Betrayal is a BITCH

[ColoradoChick 33]

It is very hard and I have always been that person that said that cheating was a "deal breaker" and then I'm faced with it and I looked into my innocent kids eyes and I couldn't give up without trying. I have learned things about my husband that I had no idea about. He has issues to work through and so do we as a couple. Believe me...It was not an esay decision to make.

I totally understand. My first husband was a run around. Before he told me I said "It's Ok honey, whatever it is we will work it out." Well then when i found out he had had 7 one night stand/affairs I was in shocked disbelief. I tried for 10 years after that and I could not forgive or forget. It was miserable. For me it was a waste of time as eventually he left me and the kids for another women. I hope you can work things out. Divorce is hard on kids and I tried my best to avoid it although unsuccessfully. Good Luck and {{{Hugs}}}

[Babysoftly 0]

Oh my lordy what a very heart wrenching thread :wink: I am so so sorry for you hun. This has happened to me too so I do know the pain. Personally I have to move on because the marriage/relationship is now tainted for me... but that's just me. Counselling wouldn't work for me because once the deed is done then we are done.

[Nya 0]

Girl, keep your head up. My ex husband started dating my ex friend. She wasn't a friend I already know, because a friend wouldn't do that, but, when she needed me I was there for her. Then she betrayed me by dating my husband behind my back. She played games and told lies to him about me dating someone and I had no idea what he was talking about when we argued. She was miserable in her marriage and I would tell her to confront her husband and stop beating around the bush. She would say how happy we looked and how could I be so secure and not worry about where he was or what he was doing when he wasn't with me. I never ran behind anyone like that. I believe it's great to be in love, but you must have a life of your own. This bitch decided she wanted what was mine and he was the type of person that I learned later would go with a hole in the wall as long as his penis fit in the hole. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have given him the time of day. Divorce was a blessing for me.

She and I were both fat. I always knew how to lose some weight, but not significant amounts. She would say, 'wow, you've lost a little weight --how?' I would say 'Oh, I'm doing Slim Fast now!!!' She would say 'OK, I'm going to do that too, but I have to eat a pack of Oreos with it because I can't just do the shake alone'.

She posted on myspace how happy they are and what a fat ass I am that's why he is with her and everyone knows that I am bigger than she is. So very juvenile, and he is posing with her children like one big happy family. This is because when we separated I told him there would be no ins and outs and if he chose to date people that I used to be acquainted with, I would have no part in this. We have 2 children that he has not seen in over 6 years and does not put forth the effort. Not only was he a cheater, he was a big liar and extremely physically and mentally abusive.

He once spat in my face when I asked him why was he treating me like this. He balled up his fist and told me to leave HIS house right now! At the time I had 2 small children and a one year old and a newborn. He took their clothes and threw them out in the snow and told me he hated me. I was a miserable wreck. 300 lbs, and desperately wanting to be loved. He did all this because he was getting a new piece of ass. Wow, if I knew then what I know now.

I know you feel betrayed. I had to gather myself and focus. Focus on my small kids and my older kids, I had 2 daughters when I met him. He was the best thing since sliced bread. He wined and dined me, and wouldn't leave my side at one time. He practically stalked me to be with me. Following me home once from a nightspot that me and my friends would frequent. I would never talk to him or give him my number. So when I did maybe after 6 or 7 years of him begging, I thought perhaps this is my Mr. Right. I never thought he would be so mean to me. I ended up having to get a restraining order. Nobody knows exactly what I went through with him. No matter what, I will tell the truth even to my children because this is what actually happened to me. There is so much hell, I am blessed to be alive to talk today after 2 back to back cesarean sections and him attacking me when my baby was 2 weeks old.

Throughout all of this madness, I managed to regroup and go on. You can do it. The lap band helped me regain control of my eating and put some of the issues on the back burner that weren't so important like...food.

That statement that my ex friend wrote when she devoted her whole myspace page to me 'everybody knows her fat ass is bigger than me!' Well, let's just say, I weigh 190 lbs and she is closer to 400 lbs now. People in the street say, "WOW look at you, you look great!!!" "I am suprised at your ex for choosing her over you!"

He has receeded tremendously and is still a horrible alcohlic that is undercover gay and she looks like a reject ghetto Ms. Piggy that wears cheap stretchy clothes with kool aid red hair and fake flourescent fingernails and cankles.

A match made in heaven. Kermit and Ms. Piggy.

Revenge is Sweet!

Keep your head up and PRAY...Talk to God, he will listen.

Tell him what you want, even if it is your relationship back because no one can tell you how you feel about your man, he will lead your heart in the right direction or at least give you the strength to make the right decisions even if it is through this forum or counseling.

[mumof2boys 71]

Thanks for everyones support. It is an especially difficult time right now. I truly love the holidays but this year it's totally different. I'm really not myself. I want to be, but I just can't be. I don't know if it's because I know deep down that I will NEVER get over this and my marriage is over or because I'm just not ready to move on. The hurt is just too much for me to handle right now. He is doing everything and I mean everything right but I can't get the images out of my head of him and her (and she's one ugly dog too). I am feeling so much better about myself and I don't think that I'm scared to be alone anymore but I also don't want to give up on my marriage. I just hope that after the holidays I can refocus and start moving forward. I'm so sorry to hear that many of you have been through the same thing. It's not right, it's not fair and it's not what marriage is all about. Maybe one day this world will understand the true meaning of being faithful. Until then, many of us suffer.

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Oh Tina,

My heart aches for you :w00t:...you have GOT to start saying what you want TO happen, not what already HAS happened. I heard a motivational speaker say once that you must 'confess' what you want to have happen out loud, that the words we say go into a part of our brains he called the 'nebbish' and that part of our brains doesn't know the difference between the truth and a lie, so whatever we SAY, it sets about to make it happen.

If you are saying these things to yourself (and especially out loud) you will keep driving the nail into your heart and soul and causing yourself pain. :cursing:

I'm really not myself. I want to be, but I just can't be. I don't know if it's because I know deep down that I will NEVER get over this and my marriage is over or because I'm just not ready to move on. The hurt is just too much for me to handle right now. He is doing everything and I mean everything right but I can't get the images out of my head of him and her (and she's one ugly dog too).

Don't wait until after the holidays, beloved, start NOW! Get up every morning and look into the mirror and say OUT LOUD to yourself what you want to happen that day. It might sound crazy, but I believe that the spoken word has a LOT of power, and that what we say out loud can shape our realities and our lives.

Start confessing OUT LOUD what you want to have happen - say OUT LOUD how you WANT to feel, how you WANT your marriage to work, how you WANT to love your husband completely again, how you WANT to trust him again.

Keep doing this - it will go into your subconscious and that part of your brain that doesn't know the difference between the truth and a lie and it will start to make it happen! Even if you don't really feel it right now, keep confessing what you WANT to have happen, rather than what has hurt you and what happened in the past.

Things are going very well with me and my hubby - I have stopped talking about the past - he has apologized and changed his behavior, and if I keep reliving the bad episodes, I'll never get over being mad and being sad. I know you can't go back and reverse time and make it all go away, but unless you PUT IT BEHIND YOU, you may keep yourself from moving on and your marriage might not make it.

You sound like you really WANT this to work - start confessing that OUT LOUD and keep working on it and keep saying positive things to yourself and to him until IT HAPPENS. :ohmy:

Bless you darling, I pray that your heart heals, becomes as light and energetic as your new body, and that you go skipping happily into a new and bright future.:bored:

[BethFromVA 5]

Well, let's just say, I weigh 190 lbs and she is closer to 400 lbs now. People in the street say, "WOW look at you, you look great!!!" "I am suprised at your ex for choosing her over you!"

And you can just say back, "Us separating was the best thing that ever happened to me. And you are seeing the result of my happiness." :ohmy:

[plain 12]

He has receeded tremendously and is still a horrible alcohlic that is undercover gay and she looks like a reject ghetto Ms. Piggy that wears cheap stretchy clothes with kool aid red hair and fake flourescent fingernails and cankles.

Oh my......LMFAO!!

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Thanks for everyones support. It is an especially difficult time right now. I truly love the holidays but this year it's totally different. I'm really not myself. I want to be, but I just can't be. I don't know if it's because I know deep down that I will NEVER get over this and my marriage is over or because I'm just not ready to move on. The hurt is just too much for me to handle right now. He is doing everything and I mean everything right but I can't get the images out of my head of him and her (and she's one ugly dog too). I am feeling so much better about myself and I don't think that I'm scared to be alone anymore but I also don't want to give up on my marriage. I just hope that after the holidays I can refocus and start moving forward. I'm so sorry to hear that many of you have been through the same thing. It's not right, it's not fair and it's not what marriage is all about. Maybe one day this world will understand the true meaning of being faithful. Until then, many of us suffer.

