Kind of down in the dumps

[eazes 0]

Yesterday when I got home from the seminar I was in a great mood. Just meeting with the doctor and some of his patients really helped me know that I have done the right thing. When I got home I told my hubby all about what I learned and how exciting it was to see how WLS has changed the lives of these ladies. All he could say is that the doctor has not done lap bands before. I told him it was because he wanted to wait until it was in the US for a while and that there was long term evidence of the benefits of it (He even addressed this in the seminar). He even studied under the doctor that brought it to the US. He has trained in performing the lap band surgery and does all his surgeries laproscopicly (sp?). I told hubby this and still all he could do was nit pic. It really put a downer on my mood. I tried to explain to him that I know that the doctor is just now offering it and I have done research in his background. He has been doing bariatric surgeries for years and this is the only thing he does. He is a very hands on doctor and is really supportive in your recovery and during and after your weight loss journey. When I initially told hubby that I was going to do the lap band I thought he was supportive. I told him I've done research and was not going into this with my eyes closed. I mean why would anybody just wake up one day and decide that they were going to have surgery. I hate having surgery. I don't like being put under but I've decided that this is the best thing for me in the long run. I just found out today that I have border line high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I'm trying not to get angry at him because I know it's his way of being worried and trying to watch out for me but he also needs to trust in my decision and put trust in my doctor. I have trust in him and if I didn't trust his skills and his abilities to do the surgery successfully I WOULD NOT be going to him. Even today I told my mother what I am going to do and she even laid into me about how I'm going to have to change and hinted at I could do it on my own. If I could have done it on my own I wouldn't be overweight to begin with. But I know my mother means well and loves me but at that moment I was just looking for someone to be excited about how I am taking charge of my health and doing something positive. Seems like the only people I'm getting it from these days are my close friends. :blushing: I'm not going to let these things change my mind about the surgery. Now I'm more determined then ever to have it done. If I have to have it with no support then so be it. I'm doing this for me anyways. Has anyone experienced this before? Is this normal?

[Fdiljn 0]

Exactly!! Although my husband says he supports my decision and that it is my body and I have to make the decision he brings up all of the negatives in how it will change our life and "what if" something goes wrong. It is hard to deal with at times. Good luck and keep the You will make the correct decision on what is best for you and in the long run for the both of you.

[almostnormal 0]

I went through the same thing! People that I love and that love me, were so concerned about me getting the lap band they were totally bringing me DOWN! "You shouldn't do this" "What if something goes wrong" "Have you really thought about this" "I don't like how this sounds" I could keep going and going. I just had to finally look at these people, smile listen but let it go in one ear and out the other. I knew what I had to do, I trusted my doctor and he too did gastric bypass for the most part, the band was fairly new. Just keep positive, you know that this is what you need to do for yourself. I am so happy that I did the band!! I was 254 when I started and now 151. I am running into people that I've known all my life and they don't even recognize me. It's pretty funny actually. I feel great - I can do yard work now, rake leaves and not need to fall into them to catch my breath. . . LOL The BAND has brought LIFE back to me and I am living again - with a BIG OLE SMILE on my face!!!

STAY POSITIVE FOR YOURSELF - KEEP SMILING, YOUR DOING THE RIGHT THING!!!

[reenie11 1]

When I went to my first seminar, I wasnt aware how NEW the lap bad was to this practice either. Towards the end, someone asked how many he had performed. 7. I was a little concerned. but it took 9 months for the approval so by the time I was on his table, it was old news!!! good for me. Actually he did 5 lap bands the day I was operated on. I asked him not to make me the first or last patient that day!!! He didn't, I was 3rd. lol But he had done tons of gastric bypass, so I had NO doubts in his abilities.

[jkaye72 0]

I know how you feel. My husband is being supportive. well aboutbthe surgery part. Eating is a whole other thing!:blushing: My 17 year old is so worried. I finally said this is something I have to do for me for a ghange! I want my life back. It is hard for her to know how I feel because she sees me doing everything I have always done, but she doesn't see the pain I feel on a regular basis. I haven't even told my mom yet. I know there will be alot of negatives. I have only told about 5 people including family about my new journey. I am so excited and determined right now I want to tell everyone!!!:thumbup: A funny thing happened to me and my daughter last night. We went to Luby's to go. There was alady waiting and she said to the cashier as long as I have my mashed potatoes, I have had surgery. Well something came over me and I asked her what kind of surgery. She said Lap Band!! Wow! So she had told me that she is 4 yrs. post surgery and has lost 142 lbs. She reassured my daughter that it was the best thing she had ever done. I left there thinking o.k. God has just stepped in and told me I am doing the right thing. Sorry so long. We just need to hang in there.

