Betrayal is a BITCH

[browneyedgirl52 0]

I know what I want to say and I hope this comes out the right way. I mean you no hurt with my words. First let me say that I understand your pain. I too had a husband who cheated on us and when I say us, I mean me and my two boys. The boys were very young when my marriage ended. My oldest was only 4 years old and my youngest was 4 months. I raised them all alone, did not date and consentrated on raising them and giving them what they deserved. I put Me on the back burner. So I do feel your pain. However, and I know you probably have heard this a million times, but "this too shall pass" You will eventually heal from this and if you and he do what is right for your children they to will do just fine. Now for the hard part and this is where I hope I say it just right. From what I hear in your message is that you went through your journey to lose weight for the wrong reasons. First, I feel that you should have done it for you and your health. Second, is where your husband and children would benefit from the new more healthy you. Also, if you and he do the counseling thing and you choose to make a go of it, I wish you all the best. I do beleive that a person can change if they "want" to. So its not impossible for him to learn from his mistake and to be the man, husband and father you need him to be. The hardest thing for you will be forgiveness. I hear you when you say that even if you do decide to stay together, the marriage will never be the same. I think thats the truth. It can however be managed. Please dont do the "getting back together" thing for the children. They will pick up on that is a heartbeat and it wont be pretty. I hope that you know that I wish you all the best and encourage you to keep up with your journey to be more healthy. I really hope that I havent hurt you further. That wasnt my intention. God bless you in whatever decision you make.

[mumof2boys 71]

Thanks browneyedgirl...I appreciate your post. Unfortunately there are hundreds of posts on here that has lots of information on it that I think you may have missed.

I was completely unaware of my husbands betrayal when I had my lapband surgery. I did, indeed, have the surgery for me and for my health...it had NOTHING to do with him. He was having the affair during the time that I was having the surgery but I was compltely unaware of it.

Also...we did do the counseling thing in an attempt to save the marriage but in the long run, it didn't work. I had no trust or love left for the man who did those horrible things to me. I have lost all respect and feelings for him and at this point he is merely the father of my children. Luckily, he does take care of his children and does spent time with them, as he is suppose to.

I found out about the affair in April 2008, went to counseling for approximately one year and eventually asked him to leave, which he did in March 2009. So...this has been a long process and journey.

I'm sorry that you had to go through the same things as myself...it is a horrible experience and I feel for you. I have learned through all of this that life does go on and it can actually be better. You see...I was completely miserable in my marriage but didn't want it to end because I was determined to make it...I wasn't going to be a statistic. However, I also wasn't going to be a doormat and wasn't going to be someone who allowed and accepted such inappropriate behavior from a man who vowed to love me, honor me and be faithful to me, none of which he did.

[crzytchr 3]

If anyone deserves this happiness, it is definitely you:thumbup:. I am glad things are going well for you and hopefully the divorce will be swift and drama free (or at least as drama-free as divorce can be)

[heartfire 4]

Love your updates, Tina!

Hope the BF can work things out in his head for himself. I know he went thru the wringer too and he's just feeding off of that right now. Have you two thought about a little counseling? Might not hurt and may help both of you figure out good, healthy ways to deal with his fears. You both have been thru so much!

Keep us updated and take good care! HUGS!!!

Oh and Blessings on that new baby in the family! So precious!!! And a nephew! The boys must be thrilled! Well, probably not right now but when the little guy gets older, your boys are gonna love showing him the ropes! How fun!!!

[SuzanneG 1]

Hey Tina,

I haven't been on here in a while. Good to see a recent post from you.

Your cruise pics are great. I'm just trying to figure out how in the world you managed not to gain weight. How many days was your cruise? Where did you go? I'm hooked, we're already booked for our next one in April 2011. As a matter of fact, one of my LBT buddies is taking the same cruise. We'll finally get to meet face to face!

Where did you say you worked again? I have a job intereview at 1201 New York Ave tomorrow. If I get that job (which I have a pretty good shot at), would I be close enough for us to meet up for lunch one day?

Happy belated Mother's Day!

