half way point? I think you have done very well for what you have been through. Don't let that fear of past failure rule!

I did not list my rewards with my previous post. Wanted others to get started first.

I did permenent eyeliner and eyelash extensions for my 1 yr bandiversary. Then, I figured I deserved a bit more and bought three Geiger boiled wool coats (choke). DH did something very special for my 1yr. He just SHOWED UP at the lake on a Wed night. Now, you would have to know DH to know this is a huge deal and meant so much to me. He has been and always will be a classic workaholic. Now way to change him so I go with the flow. (Hence why I need the GF stimulation and time with them). Well, I could not have been happier when he actually got off the tractor during ridging the crops and headed up to spend a couple of hours with me. He had planned on spending the night but DS had some machinery trouble and headed home. Just nice that he got his butt off the tractor and thought of it all on his own.

That gesture was really all I needed. But, I continue to reward here and there. A consignment shop find makes me just as happy as a Nordstroms buy. (And sometimes happier cuz of the great deal I got).

I guess my point is to just treat yourself with kindness and give yourself credit for your accomplishments big or small. Sometimes I think we get wrapped up in feeling like a failure cuz we compare ourselves to how others have done. We all move at our own pace. We have many hares on this thread and many tortoises. (Eva has the corner on the market in the totoise dept...not saying that you are extra slow, Eva...just in the number of little ones you are the momma to).

Edited November 12, 2009 by Apples2

[IndioGirl55 32]

Julie - Listen to Apples & Great !!! You have done so well with all that you have gone thru since you have joined the thread and you haven't given up - you are still coming back

Apples - I got my 1st Coach bag at the MofA - it's not an outlet store - but you are worth the $$$ - and when you go to Vegas next yr w/your girlfriends - they have a wonderful Coach Outlet store there...

Great -I was like you I didn't do name brand stuff prior to losing the weight - my 1st expensive purse was a Braham (something like that) - My 1st Coach was my 1 yr anniversary gift..

[Mrs. Bubba 0]

Well...... Great, Apples, and Janet, I read what you all just wrote to me..........it made me cry and I had to go do something else for a while.. So, I made and rolled my pie crust so I can make pudding later this evening.. another chore accomplished... anyway, the crying wasn't because I was mad or hurt, but just because I'm feeling so lost..... I know this constant pain is responsible for most of that.. It doesn't go away, just is better at some times than others.. Usually worse at night.. I know you are all correct about what I have done so far... It is a good thing to have lost this much.. But I'm having a hard time imagining getting any farther.. It's like I'm waiting for the next calamity to hit me... maybe this time I won't make it through... Sounds so depressing, but it's what I think about especially in the middle of the night when the pain is gripping me and I can't sleep... Why can't I get better?? Will I ever?? Gets me down, but I have to keep this from my family......DH and DD just couldn't handle me not being strong.... Rewards just don't make it to my mind even.. I keep wanting to berate myself for not doing better... for letting the medical things get in the way of losing more... Can't exercise, not supposed to do much at all, so I sit and worry and try not to eat everything in the house... I'm still trying to figure out how I can handle meeting you all in February if we make it to Florida............. You all are such successes and I'm still trying and failing to get closer to my goal... I know you work hard to stay where you are and still have your worries about gaining.. I hope it gets easier with every month that you stay at your goal... You all deserve what you have reaped from your hard work... I'm proud of you and proud you are my friends.. Yes, Lori, I'm still "hoping" to get where you are... I'm just not sure I "will".... gotta find some of that certainty I need to say that... I'm really very sorry for writing this to you all...... I know it sounds awful..... I've been telling my DH that I'm about at the end of what I can handle with family matters and such, but this all figures in and he just doesn't realize it.. Don't want him worrying any more than he does.. I'd sure welcome a breakthrough of some sort.. Just something to get me over this horrible hump... Sorry, I'm crying again and I don't type and think the best while blubbering... Thanks for listening and for caring.. I'll be fine....... Mimi will be up from her nap soon and she makes me smile... She is my bright spot.. I love her so much... I'm thankful for friends like all of you..... Julie

[phyllser 3]

Well, I did NOT have a good weigh in this morning and I am back over 200! I was only .8 under last week, so that's not so shocking, but it was a fairly significant gain for one week... 4 lb. And I really can't explain it. Yes, I had some carbs on Tues.. ladies' luncheon, but I didn't pig out! Then there were the adult beverages... patio party last weekend, and Snacks there, but that was dinner and I didn't pig out there either.. and I had LOTS of ladies watching what i was eating! I could use all the cliche's..... exercise = building muscle, retaining Fluid, etc. Might be retaining some fluid.... bladder inf. last week screwed me up, taking antibiotics. And yesterday I emptied my 16 oz jug 5X , plus several cups of coffee, and I KNOW I didn't pee that much! AT any rate, it is a little discouraging. And I don't feel like I deserve a COACH purse, but I'm probably going to get one tomorrow anyway!! Because it'll be back off in a hurry!

