Support for my spouse

sarcar · April 25, 2005

Hello! I am visiting this site, looking around. My partner is planning on having a lap band soon (no date yet but it's in the insurance pipeline) and I thought I would ask you all about how I may be more supportive once it is done. I do almost all of the cooking, and I am on an anti-inflammatory eating plan myself. Any suggestions so that I can help her succeed???

Thanks,

Sara

princess_n_thep · April 25, 2005

If you do a search on books here you will find one for "eating after WLS" ...(the search button is located in the blue bar up top) I am not sure exactly what it is called but I am sure someone is going to see this and post it exactly and where to get it. http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=6227&highlight=recipe People are VERY helpful here and spend a lot of time helping others.

Paula also has a eating healthy thread http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=6376

and eating and counting calories and food journal and fat counting: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=5002&highlight=recipes

And kudos to you for being so supportive!!!

Do a search for: food recipes eating (you will find a ton of info here)

GOOD LUCK!

hagerteresa · April 25, 2005

Try your best to eat slowly with your spouse. I just got back from dinner with my family and felt like I was in a shark feeding frenzy the whole time. My mom tries to be nice and eats a bit slower but the men were out of control. If I try to keep up I'll just get into trouble by not chewing well enough. Another difficult habit that is now second nature is not drinking with or after meals for about an hour. bread also tends to be a more difficult food for bandsters. I can manage a 1/2 piece of toast once in awhile but sandwiches are pretty much a total thing of history. A lot of times I'll put sandwich toppings on crackers which works out much easier. My mom often forgets about the bread thing and I swear her first response to hunger complaints is a piece of bread. I always have to remind her I don't do bread. My husband works swing shift so often I eat dinner alone during the week which ussually works out fine. Another thing... if I wait till I'm starving before I eat I tend to forget to chew well enough. I really have to make sure to fit all my meals in. About the worst thing that happens when something isn't chewed well enough is what we call a PB (productive burp). If a piece of food can't fit thru the band it has to come back up. Its not really like vomiting but more like a spit up. I get a lot of back cramps when this occurs. I have heard others complain of the cramps too. They go away as soon as the offending object is gone. The goal is to avoid pb episodes as much as possible. I'll have several great days where nothing seems to be a problem and then suddenly I'll have a few days when everything seems to be difficult. The band isn't supposed to increase/decrease in tightness but us bandsters have decided that mood, stress, time of the month, etc does seem to affect the tightness of the band. Mornings also seem to be tighter than the rest of the day for most people. Best wishes and glad to see your support. Teresa

vinesqueen · April 25, 2005

Hi Sara, I think the best thing you can do is to NOT be the food police. Your spouse knows what she needs to do, and what she doesn't need. I know that if I had nagged my DH (dear husband) when he makes food choices I question, it wouldn't have done any good.

Encourage her to read, read, and then read more. Go ot local support groups if they are available.

Be understanding that this is a slow process, not a magic band. Be understanding when she hits a plateau, and encourage her when she needs it.

the best me · April 25, 2005

Yep, Crystal, I see the food police thing happening at my house. My DH scorned the 1/4 cup of coffee I sipped the other day...ggrrrrr, so Sarcar, I'm thinking that's a good thing to avoid. I know you care, but let her handle it. Just be supportive and encouraging.

No food Police!! Good advice.

vinesqueen · April 25, 2005

AH ha ha ha ha My DH did the same thing about my coffee, but just once... He felt that I was spending too many calories on my morning bowl of coffee.... I showed him the daily total of how many calories I eat, and well, once he saw that I generally over around 1000 to 1200 calories, he got real quiet.

That is another thing you might think about Sara, track your calories with her. I'm not talking everyday, but it might be that y'all track together just a couple days a week, or month just to get a "feel" of the amount of calories.

The first week or so will be the toughest, since that is when we feel like dirt.... really crummy the first couple of days, but many of us start feeling our oats again by the 3rd or 4th day. Be ready with lots of "poor baby"s and foot rubs.

hagerteresa · April 25, 2005

LOL! That cracked me up about the food police thing. Your right, my family has tried that a few times and they get met with a very insulted look. Considering they are all still gaining weight from eating and drinking whatever they want, I figure at least I'm on the downward trend. If I want to splurge once in awhile they can deal with it. I can't think of a time since being banded where a splurge has ever caused a weight gain. I typically will plateau for several weeks at a time but it stays pretty stable. I don't know how many times I have gone in to weigh thinking I've gained 10 pounds to actually find I've either stayed the same or lost a few pounds.

One of the nicest things you could do is rub your partner's back when she gets a stuck feeling. I get a huge cramp when I get stuck and that really feels good. Teresa

Kendra · April 25, 2005

Hi sara =)

My partner actually had the lap band first...and I supported her just by planning meals to fit what she was able to eat. When your partner has it done, they will give her a plan to show what she can and cannot eat during the first weeks of after care. Just the best way to support her, is help her make good food choices without making her feel like your totally controlling her food intake. Just remember, she has to do this for herself too. =)

When I had mine, there was more of the emotional support that was needed. I already knew how to eat like a bandster, but I freaked out at every little thing that happened to me. Its a strange feeling at first. Its great that you are looking here..she could definatly benefit from this group, as could you. Its nice to have a plethora of people in all stages of banding to ask for help.

-Kendra

sarcar · April 25, 2005

Thanks to everyone who posted on this thread. I hadn't thought of being like the food police for her--I don't think that would have occurred to me that she might perceive it in that light. I can TOTALLY relate, as my mom was the "f.p." all of my growing up years, and how I felt about it. Thanks for that perspective.

We are already practicing eating slowly, putting the fork down, looking around, having conversation. . . . . it's hard for me (but better for me too!) as I am a nurse and have only 30 min. for lunch everyday, and that includes heating your food, washing your dishes and going to the loo afterwards, so you get into the habit of eating really quickly, and not noticing what you're eating sometimes!

Best wishes to everyone on the downward journey!

Sara

bcassaro · November 12, 2010

My wife is having the lapband surgery - I joined the forum to find means of supporting her as well to better understand the pre/post. I am having a tough time finding a thread that is actually specific to the spouse... Any suggestions?