[shonette 9]

My heart goes out to you and your boys. Just pray and ask God to give you the strength and wisdom you need to make the right decisions. Until someone has walked in your shoes it is impossible to know how you are feeling. I have been in a similar situation like yours in the past. It's hard and it hurts! So many people will tell you what they think will be best for you to do. The only person you have to be pleased with is yourself and your boys.

Every single person's experiences are totally different, and how you chose to handle your situation is yours to make! I pray things will get better for you and your family. You will be in my prayers.

[mumof2boys 71]

Hey Suzanne...how did the job interview go? I'm in NW on Pennsylvania Avenue...I googled where I am compared to the address you gave and it looks like it's about a mile...are you close to the capital? I'm sure that we could meet somewhere...I LOVE walking so that's not a problem.

I see you live in Spotsylvania...my bf lives in King George so I'm over that way quite a bit. We will definitely have to get together at some point.

How did I not gain weight on the cruise???? I have NO idea but I'm not arguing. It was a 7 night cruise. We left out of Baltimore. I think that my next trip will be to Vegas...I'm having withdrawls...I haven't been there since March 2008...right before I found out about the cheater.

So...my hearing for my divorce is in two weeks from today. I meet with my attorney on Friday to get prepared...I'm getting nervous and excited all at the same time. I just want everything over with but I want everything to be fair and him getting half of my tsp just blows my mind...he's getting on my nerves so bad. In 14 days I will find out who gets what...wish me luck!

[SuzanneG 1]

Hey Tina,

Well, I got the job, but it hasn't announced yet, so I just have to make the cert and the job is mine. GS-14! Woot! I should be there in about 2 months. We can definitely do lunch. I used to work at 1750 Penn. Where are you?

Def give me a call if you ever want to get together. You can find me on FB, if you still have my last name from our previous emails. If not, let me know and I'll PM it to you.

Good luck with your divorce stuff. I think it's total BS that he gets part of your TSP. Does he have a 401k that you get part of? Maybe you could agree to each keep your own $?

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Hi Teeny Tina!

So good to hear you are doing well and love the pics from your cruise!

Don't worry about the BF - he's just feeling a bit insecure. You called it - he's been hurt before and probably has some leftover issues from that. Heck, the two of you are doing very well for what you've BOTH been through!

Yay on the divorce being final - Boooo on the ex for getting anything from you - he's the one who should pay!:smile2:

I'm doing well - glad to be back on LBT and keeping up with my buddies. Many of us are on Facebook now.

Hoping you have a wonderful weekend!:redface:

[mumof2boys 71]

Well, well, well...tomorrow is the big day in court...9:30 am is my final divorce hearing and I'm soooooooooooo excited. I have planned a divorce party at my house this Saturday...fun times ahead.

So....my attorney faxed me the property settlement agreement this morning and it looks great. I get just about everything. He gets some of my retirement but I get his prized possession 1996 Chevy Camaro Z28, 6 speed with t-tops that has sat in the garage and only has 25,000 miles on it, I get use and possession of the house for a year and I get everything in the house...life is good.

Wish me luck tomorrow. Oh...BTW...I'm gonna get personalized tags on my "new" car that say...THX2MYX

[lpglarry 1]

good luck girl, seems you don/t need it but stay mad till it is over love ya Larry

[shannybp 0]

Good luck and love the plates

[gone 4 ever 6]

Tina, I am so glad things are going good for you.:smile2: Happy Divorce!:laugh:

I love the tag your getting for the car. :lol:Take care.

Love ya.

[mumof2boys 71]

I'M DIVORCED!

Well everyone...it's over...case closed...I'm officially divorced. My attorney walked all the papers through yesterday and it's completely over. So....I'm loving life and preparing for my big party this weekend...I can't wait. I can't stop smiling. Now I can say it...I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!! lol

To all of you that have stood by me through all of this I cannot than you enough...you guys have no idea just how helpful you were to me. I have become a completely different person and I owe much of it to all of you. I have confidence that I have never had before and I know in my heart that I have a wonderful life ahead of me.

Thank you guys soooooo much...love you all!:lol::thumbup::lol:

[crzytchr 3]

Congratulations on being a free woman!!!! Enjoy your life...you have worked hard for it.