[singledad167 0]

Maybe your husband is scared of losing you? Perhaps he's even enabling you for fear, or even control. Kind of like a spouse of a alcholic. Sometimes they enable their partners to continue their addiction because that makes them depend on them, and gives them control. If they give up that control, there's a fear they will no longer need them. Not saying this is the case, but it's a angle you might want to look at. I think maybe his negativity spawns from other issues. Perhaps a family or marriage counsler would be good to talk too.

[MeatballsMom 0]

PB...I couldn't agree with you more....maybe he is a little scared, you know, when you lose all of this weight and want to move on with your life. Or, is he typically a pessimistic person?

If he typically is this way, chalk it up to his typically negative personality and look him in the face and say "screw you, this is about me for a change". He can either take it or leave it.

It seems, most of us women, that we get so wrapped up in our marriages and children that we lose sight of us, who we really are. We have let ourselves go and sucumb to the everyday stressors in our lives that afford us the ability to turn to food as our comforting agent.

Our junk food is like someone elses crack, alcohol, heroine, meth, etc. etc.

You do what you feel is right for you, not what is right for your husband or kids for a change. You will be surpirsed how much happier you will be knowing you did something for yourself, something that will not only make you feel better about yourself on the outside, but something that your body/health will appreciate you for for years to come.

To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying amen to what society tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive~Robert Louis Stevenson

[eazes 0]

Maybe your husband is scared of losing you? Perhaps he's even enabling you for fear, or even control. Kind of like a spouse of a alcholic. Sometimes they enable their partners to continue their addiction because that makes them depend on them, and gives them control. If they give up that control, there's a fear they will no longer need them. Not saying this is the case, but it's a angle you might want to look at. I think maybe his negativity spawns from other issues. Perhaps a family or marriage counsler would be good to talk too.

I kind of thought about that after his "rants" last night but I know he's voiced that he wants me to lose weight for my health. His big thing is that he wants me around forever not for a few years. He just thinks that I'm jumping into this without any research whatsoever and that is not the case. I've even told him so. When I had my breast reduction 3 yrs ago neither one of us did research on the doctor that my insurance set me up with and that was my mistake and I'm not happy with the way my breasts look but I didn't make that mistake again. He just needs to realize that all I need from him is his support. I know what I have to do, the changes I'll have to make, and how it will affect my life. I know once the weight comes off I will be happier which will in turn help our marriage. If one spouse is not happy then the marriage has a hard time. I'm not doing this for him or our marriage it's strictly about me. He's a good man and I know he loves me. Thank you all for your input it's nice to know that my husband is not the only one that does this. I just need to keep him up to date on every little step of this process and I know that will ease his mind.

[eazes 0]

PB...I couldn't agree with you more....maybe he is a little scared, you know, when you lose all of this weight and want to move on with your life. Or, is he typically a pessimistic person?

If he typically is this way, chalk it up to his typically negative personality and look him in the face and say "screw you, this is about me for a change". He can either take it or leave it.

It seems, most of us women, that we get so wrapped up in our marriages and children that we lose sight of us, who we really are. We have let ourselves go and sucumb to the everyday stressors in our lives that afford us the ability to turn to food as our comforting agent.

Our junk food is like someone elses crack, alcohol, heroine, meth, etc. etc.

You do what you feel is right for you, not what is right for your husband or kids for a change. You will be surpirsed how much happier you will be knowing you did something for yourself, something that will not only make you feel better about yourself on the outside, but something that your body/health will appreciate you for for years to come.

To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying amen to what society tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive~Robert Louis Stevenson

You are exactly right. Ever since the children I've been so wrapped up on dealing with the family that I really don't take time for myself. He may not believe it right now but I'm not going anywhere. I need him now more than ever. He is the love of my life and I wouldn't give him up for the world no matter what size I am. He tries his hardest to look good for me and I'm going to return the favor. He is a negative nelly. He always has been. Maybe that's what attracted me to him because I'm always looking at the bright side of things so we kind of cancel each other out.

