Betrayal is a BITCH

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Good morning alleycat_trucker,

Thanks for the reminder that not ALL men are like that - and you're right, men and women do cheat. We've seen stories on these boards about women who got thin because of the band, decided they needed a 'new man' to go with the new bod, and then cheated. They are just as wrong as the men who cheat.

Thanks also for holding up the banner for faithful husbands who do NOT cheat and who love their wives...you are definately not alone in that, and it helps sometimes for us (as women - the primary posters on this thread) to be reminded of that.

In fact, Tina has found a great guy this time around...my first marriage ended badly and my current hubby (my 2nd) is a good one as well. We have our issues periodically (what couple doesn't?) but the relationship is so good that it's worth working on them...which we do.

How are you doing in your band journey?:seeya:

Just wanted you to know not all husbands are like that, and as for the venus and mars post. women and men both cheat. Your values and morals are what make you who you are. not your gender. Ive had a couple of friends who cheated on their wifes or husbands. two worked it out and one couple divorced. i love my wife very much and would never cheat on her. god bless and good luck

[mumof2boys 71]

Good morning my friends. Had a fantastic weekend...my and my kids hung out with him and his kids and everything went wonderful. Things are going soooo very good, until last night. Stalker bitch sent me two messages on Facebook telling me that he cheated on me with her. Now...I know that she's a crazy psycho bitch but of course all of those feelings came crashing right over me again. I believe him...I have no reason not too and I have even seen this crazy psycho in action and I shouldn't even think twice about what she has to say but given my past I can't help it. What do I do? I didn't respond to her because that's what she wants. She's crazy because she can't have him. What do you guys think? What should I do? I hate this. I really know in my heart that it's not true but damn...what the hell...

All advice is welcome...

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Hi Tina!

Good morning my friends. Had a fantastic weekend...my and my kids hung out with him and his kids and everything went wonderful. Things are going soooo very good, until last night. Stalker bitch sent me two messages on Facebook telling me that he cheated on me with her.

Full disclosure - print out the messages and let him see them - he needs to know what she's up to...

Now...I know that she's a crazy psycho bitch but of course all of those feelings came crashing right over me again. I believe him...I have no reason not too and I have even seen this crazy psycho in action and I shouldn't even think twice about what she has to say but given my past I can't help it.

Does he know some of what you've been through? If so, he should understand that this is a very sensitive subject for you, and you need some extra reassurance. You're not trusting in what SHE says, you are letting him know what's being said about him by her.

What do I do? I didn't respond to her because that's what she wants. She's crazy because she can't have him. What do you guys think? What should I do? I hate this. I really know in my heart that it's not true but damn...what the hell...

All advice is welcome...

I would document - print out the messages and save them. You might need them if this gets to be more than just an annoyance. Find out from your local police dept what constitutes 'stalking' and what, if any, action you can take against her.

Above all - protect yourself and your family. Set your profile so that only friends can see your info, then if FB allows it - block her. If necessary, send them copies of the hateful emails she sent to you so they know. Documentation is important in all of this.

Let us know what happens - I wish you and your guy all the best. It would be nice if folks could just LET GO when a relationship is over, but sometimes you get people like this woman. Give him every chance to reiterate that there is nothing to her accusations, but at the same time, protect yourself, your heart and your family.

Love ya, girlfriend - take care of yourself...:smile2:

[SuzanneG 1]

Tina,

So sorry to hear about the crazy bitch. My daughter is going through something very similar. You were right not to respond to her.

As for you and him, I'd say just keep your eyes open, your ear to the ground, and pay attention if you get any red flags. Sometimes when things are going great, we'll sweep red flags right under the rug and chalk it up to paranoia.

I'm sure your guy is on the up-and-up, but do yourself a favor, keep going with your current path, but just be watchful.

By the way, my daughter set me up on FB. I'm new to it and get to it through my iPhone. I'm not too good with it, but if you find me, friend request me!

[mumof2boys 71]

I copied both messages into an email and sent them to him. I believe him...I have no reason not to. I have seen first hand that she is absolutely CRAZY. Remember when I posted about her showing up at his work at 2:00 am? I was sitting right there...she put a CD on his car and peeled out of the parking lot...she's a nut. He blocked her number from his cell phone because she wouldn't stop texting him (he was ignoring her and it drove her crazy). So...after he blocked her number from his phone, she began texting his children so he blocked her number from their phones too. Now...she has no other way to get to him except to get to me. My profile is set to private but on FB you can send a message to anyone. She's truly a hot mess and I feel bad for even letting her get to me like this. I did not respond to her because that's what she wants...she wants to get to me and I'm not going to give her the satisfaction. He's so upset and so is his entire family. She's 24 and very immature and she has a 6 year old child (father took off...she got pregnant after dating him for about a month). Anyway...found out that after she had the baby she sent a dirty diaper to the father in the mail...she's CRAZY. I'm just hoping that I don't come home to a rabbit boiling on my stove.

Oh...he knows what I have been through...he has been through it too...his wife cheated on him for almost two years and up and left him and his kids for her boyfriend...

[LaMonica 6]

Good morning Tina - and he is definitely a cutie!!!!! Glad to hear how much fun you guys have been having, especially with all the kids too.

I'm on FB too - LaMonica Hale Dallas/Ft Worth if you want to add me. There is a way to block a person in the privacy settings, and if you need help doing it just let me know. I think you just go to Privacy and at the bottom under the Profile section there is a place to Block Users. I haven't been in it in a while but if you can't find it I will walk you through it. I agree with Ebony to keep documentation and contact authorities so they have a record of everything in case she elevates her wacky behavior. Be open and honest with your guy about how you feel and about needing security because of your past situations. Don't let it get you down...I've had my share of crazy exes meddling and it never goes anywhere!! Have a great week sweetie!

