I'm here to help...

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

Cheri, thank you! Your post is so insightful and a lot to think about but so right on I think. And it's part of the reason that I am thinking of limiting my contact with my sisters going forward. I am not going to go so far as disown them but I am going to put some protective walls around me. As Apples post stated some relationships we need to decide which relationships are worth saving. While we are both jointly helping care for my Grandma I don't want there to be lots of animosity between us, but I will proceed with caution. I love them and my parents but that doesn't give them permission to constantly put me down either. Thanks for all the advice and loving arms I have felt around these parts!

I am feeling pretty good tonight with my knee, I took it very easy today. I have a weird sensation/pain though. Phyl or Cheri, did you get this burning, numby, tingly, crinkly feeling on the surface of your skin? It's so weird feeling and hard to describe.

Some of your nerves have been cut or damaged by the surgery. As feeling returns you get some wierd sensations. Some areas will be semi-numb but the Patches will get smaller.

Hi~~~just wanted to pop on a say a quick hi. I am doing ok. Just mentally exhausted. By the time I come to my room, I usually just sit down and have a good old cry. I spend the whole day trying to be strong. Even with all my strength, I have my moments of crying with my mom and once with my dad today. I was talking about DH feeling bad that b/c I am here and he is with Nelson, that he hasn't spoken to my dad as much as he usually does and that he felt guilty. This sparked a whole conversation about "guilt" by my dad. He was explaining that he feels so guilty right now. He feels guilty that b/c he is sick that everyone is upset and sad and worried... and b/c he is sick that everyone is rearranging their schedules to be here for them. He said that he hates people feeling sorry for him. He got watery eyes while he was telling me this. He hasn't cried in front of me yet. Mom said he has cried twice with here since the diagnosis. And she can count on one hand the times he has cried in 55 years since they met. Just so tough.

Today dad wanted to go for a ride in the country. So I drove one of his nice cars, a 700 series BMW and we just drove and drove. The leaves are changing and it was cool (40s) today. He wished he could walk around a field, but with the urine bag and feeling weak, he just couldn't do it. We had a good time though. Then when we got back I got to work. The leaves had collected in front of their garage and the yard guys didn't show up on Friday. Dad's leaf blower is at his airport hangar, so I had to clean them the old fashioned way! Rake and broom and wheel barrel. Then I sweeped and mopped the garage. My folks garage floor is kept cleaner than most people's houses! I then cleaned the fridge and freezer in the garage. Threw out stuff that hadn't been labeled and couldn't be identified. Each day (when there is time) I am attacking something for my mom. She said closets were too stressful for her right now. Did the pantry yesterday. This is what I do when I am stressed.

Tomorrow we meet with oncologist #1 that they like. I didn't meet him, as they went the day I was coming up here. We need to set up the port placement procedure and get the ball rolling. I hope things can be done quickly. Everyone, most importantly dad, is ready.

Cancer sucks.

Thanks guys for being such great friends.

peasout....Laura

Laura, remember to take care of yourself, too.

Had a wierd few days food wise. Getting it back together. I think I was so concentrated on getting to my reunions that afterwards I needed a break from concentrating so hard on eating right. One thing. Can't have Halloween candy in the house.

Going to a retreat Weds., and a convention Thurs and Fri, and another retreat Friday night and Saturday. food will be featured. I'm just going to do the best I can. Three nights away from home.

Weather is supposed to be nice this week. Today was beautiful., We had weeks of rain and cold and that didn't help with the food either. It was hard on my joints, all that rain and cold moisture. I managed to exercise but it left me achy.

Gotta get back in the saddle.

Cheri

[Meredith2424 0]

Hello girls!

Wow! I have been away from this site for almost 4 days!!! Unbelievable! I have been so busy working at getting the bank to move on this house (short sales are nightmares) and accept my offer. I have also been looking at other houses in the meantime just in case this doesn't work out in my favor. I have looked at about 20 other houses this weekend and I am not at all interested in any of them in the least. I LOVE the house that I put my offer in on and want that one ONLY!!!! Also, work has been absolutely crazy busy which is always a good thing! So really, thats about it here on my end.

Laura~ I am so sorry to hear about your dad. When I read your posts today, tears were streaming down my face. I just cannot even imagine how you are feeling right now and I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Just know that all of us are here for you no matter what.