I have been working at finding daytime things to do so I'm not sitting around on the couch every day. Today I joined the book club here at the park. Wed afternoons I'm working in the activities office, Fridays I have choir practice! These things will get me out of the RV, which will be especially good on those chilly, windy days.

Okay... true confessions over for now!!

[1day at a time 2]

Hey Melissa..how are you doing? Better?:thumbup:

I am doing better hanging in there just trying to get through each day of work the best I can. i go walking at the mall on lunch so that helps alot.

Hello everyone! I am here!

I am glad to see you back you look great in your pics.

[llkb4me 1]

Julie, hang in there we are all here for you. You are a strong person and you are going thru a lot.

Laura K

[llkb4me 1]

Went to a Zumba class tonight, but it got cancelled. Dang I was looking forward to it. I need to up my exercise.

[Apples2 19]

Phyll...my first thought while reading your post was dehydtration. Were there extremely salty food at your party with adult drinks. I will notice a 3-4 lbs weight gain for a few days after I have overdone it on ham or salty deli meats.

You gotta get the Coach. You WERE in Onderland and by the time you get home with that purse, I bet you will be in Onderland again.

You GF's have a great time shopping and lunching tomorrow.

[Apples2 19]

Julie...you have me speechless (not and easy fete). I am so sorry to see that you feel the way you do. Do you have someone you can trust that you can sit down and talk with about how you are feeling? The way you describe how you are feeling, with waiting for the other shoe to drop, cannot be good for you.

I know you have been through so much in the last 6 months or more and your pain has not been managable at times. Have you thought of just making an appt with your primary doc and just pouring out how you feel about all of this to him? He could maybe help calm your fears about having recurring health issues. Just a thought.

I don't know what else to tell you

[phyllser 3]

Phyll...my first thought while reading your post was dehydration. Were there extremely salty food at your party with adult drinks. I will notice a 3-4 lbs weight gain for a few days after I have overdone it on ham or salty deli meats. You gotta get the Coach. You WERE in Onderland and by the time you get home with that purse, I bet you will be in Onderland again. You GF's have a great time shopping and lunching tomorrow.

I know you're right... it'll drop back off again. Yeah, it was pretty unusual for me to drink that much in one day. I usually empty the bottle during Water aerobics. Then DH fills it up and I drink that during 1/2 hr in the hot tub. But yesterday, when he came out of the shower after 15 minutes, I'd emptied it again. So he filled it up again, and in another 15 minutes it was empty again. So I filled it up once more and took it in to the exercise room with me while I rode the bike. I think I drank 1/2 of that. Then drank another full bottle while I worked in the activities office, and then some more in the evening.

So we'll have a good time tomorrow and forget today! :thumbup:

My priorities.. Coach purse and Starbucks, and whatever Janet's got on her list!

When we get back, DH is going to BBQ filet's for us. He got some mushrooms tonight to sautee with mushrooms. Let's hope the wind cooperates. Heard on the weather that we're going to get another "inside slider"! I think that means cold wind from the north that sneaks down the mountain passes!

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

Well...... Great, Apples, and Janet, I read what you all just wrote to me..........it made me cry and I had to go do something else for a while.. So, I made and rolled my pie crust so I can make pudding later this evening.. another chore accomplished... anyway, the crying wasn't because I was mad or hurt, but just because I'm feeling so lost..... I know this constant pain is responsible for most of that.. It doesn't go away, just is better at some times than others.. Usually worse at night.. I know you are all correct about what I have done so far... It is a good thing to have lost this much.. But I'm having a hard time imagining getting any farther.. It's like I'm waiting for the next calamity to hit me... maybe this time I won't make it through... Sounds so depressing, but it's what I think about especially in the middle of the night when the pain is gripping me and I can't sleep... Why can't I get better?? Will I ever?? Gets me down, but I have to keep this from my family......DH and DD just couldn't handle me not being strong.... Rewards just don't make it to my mind even.. I keep wanting to berate myself for not doing better... for letting the medical things get in the way of losing more... Can't exercise, not supposed to do much at all, so I sit and worry and try not to eat everything in the house... I'm still trying to figure out how I can handle meeting you all in February if we make it to Florida............. You all are such successes and I'm still trying and failing to get closer to my goal... I know you work hard to stay where you are and still have your worries about gaining.. I hope it gets easier with every month that you stay at your goal... You all deserve what you have reaped from your hard work... I'm proud of you and proud you are my friends.. Yes, Lori, I'm still "hoping" to get where you are... I'm just not sure I "will".... gotta find some of that certainty I need to say that... I'm really very sorry for writing this to you all...... I know it sounds awful..... I've been telling my DH that I'm about at the end of what I can handle with family matters and such, but this all figures in and he just doesn't realize it.. Don't want him worrying any more than he does.. I'd sure welcome a breakthrough of some sort.. Just something to get me over this horrible hump... Sorry, I'm crying again and I don't type and think the best while blubbering... Thanks for listening and for caring.. I'll be fine....... Mimi will be up from her nap soon and she makes me smile... She is my bright spot.. I love her so much... I'm thankful for friends like all of you..... Julie