[smwww 0]

I think we all may have gone through this same thing. I know I did, even though I know my husband love me tremendously. The bottom line my husband never suffered from obesity, he was scared of the unknown and fearful that something would go wrong. But he supported my decision despite his remarks of fear for me.

Well 5mths later I have lost 45lbs and looking and feeling better than ever. He is very proud of me and I think he enjoy what he is seeing. I think he think that I could have done this on my own but he is not going to say it because I think he never imagined me looking like I look today after having surgery.

You are doing this for you RIGHT???? If so, believe the rest will be very proud of you and probably a little jealous.

[Pandy37050 0]

I know how you feel. My husband is a total pessimist in most things, this included! His response is that if you want to lose weight I need to get off my a$$ and start doing things more. Like dig postholes in the yard! I have arthritis and fibroidmyalgia. Digging postholes in the yard is NOT soemthing for me to do even if I didn't have a weight problem! My kids just say- whatever you decide to do mom, we'll stand by you. But the kids no londer live at home. It's just me and hubby and the dogs. So I have to deal with his negativity everyday. I have been going to couseling and she says I need to do what "I" feel is right for me. Therefore- I have my first visit to my surgeon June 23rd! Wish me luck! I just turned 50... so next year I plan on being healthier!

[jdrocks226 0]

My Husband Is Exactly Like All Of Yours. He Says He Loves Me And Just Doesn't Want Anything To Happen To Me. But I Said If I Don't Do This, I Could Die From Complications From Being To Overweight. He Brings Home All The Horror Stories Guys At Work Tell Him. Never Something Positive. I Want My Back And Knees Not To Hurt Everytime I Go Up Steps.. To Feel Better About Myself.. He Says He Doesn't Like Skinny Girls He Likes Me Like I Am..he Has Seen Me Lose And Gain Over And Over Again. He Loves To Go Out To Eat, And We Do That Alot. I Just Feel After Surgery, If I Say Anything About Pain Or Being Sick, It Will Be Thrown In My Face. But I Want To Do This For Myself....and I Will Count On Your Guys For My Support... Thanks He Does Love Me, But Isn't Supportive In This...

[*susan* 1,709]

Eazes, you said you went to the seminar. How about going to another one, and this time taking your husband with you? My husband originally was against all types of wls, he assocoiated wls with gastric bypass and was firmly against it. He was afraid of losing me to some major complication. But, I learned about the band and had him attend the seminar with me. I sat quietly while he asked a ton of questions. By the time we left, he felt much better about everything. He then went with me to my first surgical consult with my doctor and after speaking with him directly, he was very much in support of my getting the band.

Also, I was only the third lapband patient for my doctor, which was a concern of my husbands as well. Once he talked to my doc, learned what an experienced, well-trained and well thought of surgeon he was, he felt much better. Plus, I shared my research on the doc with him, which also helped.

[eazes 0]

Eazes, you said you went to the seminar. How about going to another one, and this time taking your husband with you? My husband originally was against all types of wls, he assocoiated wls with gastric bypass and was firmly against it. He was afraid of losing me to some major complication. But, I learned about the band and had him attend the seminar with me. I sat quietly while he asked a ton of questions. By the time we left, he felt much better about everything. He then went with me to my first surgical consult with my doctor and after speaking with him directly, he was very much in support of my getting the band.

Also, I was only the third lapband patient for my doctor, which was a concern of my husbands as well. Once he talked to my doc, learned what an experienced, well-trained and well thought of surgeon he was, he felt much better. Plus, I shared my research on the doc with him, which also helped.

I will definitely bring that up to him. The hard part is actually getting him to go with me. :cool2: It's just hard that the one person that I count on the most is being so unsupportive at the moment. He told me initially that he would support me because I thought this what I needed to do. I still believe that this is the best for me but I know that he has concerns also. Tonight we are going to have a long talk about our conversation yesterday and lay everything out on the table. I want to know what's on his mind and he can know what's on mine. That way there can be no misconceptions.

[juliegeraci 7]

The best thing you can do is take your husband to a seminar as well. He'll come around. Good luck.