Apples~ Damn girl!!!! You are beautiful! You look just amazing! Too funny about the maternity clothes. I repeat, I WAS NOT buying them for myself! No kiddies for me, and my stomach has gotten so much flatter now that I've lost this 55 lbs! Thank goodness, because at the rate I was going at before surgery, I would have needed to start wearing them without being pregnant. My belly was getting just HUGE! Sick. Anyhow, I too love your kitchen. Too cute! Also, have we decided on anything for our trip? I know that Laura has her mind on other things, so if you want me to help also I will. One of my clients is going to be renting a house in Orlando for the whole month of February also and she is getting a great deal. She said that she would give me all the info about it if we wanted it. Just let me know what I can do.

Janet~ My sister bought me a ticket to go to California for the last weekend of this month. I will be arriving in Orange County on Thursday and flying home on Tuesday. She is going to the Marine Ball on Monday night, so if you want to meet up for dinner that night that would be cool. I know that you are working and I forgot how far away it is from you. Just let me know what works for you. Any day would work really, but I just thought that since she would be out for the evening Monday might work out.

Great~ You poor thing. Don't let your mom and sisters make you feel bad about anything. I too am very sensitive and the way that they are behaving and the things that they are saying would make me pretty upset too. Have you just told them "Look, I've just had major surgery and I need to heal and not listen to your opinions right now!" Maybe they need to be knocked into shape and realize that their behavior is just unacceptable. I hope that I am not out of line with saying this, but I think that you are a wonderful person and I hate to see you be treated like this. BUT.... I am really happy that you got to go with your DD to look at dresses and stuff for her wedding. You have such an exciting year ahead!

Phyll~ Keep truckin! :thumbup: And, your grandchildren are so lucky to have grandparents like you and DH. My grandparents were like the two of you and I have memories of them from when I was little that I will cherish forever.

Oct~ Andrews dad has his "homebase" near Sedona. That is where their house was before they decided to sell everything and become "drifters". Andrew also lived there for several years a few years back. From what I hear, and from what I have seen, that area is just beautiful!

Linda~ Was it you that was asking about my exercise classes? Well, if it was, I must say that I just LOVE them !!!!! This week we are doing step aerobics! YAY!

Sorry that I didn't type to everyone. I have to wash my hair color off now. I don't know why I just don't do this at work? UGH. What a mess.

Night night!

~Meredith

[Apples2 19]

Meredith...nice to see your post. Figured you were busy with house closing, school, work. Hoping things fall together on this house in the time frame you need it to.

Wouldn't that be fun if you could visit with Janet on your trip to CA? Hope it works for you guys. How nice of your sister to send you a ticket.

Thanks for your comments on my photo. I am over half the size of what I was when heavy and am enjoying being able to MOVE without feeling so awful everyday.

You have done really well to lose 55lbs. You should give yourself a big pat on the back!

Regarding our FL trip. Though I would give Laura a little time here to be with her family and then contact her again when she gets home. Appreciate the offer and might get ahold of you. We'll see what Laura has to begin with and go from there. I don't want her to have to handle any more than she has right now. I do not mind if she feels she needs to sit back on the planning. I do know that we will clear things with the people that are going b/4 a final decision is made.

We have talked about a house but it would just be Thurs thru Sunday so we will check out different options to see what is most efficient. Do we want to cook....NOT. That would be my vote but majority will rule and I will go with whatever.

Have a busy day today. Off and running in my truck to do errands, etc. Will talk to you all later.

[Great2BThin 5]

Good morning. Getting ready to leave in about an hour for some more PT (could be physical therapy could be pain & torture LOL). My parents are taking me, then we are going to try and shop a tad at Bass Pro shops. I offered to go as they want to pick up some things for Christmas gifts while they are here. There's lots of benches in there and if I have to sit I will sit. But usually after PT my knee is feeling pretty good for some odd reason. They were gone at my sisters last night for a family dinner. ha ha It was my 2 sisters, my folks, my grandma and my sisters boyfriends, just missing one daughter and her family, we weren't even invited. That's my family!

Meredith, we just had some good friends buy the house behind us. They had been trying to deal on some short sales before that and it was such a nightmare. The banks just drug their feet on approving htem and then after months wouldn't etc. I guess it is not an easy process. Good luck to you. It's so hard when you find the 'one'. DH is always telling me when we are house shopping to not get emotionally attached to the house until it is our's but I do every time. I envision all my stuff in the house, how I want to arrange it, etc.

