Chemical Imbalance

[Angelica 1]

So, a wobbler.. Whats a wobbler, a wobbler is when Angelica loses her mind, and sort of falls into a world of HIGH anxiety and depression.

I guess most people would call this a fat day?

Lets break it down like this, I have lost about 5-7 lbs for every month that I have had the band (today is my 6 month anniversay, btw)

Okay, so 30-35 lbs. In 6 months.. I am TRYING to be patient, but I realize that its not the band that I am losing patience with, its MYSELF. I have gotten my fills, but I havent eaten the correct foods, I havent eaten the correct portions. I havent been exercizing like I know that I should. I have been sort of trying to skirt out of the fact that I have a band.

Since the last fill, under floro, thats not so much an option anymore, either it goes down, or it comes up, I'm adjusting to learning to eat small amounts, and chewing the shit out of everything. I feel like I am losing weight, but I dont own a scale, and the tape measure that i keep in my bathroom aint reading any different from last week.

Frustrated.

I mean, I get it, I am not doing the right things, this is MY fault. I dont run like I should, I have to eat well now, but thats just because its a physical imposibility to eat poorly anymore. (meaning portion size)

To top that off, I am going on a trip to NM with my mom, (road trip, aweesoommmee) and my mother has decided she would like to take me to get a haircut at this swanky place, I just feel fat and stupid and slow and generally like a shitty person today.

Christ, I'll even cheat MYSELF, how could I not cheat someone else, the fundamentals of Angelica are off, bad. I feel like an asshole generally.

Ugh, this is going to get better, but I'm having a wobbler today.

-A

[salsa1877 10]

Alright, so you know what you haven't done...Now what are you going to do. I am going to post something here that a lot of people have found useful. Some of it may seem like it doesn't fit because I wrote it for a specific person, but the general guidelines still fit. I believe you have it in you...Now you just have to believe. If this was easy it wouldn't be worth doing it.

Are you ready for some tough love? If you are not ready at this time, that if fine. Put it away in your mind that someone has given you some and come back here when you are ready. By the time I get to post this you will probably have 100 other replies, but I want to take my time and post what I really want to say.

Okay...here goes the tough love. And this will be a long post!

Nope the food in the last few days was not a good choice, but you ate them and now you need to move on and NOT do it again. You can't change what you have done but you can make better choices in the future. So the question is HOW IN THE WORLD DO I DO THAT? Well I will tell you that the answer is NOT going to come to you when you have a "brownie" (will now stand for anything that is not healthy for us for the remainder of this conversation) staring at you in the face. You have to have the tools and the mindset BEFORE that temptation ever comes up. We have to be ready to turn around at any particular moment and have a piece of brownie shoved in our face and realize that we are stronger than the calories, fat, sugar and peice of inanimate object that we are looking at. It gets harder as we have lost the weight and become a little more comfortable with our bodies. At first we were hell bent on getting losing, losing, losing. Well the newness has worn off and now we are just stuck with the realization that we will always have to fight the "brownies".

Alright I am all about being practical so here are some suggestions that I have.

1. Take a piece of paper (one that you can fold up into your wallet/purse/pocket ) and divide it into sections. You may have to write down everything and then rewrite it to get it to all fit.

a. Write down all the reasons that you had MAJOR, LIFE THREATENING SURGERY. Not the reasons that you wanted to just lose weight, but what caused you to make this drastic change in your life.

b. Write down where you think you would be health wise in 10 years. What disesases, illness would you have? What meds would you be on. Look at your family for "inspiration". For me my mom died at 53 weighing 350+ pounds and had heart disease, diabetes, sleep apnea and a whole host of other disorders. Within 10 years, I was going to be there.

c. Write down why you are more powerful than a brownie (this one is tough!)

d. Find some typical foods that you would love to eat (your brownies) and look up the calories and then find out how much time you would have to spend working them off in the gym.

e. Write down what about you makes you important enough to overcome your demons.

f. Now you are going to want to fit all of this on a piece of paper in bullet form so when you are faced with you brownies you can look at it and allow you to mentally fight the war that has just come up. If you can justify eating that brownie after looking at your paper, then eat it, but have no regrets, and do not dwell on it. Instead you have faced the problem UP FRONT and not looked back on it.

