the NEW YOU and RELATIONSHIPS

[sassie21898 0]

o.k. just curious i know your significant other wants to see you happy, but has there attitude towards you changed? now that you are smaller and can wear revealing clothes (not skanky just a little more skin) some may change the way they feel. i know when i was smaller my boyfriend was way more protective of me and what i wore and where i went clubs were out of the question. once i gained weight he seemed to be a little more at ease because i was bigger and i guess he felt more comfortable about me not leaving him or another guy squezzing him out the picture. anyways he's out of my fat life anyways and i just wanted to know if anyone elses relationship has changed because of the weight loss?

[HotMama 0]

Hopefully, if it changes, it changes for the better. If not, you're not with a very secure person. I'm just in the beginning of loss. I was a Hot Chick back when I was a size 6 and "clubbing"...........and meeting all the wrong men. I met my husband after I was heavy, not as heavy as now, but still a far cry from my size 6. At any rate, he loves me, he supports me and my goals, and he trusts me completely, as I do him. I can only imagine things getting wild in the future:)...........oh dear....... I hope things go well for you. Remember, that seemingly cute possessiveness (protectiveness) your man shows, only leads to outright control and abuse. You're worth much more than that!!!!!

Edited May 21, 2008 by HotMama

[anavrin 0]

My husband has already said that I will end up leaving him, but I have tried to assure him that won't happen, I'm almost 49 yrs old, and he has been the love of my life since we were kids, growing up one block from each other, he'll be my heart forever, now only if I can make him understand that.

[yvianelli 0]

Why do men feel insecure when all we want to do is make ourselves feel better and sexier for them as well as for us? I was engaged for 4 years prior to my surgery and got my surgery the year before we finally got married. My soon to be ex-husband was extreamly supportive or so I thought up untill I started to drop the weight. Needless to say we were married for 6 months and then he left. I was devestated but later realized that he was the one with the insecurity problems and was never really happy for me. Well the end of my story is wonderful, I lost over 130 pounds and I am now between a size 5-7 (I was a size 22) I have met the real love of my life that has showed me support in everything I do in life. So I am a firm believer that God is preparing us for what we are going to go thru in our lives at all times and I thank him for this everyday!

[slimmy120 2]

My ex said i would never lose weight, would like too show him now. My curent type person was eager on me losing weight, not at goal for my height yet, says i need to put on some weight now. Going to do things for myself ---- I am doing this for me,I want to feel good in myself.!!

[eazes 0]

I haven't gone through the lap band yet but I don't think my relationship will change. I've actually gotten more attention being a big woman than when I was smaller. Hubby knows I'm doing this for my health and I he knows that I'm going to wear things I would've never dared to wear at my current weight. At least he better know. LOL I just feel that my personality hasn't changed just my body and if you fell in love with my personality then nothing should change. We'll see if my theory is correct when I pull out a bikini and go to the beach. :wink2:

[gkeyt 0]

I think you'll find that more of you changes than just your body. The process teaches you a lot about yourself and most people gain more confidence and self esteem. If your mate can adjust to that and doesn't need you to be overweight or lacking confidence so he feels secure that you won't leave him, you'll be fine. My hubby was not totally on board with me getting surgery when it first happened--he was scared of what might happen. But now that I'm almost at goal he's very proud of me and of the person I am today after weight loss. If your relationship is in trouble to start with, this surgery and weight loss often will take it to the breaking point, but sometimes that is just what some people need to get away from an unhealthy mate. If you have a loving and supportive relationship I think it's hard not to get more respect in the process. HTH.

[aubrie 6]

I'm definately getting more attention from my husband. while I was at my biggest, we would go months without having sex. I was convinced he was having an affair, but he swore and still swears that was not the case. While I REALLY like gettiing attention from him again, it still bothers me that he totally cut me off from all affection when I was big. I'm still the same person inside. Our relationship is better, but what has transpired still concerns me. He basically told me that for men, sex is truly a visual thing. At the time, the visual just wasn't doing it for him. So..... what happens when I start to wrinkle? I don't know..... It just bothers me.

[Thin4Anisha 0]

it still bothers me that he totally cut me off from all affection when I was big. I'm still the same person inside. Our relationship is better, but what has transpired still concerns me. He basically told me that for men, sex is truly a visual thing. At the time, the visual just wasn't doing it for him. So..... what happens when I start to wrinkle? I don't know..... It just bothers me.

Wow, I am glad to see I am not the only one who has been outcasted by their partner for gaining weight. My long time bf cut me off after the first 10 pds were gained. That was 4 years ago and we have had sex a grand total of 10 times in those four years. Sad because we use to be pretty crazy :rolleyes2:.

Now at 100 pds more than I was then, I weekly get the treat of hearing how unattractive I am and if I just lost weight he would want to treat me better. And how he is embarressed to introduce me to his friends or how I am "the fat girl at the grocery store". What a load of crap! My plan is to get the surgery, hopefully this July, and move on to find someone who will love me and treat me right no matter if I am big, wrinkly, sick or premenstral. There is a lot more to me than my waist size and if someone is that shallow they don't deserve to get the skinny me! He keeps saying that if I was skinny our relationship would go back to the way it was but there has been to much damage done, I can never feel the same towards him now that I know he is so shallow.

Also, it does make him feel secure that I am fat and he is convinced that no one would be attracted to me. I know that me returning to the body I had when I met him would twist his world.

[make33 2]

Now that I've just changed my wardrobe over (yes, there comes a time when you MUST do that!!) the biggest difference I found in my hubby is that he encourages me to wear blouses that a little tight (in my estimation)--and you KNOW that my body just wants loose clothing!!

He is just so proud of me! But I find that I now have no clothing sense--of what goes with what--and I don't have much of a wardrobe yet--but it is SO good to have such a wonderful person supporting me in this! :crying:

Whatever you do, please get yourself with a person who is so totally supportive and proud...

Edited May 22, 2008 by make33

[anavrin 0]

My husband is convinced I will "trade him in" on a younger model, puhleeezzzz, who has time to train a younger model? or the energy? we don't have sex a great deal now, and he swears that when I lost 50 lbs 4 yrs ago, we did, dang, I must have been asleep. I went to the thrift store a few wks ago, and bought a size 6 paisley mini skirt, brought it home and showed it to my husband, and told him my goal was to fit into it, He said, I'll have already killed myself longgg before you get that small! well, he might, but it won't be with me, if he doesn't want me now, he can't have me then.

[Daisalana 33]

My husband is boring, even when I try to play games with him about this, he isn't phased. I took my ring off and went to a bar with the girls from work once, and came home and told him about the guys that hit on me.. Nothing!

[anniedub 0]

Hmmm. just looking forward to FINDING another relationship! After my fiancee and I split up 2 years ago, I gained even more weight and hit my heaviest. In that time, I have had zero interest from men. Nothing. Not even a flirt. It's been a wasteland.

Now that i'm on the way down again, I'm relishing the chance to be hit on again! I can't wait!

[Fanny Adams 7]

Wow, I am glad to see I am not the only one who has been outcasted by their partner for gaining weight. My long time bf cut me off after the first 10 pds were gained. That was 4 years ago and we have had sex a grand total of 10 times in those four years. Sad because we use to be pretty crazy :thumbup:.

Now at 100 pds more than I was then, I weekly get the treat of hearing how unattractive I am and if I just lost weight he would want to treat me better. And how he is embarressed to introduce me to his friends or how I am "the fat girl at the grocery store". What a load of crap! My plan is to get the surgery, hopefully this July, and move on to find someone who will love me and treat me right no matter if I am big, wrinkly, sick or premenstral. There is a lot more to me than my waist size and if someone is that shallow they don't deserve to get the skinny me! He keeps saying that if I was skinny our relationship would go back to the way it was but there has been to much damage done, I can never feel the same towards him now that I know he is so shallow.

Also, it does make him feel secure that I am fat and he is convinced that no one would be attracted to me. I know that me returning to the body I had when I met him would twist his world.

Hon, don't wait till you get to goal, dump that ass right now! No-one deserves to be treated that way, but unfortunately when we are big and insecure, we often think it is all we deserve :thumbup:. You'll feel so much lighter once you dump that big old weight dragging you down and I'm NOT talking about the scales! I'm speaking from experience here :cursing:.

Edited May 24, 2008 by Fanny Adams

[jamel8232 0]

If someone truly loves you, they will love you no matter what, unconditionally...So what if you've gained weight. Does this mean that after they've had their "2 minutes" and have satisfied themselves and not us, that we can humiliate them on their horrible performance? --Give me a break!!!