Florida trip, there's a slim chance my Isreal vacation might not happen, seems some issue with the travel company they booked it through. So if not, perhaps it will work out. Not sure when I will know though.

[Mrs. Bubba 0]

Morning frineds......... once again you all have been so busy since I was on here last.... We had a full weekend and I'm glad to be having a quiet day to myself today.. All the parties are done and now I can just clean up my kitchen and go back to normal life... We took our Mimi and my nieces' little 18 month old to the pumpkin patch yesterday afternoon... there were 10 of us altogether, but it was fun... lots of walking and I handled it quite well... Now to get my house in order.. DD is done with her night job and starts a new one tomorrow so we will move into a new schedule with Mimi now, but no more nights unless we decide to have her...

I have surprising news to tell... I was exhausted last evening and fell asleep in my chair and in my clothes at 8:30... DH just let me sleep and went to bed... I didn't do my hot pack or exercises or cold packs or pain pills... Woke up at 6:00 AM..... wow.... went down to bedroom an put on nightie and crawled in bed... DH got up at 7:00.... I fell asleep again and didn't wake until 9:00.............I'm amazed..... I can feel my shoulder some, but haven't done anything to it for quite some time... Will do my stretching exercises now, but I'm hoping this is a start of a new trend.... Wednesday is my 57th birthday and I'd like to start this year on a high note for a change.....

Laura, cherish those times together... they are perfect memories for later....... I had the same conversation with my dad... he felt so useless because he couldn't work anymore.. I finally wrote him a letter to explain just how useful he was and it had nothing to do with work... He was better after that... broke my heart to see him cry.... but it's part of the mess that this damn cancer causes... I'm with you..........it sucks.... big time... You're doing all the right things... and you are strong... breaking down is part of that as it gives you renewed strength for the next day... keep up the good work... and take care of yourself.....

Meredith, glad you are doing so well... hope your house deal comes through in time... it's very frustrating waiting for people who don't value your time....

Great and Phly, it's so good you have each other to get you through this after surgery time... My mother still gets those little sensations once in a while... I've had my own with different surgeries I've had... especially the panniculectomy when they cut off the big fatty roll that hung from my stomach back in 2004... It took a long time for some of those sensations to leave... glad you have each other to go through this...

Lori, I have some of those same family things... Just don't get where they come from...and why they have to make such a big deal out of things... Don't they know how much of a waste it is to be difficult... guess not!!! I've finally had to just pull myself back a little and not let it get to me.... I've decided to not make any attempts to get them all together for Christmas this year... I'm done trying to make everyone happy... If they want me they can make the first moves this year...

Apples, we shop at Wal-mart all the time, but I get very frustrated with them... We got 2 big Super Walmarts about 3 years about in Bismarck.. One is on the outskirts of town on my way home..so it's handy.. But it seems they are always out of things... Poor management I think.....

One Day, I hear you about sizes..... I need a 1x in one style and a 3x in the next... there is no consistency... I choose to say I'm a 1x, just because I can!!!!!

If, I like your thinking and you communicate in writing so well..... Have fun at your retreat and such... Nice to get refreshed....

Well, better go take advantage of my free day.... Hope all the rest of you folks are doing well and just to busy to post... Talk to you all later... Julie

[Charlene K 1]

In case I forget...............HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIE!

I went to the Weight Loss dr today. Instead of an unfill I got a tiny fill.......... a .2 . She said to stay on shakes for a couple of days. I go back in a month. My stomach feels better. Of course the weather has stabilized and so has my pain. I go to the endocrinologist on thursday and he will know more about this pain thing. The doctor said it wasn't the band.

[IndioGirl55 32]

OMW - 2 days gone 4 pages !!!

Saturday didn't get to the gym talked to my Uncle for 3.5 hrs on the phone..

Got to the gym Sunday - and my weekly shopping done.

Laura - Continued good thoughts hugs & praryer..

I agree with the $100 per year!!!

Ok I gotta get back to work... CBL

Julie - Happy Bday !!!

[phyllser 3]

Good morning. Getting ready to leave in about an hour for some more PT (could be physical therapy could be pain & torture LOL). My parents are taking me, then we are going to try and shop a tad at Bass Pro shops. I offered to go as they want to pick up some things for Christmas gifts while they are here. There's lots of benches in there and if I have to sit I will sit. But usually after PT my knee is feeling pretty good for some odd reason. They were gone at my sisters last night for a family dinner. ha ha It was my 2 sisters, my folks, my grandma and my sisters boyfriends, just missing one daughter and her family, we weren't even invited. That's my family!