2. Another possible tactic. I know that you are having a tough time getting your calories down. One thing that I have found that helps me is by eating the same foods that I like but with some simple substitutions and by finding ways to remove some unneccessary ingredients. For example. I make this dessert that had 1/2 cup of frozen berries, 2 TBSP of Cream cheese and 1/2 cup of granola. The cream cheese had 60 calories and I thought..."I wonder how this would taste if I didn't put the cream cheese in it". I tried it and guess what, I couldn't even tell that it was missing. Same thing with meatloaf. Instead of eating it with ground beef now I substitute grond chicken. As long as I keep all of my veggies and other healthy fillers in, I can't tell the difference. I really learned this from Subway. I found that if I went in and ordered a foot long sandwich (obviously pre-band) and got all this deli meat and cheese and then pilled it with my favorite veggies that I all I could really taste were the veggies anyways. So first I got rid of the meat and then the cheese, and the taste of the sandwich hardly varied at all. This is what I do all the time now. I will always fix something first and then think what can I do to lower or eliminate the calories without harming the integretity of the dish.

3. This is the one that everyone is going to hate. WE JUST HAVE TO HAVE WILL POWER SOMETIMES. Yep the age ol' dieting nightmare. Our will power will not always be perfect, but we have to be able to stand up to ourselves and tell ourselves no. Before this surgery I couldn't tell anyone NO, including myself. So when my stupid head told me that I needed to go to Carl's Jr and get 2 big hamburgers and eat them in the 4 minutes it took me to get home so that I could look famished for dinner that was going to be served in 30 minutes...I never said no. NOW, I am comfortable saying no. It has helped me professionally, personally, and mentally. I thought that everyone would hate me if I said no, but now they no longer just expect things out of me. And I don't just give in to all of my brain's wishes. That is making me a better person.

4. Talk about your surgery. I have to honestly say that one of the greatest factors to my success is the fact that I have been open and honest about the surgery. I don't care what other people think about me. Go to 1A of this email and that should show you why there is nothing to be ashamed of. The more you talk about the struggles and successes of your surgery the less likely people are to shove food at you. We have one lady in our science department that brings in treats every week. After the 2nd week of school I told her about my surgery and not ONCE has she come in and offered me the food. She told me, if you ever want it, you may have some, but I don't want to push something on you that you obviously don't want. Yesterday at the staff meeting, the administration gave little food baskets to everyone for all there hard work during scheduling. However instead of a food basket I got a nice card signed by all the administrators, because the know that a food basket is pointless to me. I don't feel singled out, I feel very blessed that these people care enough about me to know what I need. Some people can't make these connections on their own and they need you to school them. I know this is tough, but I had to do it with my dad, my BF, and my brother. I asked them if they would offer a beer to a recovering alcholoic. All of them said no, and then I said then why in the hell would you offer me a cookie!

Wow I knew this would be long, but I had no idea how long. If there is any advice in here you don't like. Think about why you don't like it. Is it because it is hard...well guess what CHANGING is hard, but maybe just try part of it. If you don't like it because it goes against all of your moral beliefs, then ignore it. I will never know and it will not hurt my feelings. Even if you came back and said "Salsa you are full of crap and are an idiot" I would think " her loss!" and keep on lovin' ya. This is what friends are for. We have to be here during the good times and the bad. We have to be able to look (or type) at the other person and say "stop being an idiot" If we don't do that as friends, really we are no better than an enemy.

[marineliebe 2]

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Good advice...as for my aditional 2 cents, is there a support group for bandsters near you that you can go to? Its great to have this board, but sometimes you really need help face to face. The place where I got banded has monthly support groups (I just got banded and havn't gone yet, but I intended to). Just being able to look a person in the eyes and hear what they are going though, and even get a hug from someone whos been there!! (I'm more than happy to send you a virtual hug as well...*hug*!!! :thumbup: Even the fact that you were able to get on here and type out what you were feeling, that can help work out a lot of emotions, so you may already be feeling better b/c you were able to get it all out! Just know that we all have faith in you! :cursing: