I'm here to help...

[Great2BThin 5]

Eva, sorry about your HR letter. My DH has 33 yrs with his company, his retirement was 'frozen' about 5 yrs ago, never to grow again, he'll get whats there and that's it. We are trying to contribute as much as we can now to the 401K. He also had 7 weeks vacation but had 2 or 3 of those taken back too. So I know well of what you are going through. I think company pensions are a thing of the past anymore.

Gift cards, LOVE THEM!!! I used to think the same thing, impersonal. In fact, when my family drew names while my parents were here, I made a comment about a gift card to Bass Pro for my DH when someone asked what to get him. My sister blew a gasket, went on and on how impersonal they are. Heck, DH would think it was the best gift ever. My mom got my name and the only thing I told her I wanted was an Ann Taylor gift card. LOL Makes so much sense to me, rather than her go get me something there for $50 (our gift limit) she can get me the gift card, I can pick out what I like and probably get a couple things on the after Christmas clearance prices as well. Funny, I got my sisters name, guess I better not get her a gift card. ha ha Last year my kids both got me gift cards as did DH and I had so much fun shopping after Christmas. I am hoping to get to do the same this year! LOL LAst Christmas I wasn't even to 100 lbs lost, this Christmas I am at goal. Fun fun!!

[LittleOleMeinFL 1]

ok... dh forgot the Halloween candy again!!! <steam coming out my ears> My cleaning girls are coming today. If they won't take it, it's going in the garbage!!! I am up 5 lbs now. 3 from NC and 2 from Halloween. (It is also TOM~ so I am trying not to freak out). Going to the gym today.

apples~ hugs. what a special day indeed. And I am sure she was smiling down at you.

have a good day everyone...peasout...Laura

[ljv52 2]

This is the day that I have dreaded. My "mom" who I've talked about was out and about with friends, lost her balance and fell on some marble steps. She lived for a couple of hours and passed away. I was 65 miles away at the time when I got the call about her accident. She lived 40 minutes after I got there.

She just got done with her last chemo treatment on Monday and was sooooooooooo happy to be getting out with friends for coffee.

I will be MIA for a few days. Funeral Monday. She was a person that set the example of how we should all live our lives. She was kind to all, ready for a party at any given moment, and gave more of herself than anyone I have ever known. She always had a kiss for you and it was right on the mouth. Her hugs were the best and everyone got one and she never said goodbye without an "I love you".

Just wanted to let you guys know what's up. My heart is broken.

Apples, I'm way behind on catching up on this thread but wanted to send you a hug for your loss. So very sorry to hear about this and so sorry I am so late with my condolences. I know how tough this is on you. I think it's especially hard because of all she's gone through the last few months. Linda

[Apples2 19]

Great...prayer has been said for Grandma and I hope the news today is not something that will disrupt her life. Was difficult the way "mom" died (falling) but her doc visited with the family after she passed and he made the statement that it was a good thing the way she went. She got to die with dignity and we did not have to put her in a home, etc. She was soooooooooooo independent (still walked her 2 miles a day at 89). I come away from her passing with being very thankful for every moment I had with her. She taught me a lot about life and compassion for others. I will miss her terribly but I am going to take the memories and live life.

I, too, had a great relationship with my GM. She really tried to pick up where my birth mom could not. I stood on a chair at my GM's at an early age (about 3) and that's where the love to cook and bake began. Cooking and baking is my passion on life. May sound silly but it is what it is. I am so thankful that I can still cook and bake and get joy from it and not miss sitting down and having a big plate of something. I DO eat what I cook, just samples now.

Eva......sorry about the job situation...that sucks after all the years. I cannot believe that you cannot take that and roll it over. You might want to check your state laws on that.

1 Day...thanks for acknowleding my loss. So sweet.

Cheri...Aww nice to know I was missed.

Going to head out. My guys are tiling in the fields today and have a lunch packed for them. Don't have to worry about meals. They will join me over at the family when the day is done.

You all have a great day. Even if I don't post, I am reading. Life is good.

Edited November 3, 2009 by Apples2

[Apples2 19]

An Add On....if I happened to miss a post with an acknowledement of sympathy....I am sorry. Much appreciated.

[Apples2 19]

Apples, I'm way behind on catching up on this thread but wanted to send you a hug for your loss. So very sorry to hear about this and so sorry I am so late with my condolences. I know how tough this is on you. I think it's especially hard because of all she's gone through the last few months. Linda

Hey Linda....thanks so much (we must have been posting at the same time). It was difficult but I am honestly doing OK. A person just has to work through the grief (important) and work back into life. Again, thanks, Karen:wub:

[ocotillo 0]

Apples, I really like your attitude. Death is just another state of being (I believe) and if you can send the people you care about out with love, it's the best way to go. I truly hope I can do that with the people I love. The cooking and baking passion is interesting too. It's something I really enjoy, but it's hard to do if you don't have a crowd to eat it. Maybe it's why I have such lavish dinner parties...gives me a chance to do something I really enjoy.

Janet, sorry about your computer...that is the pits. We have many computers in the house but only 1 is mine. So if it fails, it's a pain to use my DH's. Hope that problem gets resolved.

Lori, thanks for the nice understanding words. It really bites that the corporate world cares so little for it's employees. Us with over 30 years will be retiring with in a few years and the company's profitability is not decreasing anymore so why not carry us a couple more years. Oh well, I will have to try and figure out how to contribute more to my 401K. I really agree with you about gift cards..........I love to shop with them....it's like "FREE".

Laura, sorry you are having such a hard time with that candy....I bet your DH just doesn't even think about it because it doesn't affect the same way. Hope the cleaning crew will take it. Have a better day.

Okay, off to work....yipee. I have to meet a customer that is going to move a Habitat for Humanity HOUSE through town. Some of our cable may be too low for it to pass. This is going to be fun.

[Apples2 19]

Apples, I really like your attitude. Death is just another state of being (I believe) and if you can send the people you care about out with love, it's the best way to go. I truly hope I can do that with the people I love. The cooking and baking passion is interesting too. It's something I really enjoy, but it's hard to do if you don't have a crowd to eat it. Maybe it's why I have such lavish dinner parties...gives me a chance to do something I really enjoy.

Janet, sorry about your computer...that is the pits. We have many computers in the house but only 1 is mine. So if it fails, it's a pain to use my DH's. Hope that problem gets resolved.

Lori, thanks for the nice understanding words. It really bites that the corporate world cares so little for it's employees. Us with over 30 years will be retiring with in a few years and the company's profitability is not decreasing anymore so why not carry us a couple more years. Oh well, I will have to try and figure out how to contribute more to my 401K. I really agree with you about gift cards..........I love to shop with them....it's like "FREE".

Laura, sorry you are having such a hard time with that candy....I bet your DH just doesn't even think about it because it doesn't affect the same way. Hope the cleaning crew will take it. Have a better day.

Okay, off to work....yipee. I have to meet a customer that is going to move a Habitat for Humanity HOUSE through town. Some of our cable may be too low for it to pass. This is going to be fun.

You are so right on the way to preceive death, Eva. No regrets when you know your relationship with that person was loving and caring and you left nothing unsaid in your daily life with them. Isn't that what life should be about anyway? Respect for one another, make sure a person feels the love, etc.

You would think that your company would have a way of pro-rating (not sure if that is the right term to use in this situation) for the number of years you have been with them and then distributing to the retirement fund for those that have been there the longest. If I were with a co. for 3 yrs and someone beside me had been there 30, I would have no problem with them getting their well-deserved share deposited.

We often find with farming that we take a huge bite when things are tough. Gas prices go up...we get a double whammy. We pay more to the truckers to get our product to the elevator and then we pay another increased price to get it to where it is processed for food. We just have our own little pity party for awhile and avoid the coffee shops where farmers congregate to complain about it. (Not saying that you shouldn't Bi_ch about your situation...everyone needs to vent). :thumbup:

OK...I really am walking out the door this time. Later:tt1:

[Great2BThin 5]

You are so right on the way to preceive death, Eva. No regrets when you know your relationship with that person was loving and caring and you left nothing unsaid in your daily life with them. Isn't that what life should be about anyway? Respect for one another, make sure a person feels the love, etc.

Okay I hope I am not getting too deep or depressing here but this is exactly what DH & I were discussing Sunday at lunch and my issues with my family (parents and sisters). I agree so much with what you said, Apples, but my problem is with them there's not that close of a relationship. DH tells me my relationship with my mom is what it is and it's not going to change. He says I put so much stress on myself thinking along the terms of, 'if only I said this or if only I did this' thinking that there's some magic thing that I can do that will make it all better. But I dread the day they die and wondering if I will have regrets. I want so much to have that close 'Norman Rockwell painting' relationship with my family, but it's just not there. I know when they are gone I will still have wished that and I wonder if I will have regrets that I didn't try harder? DH stresses that I do show my family love, I honor and respect my parents so should have no regrets. I don't know maybe I am rambling. I've just tried so hard with them only to get squashed down like a bug every time, the latest is over the upcoming Christmas holiday, I want them all to come over to be together on Christmas eve, they want none of it. They've hurt me so much yet I keep putting myself out there to get hurt again thinking maybe this time. I know right now my Grandma is the glue that holds the family together but once she passes I just don't see us getting together that much at all or much of anything there. Strange family!

Speaking of Grandma I better get going to pick her up for the dreaded dr appt. Thanks for listening to my rambles this morning.

[llkb4me 1]

I was out shopping this weekend and came across this saying, bought a tile for my friend, but just loved it. I think it fits us all with the daily trials, life events that we are all dealing with. It goes like this:

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain.

I'm going to try to live with this in mind when things get to me. I hope it helps everyone else.

Laura K

[IndioGirl55 32]

Good Morning..

Eva - sorry about the job issues - My employer quit contributing to our 401 k plan a couple of yrs ago and they froze the little pension plan they started in 06 (think I have 2500 in it) we never had a pension plan before and when they started it - it wasn't going to help me as far as retirement went.

But I hear you on the whole benefit package - employees are getting less and less and the corp presidents are taking huge bonuses.. We are concerned what's going to happen to our medical insurance come April - they may not pay for it - that $500 they pay to wards my medical - the loss of the 4% match on 401k - the 2 furlough days the loss of 2.5 vacation days - and they can still lay off more pple - which mean more work for less.. I know we are suppose to be happy we have jobs - but I totally understand how hard it is to be appreciative when they keep taking stuff away from us..

Great - I know you want Norman Rockwell - we all do- but I really don't think there is such a thing I think it's all a fairy tale (look at all of us - from all over the country and WE ALL have family issues)- and like your dh said - if you don't have it by now - you never are - you gotta let it go - you have done your best and that's all you can do. You can't keep hitting your head against a cement wall. When your parents and family passes - you will deal with it - God really does get you thru it..

If they don't want to get together for Christmas - don't force it - why so you can be upset and miserable cuz it didn't turn out the way you wanted - have Christmas with your family dh & kids. Have a Christmas that you will enjoy and not have to be on pins and needles the whole time.

You gotta enjoy what you have now - not what you fantasize about

I've come to the conclusion - I am going to be me - I am not taking on other pples issues - and if you don't like me - so be it - just cuz we share blood - doesn't mean I have to like you or be around you.. I wish it were diff - but it is what it is and I am not going to put myself out there to be hurt - I am not a doormat that pple can wipe their feet on and expect me to just take it - and imho there really isn't any use in getting into a battle of words - pple don't get it - and then it just turns out being a tit for tat battle to prove who's right and no one wins..

Apples - I was thinking the same thing about your Mom - that she went quickly - didn't have the slow terrible death of cancer or being incapacitated - Death isn't about them - it's about us.. They are in a better place and it's us who are left to miss them.. I know you are pull yourself up my the boot straps and go on kind of girl - I know you will get thru this - but know we are here to hear those great memories of her when you feel like sharing about her.. How long has she been your "Mom"

Laura - Just throw it out NOW... Go to the Gym Now..

That's my plan - I didn't take the computer this morning cuz if I took it after work - then I wouldn't go to the gym and I have to go to the gym - I am up 1 lbs from the bad eating this weekend..

Laura K - LOVE YOUR SAYING !!!! I have printed and put on my desk :0)

Julie- hope all is ok w/you - when do you go back to the doc - when's the family meeting

Charlene - how are you doing??

Meredith - I think you are coming home today.. Hope you had a good time w/sis

Melissa - how's your stress and getting back on track going...

cbl

[victoriasmom98 0]

I was banded on June 18th. I did really well with the first month or so and lost 23lbs. Now I'm stuck. The scale won't move. Maybe I had unrealistic goals going into this whole process, but I really thought eating the smaller portions would be the trick and would be the thing that helps me. Some people who have been banded are telling me to go back to my liquids and see what happens, but I think I'm just too depressed to even try. I've been exercising, doing Weight Watchers healthy eating and it just didn't work. Then after my last fill I found I couldn't eat eggs or much of anything without it getting stuck and my having to throw it up. So, I went to a food that I know doesn't get stuck ---- potato chips.....they slide right down. So, that makes me depressed again and I'm an emotional eater, so that doesn't help. Then I feel like such a failure because people are like, "wow, shouldn't you have lost more weight by now"??? Yeah, probably people, but I haven't been. I know it's a matter of getting back up on that horse, but I just don't feel it's going to work. I also am a diabetic, on synthroid and just feel this will never work. Yes, I'm happy about the 23lbs, but I need to lose 80 total. I'm just really disappointed in myself.....

[balletgirl 0]

Victoriasmom98;

You are being way to hard on yourself! It has only been 4 months! Here is something my husband has always said to me - "You didn't put it on overnight, so you're not going to take it off overnight!" Easier said than done. But he is right.

You must not look at what your final goal is of 80 pounds. That is overwhelming. You have the lap band in and it will work!! I guarantee it will! I got banded 9/24/08 and it wasn't until my fill in January of 2009 (4 months) that I really started to loose weight. As the doctor said "it was time to turn it on". Look, if potato chips are working right now ok! It took me so long to figure out what would work and what wouldn't.

Stop beating yourself up (I am a compulsive overeater/binge eater so I know ALL about beating myself up and it doesn't do me any good). The lap band is a tool and it takes time. The nurse told me it would take about 6 months to get used to it, and she was dead-on right!! I think part of the problem with the lap band is that it is so exciting to take your eating and get it under control finally that you want it to work overnight! At least I did!! But it won't happen that way. It has been a year and one month, and I'm still 5 pounds away from where my initial goal was and my scale is stuck. I say "oh well! I'm so much happier and healthy for what I did for myself!" (My husband told me the other day to put the scale away now!)

Here's what I did (remember I've got an eating disorder so it was tough!)....instead of focusing on how many calories I was consuming or what nutritious food I was consuming (and believe me at times it was nothing but nutritious!) I focused on what types of food I could eat, how to chew properly because that was a big change, how to eat a smaller bite size, and I focused more and more on what a full stomach actually felt like for the first time in years. I focused on what the lap band was telling me - like when to stop; what the pain was telling me as in "you just ate somethin' I don't like". Now obviously if you spend the next year eating potato chips and that's it - well, then you need to talk to the doctor because you know that is not going to benefit you at all.

While you are experimenting with different foods - do keep up your Protein intake with the Protein Shakes if you cannot get food down. These foods have worked quite well for me: refried beans; cream of wheat (good nutrition and Iron and easy to get down); oatmeal; greek yogurt (higher in protein); applesauce (Motts Plus applesauce has a Fiber one and a Calcium one which aren't as sweet); mashed potatoes - although sometimes they don't work - and cottage cheese.

You are not a failure!!!! Depression? Oh yeah, I've dealt with that too! What's the answer to that one - excersize!!! Get your blood pumping (assuming your doctor has said you can). It has been proven that when the blood gets pumping the endorphins create a natural high and help curb depression. I do not take drugs for depression - never have and don't believe in them. I am in therapy for my eating disorder and every time I get depressed my therapist asks me if I'm excersizing! So get out there missy - even if you just walk! Breathe some fresh air and feel good that you are taking care of yourself! You have given yourself a gift and it will come to you, I promise!

The hardest thing is to wait until the weight comes off so what you need to do is re-focus on the benefits of having the band and work with your band. As my doctor tells me it is a tool, not a magic wand, so you need to work with it.

Gosh I'm rambling!! Sorry! Good luck and we are all here for you! Take a deep breath, don't worry about what others say (most of them will be quite envious as you loose the weight) and just remember to be nice to yourself because you are a beautiful person!