Julie, my heart goes out to you. Constant pain is so debilitating and puts you in deep depression. When that happened to me I went to my regular Dr. and asked for an anti-depressant to tide me over till I could see a psychiatrist. I stayed on it for about a year until I felt like I could do without.

Anti-depressants were my gift to myself. I have never hesitated to take care of myself physically or psychologically.

You are in a vicious cycle where your depression may actually be making your pain worse. Meds help you deal with the pain and they reduce the pain.

By the way, I still need to be on anti-inflammatories, maximum strength and I supplement with Tylenol as needed, which is frequently at night. I avoid Vicodin because it makes me hyper and I can't sleep on it.

[Apples2 19]

I know you're right... it'll drop back off again. Yeah, it was pretty unusual for me to drink that much in one day. I usually empty the bottle during Water aerobics. Then DH fills it up and I drink that during 1/2 hr in the hot tub. But yesterday, when he came out of the shower after 15 minutes, I'd emptied it again. So he filled it up again, and in another 15 minutes it was empty again. So I filled it up once more and took it in to the exercise room with me while I rode the bike. I think I drank 1/2 of that. Then drank another full bottle while I worked in the activities office, and then some more in the evening.

So we'll have a good time tomorrow and forget today! :drool:

My priorities.. Coach purse and Starbucks, and whatever Janet's got on her list!

When we get back, DH is going to BBQ filet's for us. He got some mushrooms tonight to sautee with mushrooms. Let's hope the wind cooperates. Heard on the weather that we're going to get another "inside slider"! I think that means cold wind from the north that sneaks down the mountain passes!

I lost that 4lbs last week, Phyll, AND I WANT IT BACK!!!:thumbup:

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

Rewards. I've gotten to the point where a thrift store bargain makes me real happy. Got 3 sweaters last Saturday. I always treat myself to seeing my grandkids on weekends. Every once in a while I run across an inexpensive piece of jewelry that's unique and grabs my fancy. Got a really nice piece this summer at Greekfest in Chicago. $12.

I'm going to Tennessee to my sister's house in Kingsport for Thanksgiving. That's always a treat but its especially a treat this year because we're not going to be lost in a crowd of family. I love my family but they're always there en masse when I visit my sister and her family. My sister has a beautiful home that sits on a steep hillside at the base of which is an inlet of a TVA lake. You stand on her balconies (or sit in the sun if we're lucky) and look down on treetops down to the lake. I hike all over the streets there. Lots of hills. I love walking around there. Beautiful views.

Might do some Christmas shopping. Watch out for unique things.

Today I am so grateful for having a peaceful, productive, and even fun day of teaching. Not one child behaved badly.

Cheri

[IndioGirl55 32]

Well, I did NOT have a good weigh in this morning and I am back over 200! I was only .8 under last week, so that's not so shocking, but it was a fairly significant gain for one week... 4 lb. And I really can't explain it. Yes, I had some carbs on Tues.. ladies' luncheon, but I didn't pig out! Then there were the adult beverages... patio party last weekend, and Snacks there, but that was dinner and I didn't pig out there either.. and I had LOTS of ladies watching what i was eating! I could use all the cliche's..... exercise = building muscle, retaining Fluid, etc. Might be retaining some fluid.... bladder inf. last week screwed me up, taking antibiotics. And yesterday I emptied my 16 oz jug 5X , plus several cups of coffee, and I KNOW I didn't pee that much! AT any rate, it is a little discouraging. And I don't feel like I deserve a COACH purse, but I'm probably going to get one tomorrow anyway!! Because it'll be back off in a hurry!

I have been working at finding daytime things to do so I'm not sitting around on the couch every day. Today I joined the book club here at the park. Wed afternoons I'm working in the activities office, Fridays I have choir practice! These things will get me out of the RV, which will be especially good on those chilly, windy days.

Okay... true confessions over for now!!

know you're right... it'll drop back off again. Yeah, it was pretty unusual for me to drink that much in one day. I usually empty the bottle during Water aerobics. Then DH fills it up and I drink that during 1/2 hr in the hot tub. But yesterday, when he came out of the shower after 15 minutes, I'd emptied it again. So he filled it up again, and in another 15 minutes it was empty again. So I filled it up once more and took it in to the exercise room with me while I rode the bike. I think I drank 1/2 of that. Then drank another full bottle while I worked in the activities office, and then some more in the evening.

