male only Okay Men...need some advice

[RAS_STI 1]

walk around in chap shorts and wear heavy red lipstick.

just kidding...

men are like parking spaces....all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

don't beat yourself up. all good things in time.

[Bergdorfblonde 3]

I wish you lived in New York, cuz I would take you to my hairstylist, take you shopping for new clothes and give you dating tips! You are a beautiful girl. Sometimes, especially if you have never been thin ever, you still have the "fat girl mentality" that can prevent guys from seeing your beauty. There are girls who are 400 lbs who have men who drool over them and girls who are size 0 who act crazy and insecure and chase away the men. Just like dogs smell fear, men smell confidence. It is the key to being receptive to male attention and being able to flirt.

I say, go to the salon. Get a trendy haircut. Leave the length, guys love longer hair. Get some trampy highlights. Go shopping with a friend who knows how to dress well and buy some sexy clothes. Figure out what your best assets are (breasts, eyes, legs, whatever) and play them up and cover up the parts you are least proud of. Buy some self tanner and get a faux glow. Buy some jewlery that makes you feel pretty.

Next, practice flirting and talking with everyone you meet. I am not talking about throwing yourself at men. I am talking about making small talk with babies, dogs, old people, etc and smiling a lot. Then when your confidence in making small talk and flirting is up, move on to men. Work on your confidence level and know that you are no longer fat and that anyone would be lucky to be your friend/girlfriend. I hope this helps. Good luck babe:)

So preband/pre-weightloss I didn't receive much/if any male attention. Now that I have lost nearly 100lbs I have STILL NOT received much male attention. The only attention(flirting, compliments, etc.) I have gotten has been for males that are much older and not my type (one was 15 years older, divorced, had three kids, and lived with his mother..not my ideal guy).

I just don't really understand it. Preband, I chalked it up to being overweight. Now I don't have that excuse. Is it me? Am I not attractive enough? I know I still have some confidence issues, but I am so much more confident now than I was before. Am I not confident enough? Too confident? Intimidating?

Any tips/constructive comments would be great.

[PhotoEgor 0]

I'm a guy, and proud of it. That said, the most attractive attire a woman can wear is a happy, confident smile. Nothing else matters, guys that are looking for quality will recognize a woman like that. What you wear of look like will not be a factor. Despite the media we are bombarded with there are fewer than 1/10 of 1 percent of the population that qualifies as 'supermodel'. Shallow is a good description of how they are for the most part, and of course there are exceptions to every rule. Concentrate on learning to adjust to your new self and being happy. You'll be surprised at how things change then.

Good Luck and CONGRATULATIONS on your accomplishment,

:rolleyes2:

gk

[Fenton 3]

Hey, how come Bergdorf gets to compare guys to dogs, but if *I* try that, I get called a bastard!!!

Although I can see no possible comparison ever between dudes and dogs, I thought that was a great post. Hey! I live in NYC! Take me to your hairstylist! I think I'd look great with trampy highlights!

[skierhj 1]

hey, you look great! You should feel fantastic about your progress. I know that the last few years I haven't exactly been attracting many ladies and I think that I've gotten myself into a negative self image. It's quite possible that you did the same thing and it takes effort to change that image. It is also a little tougher to meet people than anyone wants to admit. That's why there are so many dating sites on the internet. My advice to you, is relax, let yourself enjoy the new you and live life to the fullest. The next thing you know, you'll be such a happy person that some guy is going to notice that not only are you very pretty but you are happy and confident. They may be a little intimidated by you but it will happen.

[plain 12]

Fenton, the trashy highlights....ok. Do not, however, take RAS' advice and put on red lipstick and chap shorts!! LOL

[Fenton 3]

Haha!

Too late! And weirdly, today some crazy woman beat me up just because I was flirting with her baby and her father!

[Fenton 3]

Sorry, jfran, I shouldn't be joking in your thread.

But I'm not worried about you - you're a cutie. Give it some time, relax, and you'll get where you want to be....

[Bergdorfblonde 3]

Fenton, I love men and love dogs! LOL Email me and we can go shopping and I will give you a head to toe makeover. I am on the Upper Eastside. I am in desparate need of some new trampy highlights so we can get coiffed together!! :wink2:

Hey, how come Bergdorf gets to compare guys to dogs, but if *I* try that, I get called a bastard!!!

Although I can see no possible comparison ever between dudes and dogs, I thought that was a great post. Hey! I live in NYC! Take me to your hairstylist! I think I'd look great with trampy highlights!

[Missy0224 6]

So preband/pre-weightloss I didn't receive much/if any male attention. Now that I have lost nearly 100lbs I have STILL NOT received much male attention. The only attention(flirting, compliments, etc.) I have gotten has been for males that are much older and not my type (one was 15 years older, divorced, had three kids, and lived with his mother..not my ideal guy).

I just don't really understand it. Preband, I chalked it up to being overweight. Now I don't have that excuse. Is it me? Am I not attractive enough? I know I still have some confidence issues, but I am so much more confident now than I was before. Am I not confident enough? Too confident? Intimidating?

Any tips/constructive comments would be great.

Hey girl, When I was at my highest weight everyone always told me you're so beautiful blah blah but I could never get a man and now that I've lost weight, it's still about the same. Guys will look all day long but never approach me. I guess it is the age thing. I have a lot of older men hit on me as well. But my age limit would have to be 33. My boyfriend is 31 and likes me for who I am. My confidence has definately gone up but I still need a little more. Just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one out there and it feels good for me to know that I'm not the only one.

[jfran 0]

Thanks for all your comments and suggestions regarding my original post.

I wanted to give you guys an update. I went out on a date today with a very sweet guy. We have a lot in common. He too has lost 100+lbs this past year (not through surgery) and is really into health and fitness. I am trying to take all of your suggestions and just be myself and be more confident. This past year losing all this weight has really led me on a journey of self discovery, and I am still working on really determining who I am and learning to be confident and comfortable with it.

Thanks again.

[Fenton 3]

That's great! I hope you guys had a fantastic time.

Remember, it's early days still - your date may well turn out to be the love of your life, but however things turn out, you've taken your first step. Just relax and enjoy your new life. There's no hurry - you've got plenty of time to find the right guy.

[FocusOnMBM 0]

It's not about looks for me. It's all about who the person is, on the inside.

[jfran 0]

FocusonMBM: your a good man.

[MicheleK 8]

Evidence suggests there is a curve to learning the social skills that Normos have owned for decades while we Morbidly Obese have to construct our own newly discovered set of behaviors of all sudden.

Jack - You're a very smart man. This comment should be stickied and forced to be read by anyone even starting ANY kind of WL journey.

BTW jfran, you're a beautiful girl, enjoy life and work on finding YOU. The right guy is out there...I didn't find my right guy until age 30. The bad news is I spent most of my 20's married to the "wrong" guy. So please, take your time and make sure you love yourself first, it will make a world of difference.

Good luck :ohmy: