Betrayal is a BITCH

[mumof2boys 71]

Hey there...here I am. Sorry I haven't written in a while. So...here's the latest. Last week was a great week. We got along really well, had great conversation, went out Saturday night and had a great time. Now...fast forward to yesterday...there was a point in the day that I didn't get an answer on his cell phone or his blackberry and I started freaking out (remember, the other woman used to work with him...she is no longer in that building). I was blowing the cell phone up. I truly did go overboard. I accused him of being with someone else and not answering the phone. He completely defended himself and I was totally wrong. This morning, I sent him an email to apologize for my overreaction and his response was, "Don't worry about it, you don't have to apologize for your actions. I'm the one that should apologize for all I have done to you and I am truly sorry. I will do my best to help you re-gain your trust in me. I love you and I hope today is better for you than yesterday!" So...today is much better. I explained to him that it's going to take time and of course when I cannot reach him I freak. I told him that I will try to control it better next time. The bad thing...it was only a matter of minutes, it wasn't hours that I couldn't get him. It's just very hard to deal with it all but I think that we are getting somewhere. We are going out on a "date" this Saturday. We're going to dinner and a movie. The kids are staying the night at my brother and sister-in-laws house. So...we are attempting to make new memories but I have told him that there are still many unanswered questions that I need to get answered. We are nowhere near putting this behind us, simply taking it one day at a time.So...on another note...157 this morning...17 pounds from goal. The other good news...I have an appointment with a PS on August 13. I'm going to try my hardest to get to 145 by then. If I really put my mind to it, I can do it.Thanks everyone for the thoughts and prayers. They must really be working because I think that I'm getting better. You guys are great to talk to and it's nice to know that you all are always available.

[gone 4 ever 6]

Tina, I am so glad things are going better for you. I hope you have fun on your date.. It will take a long time for your trust to build back up . just take everything 1 day at a time.

Prayers are awesome.Mine are with you.

[di1138 8]

Do not let the bastard ruin your life! You have accomplished a great thing!

don't let him win by making you miserable that you start eating. Only you can decide if he is worth it. Just remember you deserve to be happy and can/will he make you happy? Concentrate on your kids. Give them time and attention. Do a little thing to help someone everyday and you will find you can clear your mind and make the right decision. Do not let him ruin your self esteem. Good luck and hope you get the happiness you deserve.

[LaMonica 6]

Glad to hear such a good update!!!!! And your goal will come sooner than you think!! All you can do is take it one day at a time, sleep, and do it all again. Later on, with trust building and the new memories, it will turn into 1 week at a time, 1 month at a time, etc. until you are just living without "waiting" for something. I really am happy for you and you are such an inspiration. Have a great weekend and enjoy your date!! And don't put date in quotations...a date is a date! Even when you're married! :-)

[rstroud100 0]

If someone truly loves you; they would never cross this line!!! For me this would be a deal breaker... I wish you the best in your decisions. Only you know what is right for you.

[TheGh0st 9]

Tina,

We haven't seen you post in a couple weeks now. I hope things are continuing to improve. If so I would understand if you wanted to back away from this thread as it may just stir up emotions you are trying to work through. Anyways, I'm still praying for you and your sons.

- Diane

[HarleyNana 10]

I check out this site daily to see if you've posted, since you haven't, I'm hoping you're using your energy to restore your relationship and your family.

Let your heart be your guide, you and only you, know what is right for you and your family.

Hugs

[minou 0]

Hi there, I just came across this thread and my heart went out to you. I went through a very similar thing w/my husband several years ago. The reasons for it happening are so individual, but one thing I've learned from the experience that sometimes it truly is just a mistake and they really do want to make things work. It took 3 years or so, but now I trust him again, and honestly I think things are better than they ever were.

At first I reacted like you did, anytime I couldn't get him on the phone, or he was a few minutes late my mind went straight to him cheating. We would have crazy blowups every few months, but he always stayed calm and reassured me that he'd brought on the suspician by what he'd done. Honestly, it's amazing that he dealt with me being as crazy as I was, but I think it's just part of the healing process.

It sounds like your husband is genuinely trying to make amends, just keep assuring him that if he's sincere about repairing things in time it will get better, but that in the meantime he has to be willing to account for his whereabouts and deal with what may be irrational behavior from time to time. If he can deal with the pressure then you know he truly wants to be with you, if he can't, kick him to the curb, you're beautiful and deserve a partner who values that!

[mumof2boys 71]

Well hello, my friends. I'm back. I have been gone for a while...took the kids to Disney World and then I was home with them for a week because my daycare provider was on vacation. So...that's why I haven't posted.

Disney World was great. The kids had a wonderful time. It was my oldest sons birthday and he got to spend it at Magic Kingdom. How great is that? My husband and I got along pretty well and I think all in all everyone had a great vacation. My kids said that it was the best time that they have ever had.

OK...here's the latest...I have learned (through my own sneaky research) that the other woman has moved five states away. I didn't think that they were still talking or seeing each other but this certainly did relieve me a bit. I still have my moments...don't get my wrong. I am still obsessing about the whole thing but hopefully in time things will get better. Last week I took my boys out and we had professional pictures taken (I didn't tell my husband). I framed a 5x7 and put it in a gift bag. I made him a card and on the inside, I wrote: "Here's a little something for your desk to remind you of those that love you and those that you can lose". He was very touched and almost cried. The picture turned out GREAT!!!

So...that's the latest on that issue. Now...I go tomorrow for my consultation with the plastic surgeon. This morning I hit 155 (down 120 pounds). I wanted to be at 145 at the time of my appointment but vacation didn't help with that. I'm 15 pounds away from my goal. I would LOVE to get there before I do the breast cancer 3 day walk. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Well...thanks so much everyone for being here for me. You really have no idea how much it means to me. All of the support is unbelievable. Thanks!!!!!

[HarleyNana 10]

Tina, so glad to hear you're healing. Sounds like you're well on your way .

I'll bet DH was very touched and WILL cherish that picture forever.

Hugs!

[mumof2boys 71]

Hi there. I think that I'm finally starting to get a little better. I am trying not to obsess to much. I know that I will have my days but I will get through them. DH is trying very hard. He's opening up to me and communicating like never before. If it works out, great...if not...I can make it. My boys see that we are getting along and their behavior has improved. They go back to school on Monday. My youngest has informed me that he's not going (he will be in school all day now...kindergarten). He's so funny.

Anyway...thank you all for your advice, wisdom and prayers. Keep it all coming. I can't get through this alone and it's nice to hear from everyone. It doesn't matter if you think I should dump him and go or if you think I should work it out...bring it all on. I really like to hear from everyone.

I hope everyone is doing well. Take care and hope to hear from you all.

[tapshoes 2]

If it works out, great...if not...I can make it.

Tina, As bad as the experience has been, to have gained the confidence to make that statement, is a wonderful thing.

[gone 4 ever 6]

I'm thinking you are on the road to healing. No matter what happens you are more prepared than before. I pray that your marriage will continue healing. I am so happy for you. Keep us posted please. We are here for you no matter what.

[TheGh0st 9]

I have to second what both Tapshoes and Gone4Ever had to say. There is no way any of us can tell you what to do in your life but we are all here to support you as you move forward.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Tina

I am so happy for you and your family to be working on things. I know it means alot to you. Keep it up and I will keep you in my prayers.