Tina you know what you want and you are making strides towards it. It won't happen overnight my friend. It takes time! Give yourself a break and just take things as they come! It will get better in time, just be open to it!

[ColoradoChick 33]

Oh Tina,

My heart aches for you ...you have GOT to start saying what you want TO happen, not what already HAS happened. I heard a motivational speaker say once that you must 'confess' what you want to have happen out loud, that the words we say go into a part of our brains he called the 'nebbish' and that part of our brains doesn't know the difference between the truth and a lie, so whatever we SAY, it sets about to make it happen.

If you are saying these things to yourself (and especially out loud) you will keep driving the nail into your heart and soul and causing yourself pain. :wink:

Don't wait until after the holidays, beloved, start NOW! Get up every morning and look into the mirror and say OUT LOUD to yourself what you want to happen that day. It might sound crazy, but I believe that the spoken word has a LOT of power, and that what we say out loud can shape our realities and our lives.

Start confessing OUT LOUD what you want to have happen - say OUT LOUD how you WANT to feel, how you WANT your marriage to work, how you WANT to love your husband completely again, how you WANT to trust him again.

Keep doing this - it will go into your subconscious and that part of your brain that doesn't know the difference between the truth and a lie and it will start to make it happen! Even if you don't really feel it right now, keep confessing what you WANT to have happen, rather than what has hurt you and what happened in the past.

Things are going very well with me and my hubby - I have stopped talking about the past - he has apologized and changed his behavior, and if I keep reliving the bad episodes, I'll never get over being mad and being sad. I know you can't go back and reverse time and make it all go away, but unless you PUT IT BEHIND YOU, you may keep yourself from moving on and your marriage might not make it.

You sound like you really WANT this to work - start confessing that OUT LOUD and keep working on it and keep saying positive things to yourself and to him until IT HAPPENS. :smile:

Bless you darling, I pray that your heart heals, becomes as light and energetic as your new body, and that you go skipping happily into a new and bright future.:wub:

EbonyRose - what a great post. I heart you! What you think about you bring about is what my grandmother always said.

[newhope4me 0]

Colorado Chick, "What you think about you bring about is what my grandmother always said."

I love this, I think I might use this. I'm always telling my kids, "Life is as miserable as you make it."

[mumof2boys 71]

Well hello everyone and Happy New Year. 2009 is going to be 1,000% better than 2008...that's my promise to myself. I have told myself to accept the things that I cannot change. If my husband cannot change, I'm moving on with my life. I feel so good about myself right now I just can't explain it. I have so much confidence that I now hold my head up high. I love who I am and just because he saw fault in me, that's not going to stop me from being me.

So...here's the latest news in my world. I have scheduled a surgery date for my plastic surgery. I am so excited I could just scream. Guess when I'm having it done???? April 14, 2009...that is my one year anniversary of finding out about his affair. I figured...make a horrible memory (the day of finding out) into a good one (changing my appearance forever)...plus, being out for about 7 hours and on some serious pain meds will be great too. Anyway...I'm having a lower body lift and breast lift with implants. Can you say "hello dump truck just hit me". I'm going to be hurting big time but it can't be any worse than April 14, 2008, right? I'm going to start the paperwork today for my loan and I'm going to use our tax refund money. Oh my goodness...I can't believe that I'm actually going to get this nasty skin cut off.

So...what do you guys think? Have I made strides? Don't get me wrong...I still have my moments but the thing that has made me feel better about myself...I get so many compliments from people (men) now that I'm not afraid of being alone...I'm not afraid of living life for me and my kids...if things cannot be made right in my marriage...I know that I can make it. :thumbs_up: Thanks so much guys. You guys rock. Make sure that you check out the plastics thread to keep track of my progress and wish me luck!!!! Woo Hoo 2009!!!!!

[tapshoes 2]

Tina - This is FABULOUS! Every part of your post was positive and encouraging and inspiring! I am thrilled to read your post, and excited for your upcoming surgery. You picked an excellent day for it too!

I am so proud of you.

[mumof2boys 71]

Thank you...thank you...thank you....I have such a different outlook for 2009...I'M A NEW AND IMPROVED TINA!!!

[green 6]

They say that living well is the best revenge. Congratulations on a positive step. (They also say that the best way to get over one man is to get under another. *wink*)

[Kat817 19]

Yep, yep, yep! Everything that green and Tap said!!!

Glad you are ready to live for you and the kids....good luck with your surgery, and keep your attitude positive!

Kat