Meredith, we just had some good friends buy the house behind us. They had been trying to deal on some short sales before that and it was such a nightmare. The banks just drug their feet on approving htem and then after months wouldn't etc. I guess it is not an easy process. Good luck to you. It's so hard when you find the 'one'. DH is always telling me when we are house shopping to not get emotionally attached to the house until it is our's but I do every time. I envision all my stuff in the house, how I want to arrange it, etc.

Florida trip, there's a slim chance my Israel vacation might not happen, seems some issue with the travel company they booked it through. So if not, perhaps it will work out. Not sure when I will know though.

Anxious to hear how your PT went today.

Surprised they're not giving you PT at home for these first couple of weeks.

I couldn't face getting in the car again until I was home about two weeks!

So... what did they measure your flexion at today??

I think you're doing VERY well... more mobile and more out and about than I was at 2 weeks!

Can't believe you weren't invited to that family dinner!!

That's just WRONG!!

I would've been so mad! What were they thinking???

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

Got to get some wash done for my three nights away from home.

I've also got to do a little editing and condensing of the Thanksgiving appeals letter going out for Roseland Christian School. I often work with the development director and am on the promotions committee, so I get to play my idea factory role and use my writing and editing skills.

I like the change from teaching.

Great--did you really want to go to that dinner anyway? I know it hurts not to be given the choice, but I bet you'd have been miserable.

Julie, glad you're feeling better.

Food's better today. Weather was gorgeous but had a meeting after school I had to go to. I told them after 3 weeks of horrible weather they should have canceled the meeting due to good weather.

I am not looking forward to 4 days of lectures and meetings stuck indoors in what might be one of the last good weather weeks till spring.

My ADHD goes nuts and my food tends to follow. I may skip a lot of meetings and go on walks instead. I'll be in some beautiful areas.

Even tho its dark out I think I might go for a 20 -30 minute walk on the main streets. It's relatively warm compared to the last 3 weeks.

Gotta go. Take care of yourselves.

[Apples2 19]

Evening Ladies...Hope everyone had a good day. Mine was busy running errands for the farm until about 3pm and then have been running back and forth to the soybean dump. Me and my dog. I dressed in my black coveralls and black hood jacket so that I would match my black puppa. Gotta get yer style on out at the dump!

Great...sorry you were not invited to the family dinner. Phyll asked "What were they thinking?"...as far as I can tell, they weren't. You can bitch and complain all you want about it here. Sometimes just getting it out and getting someone else's take on it helps. It reminds me of the discussions I would have with my boys about birthday parties. My oldest had 11 boys in his class and only wanted to invite 10 when he was in second grade. Told him plain and simple it just wasn't right to not invite this boy. (He was the class bully and had a not so good family life). Told my son all were included or no party. (This was when he could not pronounce his "r's"). My son said "Well mom, you awe going to be so sowwy...Josh was waised wong". (raised wrong). Well, we had Josh at the party (brat) and I definately agree..he was waised wong. But, got a call from his momma and said Josh could hardly speak when he got home...he was so excited. We had Josh back to our home many times. One on one he was a delightful brat.

My point...I'm not saying YOU were raised wrong...I'm saying it just hurts so much to be excluded. It's just plain wong.

[LittleOleMeinFL 1]

hi guys~

before I forget, Happy Early Birthday Julie. I didn't want to forget. Glad you are doing a bit better.

Meredith~ Nice to hear from you. Hugs and thanks. I hope the house goes through. I know how it was for us and the first one. I also fell in love and had to have it. I totally get it. Congrats on the clothes! That is so great!

Speaking of Great... Great, glad you are doing so well with PT. I am also digging the thought of you coming to FL!

Janet~ WTG on the gym. You continue to be such a great mentor. At least you have me THINKING about the gym. ; ) Thanks for the thoughts and PM on Facebook.< /p>

I haven't been in so long. Just can't seem to get back into the exercise groove. I've been doing physical cleaning, but feel guilty to go exercise. Even though this would be a great time to actually sleep past 6am, i feel so guilty and make myself get up early to help in the kitchen.