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Hi Tina!

I copied both messages into an email and sent them to him. I believe him...I have no reason not to.

That says a lot...after what you've been through, one could understand if you needed more time to develop trust in a guy - but he's earned your trust, and that's wonderful!

I have seen first hand that she is absolutely CRAZY. Remember when I posted about her showing up at his work at 2:00 am? I was sitting right there...she put a CD on his car and peeled out of the parking lot...she's a nut.

Yep, sounds certifiable...

He blocked her number from his cell phone because she wouldn't stop texting him (he was ignoring her and it drove her crazy). So...after he blocked her number from his phone, she began texting his children so he blocked her number from their phones too. Now...she has no other way to get to him except to get to me. My profile is set to private but on FB you can send a message to anyone.

And obviously she is so unbalanced that she'll do just about anything to try to "get" to him...just be careful. People like her can be unpredictable.

She's truly a hot mess and I feel bad for even letting her get to me like this. I did not respond to her because that's what she wants...she wants to get to me and I'm not going to give her the satisfaction.

Good for you - she isn't worth your time or effort - just make sure you are being watchful...not paranoid, just watchful.

He's so upset and so is his entire family. She's 24 and very immature and she has a 6 year old child (father took off...she got pregnant after dating him for about a month). Anyway...found out that after she had the baby she sent a dirty diaper to the father in the mail...she's CRAZY. I'm just hoping that I don't come home to a rabbit boiling on my stove.

I hope and pray it doesn't go there...hopefully she will finally get a clue that whatever relationship they had is OVER and she will move on...

Oh...he knows what I have been through...he has been through it too...his wife cheated on him for almost two years and up and left him and his kids for her boyfriend...

OMG - you two definately can understand and relate to each other...it is so difficult to understand why people do things like that. I could NEVER have left my kids - even when I was unhappy in my first marriage, it never crossed my mind to leave my son. Never.

You'll be fine through this - you two have each other, the strength of shared experience, and you're both going to be so careful about doing it right this time that it will take more than one slightly unbalanced ex to mess that up.

I applaud you both for being willing to trust and love again. You are both strong survivors, and you're teaching your children a great lesson - just because one person hurts you and betrays your trust doesn't mean that ALL people will do that. Congrats - and many good wishes for a peaceful and wonderful future for the two of you...:smile2:

[SuzanneG 1]

Tina, sounds like you and BF are fine, I just hope she doesn't pull any crazy stunts. My daughter's boyfriend's ex has pulled some doozies too. What gets into people?

Stay vigilant.

[heartfire 4]

Tina, it sounds like you two will be fine as long as you keep the lines of communication open! If it's bugging you, say something. If it's great, say something. It all boils down to communication.

I agree with everything Ebony said. (I usually do!) Might be a good idea to just call the office number for the local cops and ASK them what you should do, can you document it, etc. They'll give you the best way to proceed and who knows, they may be very interested in what she said.

Take GOOD care and keep us updated.

Hugs!

[plain 12]

What do I do? I didn't respond to her because that's what she wants.

I can't say what you should do. What would I do? I would delete those messages without opening or reading them. I plan on doing that myself, lol.

My profile is set to private but on FB you can send a message to anyone.

You can tweak your privacy setting so that people can't send you messages. I've had a little experience w/ this recently, too. Crap, now I sound like a stalker, heehee....

[mumof2boys 71]

Alright, just a little update. I never responded to her messages and I know that's just burning her up. I don't believe her and I know that she's very desperate to come between us and I'm not going to let that happen. She is off the hook and needs to move on. I'm still enjoying life and smiling all the time. I am concentrating on getting my divorce papers done so that they can be filed so I can get divorced in March. We're trying to do things ourselves so we can save money and not pay an attorney. It's such a headache and part of me just wants to pay someone to do it for me but I don't have the money. Anyone out there do it themselves and live in Maryland? I sure could use some advice.

Thanks, guys.

[heartfire 4]

Tina, is there a service in your area that could help you with the paperwork? Like a lawyer school or public paralegal service or something like that? I think paralegals can do/help with that stuff and it's a lot less money. Check you yellow pages in the phone book or google it or check you local library or chamber of commerce.

I'm not sure. Just somethings that popped in to my head when I read your post.

Take care and thanks for the update!

Hugs!

[mumof2boys 71]

Hey there folks...just a little weekend update. Had yet another wonderful weekend (no drama this time). Went to the Redskins game yesterday...finally...a win. I found out that the Super Stalker Ex-girlfriend has been running her mouth about me...I think it's pretty funny. She's very immature and can't let it go. Apparently she called me a dog on her Facebook wall. Pretty funny, given the fact that she's a hot mess:tt2:. Anyway...my "friends" daughter has asked me to take her shopping for a homecoming dress. His kids adore me and I think it's just wonderful. Things are looking great...just gotta really get working on the divorce papers. I'm preparing for the Breast Cancer walk that starts on Friday. I'm 50% through my fundraising goals...got lots of work to do to get there but I can do it. Wish me luck guys. Thanks again to all of you for being here for me...I appreciate it.

[heartfire 4]

What a wonderful update, Tina!

So glad the kids are enjoying your presence too. It can be hard when they're not on board with things. Have fun shopping!

Have a great week!

[Tamjpjb 1]

hey there Tina, I just wanted you to know that you inspired me so much that I am nearly 4-weeks away from my divorce being final. Your story helped me to take a long look at my own situation and to realize that it wasn't going to change unless I made a change. I feel like I have taken back control of my life and I really do owe it to you. You were so brave to take the step and your inner strength is amazing. I'm so glad that things are going well for you. :thumbup:

Tami