So we'll have a good time tomorrow and forget today! :thumbup:

My priorities.. Coach purse and Starbucks, and whatever Janet's got on her list!

When we get back, DH is going to BBQ filet's for us. He got some mushrooms tonight to sautee with mushrooms. Let's hope the wind cooperates. Heard on the weather that we're going to get another "inside slider"! I think that means cold wind from the north that sneaks down the mountain passes!

Phyl - That Kind of weight gain is water - hell even when I have pigged out I haven't ever gain 4 lbs - you would have had to eaten 14000 extra calories to gain that much - I'm know you haven't done that - I know it's still hard when you see the scale go up like that - but like you said - it will be off next week - and I agree with Apples - you did get to onderland and you deserve that purse...

I haven't watched the News tonite - didn't sit down till after 7 - took Andrew target/winco shopping anyway - i know this morning they said wind today - but I haven't seen any yet - some clouds when I left work but that's it... Hopefully they will be wrong - but I know they said tomorrow 74 and you know cabazon will be a little cooler - so bring a lite jacket

yes for you northern/eastern girls 74 isn't cold but for us desert Rats.. 74 high is cool - long pants - and closed in shoes ;0)

I am doing better hanging in there just trying to get through each day of work the best I can. i go walking at the mall on lunch so that helps alot.

I am glad to see you back you look great in your pics.

Melissa - Exercise is a great stress reliever - I am glad you are doing something for you..

Went to a Zumba class tonight, but it got cancelled. Dang I was looking forward to it. I need to up my exercise.

LauraK - my new gym has the class but it's too crowded and looks more like jazzercise - I hope to get to one at my other new gym 24 hr fitness - I have a gf who has gone and said it kicked her butt - so I want to try it too..

Well...... Great, Apples, and Janet, I read what you all just wrote to me..........it made me cry and I had to go do something else for a while.. So, I made and rolled my pie crust so I can make pudding later this evening.. another chore accomplished... anyway, the crying wasn't because I was mad or hurt, but just because I'm feeling so lost..... I know this constant pain is responsible for most of that.. It doesn't go away, just is better at some times than others.. Usually worse at night.. I know you are all correct about what I have done so far... It is a good thing to have lost this much.. But I'm having a hard time imagining getting any farther.. It's like I'm waiting for the next calamity to hit me... maybe this time I won't make it through... Sounds so depressing, but it's what I think about especially in the middle of the night when the pain is gripping me and I can't sleep... Why can't I get better?? Will I ever?? Gets me down, but I have to keep this from my family......DH and DD just couldn't handle me not being strong.... Rewards just don't make it to my mind even.. I keep wanting to berate myself for not doing better... for letting the medical things get in the way of losing more... Can't exercise, not supposed to do much at all, so I sit and worry and try not to eat everything in the house... I'm still trying to figure out how I can handle meeting you all in February if we make it to Florida............. You all are such successes and I'm still trying and failing to get closer to my goal... I know you work hard to stay where you are and still have your worries about gaining.. I hope it gets easier with every month that you stay at your goal... You all deserve what you have reaped from your hard work... I'm proud of you and proud you are my friends.. Yes, Lori, I'm still "hoping" to get where you are... I'm just not sure I "will".... gotta find some of that certainty I need to say that... I'm really very sorry for writing this to you all...... I know it sounds awful..... I've been telling my DH that I'm about at the end of what I can handle with family matters and such, but this all figures in and he just doesn't realize it.. Don't want him worrying any more than he does.. I'd sure welcome a breakthrough of some sort.. Just something to get me over this horrible hump... Sorry, I'm crying again and I don't type and think the best while blubbering... Thanks for listening and for caring.. I'll be fine....... Mimi will be up from her nap soon and she makes me smile... She is my bright spot.. I love her so much... I'm thankful for friends like all of you..... Julie

Julie - Hugs Hugs Hugs !!!! I could only imagine how hard this is for you with the constant health issues you have had and now this constant pain issue.. I agree with apples - you may just need to go back to the doc - I think you may be just a tad depressed from what all you have going on - constant pain like you are having can drive a person crazy.

Right not consintrate on finding out what's going on and causing this pain - ck out that pain management center and getting well - the rest will fall in place and all the worrying in the world isn't going to help the family issues...

I gotta say since I had that talk with my Uncle and let my anger go at my sister - things have been better between us - at least on the surface - we have talked a couple of times and the tension has gone - I am wary - but things seem to be looking up - and I think it's cuz I had let go..

Sweetie we are here for you - I think you have done and execellent job on your weight loss - I think you may not know how to pat yourself on the back - So we are all giving you those pats - you have done an excellent job - and will continue to do so - you have a set back right now and once that gets figured out you will be right back on track...