Arlene~I hope the fill helps you. Glad everything else calmed down.

IYSOY~ Glad things are better for you food-wise. Hope you are surviving your meetings.

Phyls~ Sounds like you are enjoying time with your son. Your RV trip sounds so nice. Thanks for your kind words.

Today was a follow up appt with the oncologist that they picked. The test for circulating tumor cell ennumeration came out ZERO! : ) Which apparently is a good indicator for better outcomes as it shows that perhaps the cancer is not so active and could respond to treatment. Dr wanted to get a radioactive isotope bone scan but dad wants to wait until he gets his port, as his veins are horrible. Appt with the surgeon on Thurs (earliest avail. but made me mad it couldn't be sooner). That is just for consultation and surgery would have to be scheduled and then chemo only after that. Seems things move so slow the faster you want them to move. Dad seemed more tired today, though he did gain 2 lbs since yesterday. Mom had less meltdowns today I think.

DH wants to come on Wed with Nelson. I just feel he and dad should see each other before chemo starts. I still need to get a read on how dad feels about that before they come up. I don't even care about ridiculous prices of tickets. I just want Nels to see him before he gets too sick.

ok, time to watch dancing with the stars.

peasout~ Laura

[Great2BThin 5]

You guys are right, I really didn't want to be at that 'family' dinner, but it hurts to be excluded. I guess I've always wanted that family that you see in the Norman Rockwell paintings, and the reality is my family is not that family and they have no desire to be. I am so grateful for my hubby and kids and poor all my efforts and love there and have a close family that way. My kids want to spend time with us, they choose to go on the camping trips etc. and come for dinner often. I'll take that any day.

Phyl, therapy went well today I improved 8 more degrees in my flexion I am at 93 today. The therapist told me to relax I was progressing wonderfully and to stop listening to my mom. LOL Idid some stairs at therapy today, some gentle bouncing and stepping on a mini tramp, some rocking the pedals on a stationary bike since I can't make a full rotation, then he manipulated my knee cap around and pulled on my leg. The pulling felt wonderful. he also told me to remember I am relatively soon out from surgery at only 2 weeks today. I have a doc appt on Wed. and will see what they have to say. Oh and I graduated to a cane from one crutch. He said to practice around the house with the cane a bit before taking it out. I'm still not driving though, am afraid to tackle that. I am covered this week for appts and such so maybe by next week.

[Apples2 19]

Laura..thanks for the update and still in hope that this thing with your dad is not as bad as they have made it to be. Bet you cannot wait to see DH and Nelson. Good idea on bringing Nelson in to see Grandpa b/4 he has his procedures. Hang in there and hope to hear from you again soon.

Great...you are making great strides (pun intended) with your new knee. Good goin'. Forgot to mention earlier that I am excited to hear that you might swing FL. I am sure you will be disappointed if the other trip is canceled.

Arlene...how is that hubby doing?

Cheri...hope your conferences hold your interest and, if not, play hooky and go for that walk instead.

I never seem to include everyone everyday. Sorry. I'm freaking old and have to write eveything down as I read posts. Never intentional to exclude.

[phyllser 3]

I hit the garlic store today, then the Salvation Army store, Target, Ross. I think I was shopping about 4 hours w/o scooter. Got new sweats (Target), long sleeve polo and jacket at the Salvation Army store.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Great - Well maybe they thought you weren't up to it with your knee and all - that's the only thing I can come up with - Hugs - That just awful - but gf you got us !!!

Laura - I hope DH & Nelson come, you need them and so does your Dad & Mom.. I know once when my Dad wasn't doing so well - I called an left message w/DS work - to call me things weren't looking good - well they told him his GP died - he drove all the way from Indio to Encinatas (san diego area) - He came busting thru the doors of ICU and I was shocked to see him - said that GP was doing better he looked at me crazy - then found out what he got told - well back to the story he and I left the hospital for a while and went and sat at the beach that we use to go to when he was a kid - that hour on the beach with my son was the best thing for me at the time - I needed to get away and feel the sun and remember happier times - Caregivers need breathing room and fortification too.. We need a little support too - your dh & ds will be that for you...

Don't worry about the gym - it will be there when things calm down - be with your family and if you can get out for a walk - do it - the fresh air will be good for you..

Well gang - It's 8 - I gotta go eat - and watch a little t.v.

Talk to you all in the morning - Hugs & Love to all my girls !!