[IndioGirl55 32]

I was banded on June 18th. I did really well with the first month or so and lost 23lbs. Now I'm stuck. The scale won't move. Maybe I had unrealistic goals going into this whole process, but I really thought eating the smaller portions would be the trick and would be the thing that helps me. Some people who have been banded are telling me to go back to my liquids and see what happens, but I think I'm just too depressed to even try. I've been exercising, doing Weight Watchers healthy eating and it just didn't work. Then after my last fill I found I couldn't eat eggs or much of anything without it getting stuck and my having to throw it up. So, I went to a food that I know doesn't get stuck ---- potato chips.....they slide right down. So, that makes me depressed again and I'm an emotional eater, so that doesn't help. Then I feel like such a failure because people are like, "wow, shouldn't you have lost more weight by now"??? Yeah, probably people, but I haven't been. I know it's a matter of getting back up on that horse, but I just don't feel it's going to work. I also am a diabetic, on synthroid and just feel this will never work. Yes, I'm happy about the 23lbs, but I need to lose 80 total. I'm just really disappointed in myself.....

Hugs for your struggles Victoria's Mom....

#1 You are too tight if you can't eat real food (small bites chew chew chew and eating slowly) without pbing - If you are following these rules and still can't eat real food then go get some taken out..

Here's my suggestion - it's what worked for me and that's keeping a food diary - logging calories and Protein - that's all I counted and I did that until I reached my goal weight.

Today is a new day - let's move forward - we can't change what happend 5 minutes ago - we can't predict whats going to happen in 5 minutes - the only thing we have control over is the now.. So right now - pull up those boot straps and move forward.

Get all the junk out of the house - all your trigger foods - don't buy them and they won't be their to eat..

Sit down plan a menu for a week - shop for just those items and nothing else - read the labels - this is why I think that knowing the caloires in the food we eat is very important - when I look at the calories of a candy bar which has no nutritional value for 230 calories and then think I can have 4 oz of fish and 1/2 c veggies - for the same amount of calories and have gotten my nutrition and will stay full way longer than eating a candy bar..

You aren't alone in your expectations for the band - My Uncle thinks I should be the spokes person for lapband I told him they would never have me - cuz the commercial makes it seem like the band is the magic cure to our food issues and it's not - it doesn't take away my preceived hunger - I will be physically full and still crave more food - they didn't band my brain and that's where the majority of the problem lies.

I feel that I have done 75% of the work and the band has done the other 25% - just like my signature says eat healthy - exercise - band = success and just in that order.

Today is a new day - make the most of it - crying about the past isn't going to fix today - so get your self together and tell food - NO MORE - I AM SICK OF YOU - I AM IN CONTROL - I WILL NOT LET YOU RUIN MY LIFE ANYMORE. !!!

[Great2BThin 5]

Good Morning..

Great - I know you want Norman Rockwell - we all do- but I really don't think there is such a thing I think it's all a fairy tale (look at all of us - from all over the country and WE ALL have family issues)- and like your dh said - if you don't have it by now - you never are - you gotta let it go - you have done your best and that's all you can do. You can't keep hitting your head against a cement wall. When your parents and family passes - you will deal with it - God really does get you thru it..

If they don't want to get together for Christmas - don't force it - why so you can be upset and miserable cuz it didn't turn out the way you wanted - have Christmas with your family dh & kids. Have a Christmas that you will enjoy and not have to be on pins and needles the whole time.

You gotta enjoy what you have now - not what you fantasize about

I've come to the conclusion - I am going to be me - I am not taking on other pples issues - and if you don't like me - so be it - just cuz we share blood - doesn't mean I have to like you or be around you.. I wish it were diff - but it is what it is and I am not going to put myself out there to be hurt - I am not a doormat that pple can wipe their feet on and expect me to just take it - and imho there really isn't any use in getting into a battle of words - pple don't get it - and then it just turns out being a tit for tat battle to prove who's right and no one wins..

cbl

Janet, thanks for those words. You are confirming just what DH is telling me as well. I've done what I can, and I need to take care of me and just be me, they can take it or leave it. I will still love them and respect them but won't be a doormat for them either. Thanks. I am feeling so much better already.

Well today was a very busy day with Grandma. My knee handled it all very well. We went to Super Walmart, Gordmons, her Dr. appt and lunch. Then I had to carry her groceries into her apartment and put them away. Tonight if I'm up to it and I think I am, DH & I are going to Macy's. I have a 20% off coupon and my daughter wants a specific type of Calphalon cookware for a wedding gift that is $500 so with my 20% that is $100 off so we are thinking of going and getting it now. Also it's support group night for my lap band and am debating about going. Not sure.